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secret bf jungwon who holds your hand under tables the first time he did it, you nearly shot up in your seat from the sudden warmth that covered you. you and jungwon were sat next to each other, having dinner with a few of your friends. one moment your attention was focused on listing out potential meal orders, and the next second, you were all too aware of jungwon sat closely next to you, his fingers grazing softly over your knuckles, gauging your reaction to see whether this was okay, before ultimately closing in. you felt your heart take a leap, your own hand soon tightening the hold on your boyfriend’s as the both of you tried to hide your obvious smiles that were definitely not because of the alfredo chicken shown on the menu.

secret bf jungwon who pulls you aside to make-out a friendly gathering usually meant that you and jungwon would be engrossed in conversation amongst your friend group. that was prior to your relationship, as now friendly gatherings consisted of jungwon eyeing you down several times, waiting for the right moment to strike. you felt him without seeing him, his hand tugging at your wrist before you got dragged off to the quiet that was the empty kitchen. “jungwon wha-” your words would get smothered by the sudden press of his lips against yours. you never had the time to brace yourself, and you don’t think you’d ever get used to it—the way he kissed you with such feverish need, as if you disappeared from him for far too long. “hi.” he’d mumble against your jaw, marking the outline of his smile onto you.

secret bf jungwon who subtly flirts with you for someone who agreed on keeping your relationship hidden, jungwon seemingly couldn’t find it in him to fully commit to it. he was shameless, in various ways. but especially with his not-so discreet way of flirting with you. at first it was little things, small compliments about your appearance varying from “you look good today” to “you look cute in that.” it used to not get much of a reaction out of you or even others—until he grew bolder. practically flaunting your secret. “i bet that one tastes nice when kissing.” he once ‘observed’ when you and your friend were busy discussing lipglosses. it rendered you speechless, and you friend’s jaw had actually fell in shock. and that was only the beginning "i think you should kiss it.” when jay accidentally gave him a paper cut. “she’s mine.” when someone joked about dating you. albeit not very direct, it was still enough to have your friends gushing over his ‘obvious like for you.’ if only they knew.

secret bf jungwon who suggests you sit on his lap truthfully, there was enough space in the car for one more person to squeeze in. but jungwon, the opportunist that he is, didn’t miss a beat when he tugged you by your sleeve. “sit.” he pulled you closer towards his body, his legs spread ready in invitation. you nearly let out a gasp at the sudden move, your head shooting up to scope out the audience that was watching the two of you. “jungwon” you warned under your breath, though to no avail. he didn’t listen. of course he didn’t. with a final tug, he’d managed to pull you into him, your body angled awkwardly on top of him. “is everything okay?” your friend had asked warily, as if interrupting a sacred moment. “it’s okay, i offered her to sit with me.” jungwon spoke for the both of you, his eyes never leaving yours that were obviously more panicked than his. no one said anything, but you could definitely feel the secret glances sent your way throughout the whole ride as you sat atop your boyfriend, his fingers lightly drumming against the side of your thighs.

secret bf jungwon who gets defensive over you jungwon wasn’t unfamiliar with the art of playful teasing, hell, he might even be a master at it. but all signs of teasing would conveniently leave his body when it comes to you. and god forbid someone tries to poke fun at you in a way he fears might come off insulting. “that’s not funny.” he’d deadpan, and suddenly the light mood turned more tense than needed. “dude, chill. i’m just joking.” they’d usually defend back, and jungwon would hum. his eyes scanning your face for any signs of discomfort. only when he was 100% sure that whatever the person said in fact didn’t bother you, would he let his guard down and pretend like nothing happened. like he didn’t just let obvious jokes fly over his head on purpose. “right.” he’d sigh out, and everyone would look at him weird, because it wasn’t like yang jungwon to be against jokes towards friends. but you weren’t just a friend. if only they knew.

secret bf jungwon who gets smug when people appreciate you jungwon loves showering you with compliments, but even more so, he loves hearing praise coming from those around him when it comes to you. it was like music to his ears. hearing your friends call you beautiful, which you were. jungwon thinks you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. hearing others say you’re too kind, which was true. jungwon wishes the whole world could experience the way you treat others with kindness. and his favourite of them all—how your future husband will be lucky to have you. because yes, jungwon would be. and he would make sure that any other possible husbands wouldn’t find their way into your life. because as selfish as it was, only he wishes to be your lucky future, a dream he already preaches as your unknown boyfriend.

secret bf jungwon who gets jealous when it came to the aspects of a secret relationship, the one thing jungwon might loathe with all his heart is the fact that he has to be subjected to you talking to others. though never romantic, jungwon can’t help the way his chest tightens and the twinge of jealousy he feels whenever he spots you talking to another guy. take jake for instance, jungwon likes jake. but why was he stood so close to you? why did he have the biggest grin on his face? and what could you possibly be talking about for this long? if feeling this way wasn’t already enough, his inability to hide his sour moods probably caused even more suspicions. “you’re frowning.” jay saw. jungwon couldn’t even fight the furrow between his eyebrows from forming. “it’s nothing.” jungwon mutters, but it was everything. and if it wasn’t for your constant assurance with words and actions, jungwon might think he’ll snap one day and let the whole world know you’re his.

“there’s something on your mind,” sunghoon states simply, locking his phone and sliding it away. you watch him as he does this, his fingers resting delicately on the polished wood of your dining table.

his button up is impeccable as always, ironed to perfection, and hugging his figure just right. you made sure to let your housekeeper know that sunghoon is very particular about his clothes. 

your eyes follow the trail of his arm up to his firm shoulders, then down to his chest, before finally resting on your husband’s handsome face. some strands of his meticulously styled hair hang over his forehead, giving him a slightly younger look than his outfit originally demands. but you know it’s on purpose. he’s only in his late twenties, after all.

yes, you’re not afraid to admit that you definitely couldn’t have done any better than park sunghoon. he has everything. the face, the money, the notoriety. and now, he has an equally accomplished wife, too.

“my mother called.” you reach over to take a sip of your coffee, watching as sunghoon tilts his head to the side. 

“she’s asking when our honeymoon will be,” you continue. no use in delaying the message.

sunghoon scoffs, leaning back against his chair. you tap your fingernails on the table, waiting for whatever your dear husband has to say. 

a sorry excuse to put off what should have been a done deal months ago, you bet.

“when do you want to go?” sunghoon asks. 

you’re surprised by this. the entire deal–the entire marriage–came with its own terms. plan the wedding, invite the most important people in seoul, show up at the marriage hall, get married, bind the two family businesses together, and then go on that picture-perfect honeymoon to cap it all off.

so far, you’ve achieved all but one of these. no thanks to sunghoon’s persistent avoidance of the topic.

'it’s just a trip,’ you had said, unable to understand why sunghoon kept delaying the final part of your parents’ conditions. after the third time of asking, you simply let it go, putting the topic onto the back burner for now. you were busy with work, anyway. a staged honeymoon is hardly at the top of the list of things you’d happily expend your energy on.

“let me guess, i’ll give you a date, then you’ll say you’re busy, then i’ll suggest an alternate date, then you’ll say you’re still busy, and then we’ll go ‘round and ‘round until the topic just dies out,” you deadpan, crossing your arms in front of you.

sunghoon grins and damn him for it, because you can’t help but smile back. you both know you’d rather be anywhere else than in this marriage. you’ve cultivated a sort of truce over it. hesitant friends. comrades in matrimony. alas, even the rich and powerful have their problems.

“how does next week sound?” sunghoon says smoothly, picking his phone back up. he taps on the screen for a while, peering back up at you when you fail to respond.

you gape at him, unsure if he’s being serious. you decide to humor him.

“that’s a close call, but i’m sure i can turn over some of my work to my team.” you lean your elbow on the table, resting your chin on your palm.

“do you even know where i want to go?” you prod, looking at sunghoon expectantly. 

he merely smirks, still typing on his phone. tap, tap, tap goes your fingernails as you wait.

sunghoon turns his phone towards you. the screen displays flight options to milan. you pause, peering closer at the words and dates.

with eyes narrowed, you turn to sunghoon.

“how’d you know i wanted to go to milan?” 

sunghoon sighs, retracting his hand while he continues to peruse the ticketing site. “i see your instagram reposts, my love.”

you inwardly cringe at the term of endearment. it’s the one he uses in the presence of others, when reporters, colleagues, and your parents are around. he started using it in private as a joke, a mockery of the whole thing. my love. as if there was any love to begin with. 

“wait, are you actually booking tickets? now?” you ask incredulously, leaning over the dining table in an attempt to see sunghoon’s screen. you realize it’s futile, given how absurdly large this three-thousand-odd-dollar piece of furniture is.

you stand, scurrying over to the other side of the table. sunghoon holds up a hand, warding you off. you ignore this, of course, invading his personal space.

“easy,” sunghoon warns, but a laugh bubbles underneath. his palm presses against your hip, keeping you at bay.

you huff, barely registering the unwarranted physical contact. it’s not unusual for you and sunghoon to hold each other this way, or touch whenever necessary. but there are no cameras now, no curious eyes to judge whether your marriage is a happy one or not. 

you swat his hand away, planting your hands on your hips.

“i thought you wanted to go on that honeymoon,” sunghoon points out, looking at you expectantly.

“i thought you didn’t want to go on that honeymoon,” you counter. 

sunghoon’s expression shifts into a look of suspicion mixed with disbelief.  “who said i didn’t want to go?”

“you!”

“i never said that.”

you splutter, trying to find the right words to say. “why have you delayed it for so long, then?”

“i said i was busy,” sunghoon reasons.

“for six months?”

sunghoon sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. he throws his hands up as if surrendering. “i thought maybe you wanted to wait a bit until we both were ready to take our first trip together.”

this gives you pause. but not for long. 

“i wanted this whole thing to be done and over with, so we don’t have this hanging over our heads,” you argue. 

“okay, and i will give you that, if that’s what you want,” sunghoon cuts in, pushing his chair back and standing. his voice isn’t raised, just firmer than usual. 

“you don’t have to scream and shout about it,” sunghoon adds, gentler this time, another sigh escaping his lips. 

the air is still, silent for a few seconds as both of you recollect yourselves. you may have just come close to your first marital spat. you haven’t cared enough over the past six months to actually fight over anything of importance.

“look, what if i take you out for dinner tonight so we can talk about it?” sunghoon lays his hands on your shoulders, grounding you. 

you let your body sag under the weight of his touch. for all his indifference towards you, he sure knows how to calm you down. 

“dinner?” you ask suspiciously. “are you sure you’re not sick or something?”

sunghoon’s brows knit together. “no. why would i be sick?”

the look on his face is genuinely perplexed. you bite back the urge to cajole him even more.

“nothing. nevermind.” you wave him off dismissively, extracting yourself from his hold. you turn, gathering your things from where you deposited them on the kitchen island before breakfast.

“just text me the details and i’ll be there.”

“i’ll pick you up after work,” sunghoon declares. 

you turn to him, eyeing him hard. sunghoon looks back, his hands in his pockets, relaxed, as if he didn’t need to clock into his job as regional director in approximately twenty minutes.

well, if you’re the regional director, clocking in on time is probably the least of your priorities. 

“are you sure you’re feeling okay?” you begin, reaching over to lay a hand on his forehead. sunghoon catches your wrist before you can, though.

“_________.” 

sunghoon’s voice is stern as he says your name. he gives you a look. 

“okay, fine,” you concede, withdrawing your hand. you forget just how warm sunghoon is. 

“good,” sunghoon responds, seemingly pleased. “now hurry up, or you’ll be late. unless you want me to drive you to work, too?”

“no, thank you,” you cut in quickly. “at least my driver doesn’t pressure me into booking a trip to europe on a whim.”

sunghoon chuckles, following you as you exit the kitchen into the front hallway. 

“hey, you wanted to go,” sunghoon reminds, watching as you slip your shoes on by the towering racks of both your and your husband’s perfectly polished footwear. 

“i know, i know,” you affirm exasperatedly. “what would i do without my generous husband?”

you say your last statement, turning to give sunghoon a mockingly sweet look. sunghoon blinks and freezes in place. he clears his throat a moment later, his hand coming up to scratch at the back of his neck.

“take care,” sunghoon mumbles, suddenly enamored with the flooring beneath his feet.

you give him a look, a perplexed one this time. you don’t linger for long, though. sunghoon’s right about one thing at least, and that’s you being late for work.

“thanks,” you respond rather simply. “bye.”

-

“you have what tonight?”

your secretary and assistant leans over the table, eyes wide as he tries to peer closer at your face. 

you love sunoo, you really do, but he can be a bit of a gossip sometimes, and while most of your coworkers and colleagues kept to themselves, you know how the office grapevine works. one slip of a word and the whole truth about your marriage could be discovered.

“a dinner, sunoo,” you respond in a low whisper. “it’s not that strange to have dinner with my husband, is it?”

sunoo shoots you a look as if to say, ‘be for real’. he crosses his arms and assesses you. 

“what changed?” sunoo asks.

“what do you mean, ‘what changed’?” you clarify. the cafeteria is quiet at this time, most of the associates and lower-level employees finished with their lunch breaks. 

being vice president for marketing has its perks sometimes. 

“sunghoon has been more like ‘glorified arm candy’ than ‘husband’ to you,” sunoo points out. “now he wants to take you out to dinner and whisk you away on a honeymoon? clearly something is happening here.”

“nothing is happening.” you’re quick to squash any notion of conspiracy in sunoo’s voice. “this is just something we have to do because our parents said so.”

“and what filial children you are,” sunoo taunts chirpily, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“i’m withholding your next paycheck,” you grumble, brandishing your chopsticks towards him.

“i’ll report you to HR,” sunoo counters, grinning.

-

“you have everything?”

sunghoon gives you a once-over as you slip into the front seat. he checks the back where your work bag and laptop were deposited just moments ago.

“yes, my love,” you sigh, pulling your seatbelt on. “i don’t bring a suitcase to work, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

sunghoon’s face breaks into a slow grin as he pulls away from the driveway of your office building. 

“you know, i could get used to you calling me that,” sunghoon muses, eyes on the road. 

“well, don’t,” you intervene, laying your head back against your seat. a tired sigh escapes you.

the car is quiet for a few minutes, all conversation dying out in under a minute. this isn’t out of the ordinary, though. much of your relationship with sunghoon is defined by the long stretches of silence. you understood your part, and he understood his. with none of your peers around, you’re free to be as indifferent to each other as you two wanted. 

but something scratches at the back of your mind, a thought that has been slowly nibbling away at your consciousness since lunch today. a certain question, posed by someone outside, looking in.

what changed?

“so, uh, where are we going for dinner?” you ask, swallowing down the awkwardness. the two of you never made plans that weren’t at least partly influenced by your jobs or duty towards your families’ businesses. 

this is uncharted territory for you both. 

a date. an actual date, you realize with startling clarity.

“le jardin,” sunghoon answers promptly, making a turn. you watch as he drives. you notice his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows. 

you like this look on him. sometimes, he comes home like this, with his suit jacket neatly folded as it hangs off one of his arms. you eye the watch on his wrist, a gift you got him for his birthday. you weren’t actually sure what his tastes were at the time, but you had a feeling he would like the one you picked.

you realize it’s the only watch he’s been wearing since.

“wait,” you say, his words finally registering with you. “le jardin, as in–”

“yes, my love,” sunghoon interrupts gently. “where we had our reception.”

a blush settles on your face, totally unprompted. memories of your wedding day invade your consciousness; the sights, sounds, and smells of the day you became mrs. park suddenly resurface in your head.

“you liked le jardin,” sunghoon prods, half-statement, half-question. “right?”

you nod, subtly pressing your palm to your heated cheek. “yeah. i liked their desserts.”

sunghoon hums. “i thought so. you seemed to really like the cheesecake.”

you turn to your husband, a brow raised. he has a reminiscent smile on his face, as if recalling your wedding day, too.

“you noticed that?” you ask. sunghoon turns to you briefly, his grin widening.

“of course.”

those two words seem to strike a chord within you. of course. as if anything else was unthinkable. as if he always meant to notice things about you. 

“oh,” is all you say. 

no one speaks after that. you let your mind wander off, back to that day. 

it seemed surreal, having to get married. and to a person you considered an acquaintance at best. it sounded crazy. it was crazy. but it had to be done, and while you didn’t marry for love, per se, you repeated then what you continue to repeat to yourself now.

you could do so much worse. 

the rest of the way to the restaurant is short, and before you know it, you’ve arrived. after a quick parking, sunghoon kills the engine and immediately gets out, his stride relaxed as he makes his way to your side of the car. 

“no valet this time?” you ask with a teasing smile as he opens the door for you.

“i wanted to open the door for my wife myself,” sunghoon says, shrugging. 

you gape at him for what seems like the hundredth time today. 

sunghoon ushers you out, a hand settling on the small of your back. this isn’t new, either, as he does this a lot during official functions. but in the middle of a near-empty parking lot, it hardly seemed necessary.

still. it’s not all unwelcome.

you’re greeted by the restaurant entrance with the usual hospitality, the hostess recognizing you both. you’re led to a booth tucked away toward the back of the restaurant, semi-hidden from the rest of the establishment. sunghoon lets you sit first, watching carefully as one of the waiters pulls your chair back for you. he settles in his own seat a moment later, satisfied after knowing you’re comfortable.

“wine?” sunghoon asks, eyeing the beverage menu.

“whatever you want,” you mumble distractedly. instead, you peruse the mains. 

a beat of silence. then–

“decoy, pinot noir,” sunghoon informs the waiter, handing the drinks menu back. the waiter nods before walking away.

you glance at sunghoon, mildly surprised. he catches your eye, a ghost of a smile gracing his lips.

“i know it’s your favorite,” sunghoon says matter-of-factly.

you inhale, snapping the menu closed. sunghoon seems surprised at the movement, eyes blinking and expression turning serious. 

“okay, what’s going on?” you interrogate, leaning closer over the table. 

“first, you offer to take me on a whirlwind honeymoon to europe. second, you’re suddenly picking me up at work. third, you’re sprouting facts about me that you shouldn’t even know about.”

with every word you let out, sunghoon’s face shifts between mild confusion and amusement. it’s irritating. even when he frowns, he’s still so goddamn handsome.

sunghoon lets you finish before locking his fingers loosely together, resting his forearms on the table. he mirrors your posture, inclining his head towards you. 

“first, it’s hardly a whirlwind honeymoon when we’ve waited six months to go. second, i have a car. i can drive. you’re my wife. i can pick you up if i need to,” sunghoon answers, voice careful and steady as he counters your statements. 

“and third,” sunghoon continues, reaching across the table, his fingers brushing your left hand. 

the hand where two rings sit pretty on your finger: the first, a simple band with a singular shining diamond that catches the dim lighting of the restaurant. the second, a diamond-studded ring that has your wedding date engraved on the inside. 

sunghoon eases your fingers into his hand, his thumb brushing the precious stones. 

“i should know things about my wife, don’t you think?”

you freeze under sunghoon’s touch. there’s an unfamiliar twisting in your gut. 

you’ve touched sunghoon countless times before, and he has done the same to you. but it was all for show. there has always been a purpose to the careful brush of his palm against your body. how dare he take liberties with you like this? 

and how dare you admit that you’re starting to like it?

“do you like me, sunghoon?” you ask abruptly, tightening your own hold on his hand. 

a perfectly shaped brow rises on sunghoon’s forehead. 

“of course. you’re my wi–”

“that’s not what i meant,” you interrupt. 

“outside of this arrangement,” you clarify. “do you like me?”

sunghoon smiles, slipping his fingers between yours. to anyone looking, it would look just like a romantic dinner between a perfectly normal couple. 

and it is. somewhat. 

but you never knew sunghoon to be romantic. meticulous, yes. that’s why he makes an effort to coordinate his outfit with yours when the two of you are seen in public. attentive, sure. that’s why he swapped out the living room rug for a fluffier one when you complained once about how scratchy the old one was. thoughtful, even. that’s why he orders you your favorite wine. he remembers your favorite wine.

“you’re kind. funny at times,” sunghoon begins. his voice drops lower, eyes trailing down your face. 

for a second–a seemingly long, amplified second–his eyes dart down to your chest. your work blouse is undone down to the second button. it’s not scandalous, but it’s relaxed enough. 

“and you’re easy on the eyes,” sunghoon concludes, his prominent fangs flashing as he grins. “what’s there not to like?”

you scoff, pulling your hand away. your palms are starting to sweat now. why that is, you’re not so sure. 

“so, milan.” you steer the conversation elsewhere, desperate to get out of whatever weird limbo you’ve managed to find yourself in with sunghoon.

“what’s in the itinerary?”

sunghoon beams, leaning back. you can’t help it. his smile is infectious, and somehow, despite your denial, you’re actually a little excited about this trip. you feel yourself smiling back.

“it’s a surprise,” sunghoon says.

“sunghoon,” you deadpan, giving him a look.

“________,” he mimics, crossing his arms over his chest. 

there’s a brief standoff between the two of you, eyes staring into each other. you tilt your chin up, as if challenging your husband, and eventually, sunghoon sighs, shaking his head. there’s somewhat of a fond upward tilt on his lips.

“we’re flying out on monday, lunch time. it’s a thirteen-hour flight, nonstop. we’re staying for ten days, so pack accordingly,” sunghoon explains. 

“and?” you prod.

“what part of surprise do you not understand?” sunghoon asks, rolling his eyes, but there isn’t any real annoyance in his tone. 

you find it quite enjoyable, teasing him like this. 

your wine arrives, and all conversation is cut short as the sommelier starts his spiel. you smile politely, gushing about the pinot noir when necessary.

in the corner of your eye, you can see sunghoon. 

just watching. 

watching you.

-

“easy,” sunghoon chuckles, an arm wrapping around your waist. the two of you descend the front steps of the restaurant, your gait much sloppier than his.

you’ve had too much wine. there’s no other way around it. 

you indulged yourself, enjoying the hints of strawberries and cherries in the liquor, and before you knew it, you had three glasses all polished off. 

sunghoon guides you down the last steps, grumbling about how he should have just called for the valet. his hand tightens at your hip.

“i told you,” you giggle, clutching at the back of sunghoon’s dress shirt. 

“yes, my love. you were right,” sunghoon agrees, planting a kiss on the top of your head. a passing member of the restaurant’s security nods and smiles politely at you both. 

you probably look like every other flirty, unruly rich couple that dined at this restaurant. 

“don’t do that,” you complain, nuzzling your face closer to sunghoon’s chest. 

“do what?”

“be sweet to me.”

sunghoon falls silent after this, his stride still steady as you get closer and closer to his car. in your wine-drunk haze, you start to think you might have said something wrong. you tilt your head up, peering at sunghoon’s chiseled face.

he looks back at you and it’s almost instant. the softening of his eyes.

“do you want me to stop?” sunghoon asks, halting the two of you. you stumble a bit, but his arm keeps you upright. 

“what?” you ask. fuck, i’m really sleepy. what did i say? was sunghoon saying something?

sunghoon gives you a look, then sighs. he shakes his head, resuming his careful steps towards where his car awaits. you follow along, relishing the warmth that sunghoon gives off. 

-

“i’ve truly seen it all.”

sunoo is looking at you with pure, unbridled amusement as you shuffle around your office, trying to organize the space. he leans against the doorframe, laughing when you drop your pen yet again.

there’s a pounding, skull-crushing headache weighing heavily behind your eyes, and all the lights (save for your desk lamp) are turned off. you think, rather regretfully, that you really shouldn’t have let sunghoon buy you that bottle of wine last night.

“you know, instead of treating me as your personal comedy show, you could, i don’t know, assist?” you glare at your supposed assistant.

sunoo gives another delighted giggle before stepping into your office. he picks your pen up, places it on your desk, then dutifully maneuvers you towards your seat. you let him, too tired and too hungover to protest or argue.

“what happened to never drinking on weeknights?” sunoo admonishes mildly. he sets a stapled stack of papers on your desk. 

“anyway, here’s the printed campaign rationale, with the advertising review board permit in the appendix,” sunoo details. “soft copy is in your email. if you’re well enough to turn your computer on.”

“thanks, sunoo,” you murmur, pressing hard against your temples.

“what kind of sweet talking did your dear husband do for you to drink this much?” sunoo questions. 

sunoo was one of the first people to know of this arrangement with sunghoon, nearly a year ago now. for a coworker, you trusted sunoo a whole lot. he was there at your wedding, and he was there when you’d complain in the weeks after, agonizing over why sunghoon was so cold to you. 

if anyone deserves to know about the new developments in this twisted marital story, it’s sunoo. 

but admitting it to another person would mean you’ve admitted it to yourself. 

admitted what?

even that, you’re too afraid to name.

you chuckle. “he did no such thing, mother.”

sunoo playfully smacks your arm before turning on his heel with a huff.

“i’ll get you some meds. drink water in the meantime, lover girl.”

-

the penthouse is quiet as usual when you unlock the door, the faint smell of lemon disinfectant the only indicator that the housekeeper was here today. you toe off your shoes, your entire body begging for some rest and reprieve.

you hear faint footsteps coming from somewhere further in the house. you expect it to be seolmi, the kind, round-faced lady who cleans your house every other day. but to your surprise, the figure that approaches you now is tall, hulking, with a sure stride.

“sunghoon,” you mutter weakly, surprise evident in your tone. 

“hey,” he greets, stopping just short of getting within arm’s distance of you.

“sorry i couldn’t pick you up after work,” sunghoon apologizes, rubbing the back of his neck. “i was out at a client meeting. figured i’d just go straight home and wait for you.”

you shake your head, heading past him towards the living room. “it’s fine. you don’t have to pick me up after work all the time.”

it’s only at this moment that another smell hits you. kimchi stew. even fainter, the aroma of freshly fried twigim. 

you turn and see a bunch of delivery tupperware laid out on the kitchen island. all opened, with plates dutifully set up for two. you return your gaze to sunghoon, your eyes narrowing in question. 

“for your hangover,” sunghoon says, gesturing to the food. “i was worried about y–”

sunghooon pauses briefly. 

“i was worried about whether you were eating enough today.”

for all the stomach-churning queasiness you had to endure today, you realize, as you approach the spread of steaming food, that it might have been worth it, after all. 

you could do so much worse.

you turn fully to your husband, taking slow, measured steps towards him. he stiffens, a minuscule tensing of his frame as you approach. 

reaching up, you rest your hand on sunghoon’s shoulder. he automatically bends down to match your height, perhaps anticipating a few words from you. 

you lean up and kiss his cheek.

“thank you,” you say. and you mean it. genuinely, gratefully. 

sunghoon stares at you for a few seconds before his dimples poke out in a bashful smile. 

“of course,” he responds, squaring his shoulders. you notice his attire.

plain black shirt. grey sweatpants. your eyes betray you as they trail down lower, towards an unmistakable outline in his bottoms. 

you quickly divert your eyes.

“i’ll start packing later,” you say offhandedly, walking back towards the kitchen. you slide onto one of the barstools surrounding the kitchen island.

sunghoon joins you a moment later, seating himself across from you. he picks his chopsticks up, plopping a piece of kimbap onto your plate. 

“just rest. you can pack tomorrow. it’s a saturday, anyway,” sunghoon suggests, taking the prepared bowl in front of you and filling it with soup.

“i’ll help you, if you want,” he adds.

you watch silently as sunghoon continues to serve you food. 

“i thought you had another meeting tomorrow?” you ask. “you’ve been complaining all week about it.”

sunghoon meets your eyes, a smirk settling on his lips. 

“you’ve been listening?” sunghoon questions teasingly.

you roll your eyes. “it’s kind of hard not to. not when you’re that loud.”

this elicits a laugh from sunghoon. you snicker along, taking a bite out of your kimbap. 

“i’ll tell them i can’t make it,” sunghoon declares. 

“i have to take care of my wife.”

-

the airport hums with the restrained energy of thousands of people running on less-than-ideal hours of sleep. the crowd is a little more manageable today, seeing as it’s off-season, but there is still the bustle of airport activity, a collective rushing of individuals trying to get to some place or another.

you and sunghoon make your way leisurely to one of the lounges, your boarding time still two hours away. he offered to take your carry-on bag for you, and you readily agreed. anything to put your strong husband to good use. 

“after you,” sunghoon says, pushing the lounge door open with one hand while the other holds on to both your carry-ons. 

you walk through, and instantly, the drone of voices from the airport is muffled as the door swings closed. sunghoon checks you both in, and before you know it, the two of you are seated in a corner, piping hot cups of coffee in front of you.

“do you want anything?” sunghoon asks, already eyeing the buffet. 

“just some pancakes if they have them,” you answer, leaning back against the plush chair. you dread the long flight ahead of you, so every moment spent sitting is time well spent. 

“with chocolate syrup instead of maple?” sunghoon clarifies, getting up from his seat.

you look up at him, your face suddenly warm. “...yes. how’d you know?”

sunghoon shrugs nonchalantly, his hand reaching out to briefly grasp yours. you let him, the heat in your face creeping downward to your neck.

“i’ll be right back,” he says, gently prying his fingers away from you. 

- 

the flight is as comfortable as it can get, with sunghoon insisting you fly first-class. you argued that business was more than enough, but sunghoon reiterated, rather exasperatedly, that this is your honeymoon. he’s pulling out all the stops, apparently. 

his words, not yours.

it’s hour six out of thirteen, and you feel as if you’ve watched everything there is to watch on the airplane entertainment catalogue. it’s around 6 PM, seoul time, but your dear husband is knocked out in the cubby next to you. you straighten your seat, peeking over the divider. 

you give a small huff, not really sure what to do at this point. you could try sleeping, but dinner could be served soon. you could continue watching whatever movie is next on the screen in front of you. 

somehow, your gaze drifts back towards sunghoon.

he’s wearing an eyemask, but you can see the slight pout on his lips. you catch yourself smiling, leaning against the divider to get a better look. sunghoon has the airline-provided blanket draped over his lap, the sleeves of his sweater rolled up to his elbows. he’s wearing headphones, the expensive, noise-cancelling model you got him as a personal wedding gift. once again, you had no direction when it came to picking the gift out. you just had a feeling he’d like it. 

so many other people needed him at all times of the day. he deserved some quiet, too.

you admire the rings on your finger next. memories of the ‘proposal’ play like a movie in your mind.

your parents and the two of you were finally all in agreement on the arrangement, and sunghoon had invited you out to lunch to make it official. it was at another restaurant, an upscale japanese bar close to your office. the two of you had a private room to yourselves, perfect for getting to know your spouse-to-be.

after the two of you placed your orders, sunghoon produced the ring box from his pocket. 

“i picked it out myself,” he said. he opened the box, and there lay the simple yet elegant ring you wear now.

sunghoon cleared his throat, and you caught sight of the slight tremor in his hand as he asked for yours. you placed it in his warm grasp, and with surprising smoothness, he slipped on the engagement ring.

“your mother said you prefer emerald cuts,” sunghoon continued. “if you want a different ring, just let me know.”

you told sunghoon it was perfect. a little boring, yes, but it suits you, at least. it’s classic, almost to the point of basicness. 

but you deem it fitting. you and sunghoon started on a blank canvas. plain and basic. and now, adorned in the little ornaments of thoughtfulness and gifts borne of noticing, that canvas seems to be filling up nicely.

sughoon shifts, and the dim cabin lights catch on the watch on his wrist. 

he has his watch and you have your ring.

-

“let me carry that for you.”

sunghoon reaches his hand out to you, making you both stop. you had just come from baggage claim and are now slowly making your way through the arrival halls. a number of shops glitter in your periphery and people mill about, rushing to catch their airport transfers or running into the arms of a waiting loved one. 

“you’re pulling two pieces of luggage with your own carry-on. i can manage to bring my own bag for a bit,” you reassure, giving sunghoon a look. 

“the extra luggage is empty, it’s fine,” sunghoon insists, reaching for your shoulder. 

“sunghoon.”

he freezes at the use of his name, an eyebrow cocking. 

“i said i’m fine,” you reiterate. you slip your hand in his, tugging him forward. 

you start walking again, pushing your luggage along. you glance back over your shoulder as sunghoon pauses to adjust both luggage handles in one hand. you shoot your husband a look of feigned impatience. 

“you won’t let me carry your bag on account of the stuff i have to bring, but you want me to hold your hand?” sunghoon scoffs in disbelief. nevertheless, he manages to wrangle both his full case and the other extra in his one hand so the other can wrap around yours.

“i don’t wanna lose my husband in this crowd,” you say matter-of-factly. as if to prove your point, a gaggle of chatty old ladies brushes up close to you.

“and i wanna see if i can score a bag in one of these stores,” you add, scanning the shops around you. 

“you want something?” sunghoon asks, suddenly interested. you turn to see him observing you with rapt curiosity. 

“i was thinking of getting a bag,” you explain.

“okay,” sunghoon says. now he’s pulling you along. “what brand?” 

“uh…another birkin? i’m not actually sure,” you respond.

“sure, i’ll get you another birkin,” sunghoon agrees almost instantly.

you pull hard on his hand. sunghoon skids to a stop, looking back at you, confused. “what?”

“you’re gonna buy it for me?” you clarify.

sunghoon shrugs. “i thought you wanted me to. besides, i’ve bought more expensive things for you. that ring is one.”

he gestures to the hand he’s holding. you make a sound of disbelief.

“i was kidding. and it’s not about the price,” you elaborate. “it’s just–i mean–

you sigh. “what’s gotten into you?”

sunghoon looks at you, fully perplexed now. he drops your hand and with it, your heart sinks. 

“what do you mean?” sunghoon presses.

“we’re in milan. this was your idea,” you begin.

“i didn’t force you to come.” sunghoon’s voice has grown quiet now. he steps closer, a hardened expression on his face.

“i know you didn’t,” you counter. frustration starts to bubble up in you.

“but, booking first-class seats? calling off a whole meeting so you could help me choose which pajamas to bring? offering to buy me a designer bag? what’s going on?” your voice is frantic, teetering on defensiveness. 

you’re confused. unprepared for all the attention, all the care. you suppose sunghoon has always been caring, even from the start. but that was from a distance. now he readily holds your hand and follows your every whim. one cannot be faulted for thinking that there may be a motive to all this.

“oh, wow. i put my wife’s comfort and wants first before my own. what a crime. arrest me then,” sunghoon drawls sarcastically. 

you’re taken aback, not having heard this tone from sunghoon before. he sighs, bowing his head, as if realizing what he just said. 

“is it so bad…” sunghoon starts. “...to want an actual companion?”

he raises his eyes just for a moment. 

“am i not allowed to want an actual partner, an actual wife?”

you’re stunned into silence. around you, people continue on with their lives, unaware that there is a revelation unfolding just before them.

“if…if showering you with affection is the only way to do that, the only way to get you to look my way, i will do it. i am doing it.”

your throat constricts and your ears start ringing. this isn’t what you expected from sunghoon at all. since when? since when did he want a wife? since when did he look at you that way?

“i’m sorry,” is all you can manage. shame fills your chest. 

“let’s just get you that bag, then we can go,” sunghoon concludes, sighing. he takes your hand again, but his eyes refuse to meet yours.

you open your mouth to protest, but you think better of it.

-

an hermès bag and a tense van ride later, you finally find yourself walking through the door of the suite you will call home for the next ten days. 

it’s a two-bedroom, complete with a kitchen area and living space. the hotel staff wheels your things in, prattling off about the readily available amenities. you send him off with a thanks and some bills. 

sunghoon has been mostly silent over the last hour. he shrugs off his jacket, folding it neatly before hanging it on the back of one of the dining table chairs. he’s still avoiding direct eye contact.

“sunghoon,” you call out. 

he pauses, already halfway to retreating to one of the rooms. he finally, finally turns to you. 

“i’m sorry.” 

it seems like both the worst and most appropriate thing to say at the moment. because what do you say? is there a handbook out there on how to apologize to your arranged marriage husband? a guide on how to not run away from the first signs of genuine affection?

“you’ve been…nothing but thoughtful, even from the beginning,” you say, fiddling with your fingers. 

“i’m just a bit overwhelmed, that’s all.”

there are a few seconds wherein you and sunghoon just look at each other, unsure of what comes next. 

“if you wanted…whatever it is you wanted, you should have just told me,” you hurriedly add, dropping your own eyes to the floor.

you listen as sunghoon takes a long breath in. 

“i wanted to give you space,” he says. “to open up on your own. or to come to me first.”

“still,” you argue lightly. “it’s better than leaving me in the dark.”

“okay,” sunghoon concedes quickly. 

“i’m sorry, too.”

you look back up, and sunghoon is already peering at your forlorn face. 

“we don’t have to do anything together,” sunghoon continues, gesturing around vaguely. “you can explore the city alone, if you want.”

you scoff. “that’s not what i meant.”

sunghoon looks confused.

“of course, i want to see the city with you,” you clarify.

sunghoon is seemingly caught off guard by this. for a few tense moments, he doesn’t say a word. 

“alright,” he says a little dazedly. “good. because we have dinner reservations tonight.”

your face breaks out into a grin. you can’t help it. always so romantic.

“good,” you parrot back. “because i studied french in school, not italian. i’m for sure going to get lost if i go around alone.”

sunghoon finally mirrors your expression, his shoulders relaxing. the two of you awkwardly stand there, smiling at nothing for a few seconds, just basking in the temporary truce. 

“it’s in two hours,” sunghoon informs. “i’m gonna go shower first.”

“oh, me too,” you say. 

sunghoon blinks. “there’s only one bathroom.”

you blink back. “oh. um, you can go first.”

sunghoon gives you a look, as if to say, ‘you should know better’.

“you go ahead,” he says, stepping forward.

time seems to pause. his hand lays gently on your arm. his lips brush the top of your head. 

“i’ll wait.”

-

you fiddle with the straps of your dress, twisting this way and that way, trying to figure out if this is the right one to wear out. 

you took your time with your shower, scrubbing off all the evidence and essence of your long-haul flight. you painstakingly did your makeup, even going as far as to pluck the stray eyebrows growing. you never do that. you always had your trusty eyebrow lady to do it for you.

but for some reason, you’re compelled to try tonight. 

for what, you don’t know.

you sigh, yanking your bedroom door open. you peer down the short hallway to see sunghoon already done up and ready, waiting by the kitchen area. he sees you peeking out and immediately perks up. his hand subconsciously comes up to smooth his hair down. 

(it looks perfect to you.)

“hey,” you call out, taking a few steps down the hall.

“can you zip me up?”

you turn to show sunghoon the half-done zipper of your dress, the expanse of your upper back still exposed. sunghoon’s footsteps seem to echo louder as he takes short, measured strides towards you. 

“i like this dress,” sunghoon mumbles, his palm coming down to your hip, steadying you.

“thank you,” you respond, trying not to let your voice waver as you feel his warmth even through the fabric of your clothes.

his other hand reaches for the zipper, his knuckles brushing against the skin of your back. you startle, having always been mildly ticklish in that area. 

“sorry,” sunghoon whispers. he carefully tugs the zipper up, his other hand sliding along your spine as more of your dress closes.

finally, he finishes. but his hands remain on you. 

your heart is pounding in your chest. you’re convinced he can hear it slam against your ribcage over and over. 

you feel your knees weaken when a warm breath brushes your neck. sunghoon moves closer.

and then–

a kiss. featherlight. a brush of lips against the space just below your nape. 

you feel sunghoon tighten his hold on your hip. your head moves to drop back, eyes half lidded.

RING! RING! RING!

you jolt back to clarity, whipping around to look at sunghoon. there’s a pinch in between his brows as he fishes his phone out of his pocket. 

“hi, eomma.”

sunghoon shoots you a sheepish look. 

“yes, we landed already. yes, she’s here,” sunghoon faces his phone towards you. he mouths, ‘say hi’.

“hello, eomeonim!” you greet. you reach for sunghoon’s phone, but he returns it to his ear before you can take it.

“see? she’s fine, we’re fine. eomma, we have a dinner reservation soon, and we really need to rush,” sunghoon rambles on in record speed. “also, it’s past midnight there; you need to sleep.”

sunghoon stays on the call for about a minute more, in an attempt, you presume, to shoo away his mother. finally, he hangs up after an overenthusiastic goodbye. 

the two of you lock eyes, once again finding yourselves in that strange limbo.

“well,” you begin. “you just reminded me that i need to text my mom.”

“i’ll go grab my purse and we can go,” you add, turning back towards your room.

“take your time, my love,” sunghoon calls out. 

you think you can hear the hint of a smile in his voice.

-

“are you up for lake como tomorrow?”

you pause mid-bite, eyes snapping up to sunghoon. he sits across from you, the candlelight bathing his features with a warm yellow glow. the breeze blows just right and you tilt your face a little towards the direction from which the wind came.

“seriously?” you ask. 

sunghoon nods. “yep. i booked a van rental service through the hotel. it’s about a two-hour drive.”

you raise an eyebrow. “we can just take the train.”

“have you ever ridden a train before?” sunghoon counters without missing a beat.

you splutter indignantly. “of course, i have! i didn’t have a driver throughout uni, if that’s what you’re implying.”

sunghoon snickers, taking a bite of his pappardelle. 

“it’s true,” you continue. “just because i’m more comfortable than the average person doesn’t mean i’m automatically spoiled.”

“okay, okay, i believe you,” sunghoon says with a laugh. “we’ll take the train, then.”

you narrow your eyes. “have you taken the train before?”

“yes, my love, i have,” sunghoon confirms, a teasing lilt to his voice. “contrary to your beliefs, i have friends, and not all of them live in hannam-dong.” 

you burst out in giggles and sunghoon can’t help but join in. 

“don’t overpack,” you remind, pointing your fork towards him. 

“speak for yourself,” sunghoon retaliates. 

“wow,” you say exaggeratedly. “who suggested we bring an extra suitcase for when we go shopping?”

sunghoon just shakes his head, amusement on his face. “i know your shopping habits, ________.”

you raise an eyebrow. “oh yeah? what else do you know about me?”

sunghoon meets your eyes. he smirks, as if challenging you.

he reaches forward, his hand open, palm up. you reluctantly place your hand against his, his thumb automatically brushing over your knuckles. 

“isn’t us being here enough to prove that i know a lot about you?”

-

the suite’s cool air hits your face as you step across the threshold. you sigh in relief, shoulders sagging in relaxation.

“who knew dinner could be so tiring?” you mumble, making a beeline for the couch. you plop down ungracefully, eyes slipping closed. 

“that’s the wine talking,” sunghoon informs. you feel the couch sag under his weight as he sits right beside you. 

“that’s the second time i’ve seen you demolish a whole bottle of red.”

you chuckle, not necessarily disagreeing.

you crack your eyes open just a bit, looking over to see that your husband has a similar posture. eyes closed, hands linked on his stomach, reclined and relaxed.

“i don’t know,” you mumble, subtly inching closer. it’s suddenly so cold and sunghoon is a human heater.

“for some reason, i feel like i can just let loose with you.”

it takes a moment for your brain to catch up to what you just said. sunghoon shifts beside you. you force yourself to look at him.

his perfectly styled hair is windblown, with stray pieces hanging over his forehead. you’re shoulder to shoulder, arms pressed together. 

“yeah?” sunghoon asks, voice low. his eyes flit down momentarily.

you nod. 

you move to say something more but sunghoon raises a hand, his pointer finger hooking through one of the straps of your dress. it had come loose, falling down your arm. he tugs on it, trying to deposit it back onto your shoulder. 

“leave it,” you say. 

sunghoon pauses, eyes focusing back on yours. he unhooks his finger, then pauses. 

his hand moves towards the back of your head instead. 

you sigh softly as you feel sunghoon give a firm pull, your hair spilling loose, your scrunchie dropped and forgotten. it was getting a little tight, anyway.

“i like it when you wear your hair down,” sunghoon whispers. 

he dips his head, then pauses. a few moments pass where neither of you moves. your eyes burn holes on the top of sunghoon’s head, and his nose is so close to brushing against your skin.

finally, he presses his lips to your shoulder. you flinch, more from surprise than from anything else.

sunghoon pulls back tentatively, eyes filled with caution.

“i’m sorry,” he says.

you shake your head. “don’t be.”

sunghoon exhales. he straightens, pulls away even more. you hear yourself squeak out a sound of protest.

“sorry,” you say, clearing your throat. “i just…you–”

sunghoon waits, face frustratingly void of any indicating expression. all while your emotions are churning up a storm inside you.

your body is warm, anticipating. the ghost of sunghoon’s lips lingers, spreading, taking over all your faculties. 

at this moment, you want nothing more than for him to touch you again. 

“touch me,” you implore boldly. “please.”

“you can touch me,” you add even further, as if it isn’t clear enough what you want. 

this is when sunghoon’s eyes cloud over, lips parting as he takes in your state. flushed from the cheeks down to your neck. your dress in disarray. your hair untamed, spilling over your shoulders.

“don’t make me ask again,” you challenge. you reach forward, flattening your palm against his chest. 

in a flash, you feel sunghoon press his lips to yours. your entire body melts against his, any previous doubt about the whole thing, about your marriage, dissipating in a clash of teeth and ragged breath. 

this is as real as it gets. 

sunghoon pulls away and you protest, but you see in his eyes that it pains him just as much. 

“bedroom,” he says gruffly, pushing off the couch and pulling you along with him. 

you capture his mouth once more, fingers tangling in his hair as the two of you stumble through the suite. you don’t even know which bedroom you’re going to. damn him and all this pragmatic, propriety bullshit. 

“you should have just gotten a single room suite,” you mumble against sunghoon’s lips.

his back hits one of the closed doors, and you take this opportunity to tug him down by the hair, kissing him even harder. sunghoon moans, hand fumbling for the doorknob. he gets the door open, almost tripping backward and taking you with him in his haste.

he extracts himself from you, both his hands clamping down on your arms. he manhandles you towards the bed; the hours he spends in your condominium building’s gym are evident in the way he practically throws you onto the plush surface.

“play nice,” sunghoon warns, getting on the bed with you, his knees braced on either side of your hips. 

there’s a steeliness in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. his pupils are blown wide, and his tongue darts out to wet his already swollen lips.

“i hope you’re not forgetting your manners, my love,” sunghoon coos, his hands splaying over your stomach, traveling up, up, up to your chest. he cups your tits against his palms, squeezing experimentally over the material of your dress.

you whine, hips bucking up involuntarily. your thigh brushes against the faint outline in sunghoon’s slacks, eliciting a groan from him.

“say thank you,” sunghoon instructs, stepping off the bed. he grabs your hips and flips you onto your stomach. 

your yelp is cut short as you feel him press your body down onto the bed. he undoes the zipper of your dress. slowly. agonizingly so.

“i’ve done all of this for you, but you’re still complaining?” sunghoon admonishes.

you quiver beneath his touch. the sharp tone in his voice, the stoic control he has over the situation, it all shoots straight into your needy cunt. 

you’ve never wanted to be at anyone’s mercy as much as you do now. 

“not complaining,” you protest weakly. sunghoon answers by shoving you even harder against the mattress. 

“then you’ll have no problem thanking me,” sunghoon counters, leaning down right next to your ear.

“be a good, grateful girl, and i’ll give you what you want.”

you take in a shaky breath. 

“th-thank you. thank you for everything, sunghoon.”

he hums, planting a soft kiss on your cheek. “that’s more like it.”

sunghoon rips your zipper all the way down before he returns you on your back. you’re exposed from the chest up, having foregone a bra, the bodice of your dress halfway down your midsection. you prop yourself up on your elbows as you watch your husband unbutton his shirt. 

the hum of the air conditioner is the only sound in the room, followed by the clink of sunghoon’s belt hitting the floor. his pants are discarded soon after, and you can see, clear as day, the tent in his boxers. 

“off this goes,” sunghoon mutters, tugging your dress down by the hem. you pull your arms out of the straps, wriggling out of it, before throwing it unceremoniously to the side. 

sunghoon rejoins you on the bed, caging you against it. he kisses you harshly, his strong arms holding him up over you. you respond eagerly, running your hands all over every plane of exposed skin on sunghoon. his chest, his toned stomach, his biceps, down to the converging lines on his pelvis, just before his waistband.

a sudden surge of vertigo overtakes you. you realize sunghoon has lain himself flat on the bed, hauling you onto his lap in the process. you’re seated directly on top of his growing erection, his and your underwear the only barriers between your sexes. 

he rests his hands on your hips, and you instinctively grind forward.

you both moan in unison, the friction sending a wave of pleasure up your body. sunghoon’s clothed cock presses deliciously against your core, a faint wet patch already blooming over your panties. 

“show me how thankful you are, baby,” sunghoon commands. a pathetic whimper escapes you. 

“yeah?” sunghoon grins lazily. “like it when i call you ‘baby’?”

you nod, all semblance of shame falling away. 

“yes,” you pant. “i love it so much.”

sunghoon chuckles, guiding your hips forward and back. he bucks up in time to your rhythm, hissing through his teeth. 

“i haven’t even done anything and you’re already this worked up,” he remarks. 

“who knew my wife was such a slut?”

a high-pitched mewl erupts in your throat, your hips speeding up over his. you shouldn’t be this turned on over sunghoon degrading you like this. but, you are. there’s no other way around it. 

“oh, fuck, baby–yeah, just like that,” sunghoon goads, his own pelvis rocking up to meet yours. 

the springs in the mattress groan underneath the intensity of your movements, your thighs sore from the tension of clamping them around sunghoon. you can feel a coil tighten in your abdomen. 

you continue to rut against your husband, a near-animalistic instinct kicking in within you. you want this so bad. you want him so bad. you want to ruin yourself over sunghoon’s dick.

the knot pulls taut in your stomach. almost there, please, just a little bit more–

you gasp as the pleasure is ripped away from you. sunghoon stills your hips, pushing you off him. 

“no! please, no,” you protest, tears filling your eyes.

“on all fours,” sunghoon barks out. 

with shaky limbs, you maneuver yourself on your hands and knees. sunghoon yanks your underwear down and you feel a hardness press against your leaking hole. 

“want you to cum on this cock,” sunghoon says through gritted teeth. 

a sob rips out of you when sunghoon fully sheathes himself in, bottoming out in one swift motion. he doesn’t even give you time to adjust before he’s pounding into you, his hands clamped around your waist.

“oh, yeah,” sunghoon grunts. “you’re taking me so well. knew this pussy was made for me.”

your voice is reduced to syncopated squeaks as sunghoon drills himself into you. over and over and over, the head of his cock hits deep within you. your clit twitches and you reach down to pleasure yourself.

the combination of sunghoon’s relentless movements and your fingers making quick work on your clit has you hurtling towards your release once more. your one free arm gives out, so now you’re planted face-first on the bed, your body completely in sunghoon’s control.

“shit, your pussy feels so good,” sunghoon babbles, hips speeding up even more. 

“gonna cum in this cunt. can’t believe you’ve been hiding this from me for six months,” sunghoon says, pressing his chest to your back. he reaches around you, his hand clamping down firmly on your neck. 

he puts the slightest bit of pressure and your eyes roll into the back of your head.

“s-sunghoon,” you choke out, your mouth agape with how good it feels. you’ve abandoned any effort in rubbing yourself, opting to clutch at the sheets instead.

“yes, my love? feel good?” sunghoon teases. you arch up into him as you feel him plunge himself deep in you, grinding shallowly. 

“i’m close,” he warns, picking up the pace once more. but his movements have turned frantic, hips stuttering as you clench down on him.

“please,” you croak. “give it to me. need you to fill me up. fill your wife up, hoonie, please.”

sunghoon grunts loudly in your ear at the mention of his nickname, one you haven’t used on him yet. he mentioned to you once that it was a childhood term of endearment. one that only his loved ones are allowed to utter.

in the throes of pleasure, your body bucking up against sunghoon’s, you wonder if you’ve finally made the cut.

sunghoon’s entire body is rocking into you with an intensity that has you scared for the bed’s integrity. tears flow freely down your face now, your makeup smudged a hundred different ways. your moans are all but uncontrollable at this point. sunghoon moves his hand away from your neck, smothering it against your mouth instead.

a particularly hard thrust brushes that one spot inside you just right, and that is the moment when your whole world unravels. 

your body stills, muscles twitching, your scream muffled against sunghoon’s palm. your orgasm comes in wave after wave, rendering you momentarily blind and deaf to the world around you. you barely register sunghoon’s groans, his hips stilling as he buries and releases himself in you. 

it takes a moment for the ringing in your ears to dissipate. when it does, you’re made fully aware of the state of your body.

you’re face down on the bed, limbs splayed like a ragdoll’s. sunghoon had rolled off you some moments ago, catching his own breath beside you. you feel his cum leaking out of you.

“you made a mess,” you manage to say, throat scratchy and hoarse. you turn towards your husband, whose eyes flutter open at the sound of your voice.

“i’m sorry,” sunghoon mumbles, scooting closer to wrap an arm around you. 

you snicker. “no you’re not.”

he laughs along, brushing some of your hair away from your face. sunghoon leans in and kisses you sweetly. 

“we’re taking the van tomorrow to lake como,” sunghoon says with an air of finality that you find difficult to argue with.

“agreed,” you say.

-

“hoonie, not here.” 

your voice is cranked down to a whisper, your eyes darting around in nervousness. all that you can see is shrubbery, similar to the canopy of leaves where you and sunghoon are tucked away. 

in front of you, at least, is a breathtaking view of lake como.

“yes, here,” sunghoon argues, his lips traveling up your neck, stopping just behind your ear. 

his hands smooth up your thighs, flipping the skirt of your dress over your hips. 

“i can’t help it when you’ve got this pretty sundress on,” sunghoon says, grinding himself against your bare ass.

“and no underwear? baby, you’re asking for it at this point.”

you huff, gathering your skirt further up your body.

“hurry up.” you press yourself back against sunghoon’s rock-hard cock. 

sunghoon chuckles, a hand coming up to grope your chest.

permies:

Because at the end of the day, Jay Park was in charge, the strongest of them all, the one that could wipe off their existence with a snap of his fingers. Y/N never believed her brother could possibly hold that much power. Maybe power was just a figure of speech, maybe it was just fear that drove everyone to fall at his feet. Maybe it was because they had all signed their souls to him- a devil’s contract.

Her brother, the same boy that fed her popcorn when they were kids, couldn’t possibly be the cruel man he now showed himself to be.

Her brother, who once thought of her as the apple of his eye, only coldly glanced at her when she cried or complained. With a glass of whiskey in one hand, the other tracing his jawline, he’d tut at her. “Don’t be pathetic,” he’d sneer. “What would mum and dad say if they saw you like this?”

Y/N would ask herself the same question. If her mum and dad saw her locked away in random hotel rooms with two men watching her like hawks, they would be disappointed. If her mum and dad saw her cry to her brother about her loneliness, their hearts would ache.

Well, those were the answers concocted from fantasy.

In reality, her mum and dad would tell Jay to do whatever he could in his power to keep her safe. Her mum and dad would allow her to live the rest of her life miserably, as long as it meant she was still alive, breathing. Her mum and dad would applaud Jay for making the decisions he made.

She hated it, Y/N hated him with every fibre of her being- in the beginning, at least. It got exhausting, after a point. To hate her brother was to hate someone he was forced to become. To hate her brother was to hate the industry she saw herself taking over someday. To hate her brother was to mar the good memories she had with him.

Y/N accepted it just around the time she turned eighteen. She accepted spending half her life around expensive hotels and services. She accepted being an unknown sibling when she attended gatherings with her brother on one of those rare days. She accepted being helpless.

She was pathetic. Or maybe she wasn’t, her life was. She had overheard Heeseung and Niki talk pithily of her to Jay. She had watched Sunghoon give her half-hearted glances as he walked past her. She would let Sunoo and Jungwon- who were ordered to not converse with her- ignore her mundane requests. She would endure the helpless shrugs Jake passed her-

Jake. How she envied him sometimes. How she envied the way Jay treated him, his right-hand man, more like a sibling than he treated her. Y/N didn’t know what it was about Jake that her brother admired so much. What was it that he could do that she couldn’t? What was it that Jake had to offer that she couldn’t?

He was so loyal to him, Y/N noticed. Jake Sim would do anything to protect Jay Park. To be fair, she did hear them argue quite a lot. She wasn’t sure about what, but every time they argued, Jay would become a little angrier, a little more controlling and a little more on edge.

In the world she lived in, loyalty was the only thing keeping them alive. Keeping her alive. Y/N stayed loyal to Jay by not running away. The boys he strung alone stayed loyal to him by obeying him, not selling him out.

In the world she lived in, looking over her shoulder was her priority. Physically and metaphorically, of course. Everything had safety precautions, from the keychains on her purse to her beloved phone- the same phone that Jay controlled with through regulations.

He baned her from using social media. All she did with it was watch movies, listen to music or play games. Nevertheless, it was better than having nothing at all. It was better than enduring an eternity of boredom.

Because, Y/N was currently tucked away in boredom, locked in a room with her two trusted bodyguards. They were somewhere in Italy- her balcony gave her a splendid view of the city and with the moon shining in the corner of her sight, her room sparkled with silver.

While she shamelessly hummed a tune and looked out the balcony, Sunoo and Jungwon sat in the room on separate chairs. The pair stared at their phone, thumbs typing away yet somehow, half their attention was on Y/N.

Their one order was to take care of her, and she was sure they vowed to do a damn well job at it.

“Y/N,” she heard Jungwon step into the balcony, his phone fisted into his hand as he waited for a response. She simply hummed at him, telling him to continue. “Your brother wants to speak with you.”

A groan drawled from her throat, head tilting over her shoulder as she glanced at him. Jungwon, though he wasn’t innocent, he certainly did look like it. With his beady eyes and puffy cheeks- Jay must have gone to hell and back to have him and Sunoo on his side. Both of them didn’t look like they belonged. Perhaps that was their advantage.

“What does he want?” Her eyes tiredly narrowed as she spoke but ultimately received no answer.

She rolled her eyes, following Jungwon back into the room. She was being guided out by him and Sunoo, strolling behind her as she strutted out the door and down the hall until the door to her brother’s hotel room came to view.

Swinging the door open, she was immediately met with the sight of two tramps- one entertaining her brother while the other danced in the middle of the room.

Niki sat on one couch, holding up a phone to record the tramps while Heeseung sat beside him. Jake and Sunghoon sat on another, smirks of amusement plastered on their faces as they watched. Y/N scoffed when Jungwon left her side to sit with Jay and Sunoo left to sit beside Niki.

“Dismiss your prostitutes before asking for your sister next time,” she crossed her arms, heels clicking as she came closer to her brother.

With a tut and a snap of his fingers, the two girls disappeared into the bathroom. Niki groaned out a complaint, something about being bored, and tucked his phone away. He was the youngest, yet he was the strongest out of them all. Y/N had heard rumours about his talents in wielding knives.

Heeseung, who sat beside him, was the oldest and smartest. The one in charge of planning and executing- or so she heard. He had his arm wrapped around Niki’s shoulders, a stoic scowl taking over his face as he looked at Y/N.

“I know you hate me but try being nice to me when my friends are around,” Jay smirked, standing to meet his sister’s gaze.

“It’s exhausting to feel anything towards you, brother,” as Y/N rolled her eyes, Niki involuntarily snickered.

Jay flashed the boy a glare and he quickly covered his mouth. “As I said,” he looked back at his sister. “Play nice.”

Y/N hid her disbelief by sucking in a breath, digging her nails into her arms. “Why’d you want to see me?”

“Mum called,” he said so casually, it made her raise a brow.

“What am I to do with that piece of information?”

“Again with the attitude,” he warned, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “She wants us to attend a gathering tomorrow,” he informed.

“Tomorrow?” She asked.

“Yes, tomorrow,” he echoed. “And not to worry, mum already has a dress sent for you,” he offered her a teasing smile which earned him another roll of her eyes.

“Are you bringing all six of your playthings or is it just gonna be the two of us?” She waved her hand, pointing towards the rest of the boys, eyes still trained on her brother.

“Have some manners,” Jay scowled. “They haven’t done anything to you.”

“Doesn’t matter. They’re all loyal to you, aren’t they?” Y/N cocked her head. “I don’t feel like giving you lot manners,” she seethed.

“I’m not gonna repeat myself,” Jay seethed back, snapping his fingers at her face.

Y/N flinched. She shamelessly flinched, eyes blinking and body leaning back. But then she shook away the shock on her face, standing straight and offering him the same stoic expression she gave her when she was angry.

“Just answer my question.”

Jay rolled his eyes this time, hand retreating to his side. “It’s only going to be me, you and Jake,” he promised.

“Awe, am I not gonna have my lovely bodyguards there?” She pouted, clearly showing off her sarcasm.

“Jake is more than capable of taking care of you for one night,” Jay smiled teasingly, looking over her shoulder to steal a glance from his right-hand man. “The rest of them have business to attend to.”

“Of course,” she smiled right back at him, narrowing her eyes. “Is that all?”

“Yes, that is all,” Jay nodded. “I expect you to be ready by tomorrow evening.”

“The dress better look pretty, then.”

“Oh, don’t worry. It is,” Jay cooed. “Mum even got it in pink.”

Her scoff went unnoticed by everyone when they fell into a stupor of laughter. Y/N was used to it, to be openly made fun of. Maybe she didn’t care, either. Regardless, if something happened to Jay one day, it would be her they listened to. She knew how she could get her way.

“Sunoo and Jungwon can stay here for the night. Have some fun,” Jay announced.

“Yay, I get to spend the night alone,” she leaned her weight on one leg. “Generous of you,” she crooned.

“I know,” Jay crooned back, eyes trailing towards his right-hand man. “Be a gentleman, Jake, and bring my sister back to her room, will you?”

Jake stood up, rubbing his palms against his jeans and giving Jay an assuring nod. Y/N didn’t bother to meet Jake’s eyes or bid her brother a good night. She trailed towards the door, leaving as she felt Jake’s hand hovering over her back.

The halls were empty, ground matted with blue carpets, walls plastered with ivory wallpaper, all the glory made visible by dimly lit golden lights. Yet her senses drowned in the sounds of their feet padding against the carpet, his hand guiding her by her back.

Jay must have trusted him the most. If it were anyone else, he probably would have chopped their fingers off for even dreaming of touching her- his sister. For someone that acted like she deserved no happiness, he sure was overprotective.

“Jay only wants to keep you safe.”

Jake’s voice rang loud and clear, his accent giving away his nerves. Y/N scoffed again, rolling her head to the side to get a better look at his perfectly styled hair and sculptured nose.

“I thought none of you were allowed to talk to me?”

Then came silence, just as she expected. And Jake had let her into her hotel room, locking the door as he left, leaving her in silence. Lonely silence and she liked that she was alone. For once she wouldn’t have two bodyguards shielding her to sleep.

The next morning, she was happy to realise that Jay was wrong. The dress her mum sent was, in fact, black. The satin wrapped around her frame effortlessly and Y/N admired herself in the mirror, her hands brushing over her collarbones and neck that hung a thin chain. Her fingers adorned with rings, ones that Jay bought for her.

She was brave enough to wear stilettos, and her feet tapped against each other while she sat in the back of her car, staring out the window. Jake drove, Jay sat in the passenger’s seat. The rearview mirror angled directly at Y/N, giving Jay a clean picture of his sister.

“When’d you get your nails done?”

Y/N admired her nails, shiny black liquor matching her dress. “I did them myself,” she spoke with a smile.

Jay hummed, amused by the way his sister entertained herself. He didn’t say anything else, just tapped his phone against his cheek and looked out the window. Jake found himself glancing at her through the rearview mirror.

Soon Y/N found herself standing in front of another hotel. The party hall, she presumed, where the gathering would be held. That would be the third time she was attending a party that year, to be able to witness human interaction.

Jay made sure to keep his hand wrapped around her forearm, subtly dragging her around as Jake followed them into a room lit by chandeliers and organised with circular tables- covered by white cloth, of course.

“Alright, listen,” Jay held her at an arm’s length, eyes sternly begging her to listen to his requests. “I need you to stay in one place. Where I can keep an easy eye on you,” he blinked.

“Am I not allowed to have fun?” Y/N crooked a brow, a smile creeping up her cheeks. “Dance with the rest of the guests, maybe?”

“Jake will be with you at all times. I’m sure he can give you all the entertainment you need for the night,” he clenched his jaw. Jake let out a hum, his hands clasped behind his back.

“Then why do you need to keep an eye on me?”

“Because I’m paranoid, Y/N,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Just tell me where you’ll be sitting. At least I’m letting you pick.”

“Yeah, because that’s being charitable,” despite her annoyance, she looked around the room, eyes landing on the open bar with tall stools. She pointed in its direction. “There. You’ll be able to see me from any corner and I’ll at least be able to drink.”

“Fine,” he agreed. “Just don’t get drunk. I expect to see you be able to walk by the end of the night.”

Then he exchanged a promising nod with Jake, leaving the pair alone while he went away to act like a polite guest. Jake, after a moment of silence, offered Y/N his arm and she hesitantly looped in hers. He guided her to the bar and helped her sit on the stool.

She fixed her dress, one leg crossed on the other as she ordered champagne. “What would you like to have?” She turned to Jake, her earrings shining under the light.

“I can order for myself,” he said, weaving his fingers together as he sat beside her.

“Too proud to let a girl speak for you, huh?” Y/N chuckled, wrapping her fingers around the drink that was being handed to her.

“Funny,” Jake passed her an annoyed glance. He called for the bartender with a wave of two fingers, asking for a whiskey that was handed to him within seconds.

“Strong men only enjoy strong drinks, I guess,” she mumbled, smirking as she brought the rim of her glass to her lips.

Jake scoffed. “You’re full of opinions, aren’t you?” He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t know how to be nice to people?”

“What?” Y/N scoffed right back at him. “I’ve been stripped away of living my life and now I can’t have emotions and opinions?”

Jake looked away, clenching his jaw and gripping his glass of whiskey. He wore his own set of rings, ones that strained against his skin and clanked against his glass.

“And please enlighten me as to why I have to be nice,” she continued. “Have any of you been nice to me? Hence, do I owe any of you my kindness?”

“Fair enough,” Jake let the words push past his teeth.

“That’s what I thought,” her lips frowned into a scowl as she sipped her champagne again. Upon looking at his defeated face, though, she recoiled. “But since my brother’s forcing you to keep me company tonight, perhaps I should play nice.”

Jake chuckled, involuntarily letting himself enjoy Y/N’s humour. “Here I thought you didn’t owe me your kindness,” he cocked his head, hiding his smile with his glass of whiskey.

“Don’t make me regret it,” she tipped her glass towards him.

Jake hummed, nodding as he mustered up the courage to look at Y/N- his boss’ sister, the same girl he wasn’t allowed to cross paths with until the previous night. He smiled at her, pondering if striking up a conversation was a good idea.

If he was allowed to, he might as well let himself use his freedom to his advantage. Y/N was doing it, too, after all.

“Your life’s always been this way, huh?” He asked, shamelessly showing his curiosity.

“What way?” She wondered, pushing her newly emptied glass away. Her fingers curled under his chin, propping her elbows on the counter.

“This,” he pointed his finger at her, looking her up and down. “Controlled by your brother, denied of freedom,” he listed.

Y/N pondered over his question while asking for a refill of champagne. She swirled her glass around, watching the bubbles fizz away. She cleared her throat, nostalgia filling her conscience.

“I used to be a wild girl while I was still in high school,” she chuckled. “You know, typical high school parties, cheap beer and making mistakes?”

Jake nodded. “Then what drove Jay to treat you like this?” He cringed. “He pulled you out of school, didn’t he?”

“You know, I thought he would have told you of all people the reason for his actions,” she chuckled but continued explaining. “Yes, he pulled me out of school. He forced me to live in secrecy and whatnot,” she shrugged.

“We’re all just as clueless are you are,” he shrugged back. “All we know is that you and your brother have an… Unconventional relationship.”

“Unconventional doesn’t even begin to explain it,” she sipped her champagne. “He was forced into all of this, you know? The Mob, the violent mentality. With that came paranoia and the constant need to keep up his guard.”

“You seem quite sympathetic towards him,” he noticed.

“Maybe I am,” she agreed. “But whatever he’s been through doesn’t excuse how he treats me,” she insisted, pressing her finger to her chest.

“Right,” Jake pursed his lips.

“His overprotective act just made me despise him a little. He ruined my life, after all,” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Of course,” he let out a scoff, a slight grin taking over his features as he finished off his whiskey.

Y/N tilted her head, attempting to get a better glance at Jake. “What’s so funny?” She asked, the same grin spreading on her lips.

The more she examined him, the more she realised how little she knew of him. Of any of them, for that matter. They lived under the same roof, travelled everywhere but the only information she gathered of them was by overhearing conversations. To be fair, her brother did ban them from interacting with her, regardless of how much he trusted them.

She came to realise that this was probably the closest she had to a conversation in a long time.

Jake, on the other hand, shook away the glee on his face when he looked over Y/N’s shoulder, only to find Jay approaching them. He looked away, clenching his jaw and weaving his fingers together. Y/N’s brows knitted together, confusion slapping her harder than a wave.

When Jay finally made himself known, her expression contorted into realisation. Brow raising, she watched him smile at her and Jake. “I see you’ve been enjoying yourselves so far,” he said. “I hate to interrupt but I have a certain someone that was begging to meet you.”

Beside him stood a woman that Y/N found much too familiar. Her auburn hair flowed past her shoulders, almond eyes shining with a smile as she looked at her.

“Pearl?” Y/N’s eyes widened, excited as she started the woman up and down. She used to babysit her and her brother when she was still children, oblivious to the bad in the world.

Pearl was a reminder of her past, a sliver of naivety.

“Yeah, It’s me,” the woman fondly opened her arms and Y/N found herself leaping at the hug.

“My God, it’s been years,” Y/N gasped, holding her at an arm’s length.

“I know, a lot has changed,” Pearl enthused. “You look great, Y/N.”

“You too,” she agreed. “How have you been?”

“Good. Great,” Pearl nodded. “I’ve got two kids, a great husband,” she smiled at her, then craned her neck to smile at Jay.

Jake watched the scene unravel from behind with a refill of whiskey held between his fingers. He saw the way Jay licked his top teeth as Pearl smiled feverishly at him and that Y/N wasn’t oblivious to the looks they shared. Unloyal she was, it was obvious.

Jay was quick to cut the reunion, standing between his sister and their once babysitter. “Nostalgia is a joy, isn’t it?” He grinned. “Now, Pearl. I’ll have a few words with my sister and then come find you. Go on now.”

Pearl nodded, waving Y/N goodbye. “I’ll be waiting,” she said to Jay and breezed past them.

Y/N gaped at her brother, wide-eyed as she realised what she just witnessed. Jay raised a brow. “What?” He asked, holding his hands by his side.

“She’s married,” she reminded him. “She has two kids. And you want to sleep with her?”

“Since when did you have a say in my actions?” Jay jeered, completely careless towards her point. Y/N rolled her eyes, Jake scoffed and shook his head.

“Unbelievable,” she cursed. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I know,” her brother smirked, then strolled past her, leaving her alone with Jake again.

Y/N scoffed at him, returning to her stool while shaking her head out of disbelief. She didn’t say anything, just thought to herself that this was probably the most eventful night she’s had since her eighteenth birthday.

“He disappoints you, doesn’t he?” Jake swirled around his whiskey, training his eyes on the way her mouth gaped.

“He has no self-respect, does he?” Y/N ran her fingers through her scalp, meddling with her hair as she hollered for more drinks- this time, wine.

“No, I guess not,” he mumbled, too entranced by the anger that seemed to suit her so well. The way her brows furrowed and eyes narrowed, mouth parted and chest rising a little more than usual- Jake looked away.

For the rest of the night, he stripped her and himself of any interaction between them. The pair enjoyed their drinks, lost in their phones. A part of Jake hoped that she’d ask him for a dance or whine about how bored she was.

Maybe she was too proud to ask for anything else, maybe she was just angry towards her intolerable brother.

It was proven to be the latter when Jay came striding back, hair tousled and shirt wrinkled from his controversial expedition. “You’re insufferable,” she said to him

“Don’t ruin my mood,” he dismissed her, and it was back to being ignored by her brother.

She was taken back to the hotel, her diner waiting in her room along with Sunoo and Jungwon. She quietly changed her clothes, freshened up before eating and replayed the events of the night over and over again.

She thought about Pearl and Jay and Jake- Oh, especially Jake and the conversation she had with him. She found herself craving more conversations, desperate for an escape. But, wishing for leisure was like wishing for a unicorn.

She got over it by tomorrow, accepting her loneliness once again while she ate pancakes in bed while her brother and his friends were enjoying breakfast together. She swore she could hear laughter echoing from the banquet hall, overpowering the melodies she had playing on her phone.

A knock on her door, however, was not what she expected. She didn’t have to get out of bed and open the door, though that was the whole point of knocking. It opened on its own and Jake’s head peaked through the crack, his hand gripping the doorknob.

Y/N immediately sat straight, duvet pooling at her waist as she turned off her music and put away her pancakes. A breath left her lips as he entered her room, followed by her brother and Sunghoon.

“What a surprise,” she mumbled, fisting the duvet as the three boys stood around her bed, one on each side.

“Good morning,” her brother offered her a curt smile and she nodded at him.

“Am I in trouble?” She almost laughed. “Or do you need something?”

“I just need to talk to you,” Jay rolled his eyes. “Andrei has been asking to see you for a while.”

“And who’s Andrei?”

Jay smiled viciously, realising that his sister was curious, giving him the attention he expected. “He’s a work buddy of mine, it’s not important.”

“Seems like it is,” she furrowed her brows. “He wants to see me, after all,” she argued.

“Just listen, will you?” He scoffed. “I’m attending a meeting of his and he wants you there.”

“Then why are these two here?”

“They will be taking care of you. I’d much rather have these two look after you while the rest of the boys attend the meeting with me.”

Jake pursed his lips, nodding as he listened. Sunghoon passed Y/N a stoic glance from the corner of his eyes. She gulped, covering up her second guesses with a furrow of her brows.

“So, what? I’m just gonna sit outside while you have all the fun?” She chuckled half-heartedly, a hesitant smile gracing her face.

“I don’t call this fun, Y/N” Jay seethed. “You’ve been popular around my colleagues and I’d rather not know the reason. The least you can do is not ask questions and follow simple orders.”

“I am not one of your playthings to follow orders, Jay,” she seethed back. “It’s early in the morning, I don’t need you snapping at me.”

Jay, with a smile that screamed anything but good, crouched beside her bed, face inching towards hers. “I can say the same,” he chuckled, two puffs of air escaping his lungs.

Y/N glared at him, jaw clenching as she let go of her duvet and crossed her arms. “You’re insatiable,” she growled.

“I know,” Jay smirked. “Now get out of bed, get ready and change into something presentable,” he stood to his feet, stomping towards her suitcases and flinging them open. Y/N followed him, jumping out of her bed and yelping.

“I’m obviously not going to show up in my pyjamas!” She yelled. “Now, stop going through my stuff and get out!”

She swore she heard Jake and Sunghoon stifle their laughter as Y/N pushed her brother towards her door. Their hands covered their mouths, unsubtly looking away.

“Out!” She continued yelling. “The lot of you!”

“I’m only messing with you,” her brother grinned at her as he stepped out the door, ushering the two other boys with his hand.

“You show brotherly affection at the worse times,” she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, Jake and Sunghoon strolling past her and out the door.

Jay shook his head, crooning. “Be ready before I get annoyed.”

Y/N slammed the door in his face.

Sighing, she brushed her hands down her face as silence consumed her once again. She strolled around her room, taking ten minutes to waste before ultimately disappearing into the bathroom.

It was rather dramatic of her to saunter out of her door in a little red dress, hands shifting her hair to one side of her shoulder. The carpet muffled the click of her heels and at the end of the hall stood Jake like a knight in tailored clothes.

His presence took her by surprise and her lips parted as she approached him. “Jay told me to get you,” he said and she curtly nodded.

Jake walked her downstairs, an awkward silence following their path as Y/N looked ahead; he fought to steal glances of her. Then they entered the elevator, metal doors sliding behind them.

He cleared his throat, licking his lips. “Had a good breakfast?”

“Of course,” she answered nonchalantly, eyes trained forward. It was a lie, obviously, but neither of them felt the need to acknowledge it.

She was piled into a car with him, Jay and Sunghoon. She didn’t say a word, didn’t seem like she wanted to either. Her earphones stuck to her ear, feet bobbing up and down to an unknown beat.

Jake, despite fighting his urges, had his eyes trained on her arms, legs, exposed neck and collarbones- any exposed skin he could get his gaze on, gaping from the corner of his eyes. He’d surely get in trouble if Jay caught his subtle glances.

An exhausted sigh left her lips when they reached her destination, her shoulders slumping as she stood in front of a rather tall building. “Come on, now,” Jay had clasped his hand around her arm and dragged her inside- Jake and Sunghoon followed.

“I can walk on my own,” she complained, a breathy whine escaping her throat as they entered a meeting room. Empty, it was- a long table surrounded by cushioned chairs for privileged backs to lean on.

“I know, I just don’t want my baby sister to get lost in this mess,” he taunted. “So, listen carefully and just follow the rules, yeah?”

“You make this sound like mission impossible,” she groaned. “Why are you making this such a big deal? I’m just meeting one of your colleagues,” she argued, tilting her head to the side.

“You’re meeting a colleague that’s killed people for fun,” he glared. “As surprising as it may seem, I’d like to keep you alive.”

“You’ve killed people too. What’s the difference?” She almost chuckled, disbelief taking over her features.

Jay had the same reaction. “The difference is that I’m your brother,” he reminded. “Now, can you just listen?”

“Fine. I’m listening.”

“Good,” he started. “When Andrei comes in, he’s gonna want to see you. obviously. All you have to do is behave, smile like the little princess you are and minimally answer all his questions. Simple enough, right?” He shrugged his shoulders, a sarcastic smile appearing on his face.

“Right,” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Exactly,” he enthused. “When he’s done talking to you, Jake will take you away and you’ll wait in the bar, right across from this room,” he pointed his arm out the door, towards the area he was referring to. “Sunghoon will join you later.”

“Great plan, brother,” it was clearly a sardonic compliment. “Keeping me alive and all… You deserve an award.”

“I’m not in the mood for jokes, Y/N,” he sighed and she furrowed her brows, telling him that she wasn’t joking either.

Her reaction went ignored when the door to the meeting room flung open, revealing a man taller than the three boys Y/N was surrounded by. She presumed it was Andrei and he did fit the mental image she created for him. Tall, as old as her dad and holding pride as he walked in.

All three boys curtly turned their heads towards him, bodies stiffening as they greeted him with their hands meeting in the middle. “It’s good to see you boys,” he smiled.

“It’s good to see you too, boss,” Jay exhaled, letting go of his hand. Y/N lightly gaped at her brother, confused by his choice of… Words.

Andrew crisply turned around, surprised when his gaze was met with the presence of Y/N. He bellowed out a chuckle, brows raising as his arms extending past him. “My, God!” He cheered. “I didn’t actually think you’d bring her,” he directed towards Jay.

“I thought it’d be nice if you took a trip down memory lane,” Jay offered, shrugging.

“It’s been years since I’ve seen you!” Then he wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into a hug.

Y/N was taken by surprise as her cheek pressed into the man’s chest. She didn’t know what he was talking about, she didn’t know what either of them were talking about and Andrei sure as hell didn’t seem like he was the murderous type. Towards her, at least. So the confusion stayed on her face when she was released from the embrace.

“Do you remember me, sweetheart?” Andrei asked.

Y/N shook her head, almost embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” she chuckled.

“Oh, I don’t blame you,” he waved it off. “You were a baby the last time I saw you, clinging to your father’s side,” he smiled warmly, a stark contrast to the description she received of him.

“I’m sure she’ll remember if our dad gives her a little push towards remembering,” Jay smiled sarcastically again. Andrei agreed with a laugh.

“Regardless,” Andrei started. “It’s good to see you, Y/N.”

“Goodie,” Jay clasped his hands together, ushering at Jake with a nod. “I’d rather have my sister out of here before the rest arrive. Wouldn’t want her to die of boredom,” he took two steps towards his sister, a hand pressing on her back as Jake stood on her other side.

Andrei raised a questioning brow, turning to Sunghoon who answered with an inattentive shrug.

“I have so many questions,” Y/N whispered to Jay.

“I’ll answer them later,” Jay added. “If I feel like it.”

Then, Jake was guiding her away to the bar. It was like the previous night all over again as he helped her sit on one of the chairs, keeping the meeting room out of her sight. Y/N dryly laughed, scratching the corner of her brow with her pinky.

“He calls this entertainment,” the span of her palms spread across her thighs.

“He’s just being protective,” Jake debated.

Y/N shook her head again, chuckling out of disbelief. She ordered a glass of wine- a whiskey for Jake with it. The thought of being granted recreation was completely thrown out the window as her eyes met with Jake’s.

She scoffed. “You’d think that the right-hand man has to sit through every meeting,” she commented.

“There’s a lot more to my job than attending meetings and tending to your brother’s requests,” he chuckled. “Besides, my presence isn’t required. We already know what the meeting’s about.”

“Wow,” Y/N leaned her head on her shoulder. “There’s a lot about my brother I’m unaware of,” she stated. With that, it sounded like she affirmed it.

“I’m sure he’ll give you your answers when he thinks your ready.”

“I’m eighteen and he’s been dragging me along for three years. I think I’m ready,” she sipped her wine, eyes narrowed at the sight of Jake sighing. Her shoulders slumped again. “You know,” she trailed. “Jay treats you more like a sibling than me.”

Jake’s eyes widened, almost coughed up his whiskey as he gawked at her. Her statement came out nonchalantly, almost like she’d been waiting to finally say it.

At his reaction, Y/N laughed, waving her hand in front of her as she put away her wine. “No, no,” he coaxed. “Don’t freak out, I’m just saying,” she grinned.

He wiped the corner of his mouth with the side of his hand. “You don’t just say things like that,” he scoffed.

“Eh,” she shrugged a shoulder. “Am I wrong?”

“You are,” he insisted.

“You could be wrong, too,” she reasoned. “But then again, he wouldn’t be treating the lot of you like playthings if he actually cared,” Y/N raised her brows, hiding her expression by drinking her wine.

“Playthings,” he echoed. “You throw that phrase around a lot- what do you even mean by it?” He weaved his fingers together, perfectly styled hair falling over his left eye, curiosity taking over his duty.

“Well,” Y/N pondered, swirling around her wine glass. “You let him boss you around, use you, made sure that your sole purpose was to serve him-”

“Alright, I’m gonna stop you right there,” he silenced her with a wave of her hand and she couldn’t help but realise how similar he was to her brother. She exhaled, giving up. “You sound really stupid.”

“Is that so?” She hummed. “Please enlighten me,” she squinted her eyes, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

“He doesn’t use us or boss us around,” he waved around his fingers, body language suddenly animated. “You think he’s some sort of monster and I don’t blame you for it but he cares, Y/N. He just shows it in a messed up way,” he crossed one leg over the other, finishing his whiskey in one gulp.

“I feel very cared for,” she rolled her eyes.

Y/N wasn’t going to admit the pit she felt in her chest, a rock of disgust and jealousy churning her stomach, making her abandon her wine. It stung to know that he treated his friends better than he treated his own sister.

“Protect me, my ass,” she mumbled, rolling her head and looking past Jake’s shoulder.

Heeseung, Niki, Jungwon and Sunoo walked down the hall, leading a small crowd into the meeting room. Her fingers drummed against the counter, lips pursing as she pondered.

“Listen,” she heard Jake sigh. “I know it stings but he cares for you. More than any of us. Hence the overprotective act he puts on,” he coaxed.

“Act?” She huffed. “Was that supposed to make me feel better?”

“I mean, did it work?” He tried, clearly getting a laugh out of her.

“No.”

“Fair,” he pursed his lips. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“We don’t even know each other,” she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, pointing between themselves.

“So?” He asked. “We can get to know each other now?” He offered.

“Is that allowed?”

Jake smirked, tracing his tongue over his teeth. “I’ll let you in on a secret,” he whispered, leaning closer to her for dramatic effect. “Your brother trusts me more than anyone, which means he trusts me around you more than Jungwon or Sunoo.”

Y/N raised a brow, smirking back. “Which means what?”

“He doesn’t mind me interacting with you,” he let out. “I’ve always been looking out for you. Longer than Sunoo and Jungwon.”

She gaped at his confession, a shiver of shock running down her spine. “How am I only finding out about this now?” She inquired.

He shrugged. “I told you. There’s a lot more to being the right-hand man than you think,” he grinned. “Plus, he knows you’re going crazy. That’s why he needs me to tag along with him if he’s bringing you,” he explained.

“And here I thought my day was ruined,” she enthused, finding it in her to finish her abandoned wine. “So Jungwon and Sunoo aren’t my bodyguards anymore?”

“I guess you could say that,” he said. “They’re not gonna be locked in your room with you all day. They have other work to tend to for now is all I know. And I’ll be looking after you when you need to be.”

With the new information that was practically being fed to her, Y/N felt a rush of relief wash over her. “I can be alone in my room now,” she gushed.

“Yeah,” Jake chuckled, nodding.

She was still being babied, she knew. But the little splinter of freedom she was being given gave her a little hope. Maybe this was just the beginning of a better future, maybe Jay was realising how unfair he had always been. Regardless, she still felt happy and confident.

Hopefully, nothing would burst that bubble.

“And, by the way,” he added. “You didn’t hear any of this from me.”

“Of course,” she grinned and Jake found his hand moving towards hers, cupping it right on top of her knuckles. Y/N didn’t oppose it, she let his contact be the big red bow to her good day.

Jake thought her skin was warm. He thought the sight of their hands touching was more than just a pretty picture. He thought he wanted to hold her hand for longer than he’d like. He spent more than a couple of years watching over her like a fairy godmother- or guardian angel, whatever it was they called them these days. This was probably the last thing he expected, but it happened.

He wished for the moment to last a little longer, but Y/N’s face contorted into realisation, her gaze moving past his shoulder. She slipped her hand away from his, clearing her throat and dusting her dress as Sunghoon stood in front of them, the same stoic expression gracing his expression.

“The meeting’s almost over. Jay should be out soon,” he informed and Y/N nodded, pulling her lips to the side.

Before Sunghoon could make himself comfortable on one of the stools and enjoy himself a drink, Jay was striding towards them. With his hands balled into fists, his arms swung as he approached them.

Y/N found it in herself to smile at her brother, head innocently tilting as he looked at her with confusion. “What?” He asked. “What’s so amusing? Why are you smiling?” He wondered, looking between her and Jake.

“Am I not allowed to smile?” She blinked innocently.

“You don’t smile for no reason,” he pointed out, then rolled his eyes. “Where’s the angry remark I usually get?”

Jake and Sunghoon exchanged glances.

“Don’t be a bore, Jay,” Y/N chuckled. “I’m just excited to ask you those questions I was talking about earlier.”

Jay sucked in a breath, face relaxing as realisation washed over him. He glanced at the ceiling, then at the ground, helplessly sighing. He only realised just how much his sister was going to pester him.

“Let’s just go, shall we?” He pursed his lips.

Jay grabbed her forearm, smoothly dragging her out of her stool and past the hallway, all the way down to the ground floor. Y/N let him, yet curious questions tumbled out of her mouth, none stop. By the time they reached the car, Jay was annoyed.

He ushered Jake and Sunghoon to get in the car as he held Y/N by the arm, glaring at her until she shut up and gave him a reaction deemed serious enough. “What do you want from me?” He fumed.

Y/N took a deep breath, throwing away the questions she had on Andrei, or her parents or about the business he leads. Instead, she pursed her lips into a smile. “I just want you to be my brother,” she freely admitted.

“I am your brother.”

“But you don’t act like one!” She argued. “I just want you to let me live my life and be happy when I find happiness. I want you to let me explore the places you drag me to, let me interact with people,” she listed breathlessly, hope filling her voice.

“Y/N, you know how dangerous it is to just let you wander,” he sighed. “I’m not willing to take that risk.”

Her tongue poked her cheek as her brother looked away, eyes frantically blinking as a wind blew past them. “Okay, then Jake can follow me around while I go wandering,” she offered. “You trust him, and he keeps me safe. I’ll be a good girl and won’t talk to strangers.”

Jay immediately let out a chuckle. “What did you and Jake talk about while I was gone?”

Her brows furrowed, lips forced into a frown. “What? We didn’t talk,” she insisted. “it was more of a chat. And he didn’t exactly tell me anything.”

With that, Jay pondered, hands resting on his hips as he looked his sister up and down. He sighed defeatedly. “Fine,” he said. “I’m not going to let you wander all by yourself. You can stay in your room alone and do whatever you want but when you’re outside, you’re either with me or him. Understood?”

Y/N couldn’t help the smile that reached her eyes, stretching her cheeks and showing her teeth. She’d jump up and down if she could. “Understood,” she said to him.

“Good,” he nodded. “I trust him enough to know that he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. So, make friends with him or something, I don’t know. I’m only letting you do this because I don’t want you going crazy.”

“I know,” she nodded, lovingly looking at her brother who had his guard down. “Thank you, brother.”

“Don’t make me regret this,” he warned and she was being piled into the car, sitting in the back seat with Jake.

As Sunghoon started driving, Jake managed to catch Y/N’s attention. He curiously nodded at her, silently asking what she was smiling about. She only shrugged at him and looked away, hands resting on the exposed skin of her knee.

She was alone when she reached her, a silence she accompanied on her own. She starting squealing out of joy, skipping towards the bathroom with a smile that refused to leave her face. Music blasted through her phone and she shamelessly sang along.

Dinner was sent to her room later in the night and she happily located herself on the bed, duvet pooling at her waist as the TV played a random movie she’d never watched or understood. Nevertheless, she watched intently, wide eyes scanning across the subtitles as she stuffed her mouth with carbonara pasta.

She didn’t cross paths with her brother since their merry little conversation. And neither did she expect to see him or any of his friends. But her door creaked open, and a familiar set of fingers adorned with a familiar set of rings held the door frame and Y/N was wiping her mouth and placing her plate on a table.

Deja vu washed over her.

“Jake?” She raised a brow as he entered the room without an invitation, slowly and softly clicking the door closed behind him.

Jake gazed at her with doe-eyes, filled with some amount of hope and desperation. His lips crooned into a sheepish smile as his fingers laced together in front of him. “When I said I wanted us to get to know each other, I meant it.”

Y/N smiled involuntarily, blinking twice as Jake took two steps towards her bed. She had to admit, the conversation she had with him was forgotten about, overshadowed by the satisfaction of her new predicament.

For starters, she didn’t know if Jake alone was allowed in there. She didn’t know how her brother would react if he found out he was in her room. Bending and breaking the rules so early into freedom wasn’t the best idea.

But what the hell did she know? She let him walk right up to her.

“I don’t know why but something in me thought it’d be a good idea to sneak into your room,” he chuckled, pulling a chair towards the foot of her bed. He sat comfortably, eyes trained on the sight of Y/N pulling the duvet to her shoulders.

“He knows you won’t hurt me,” she waved it off. “He made it quite clear that he trusts you with his life. Ergo, he trusts you enough to keep my life in the palm of your hands. You chatting with me alone in my room shouldn’t bother him-”

“-But Jay’s ego is so big that if he finds me here, he’ll wig out,” he gladly finished for her, waving around his fingers as he spoke. “He told me about the small changes he allowed.”

“Exactly,” she laughed.

“Were you just saying all that to convince yourself that it’s fine for me to be here?” He inquired, smirking

“Maybe,” she trailed. “I just don’t want to mess up, cross a line, have Jay find out and wig out and treat me like a doll again. You know?” She shrugged, belting out her explanation with a single breath.

“I know,” Jake nodded, giving her a comforting smile.

Y/N had to wonder why she was letting this happening, why she found herself enjoying his company and the conversations he started up. She could have easily chalked it up to the lack of human interaction during all these years. She could have easily chalked it up to the desperation of needing valid attention.

He was sitting in front of her, with the first two buttons of his shirt undone, his fingers trailing up and down his thigh and he listened and spoke. He had a perfectly charming smile and a perfectly carved nose. He had eyes shaped like pointy almonds and his laugh- Y/N loved making him laugh.

If Y/N could box up his laugher and get lost in how ridiculously restricted it sounded, she would. Perhaps it was his laughter that put her to sleep that night, unaware of just how tired the adrenaline rush made her.

But it was the same adrenaline rush and the absence of laughter that woke her up hours later. Her head lifted off her pillow with a gasp, hands fisting her duvet when she realised Jake was still in her room, sleeping in the chair with his head thrown back.

The sight of him at peace didn’t stop her from gaping, though. “Oh, my God,” she said, then repeated herself a little louder. That was enough for Jake’s eyes to shoot open and look around in complete confusion.

“What?” He rubbed his eyes with his palms, fingers scaling through his scalp as he fixed his hair. “What is it?” He mumbled.

Y/N squinted her eyes, forgetting for a split second that he wasn’t supposed to be in her room. “How is it that your hair is still perfect?” Her lips parted while she dramatically parted.

Jake’s face fell, a disinterest washing over him as he stared at the messily clothed girl in front of him. “You were freaking out a second ago and now this?” He raised his brows.

“Oh, yeah!” Her fingers buried in her face. “You’re still in my room!” She reminded him like it was no big deal but the clench of her jaw betrayed her.

The warm Italian sun was rising and shone its light through the curtains. Jake found himself flinching at the hasty realisation, jumping out of his chair and straightening his shirt. “Shit,” he cursed. “I’m not supposed to be here.”

“No shit Sherlock!” Y/N scoffed, pushing the duvet off her legs and trudging towards the door. “Go back to your room before Jay wakes up,” she opened the door and Jake gladly followed with fisted hands.

“You think he’ll find out?” He stood at the entrance, hands holding the doorframe.

“He will if you stay any longer,” she closed the door as a scoff left his lips. “I’m sorry you had to sleep on a chair!” Then the door clicked shut and her back leaned on the door, a hand running down her face.

It was then she realised the grim on her face and stench on her skin but she didn’t find it in her to shower. Instead, she mulled over the number of ways the rest of the day could go while sitting on the edge of her bed and fixating on the chair Jake had slept on.

Now that she thought about it, her hotel room wasn’t as spacious as she thought. The ivory carpet was comfortable, and the golden lights seemed to brighten the bathroom more than the actual room. The bed was large and had pillows cosier than the ones back at home- Jay’s house.

All of that didn’t matter because today would be the day she would venture the streets of Naples and eat something other than five-star dishes for every meal. The thought brought a smile on her face, an exhausted smile but a smile nonetheless.

When she moved towards her suitcases, her door opened again and her face fell, lips pursing. “Good morning,” she heard her brother say, his sarcastic smile could be heard from a mile away.

“Morning,” she sang, the same sarcastic smile spreading on her face as she turned to look at him.

“You’re chipper,” he commented. “Why?”

He was oblivious to the fact that his trusted, loyal and honest right-hand man was previously in the room.

“Because I have a request that I know you won’t turn down,” she smiled ignorantly, a sparkle in her eyes and Jay strolled towards her, rolling his eyes.

“Ah, yes,” he mused. “Last day in Italy and the first day of filling your dream of getting the small sliver of freedom you’ve been chasing,” he taunted, holding up his thumb and index as he described what he meant by small.

“Come on, don’t ruin my mood,” she slapped his chest with the back of her hand. “When are we leaving, anyway?”

“Late in the evening,” he informed. “So whatever activities you have planned for today, they better fit the schedule,” he added.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I just want to go shopping and try pastries,” she shrugged. Jay’s face contorted into mild disgust.

“You really are miserable,” he commented, though it was obvious to be passed on as a joke.

“No, I just want to enjoy the little things in life,” she insisted.

“Please, don’t become a romantic,” he whined, his hand raising to hover in front of him.

“I’ve always been a romantic,” she snarled. “You’d know that if you bothered to spend a little time with me.”

“You’d be surprised,” he rolled his eyes. “Just don’t drag Jake into your romantic fantasies,” he waved his hand.

“You’re not funny,” she rolled her eyes. “And for someone who trusts Jake so much, you really have a way of being subtle about your concerns,” she pointed out. “Why?”

“Doesn’t matter how much I trust him,” Jay replied. “I know you and I know you’ll do something stupid and drag him into it with you. Why did you think I ordered Sunoo and Jungwon never to talk to you?”

“Seriously?” She scoffed, mouth gaping. “You thought I’d fall in love with them or something?”

“No,” he trailed. “But that might as well happen with Jake.”

“Wow, you trust him so much,” he taunted, drawling out her sarcasm.

“Seriously, Y/N. Don’t make me regret being lenient,” he scrunched up his face. “And it’s weird enough that I’m having a conversation about love and emotions with you,” he cringed while pulling out his phone. Y/N assumed he was going to call Jake.

She agreed with a tut, hands reaching into her suitcase to find new clothes to wear. Curiosity washed over her and she looked at her brother through her lashes. She licked her lips. “What would you do if something did happen between him and me?”

Her question was unacknowledged because he already had his phone pressed to his ear.

When Jake entered his hotel room, he wasn’t expecting Heeseung and Sunghoon to be sitting on his bed, with looks of what he thought was concern on their faces. He furrowed his brows and tilted his head. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” Heeseung replied. “You’re supposed to join us for breakfast in a couple minutes, Jake. Where were you?”

Heeseung and Sunghoon glared at him, though it was unintentional. Jake looked between the pair with hard eyes, contemplating if he could be honest with them. They’d find out, anyway. One way or another.

“I was in Y/N’s room the entire night,” he confessed.

Heeseung’s jaw fell and he stood up, stepping towards Jake. “What, are you her new bodyguard?”

“I guess you could say that,” he shrugged. “But I wasn’t supposed to be in her room.”

That was enough to have Heeseung leering at him, his hands reaching to fist his collar and dared to threaten him. “Listen,” he seethed. “I know Jay won’t literally kill us- his friends- when we mess up but his sister is a different story. He will explode if he finds out-”

“Can you calm down?” Jake pushed Heeseung off of himself, just as annoyed as he was. “I was just in there talking to her,” he defended.

“Without his permission,” Heeseung added.

“He won’t find out unless one of us tells him,” Jake rolled his eyes.

Heeseung looked over his shoulder to connect his eyes with Sunghoon. The pair were worried, for Jake and themselves. They’d keep a secret, no questions asked, but it wouldn’t take long for the situation to unravel and become something more than a mess.

“You’re gonna get caught up with her,” Heeseung warned.

Jake tutted, then scoffed as his hands rested on his hips. “I already am!” He exclaimed. “I’ve been watching over her for years, I know all her schedules and the books she reads like the back of my hand. Can you honestly blame me for wanting to know more?”

Sunghoon sighed, leaving the bed and strolling towards Jake with furrowed brows. “No, I guess we can’t blame you,” he agreed, but the twitch on his mouth told him that he had more to say. “But whatever you do, don’t get yourself in trouble. Don’t throw around Jay’s trust. Don’t fuck yourself over.”

He clapped Jake’s shoulder twice and pursed his lips. Before the conversation could continue further, Jake’s phone rang and he rushed to get it out of his pocket. “It’s Jay,” he mumbled but a part of him knew that he wasn’t in trouble. He ushered the pair in front of him to calm down when he pressed the phone to his ear.

“Are you awake?” Jay’s voice rang loud and clear.

“Wide awake,” Jake answered.

“Good,” Jay said. “Be ready in thirty minutes. My sister wants to go shopping and as much as I dread it, I’ll still have to comply.”

Jake found himself chuckling and the boys in front of him looked at him, confused. “Where am I supposed to take her?”

“I don’t know, a mall? Some shopping street?” The confusion in Jake’s voice was hard to miss. No one could blame him, though. He didn’t know the first thing about letting his sister have fun. “She said something about enjoying the little things in life.”

“Right, got it,” Jake nodded and then hung up the phone.

He ushered Heeseung and Sunghoon out of his room after explaining the schedule for his day. The two boys glanced warningly at him for the last time before Jake shut the door and took a minute to himself. He leaned his back on the door, hands covering his face as he groaned and cursed at himself.

The next half an hour went past like a blur- he wore a shirt similar to the one he wore prior, black pants and leather shoes, a watch to top it all off. When he entered Y/N’s room, he walked into the sight of Jay handing Y/N his credit card. They then turned to him and bid him their greetings.

The rest went downhill from there because he found himself driving to the nearest shopping street. Y/N thought malls were suffocating. He found himself glancing at her while she sat beside him, wanting to reach over and play with the end of her sundress.

Then he found himself carrying at least five shopping bags, filled with cheap dresses and tacky jewellery that looked beautiful regardless- and would certainly look stunning on her. She laughed and giggled and twirled as she skipped down the rocky pavement with a newly bought sun hat on her head. It matched her outfit to a tea.

Jake followed her without complaints. He was annoyed, yes, but that didn’t stop him from smiling at how happy she was. It was like she was on top of the world, exploring for the first time in her life.

“You know, Jay was being nice to me this morning?” She said while walking beside him, a few shopping bags hanging from her forearm too. “Sort of.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jake smirked as she nodded enthusiastically. “What’d he say?”

“Well, he was being his usual overprotective self and all,” she started. “But in like a nice way. A funny, trying to keep it loose kind of way. He was talking about love and all with me,” she glanced at him from the corner of his eyes, waiting for a response.

“I knew he was trying to be open with you but I wasn’t expecting that,” he chuckled. “What’d he say exactly?”

“To not drag you into a mess,” she responded nonchalantly with a shrug.

“Me?” He asked, blinking with surprise as he gripped the shopping bags tighter. “Odd,” he commented.

“I know,” she crooned. “He thinks I’ll fall in love with you or something. I don’t blame him for thinking that but Jay saying it out loud is just weird.”

Jake stared at the ground, swallowing a lump in his throat as he nodded. His hair covered his forehead, rosy red lips threatening to fall into a frown. “Yeah,” he said. “Weird.”

Y/N laughed, apologising for even bringing up the topic and skipping past him and into a cafe. He followed with a groan, padding his way past the door and letting her order whatever it was that she was craving- a cheesecake, blonde brownies and two cups of coffee, one for her and the other for him.

They found a booth somewhere in the corner, against the yellow bricked wall and beside a few potted plants. They rid themselves of the weight of the shopping bags and sat across from each other, sipping their coffees and enjoying the warm blonde brownies and cheesecake.

“Did you enjoy today?” Jake asked while he jabbed his fork into Y/N’s cheesecake.

“Very much,” she grinned, chewing on a mouthful of brownies. “I plan on dragging Jay into my room so I can do a little haul for him. I’m sure he’ll love it.”

“He’ll suffer,” he laughed and as did she, agreeing.

“I’m just trying to bond with him,” she reasoned. “He’ll go back to being cold-hearted soon but I plan on breaking that shell,” she smiled proudly.

“Well, good luck on that,” Jake offered. “I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“Hopefully,” she groaned. “I want to have a good relationship with someone from my family,” she grabbed a fork and dug at her cheesecake too.

“You don’t talk to your parents?”

“Nope,” she shook her head. “Jay acts like a messenger between them and me. They basically just handed me over to Jay and said figure it out. I have no idea why but I’m honestly better off,” she explained.

Jake didn’t understand how none of what she said bothered her. Or maybe it did, the indifference of her demeanour just hid it. He didn’t know. “Why are you better off?”

“Because,” she started, running her tongue across her teeth. “My parents are worse than my brother. Jay at least tries to keep me happy. My parents would just throw me in some room,” she cringed.

“They can’t be that bad,” Jake furrowed his brows.

“Fine, maybe I exaggerated,” she confessed. “But they still don’t care.”

“I didn’t know all that,” he waved his at her.

“Oh, really?” Y/N raised her brows in surprise. “I thought Jay would have told all of you.”

“He never talks about it.”

“Don’t blame him for that either.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, shaking the great of his questions out of his head. He blinked and wet his lips. “What else do you have planned for the day?”

“Nothing else, I had my fair share of fun,” she finished the cheesecake. “Why? Do you have something in mind?”

As a matter of fact, Jake did have something in mind. He was going to take her to Museo Cappella Sansevero which wasn’t far from where they currently were. He was going to take her to an aquarium as well and call it an unofficial date.

He’d tell Sunghoon all about how she enjoyed it and how he made her laugh. He’d brag about how he spent an entire day with a pretty girl in a building surrounded by ancient paintings and sculptures and he’d gloat about how he took pictures of her in front of fish tanks.

Well, the fantasy was thrown out the window as the image of Jay’s livid face fogged his head. It was only then that he realised the idea of an unofficial date was foolish. Selfish, too. Y/N might as well have laughed in his face if he carried it out.

So he just shook his head, a tight-lipped smile answering her question. “We don’t have much time before the evening,” he reminded. “We should get back soon so you can torture your brother with your haul.”

That is exactly what she did. She dragged Jay out of his room and into hers and forced him to sit on a chair. Despite his groans, objections and complaints, he still sat with his fingers weaved on his thigh. Y/N put on a parade, showing him the various tops, skirts and dresses she bought.

Jay thought the necklaces and earrings she got were garish. Y/N silenced him and continued gushing. She talked about how warm the sun was and how she talked to the shop owners with the little Italian she learnt in her free time. She told him about the lovely cafe where she and Jake enjoyed a cheesecake and coffee.

“What, like a date?” Was Jay’s response and Y/N threw a pillow at his disappointed face.

“The thought didn’t cross my mind,” she said. “Even if I do end up falling for your right-hand man, you should allow it because you trust him so much-”

“One, don’t cross the line. It doesn’t matter how much I trust him, my ego will still get hurt,” he cut her off. “Two, Jake shall not find out about this conversation,” he held up two fingers. “Three, I’m never talking about love with you ever again. And four, I’m trying to be a better brother so let me.”

Y/N laughed at him, collapsing on her bed as Jay chuckled with her. They couldn’t remember the last time they laughed together, a moment where anger or arguments didn’t come into the way of siblingly bonding.

That smile stayed on her face as she was being guided around the airport, arm linked with her stoic-faced brother who gently sat her down beside him in the charted flight. They didn’t talk. In fact, the siblings enjoyed the comfortable silence between them as one read a magazine and the other sat with earphones plugged.

When they reached home, Jay told her to sleep in her room while he and the rest of the boys dealt with something he wouldn’t tell her about. “You can worry about unpacking tomorrow,” he said and she fell right to sleep.

She thought her sleep schedule would start messing up if she kept waking up in the middle of the night. A creak made her groan awake and as she opened her eyes, she was met by the sight of Jake and his innocent smile.

Y/N tiredly smiled back at him, mumbling out a question that neither of them could comprehend. He chuckled, allowing his fingers to brush away the hair from her face. She rubbed her eyes, pushing herself to lean against her headboard. “What are you doing here?” She murmured.

“Thought I’d wish you a good night,” he whispered back, crouching down to get a better look at her.

“How sweet of you,” she cracked a smile, leaning into the fingers that rested against her cheek. “But you didn’t have to wake me up.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to,” he coyed. “I’m not supposed to be here,” he said, reminding himself rather than informing her.

“No, no you’re not,” she agreed. “But now you woke me up and I won’t fall back asleep any time soon,” her expression fell somewhere between a pout and frown and Jake found himself swooning.

“I can’t sleep either,” he shrugged a shoulder, tracing his fingers down her jaw.

Y/N doesn’t respond to that, just smiled warmly and moved enough to push away her blanket. Jake looked at her a little confused, then questioningly but complied anyway. He crawled beside her, meekly moving his arm over her shoulders and she gladly got comfortable.

“If only Jay could see this,” she snorted. “He’d be furious if he saw his right-hand man putting his sister to sleep.”

“Which is why you need to speak a little more quietly,” he uttered, but the pair laughed anyway. They struggled to hold it in and ended up in a laughing mess. But they were quiet enough. Nobody woke up.

“Sorry,” she chuckled. “My sense of humour is broken.”

“Pretty obvious.”

Y/N laughed at that again, one hand covering her mouth and the other lightly hitting his chest. “Oh, my God,” she snickered. “Not laughing is harder than I thought.”

“Tell me about it,” Jake took a deep breath. “But it’s better than lying awake all night with nothing to do, right?”

“Exactly.”

The pair turn towards each other, eyes connecting for only a second, smiles stretching to create a memory that would probably be burnt into their heads. Y/N looks away first, mostly because it was an involuntary action but also because she wasn’t ready to break another rule in one night. Jake took a second, eyes easily gliding down the bridge of her nose to the turn of her jaw. Then he looked away too.

It was quiet for exactly twenty seconds where Y/N thought about what conversation to strike up next while Jake’s head was riddled with ifs and possibilities of what would happen if Jay walked into her room. It was probably not the best thing to think about while her head was nestling into his arm.

“Why do you think Jay is trying to be better?”

Turns out, Y/N was thinking about the same person. A different reason but the same person, regardless. Fear was what she felt, a small dent in her stomach bringing her nerves. She knew what she was doing was wrong, to be letting herself feel so comfortable lying next to someone she acquainted with for less than a week.

“Because you asked him,” he said, though he wasn’t so sure of his answer. “He probably realised that he can’t control you for the rest of your life.”

“I hope so,” she sighed. “I’m turning nineteen soon, I’d like to build a life for myself,” she stated.

Jake shifts his head, eyes glancing at her hair. “When?”

“In a week,” she said, fingers reaching to play with the ends of her hair.

“Oh, Yeah,” he breathed. “I remember.”

“You do?” Y/N shifted her head too and Jake’s chin touches her hair. She doesn’t seem to give a response to the contact but a swarm of butterflies rushed to his stomach and a chill ran down his spine- stark emotions colliding within his body.

“Of course,” he swallowed. “Jay always reminds us. He gets excited.”

“Really?” Her heart swelled, a warmth wrapping around her as she realised just how much her brother actually cared. “I didn’t know.”

“He didn’t want you to know,” he said. “He’d be embarrassed if he found out you knew.”

“I can keep a secret,” she grinned.

Jake grinned back, tightly. “What presents does he give you?”

“A ring,” she simply said and Jake’s brows lifted at the mundane response.

“A ring?”

“Yeah,” she nodded enthusiastically. “Every year since I was three, he buys me a ring for every birthday. I’m going to get the sixteenth one next week,” she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. “I’m only realising how much he cares.”

“I don’t blame you,” he cleared his throat, slumping further into her bed. That made her head fall against his shoulder- he had no complaints. “The bad parts overshadow the good parts, most of the time.”

“That’s true,” she nodded.

They were both tired, it was becoming rather obvious. Y/N smacked her lips together, eyes fighting to stay open. But she slipped into slumber, soon enough. Jake didn’t notice until he looked at her again, her breath steady and moonlight highlighting her cheekbone.

He sighed in defeat, slowly sliding his arm away as she fell back on her pillow and Jake slipped out of her bed. He took the liberty to properly drape the blanket over her body, covering her arms and legs equally. She nuzzled into her pillow, humming. He slowly crept out of her room.

The nights leading to her birthday went the same way. She didn’t ask him to, but he’d slip into her room to talk to her every night. He’d blame it on the lack of interaction between them during the day because he was either busy with paperwork or she was given no other choice but to stay in her room.

She usually spent breakfast with Jay, where they would talk about the most random things that came to mind. It was an unspoken rule- for Y/N to never ask about what he did for work every day. She was content enough with laughing and bonding with her brother.

Lunch and dinner, though, she was either sitting alone on the dining table in an empty house or sitting in her room with her face stuffed with food. The tv was usually playing a movie, other times she listened to music.

It wasn’t as depressing as it sounded, the constant loop her life scheduled. Because she had two highlights in her days. One in the morning, where she’d chat with her brother and the other at night, where Jake would lay beside her and keep her company until she fell asleep.

Neither did Jake talk about what he did in his day. He’d usually just tell her the gist- exhausting, boring, typical day for someone who worked in the business he did. With that answer, Y/N had to wonder what it was that she was being protected from, why she was being guarded like a precious gem that could be stolen. She realised she’d rather not know and she’d realised that they’d rather not tell. Living in a plane of oblivion was always better.

He once told her about his life in Australia and how he used to be with his parents and big brother. He talked about his dog, Layla, like he was talking about the love of his life and it made her smile. His accent finally made sense.

Y/N didn’t have much to tell Jake. Her life was boring. She elaborated on Pearl and how Jay had always had a crush on her when they were kids. They collectively made fun of him for sleeping with her even with the knowledge of her marriage.

She also told him how Jay finally told her about Andrei and how he and her dad were childhood friends. Andrei was the reason Jay was part of a mob and he was the reason they got to live in both luxury and misery.

When her birthday finally came, Jake didn’t have the chance to wish her. He knew for a fact that Jay would be surprising her at the stroke of twelve. That was exactly what happened.

Y/N, oblivious to her brother’s plans, was still awake, waiting for Jake to come into her like he was doing for the past week. But it was safe to say that she was much happier seeing Jay tip-toe into her room with a small birthday cake in his palms.

He had an excited smile on his face- a smile she rarely saw- as he sang Happy Birthday. A single candle was lit on the birthday cake and she quickly blew it out. The small celebration happened quietly and lasted until the pair managed to finish the cake. Before he let her sleep, despite knowing it’d be hard with the sugar rush, he handed her a birthday gift.

Another ring, like Y/N wished and expected for. A ring that was shaped with flowers, colourful enamel painted on the petals. “That is the opposite of tacky,” he said and she laughed at his humour.

She was glad that he could freely joke around with her, regardless of the situation.

She didn’t see Jake that entire day because her brother took her out for the first time in a long time. She wasn’t complaining, mostly because she was too engrossed in the empty park they walked around and the empty theatre they watched a movie in.

Regardless of how much Jay was willing to let Y/N have fun, he sure as hell wasn’t going to pass up an opportunity to book out entire parks and theatres. He had the money, so why not.

Y/N honestly didn’t care as long as she was with him. She couldn’t remember the last time she enjoyed a day out with her brother.

They got home later in the evening and Y/N agreed to stay in her room for the rest of the day. When she walked past Jungwon and Sunoo, they wished her a happy birthday- she smiled gratefully at them, then shut the door of her room and sunk into the white sheets of her bed.

Suddenly it was like her old life chased her down, following the same loop she was so used to. Today was a rare day, a special day that probably wouldn’t be repeating itself until next year. It was just one day.

She wondered if she could plan something special for Jay’s birthday, too.

That night, when the moonlight filtered through her curtains and crickets chirped, Jake snuck into her room again, a determined look on his face. He held something in his hand, hiding it behind his back as he cautiously made his way towards her bed.

“Hey,” Y/N whispered to him, a beaming smile on her face.

“Hey,” he cooed back. “I didn’t get to see you all day,” he said as he slipped under the sheets beside her.

“I was with Jay the entire day,” she explained. “A special birthday surprise,” she jazzed her hands, earning a low chuckle from Jake.

“Before you tell me about it,” he started. “Happy birthday,” he crooned as a finger reached to tap her nose. They smiled at each other, humming. “And I got you something,” he added and pulled out an averagely sized box.

Y/N gasped softly. “You really didn’t have to,” she insisted but he shook his head, ushering her to move and sit in front of him. She complied, both crossing their legs as they sat in front of each other. Jake opened the box to reveal a bracelet, a simple, silver chain that would wrap around her wrist.

“It’s not much, but it’s something you’d like,” he smiled sheepishly.

“You’re right,” she gushed. “I love it.”

“Can I put it on for you?”

She nodded enthusiastically and Jake softly reached for her hands, fingers nimbly wrapping the bracelet around her wrist, cool metal touching warm skin. He was right, it suited her.

“Thank you,” she lifted her hand to ogle at the bracelet around her wrist. “It’s so pretty.”

“Pretty girl deserves pretty gifts,” the words slipped out involuntarily. He played it off with a shrug and leaned against the headboard. Y/N trained her eyes on him, moving closer so that their knees were touching. “How’d your day go, then?”

“Oh, right,” she chewed the inside of her cheek. “Jay came into my room with cake at exactly twelve in the night and then in the morning we went to a park and ate ice cream. Then we went to watch a movie.”

“Jay really did all that?”

“Granted, he did book out the entire park and theatre but it was still fun,” she added, a sly grin taking over her pursed lips.

“That’s the catch I was waiting for,” he laughed. “What about your parents?”

“They messaged me a birthday wish and sent me some money,” she scoffed, darting her eyes away for a brief second. “They act like they’re some distant relative of mine,” she commented.

“At least, you have Jay and me,” he offered. Y/N nodded, agreeing with a minuscule grin.

Silence followed with that. Neither of them were complaining, though, because they just gazed at each other, pupils fighting the dim moonlight. Y/N found it in herself to move her hands towards his, nimble fingers playing with his. She always thought he had pretty hands and she knew how bizarre it sounded.

Jake watched as her hands played with his fingers and recalled how he wanted her to do the exact thing. Her index scaled the span of his palm, then the crevices between his knuckles and veins. She paid so much attention to the one thing she was doing, he found it adorable.

“Can you believe that less than two weeks ago, Jay and I were at each others’ throats?” She mumbled, a light chuckle following her observation.

Jake hummed. “Can you believe that less than two weeks ago, you and I were strangers to each other?” He nodded between himself and her.

“Yeah,” she giggled. “And all it took was for me to be a whiney brat,” she muffled the cackle that left her mouth.

Jake laughed at her, chest rising and falling as he felt his heart race, banging against his ribs as Y/N absentmindedly wrapped her palm around his two fingers. Her delicate, little hand around his. He would curse if he could.

“I’m pleased with the way things turned out.”

While Y/N nodded, Jake let his free hand wrap around her wrist, tugging her towards him. It was clear that she wasn’t expecting it, almost slipping onto his lap. But Jake caught her, his other hand holding her waist as her palms landed on his chest.

He exhaled, chest heaving as her body pressed against his, lips parted. Y/N darted her eyes across his face, flitting to read what he was feeling. “I’m pleased too,” she gulped, smiling ever so lightly that anyone could have missed it.

“Good,” then his fingers were wrapped around her chin, guiding her face closer to his. Their eyes fluttered shut in unison and Jake caught her lips with his.

Y/N wouldn’t say that she felt sparks fly. No, it was something subtler yet more intense. It was like waves of butterflies crashed down on her, the back of her head tingled and her spine would have given up if it wasn’t for Jake holding her tight. As her hand travelled towards his jaw, she felt fire between her fingers.

A moan parted from her throat, her brows furrowing when Jake’s lips parted from her with a wet smack. Y/N’s eyes fluttered open, breathless just as he was. “Was that supposed to be my second birthday gift?”

Jake chuckled dryly, shaking his head as he leaned towards her again. “Take it as whatever you want,” he pecked her, repeatedly, punctuating each with a smile as his hands buried in her hair.

If it weren’t for the air conditioning, she was sure she’d spontaneously combust out of joy, excitement and ardour. She wouldn’t say she was pining over him. Hell, they only started talking a week ago. But a part of her knew he was pining for her, for a longer time than she knew.

He made it quite obvious. He was so nice to her, so caring and endearing. The bracelet as a birthday gift just gave him away. Maybe she was happy, maybe she was scared. She didn’t know which overpowered what as her brain turned into mush while he held her.

All she knew was that she liked him and he liked her. What more could she possibly ask for?

Right. Her brother’s acceptance.

“Shit,” she cursed as Jake’s palm pressed the small of her back, her chest arching into his. He sighed, darting his eyes up and down her face before kissing her nose, and then her cheek and then her forehead but his lips found their way back to hers nevertheless.

“What is it?” He breathed, giving up and resting his chin in the croon of her neck. She slumped against him, her arms latching around his neck and the smell of lavender filled her nose.

“Jay,” she reminded him.

“I just kissed you,” he pointed out. “And you’re thinking of your brother?”

“Exactly, you just kissed me,” she whined. “And if he finds out-”

“How will he find out?” Jake hummed as Y/N pushed herself off him, sitting inches away from his touch. His fingertips traced her cheek, pushing back any strand of hair that covered her face.

Oh, how long he had waited for this exact moment, to have her freely for him to touch. For her hands to explore his face and chest and for his hands to disappear in her hair. But there would always be something stopping him- them.

“I don’t know,” she hissed. “It’s Jay! He’ll find out somehow!”

“Then let’s just hope he doesn’t find out any time soon,” he tried. “I’m not gonna let him ruin this.”

Then Y/N felt butterflies in her stomach again and she fought the smile that threatened to grace her features. Jake didn’t hesitate to grin, pulling her closer to him and letting his hand roam her waist, fingers sliding under her shirt and trailing lines across the band of her pants.

She giggled, lips tracing his jaw and complaint that she felt ticklish. He told her that it was the whole point- she whined as she kissed his jugular. Jake’s hands refused to leave her hips, he held her in place, praying that he could have a few more minutes to spend just like that.

They didn’t know how long they stayed that way, lips on each other’s necks, hands teasing the little exposed skin they could find. But however long it was, nothing seemed to be enough. Jake left her room when Y/N started feeling sleepy. He left with a kiss to her head and mouth and slipped past her door.

She woke up early regardless and she chalked it up to the adrenaline that still surged through her veins. The previous night’s activities dazed her head as she raced down the stairs and into the kitchen. Jay sat at the dining table just like she expected, a plate of waffles with whipped cream sitting in front of him. His attention stayed on his phone, though, even when she settled beside him.

“Good morning,” she sang but received no answer. Well, if she counted a hum as an answer, then so be it.

The cook hurried to hand her a plate of waffles as well and she smiled at him, reaching for a fork and knife. She wasted no time in eating, oblivious to the way her brother’s jaw clenched and unclenched, eyes narrowed to an empty screen on her phone.

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or something?” She chuckled, chewing a mouthful of waffles.

Jay tutted, shaking his head and shoving his phone into his pocket. “I might as well have,” he grumbled. “How does one react to finding their right-hand man sneaking out of their sister’s room in the middle of the night,” and his hand reached for a tissue, wiping it between his fingers.

Y/N stilled her actions, fork falling out of her hand as her eyes connected with her brother. He was truly livid, fires of anger blazing in his eyes as his fingers intertwined under his chin.

“What?” She blinked, a chill running down her spine. Her hand hovered in the air, hair falling into her eyes, mouth agape.

“Don’t play dumb,” he rolled his eyes. “Do you know how angry I was?”

“What did you do?” She panicked, palms pressing against the slick wood of the table. The cutlery shook, her plate might as well have dropped to the floor.

“Yelled at him for a good fucking hour,” he seethed.

“That’s all you did?”

Jay doesn’t respond but takes his knife and fork to his waffles. Y/N watched patiently but it felt like her head could detonate at any given second. The worse possible scenarios crossed her mind- was Jake still his right-hand man?

“He’s still alive, if that’s what you’re wondering,” he said nonchalantly. “He’s not just my right-hand man. He’s my best friend. I’m not cruel enough to kill him.”

If she could, she would sigh out of relief. But more questions surfaced. But she wasn’t in a place to ask him anything. After all, she did betray him.

“Not two weeks and he’s bought you a gift for your birthday and had the nerve to kiss you,” he let out a breath in disappointment. Y/N bowed her head down, embarrassed by just how much he knew. She couldn’t blame Jake for confessing, though. She would have confessed too. “To be fair, it was inevitable, right? Falling for the brother’s best friend- you’ve always been a clichè, right, Y/N?.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, playing with her thumbs. She wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to say but it was the only appropriate response she could muster.

Jay ignored her, continuing to eat calmly. The shiny watch on his wrist slid up and down as he moved his arm while eating. Y/N knew her brother well enough to know that he was seconds away from exploding into fury. This was the calm before the storm, for all she knew.

“You’d think that I wouldn’t mind you having a rendezvous with him. You know, because I trust him and whatnot,” he continued, echoing the words she had said to him before. “But that’s the thing. I remember telling you not to drag him into your romantic fantasies,” he chewed on another piece of his waffle.

Y/N sat in her chair shaking, wondering how on earth she messed up so bad. Not two weeks and she had ruined her chance of freedom and a better relationship with her brother. Not two weeks and she proved that she didn’t deserve anything she asked for.

“Now I’m sitting here with my ego hurt. And we all know how I am when my ego is hurt” he reminded. “But I’m torn between minding my own business and doing something about it. So tell me, what should I do?”

It was a rhetorical question. Y/N knew that. She felt like a little girl being scolded by her parents after committing a small crime. But this wasn’t a small crime. It was a mistake that might as well cost her relationship with her brother. So she just sat there and took it. She was on the verge of tears, the corners of her lips twitching downwards.

“Because I don’t want to do something about it. You’re legally an adult. You can do whatever you want, right?” He coaxed, staring daggers into her head. “Right?” Y/N hesitantly nodded as he persisted. “Which means you can take care of yourself. So why need me at all? Why do I have to bend over backwards to do everything in my power to make sure not a hair on your head gets hurt?”

“Jay-”

“I’m doing everything I can to keep you safe,” he said. “But guess what? You aren’t the only one telling me that I’m being unfair. Heeseung, Sunghoon, Jungwon- all of them. I don’t want to know why they have a sudden interest in you and the way I treat you. But call it peer pressure. I was being convinced. And not two weeks, you find a way to make me regret being nice to you.”

“So you only put effort into being a better brother because of them?”

“No, Y/N. Everything I did was so I could call you a sister. So that you could look at me like I’m your brother. Not some monster that locks you up in your room all day,” he insisted, slamming the cutlery in his hands onto the table. “Can you blame me for being angry that you and Jake have your thing going on?”

“No.”

“What am I going to do when you have a falling out? What am I going to do if Jake, my right-hand man, my best friend, is the reason you get hurt?” He retorted, eyes squinting. “I can’t abandon him. Neither can I abandon you, can I?”

“What if we don’t have a falling out?” With the sudden surge of confidence, Y/N spoke back, head tilting at her proposal.

“Funny thing is, Jake said the same thing,” he scoffed. Like on cue, Jake was walking into the kitchen. The fear in his eyes covered by the clench in his jaw and fisted hands. Jay and Y/N turned their heads to look at him. “You did say that, didn’t you, Jake?”

Jake nodded, training his eyes on Jay as Y/N willed herself not to cry. Everything was going to be fine.

“But that’s the thing. Who are you to predict what might happen in the future?” He pursued. “It’s always best to prepare for the worse, right?”

“But why?” Y/N whispered. “Nothing bad will happen- Jay, I like him,” she reasoned. The girl might as well burst into sobs as she pointed between Jake and herself. “You and him are the only people I have in my life.”

“I know,” Jay growled. “That is what leads me to my conclusion.”

Jake and Y/N shared glances, both scared and confused. “What’s your conclusion?” Jake urged.

Silence was what followed as Jay continued eating. All Y/N and Jake could do was stare and wait patiently. This was their punishment, the silence that followed the verdict. The numerous thoughts and possibilities that conjured in their heads.

What could possibly happen now?

The sound of metal clattering with porcelain seemed to be the only distraction. Y/N fought the urge to coax him, force an answer out of him because she swore if she waited any longer, she’d go crazy.

Jay even stood up and kept his plate in the dishwasher. He cleared his throat, dusted his shirt and ran a hand through his annoyingly bleached blonde hair. He glanced at his sister and his right-hand man and gave them a curt not.

“You can do whatever you want.”

Y/N gaped, her jaw might as well have hit the floor, eyes involuntarily widening as she started her brother up and down. It was safe to say Jake gave the same expression, hands hovering in front of him.

“What?” Y/N asked.

“I’m furious,” Jay reminded the pair, the same stoic expression on his face. “But I’ll allow it. You’re so confident in yourselves, right? So be it, I’ll let you two live it down. Call this a test. I was just trying to see if you’re answers would stay the same.”

“You can’t be serious,” Jake stared, stepping closer to Y/N.

“I am being serious,” Jay said simply. “I accept this relationship,” it took every muscle in his body not to cringe.

Then Jay walked out of the kitchen because he didn’t know what he would do if he continued the conversation. Y/N and Jake were left frozen in their spots. They were still confused, puzzled at what just happened. So there was no storm, Y/N thought to herself, and he raged for so long just because he was mad.

Would it be appropriate to cause after her brother and hug him? Probably not the right timing.

She knew how much Jay had to suppress to let out the words he just said. So all she could do was be grateful. Her mouth only closed when Jake touched her chin with his fingers. She blinked, shaking her head and looking at Jake.

“What just happened?” She asked.

“I think we just got Jay’s blessings,” Jake mused, pulling a chair beside her and collapsing in it. A sigh left his lips, hands resting on the table as he tilted his head towards her.

“How are you so calm?”

“Why would I not be?”

Jake looked back to the prior night when Jay had caught him walking out of her room. He looked back to the way Jay seethed at him and spewed words but the tears that brimmed his eyes were unmistakable. Jay wasn’t just angry, he was giving Jake the protective brother talk.

Maybe a part of him saw this coming. Jay couldn’t do anything to stop it. Well, he could turn to physical force but he wasn’t as cruel as people made him out to be. So he wasn’t worried. He knew Jay would come around to it someday, learn to be happy with the way things turned out.

Because the way things turned out wasn’t so bad, after all.

“What did he say to you?” Y/N’s hand moved to rest on his, thumb touching his knuckles. She moved closer to him; Jake chuckled and placed his hand on her knee.

your coffee. the cup tipped and spilt, liquid soaking through your jeans, spreading sticky and uncomfortable across your thighs. panic hit first, pure and primal, because for a split second all you could think was laptop, everything's gone, hours of work, my entire project. your hands flew out in the darkness, patting frantically at the desk, trying to assess the damage. your chest was so tight you couldn't get a full breath.

then came the anger. fast and hot and overwhelming, rising from somewhere deep in your stomach. you wanted to scream. wanted to grab whoever crashed into you and shake them. wanted to cry from sheer frustration because this was exactly what you didn't need tonight, not when you were already hanging on by a thread.

"oh my god, oh my god, i'm so sorry, i didn't see you, i didn't think anyone else was here, i'm so sorry." the voice came rapid-fire from somewhere to your left. male, young, pitched higher than normal with genuine distress. 

he kept apologising, words tumbling over each other, and there was something in his tone that didn't sound rehearsed. he sounded actually afraid, like he'd just committed some unforgivable sin. 

"i didn't mean to, i couldn't see, the power just went out and i was trying to get to the door and i'm so sorry, did it get on your laptop? please tell me it didn't get on your laptop."

you took a breath, trying to force words past the tightness in your throat, trying to formulate some response that matched the fury still coursing through your veins. your mouth opened, something sharp and cutting right on the edge of your tongue.

the emergency lighting kicked in. not much, just pale green strips along the baseboards casting everything in eerie, insufficient glow. enough to see by. enough to make out shapes, faces.

the guy who'd run into you stood about two feet away, and the first thing you noticed was his hands. hovering in the air between you, trembling visibly even in the dim light, fingers spread like he wanted to help but didn't dare touch anything. he was tall and lean, dark hair stuck up in odd directions like he'd been running his hands through it repeatedly. glasses had slipped down his nose, and behind them his eyes were wide. genuinely panicked in a way that didn't feel performed at all.

"your laptop," he said, voice still shaking with that same desperate concern. "what model is it? did the coffee get on it? the keyboard is the main concern, if liquid got into the keyboard we need to shut it down immediately and flip it over to drain, we need to know if you had everything backed up." 

he was already moving closer, trembling hands reaching toward your desk, and you realised with a start that he hadn't even looked at you properly yet. his entire focus was on your laptop. on the problem he'd created. on fixing it.

"it's fine," you managed, voice coming out rougher than intended. you looked down at your computer. sitting safely to the right of where your coffee had been, completely dry and unharmed. "it didn't get on it."

the relief that washed over his face was so profound you almost felt embarrassed witnessing it. his shoulders sagged. his hands finally dropped to his sides. he let out a long, shaky breath like he'd been holding it since the collision.

 "okay. okay, that's good, that's really good." then, almost as an afterthought, his eyes finally moved to actually look at you. taking in your coffee-soaked lap, your tense posture, your expression which you were sure wasn't friendly. "are you okay? did you get burned? that coffee looked hot, if it was hot we should get you to a sink, run cold water on it."

"it was cold," you said. true, but didn't make the situation better. your jeans were soaked through, fabric clinging uncomfortably to your skin, coffee starting to seep into your chair. you were sticky and irritated and still running on too much adrenaline. but he looked so genuinely distressed that some of your anger started deflating despite yourself.

"cold coffee is still a problem," he said, already pulling his backpack off his shoulder, unzipping it with fumbling fingers. "the sugar content means it'll get sticky when it dries, and it can stain, especially on lighter fabrics. i have napkins, i think, or maybe paper towels, i definitely have something." 

he was rummaging through his bag now, pulling out crumpled papers, a graphing calculator, several pens, tangled earbuds, talking the entire time in that same rapid, anxious way. 

"i'm really sorry, i should have been more careful, i knew the power was out, i should have used my phone flashlight, i just thought i knew the layout well enough to navigate in the dark but obviously i was wrong."

you watched him. something uncomfortable shifted in your chest. you'd been prepared to snap at him, to unleash all your accumulated frustration on whoever had been careless enough to run into you. but he wasn't making excuses. wasn't trying to minimise what he'd done or deflect blame or make some joke to lighten the mood. he was just genuinely, almost painfully concerned about the problem he'd created. the way he kept apologising, kept trying to fix things, made it very hard to stay angry.

"here," he said triumphantly, producing a small pack of tissues from the bottom of his bag. he held them out, then seemed to realise how inadequate they were and let out a frustrated sound. "these aren't going to be enough. we should go to the bathroom, get some actual paper towels. or maybe the kitchen area on the second floor, they have those industrial dispensers that are way more absorbent." 

he paused, finally seeming to register that you hadn't moved, that you were just sitting there watching him. his ears went red, visible even in the dim green emergency lighting. "sorry, i'm sorry, i'm doing it again. my sister always tells me i go into problem-solving mode when i'm anxious and it makes people feel like i'm not actually listening to them. are you okay? like, actually okay, not just physically okay?"

the question caught you off guard. nobody had asked you that in days. maybe weeks. everyone just assumed you were fine because you were handling things, meeting deadlines, showing up to class. but this stranger who'd just spilt coffee all over you was looking at you with genuine concern, waiting for a real answer. something in your chest felt suddenly too tight.

"i'm fine," you said, softer than intended. you took the tissues from him, dabbing uselessly at your jeans. he was right. they weren't nearly enough. but the gesture felt important somehow. "it's been a long night."

"assignments?" he asked. when you nodded he made a sympathetic noise. "yeah, same. i've been here since six. had a project deadline at midnight but then the power went out fifteen minutes before and now i don't know if my submission went through because the wifi died with the electricity." he pushed his glasses up his nose. nervous gesture you got the impression he did frequently. 

"i'm jake, by the way. jake sim. i feel like i should probably introduce myself since i just, like, assaulted you with your own beverage."

despite everything, ruined jeans and exhaustion and broken code, you felt the corner of your mouth twitch. not quite a smile, but close. "assaulted me with my own beverage?"

"well, yeah," he said, looking vaguely embarrassed. "i mean, i weaponised your coffee against you. that's technically assault, right? or maybe battery? i always get those mixed up. my roommate's a poli-sci major, he'd know."

 he was rambling now, words spilling out in that same anxious rush, and there was something almost endearing about how completely lacking in artifice it was. he wasn't trying to be charming. wasn't trying to be funny. just genuinely nervous and dealing with it by talking too much.

you told him your name. he repeated it carefully, like he was committing it to memory. "i really am sorry," he said again, quieter this time. "what were you working on? before i interrupted?"

"data structures project," you said. just thinking about it made your shoulders tense again. "it's due tomorrow and there's a bug i can't figure out and i've been staring at it for hours."

his eyes lit up behind his glasses, spark of interest that transformed his whole face. "what kind of bug? runtime error? logic error? is it a pointer issue? those are always the worst, especially with linked lists."

 he was already moving closer to your laptop, stopping himself at the last second like he'd realised he was being presumptuous. "sorry, i mean, i could take a look if you want? i'm pretty good with data structures. it's kind of my thing. i'm a TA for comp 201 actually, so i see a lot of common bugs. but also totally no pressure, i know i just dumped coffee on you so you probably don't want my help."

you should have said no. didn't know this guy, didn't owe him anything. you'd been managing just fine on your own. except you hadn't been managing fine. you'd been on the verge of a breakdown in an empty lab at midnight. now here was this nervous, rambling stranger offering help without expecting anything in return, looking at you like your problem was genuinely important to him.

it was disorienting. how quickly your anger had evaporated, replaced by something you couldn't quite name. you found yourself noticing details you shouldn't care about. the way he kept pushing his glasses up. the way his hands had finally stopped shaking now that he had something concrete to focus on.

"okay," you heard yourself say. his whole face brightened in a way that made something flutter uncomfortably in your stomach. "yeah, if you don't mind looking at it."

"i don't mind at all," he said quickly, already pulling up a chair. he left careful distance between you though, hyper-aware of not invading your space again. "show me what you've got."

you turned your laptop toward him. he leaned in, eyes scanning the lines with immediate focus. his expression shifted into something concentrated, intense. this was probably what he looked like when he wasn't tripping over people in the dark and panicking about it. he started asking questions about your implementation, your logic, what you'd already tried. his voice had lost that nervous edge. this was clearly where he was comfortable. in the clean logic of code, in problems that had solutions.

you answered his questions. watched as he nodded, occasionally pushing his glasses up, finger tracing lines of code on the screen without quite touching it. the emergency lighting cast strange shadows across his face, highlighting his cheekbones, the strong line of his jaw, the way his brow furrowed in concentration.

you were noticing things you shouldn't notice. but you told yourself it wasn't because you found him attractive. you were just paying attention because he was helping. because he'd disrupted your solitary misery and replaced it with something else. something that felt almost like companionship.

"there," he said suddenly, pointing to a line in the middle of your function. "you're incrementing the counter before you check the condition, but you need to check the condition first. it's causing an off-by-one error. see? you're accessing index n when your array only goes up to n minus one."

you stared at the line he was indicating. slowly, horribly, you realised he was right. such a simple mistake, the kind of thing you should have caught hours ago. but you'd been too tired, too frustrated, too deep in your own head to see it. "oh my god," you said quietly. "that's it. that's the whole problem."

"easy fix," jake said, smiling now. a real smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. "just move that line down two spaces and add the conditional check first. you want me to...?" he gestured at your keyboard, asking permission. you nodded, watched as he made the adjustment with quick, confident keystrokes. "there. try running it now."

you hit compile, holding your breath. for the first time in two days the program ran without errors. the output printed exactly the way it was supposed to. clean and correct and perfect. relief flooded through you so intensely you felt dizzy with it, all the tension you'd been carrying suddenly releasing at once. "thank you," you said, voice more emotional than intended. "seriously, thank you, i've been losing my mind over this."

"it happens to everyone," jake said gently. "sometimes you just need fresh eyes. i've definitely been there." he leaned back in his chair, that nervous energy returning now that the immediate problem was solved. "your code is really clean, by the way. like, really well-structured. that bug was literally the only issue, everything else is solid."

the compliment settled warm in your chest. you realised with a start that you felt calm. actually calm, for the first time all night. your heart rate had slowed. your hands were steady. the overwhelming pressure behind your eyes had eased.

the lab was still too quiet, the emergency lighting still eerie and insufficient, your jeans still soaked with cold coffee. but somehow none of it felt as unbearable as it had fifteen minutes ago. and that was because of him. because jake had crashed into you in the dark and apologised too much and fixed your code and made you feel less alone in this empty building at midnight.

jake was gathering his things, shoving papers and pens back into his backpack with the same energy he'd had while searching for tissues. "i should probably try to find someone about the power situation," he said. "and you should probably change before that coffee stains permanently. there's a campus store in the student centre that's open twenty-four hours, they have overpriced sweatpants but at least they're dry."

"yeah," you said, surprised to find you didn't want him to leave yet. "yeah, i probably should."

he stood up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder, and hesitated. "hey, um. if you ever need help with code stuff again, or if you just want to work in the lab at the same time, i'm here most nights. usually not spilling beverages on people, but, you know. tonight was special." he smiled awkwardly. you found yourself smiling back, a real smile this time.

"i might take you up on that," you said. meant it.

jake's expression brightened again. that same transformation you'd noticed earlier. he nodded. "cool. yeah, that would be cool. okay. i'm gonna go now before i accidentally break something else." he gave you a small wave, started toward the door, then turned back. "your code really is good, by the way. i wasn't just saying that."

then he was gone, disappearing into the dark hallway beyond the lab. you were alone again. but that realisation, that awareness that a stranger's clumsy kindness had affected you so much, sat uncomfortable and warm in your chest as you saved your work and finally, finally, packed up to leave.

you walked into your lecture the next morning running on four hours of sleep and caffeine-induced alertness that felt vaguely hallucinogenic. your jeans from last night were balled up in your laundry basket, probably stained beyond saving, and you'd thrown on the first clean thing you could find. 

you slid into your usual spot next to yunjin, who was already comparing notes with beomgyu across the aisle. they were your people. your safe zone. the ones you'd suffered through intro courses with, pulled all-nighters with, shared desperate pre-exam breakdowns with.

"you look like death," yunjin said cheerfully, not looking up from her phone.

"thanks. love you too."

"late night?" beomgyu leaned over, stealing one of yunjin's chips. "you missed the group chat meltdown about the algorithms homework."

you hummed noncommittally, pulling out your laptop. your code from last night was still open, that perfect, error-free output staring back at you. you'd submitted it at 12:47 am, seventeen minutes after jake had fixed it. seventeen minutes after he'd disappeared down that dark hallway.

you hadn't told yunjin and beomgyu about any of it. the power outage, the coffee, jake. especially jake. it felt somehow private, like explaining it would cheapen it or make it feel less significant than it had been in the moment.

professor kim walked in, and the room settled into that particular brand of restless attention that morning lectures always had. "alright, alright," she said, pulling up a slide that made half the room groan in unison. "i know you're all thrilled to hear this, but it's time to discuss your semester-long project."

chairs scraped against floors as people twisted around to look at their friends. voices overlapped, people already calling out names, forming pairs out of habit and convenience. you felt yunjin's hand on your arm at the same time beomgyu leaned over.

"partners?" yunjin said.

"obviously we're doing a group," beomgyu added. "the three of us, right?"

you nodded, half-listening, your attention already drifting across the lecture hall. you weren't sure what you were looking for until you found it. him. jake was sitting near the back with a small group of guys you vaguely recognised from other cs classes. he was hunched slightly over his notebook, pen moving across the page, taking notes while everyone else was busy forming alliances. his hair was even messier today, sticking up on one side like he'd rolled out of bed. his glasses kept sliding down his nose and he kept pushing them back up with his index finger, that same nervous gesture from last night.

he looked small somehow, despite being tall. like he was trying to take up less space. one of his friends said something and laughed, nudging jake's shoulder, but jake just smiled politely without really engaging. his attention stayed on his notebook.

you watched him for a moment longer than necessary. watched the way his shoulders curved inward, the way he held his pen, the concentrated furrow of his brow. something in your chest did an uncomfortable little flip.

"so we're agreed then?" yunjin was saying. "i'll handle the frontend, beomgyu can do the database stuff, and you can—"

you stood up. the decision happened before you'd fully processed it, your body moving on instinct or impulse or something you didn't want to examine too closely. your chair scraped loud enough that a few people glanced over.

"actually," you said, already stepping past beomgyu into the aisle. "i'm gonna partner with someone else."

"what?" yunjin's voice pitched up in genuine confusion. "who?"

but you were already walking. moving up the steps toward the back of the lecture hall, weaving between people who were still negotiating partnerships and arguing about skill distributions. you were aware of people watching. of yunjin and beomgyu's matching expressions of confusion. of the way conversations paused as you passed.

jake's friends noticed you first. one of them, a guy with bleached hair, nudged jake's arm and nodded in your direction. another one went quiet mid-sentence, eyes tracking your approach with unconcealed curiosity. jake looked up last, following their gazes, and when his eyes met yours he froze. actually froze, pen suspended over his notebook, lips slightly parted like he'd been about to say something and forgotten how.

you stopped at the edge of their row. suddenly hyperaware of how many people were definitely watching this interaction. "hey," you said, aiming for casual and landing somewhere near awkward. "you have a partner yet?"

jake blinked. once, twice. his friends were staring at him now, then at you, then back at him like they were watching a tennis match. "i—what?"

"for the project," you clarified, gesturing vaguely at professor kim who was still explaining requirements at the front of the room. "do you have a partner?"

"i—" jake's hand came up to push his glasses up his nose even though they hadn't moved. his ears were already turning red. "no? i mean, no, i don't, but—" he glanced at his friends, then back at you, looking genuinely lost. "are you—do you mean—"

"i'm asking if you want to partner up," you said, more directly this time. your heart was doing something weird and arrhythmic in your chest. "for the semester project."

the guy with bleached hair made a noise that might have been a strangled laugh. another one of jake's friends just gaped openly. jake himself looked like you'd just spoken to him in a language he only half understood. "you want to—with me?"

"yeah."

"but—" he gestured helplessly toward where yunjin and beomgyu were sitting, both of them now watching with unconcealed shock. "don't you usually work with your friends? i thought—"

"i'm asking you," you said, cutting him off before he could talk himself out of it or before you could overthink what you were doing. "if you already have other plans it's fine, i just thought—" you paused, scrambling for justification that didn't sound insane. "you're good at this stuff. you're a TA. you knew exactly what was wrong with my code last night in like, five seconds. it makes sense. strategically."

strategically. god, you sounded unhinged.

jake stared at you. his friends stared at you. half the lecture hall was probably staring at you at this point. "i—" jake swallowed visibly. "yeah. yes. i mean, if you want to, then—yeah. okay."

"yeah?"

"yeah." he nodded, more firmly this time, though he still looked vaguely shell-shocked. "we can—yeah. that would be—yeah."

his friends exchanged glances that were absolutely loaded with unspoken communication. the bleached hair guy, jungwon you think, was grinning now, looking between you and jake like he'd just witnessed something phenomenal. "well," he said, voice thick with amusement, "this is interesting."

you ignored him. "cool. we should probably meet up sometime this week to go over the requirements?"

"yeah, definitely," jake said quickly, already pulling out his phone with hands that trembled slightly. "i can—do you want my number? or i can get yours, or—we could use email if that's easier—"

"number's fine." you rattled it off, watching him type it into his contacts with endearing focus, tongue poking slightly between his teeth. when he looked up his expression was softer, less panicked. almost shy.

"okay," he said. "i'll text you?"

"sounds good."

you turned to head back down to your seat, acutely aware of the weight of multiple stares following your retreat. yunjin grabbed your arm the second you sat down, eyes wide with questions, but professor kim chose that moment to actually start the lecture and yunjin had to settle for furious whisper-hissing "what the hell was that?" while you studiously ignored her.

you pulled up your laptop, pretending to focus on the slides about project requirements and grading rubrics. but your attention kept drifting. you could feel it, that awareness of jake sitting several rows behind you. you wondered if he was taking notes. if his friends were grilling him. if his ears were still red.

you told yourself this was practical. logical. jake was skilled, focused, clearly knew his stuff. working with him made sense from a grades perspective, from an efficiency perspective. it was a smart choice. strategic, like you'd said.

but the justification felt thin even as you repeated it to yourself. because practical partnerships didn't make your pulse spike like this. strategic choices didn't leave you feeling weirdly breathless, or hyperaware of your phone in your pocket, waiting for a text that might come in an hour or a day. smart decisions didn't come with this flutter of satisfaction sitting warm and dangerous in your chest, the kind that felt unearned and a little reckless.

you'd just chosen jake over your actual friends for a semester-long project. you'd walked across the entire lecture hall in front of everyone to ask him specifically. you'd done it without planning it, without fully understanding why, acting on instinct alone.

your phone buzzed. you grabbed it maybe too quickly, ignoring yunjin's pointed look.

unknown number: hi, it's jake. from the lab? and also from just now. obviously. you know who i am. anyway this is my number. unknown number: we can meet whenever works for you btw. i'm pretty flexible. unknown number: sorry i'm rambling over text now apparently. i'll stop.

despite everything, despite the weirdness of the entire situation, you felt yourself smile. properly smile, which made yunjin lean over and whisper, "oh my god, you're blushing," which you absolutely were not.

you saved his number. typed out a response. deleted it. typed it again.

you: library tomorrow at 6?

his reply came almost instantly.

jake: perfect. i'll see you there.

yeah. perfect. that's exactly what this was.

you'd gotten there ten minutes early, which was ridiculous and you knew it, but you'd told yourself it was just to secure a good table. not because you were nervous. definitely not because you'd changed your shirt three times.

jake showed up at 6:02, slightly out of breath like he'd been rushing, backpack slung over one shoulder and hair even messier than usual. 

"sorry, sorry," he said, sliding into the chair across from you. "my last class ran over and then i couldn't find my charger and—" he stopped himself, ears going pink. "sorry. you don't need the full explanation. i'm here now."

"you're fine," you said, surprised by how much you meant it. "i just got here too."

it was a lie, but whatever.

he pulled out his laptop, a slightly battered thing covered in tech company stickers, and immediately opened what looked like a meticulously organised project folder. 

"so i was thinking we could start by breaking down the requirements," he said, already pulling up the assignment sheet. "if we divide it into modules we can work on different parts simultaneously and then integrate everything at the end. i made a rough outline last night, but obviously we can change whatever you want."

you blinked at him. "you made an outline? already?"

"i—yeah?" he looked uncertain suddenly, like he'd done something wrong. "was that—should i not have? i just thought it would be helpful to have a starting point, but if you wanted to plan it together—"

"no, that's—" you leaned closer to look at his screen, close enough that you could smell whatever soap or shampoo he used. something clean and faintly citrusy. "that's really good actually. you're like, super organised."

"oh." he pushed his glasses up, not quite meeting your eyes. "thanks. i just like having things structured, it makes the actual coding part less chaotic."

you shifted your chair around the table, closing the distance between you under the pretence of seeing his screen better. your knees almost touched under the table. jake didn't seem to notice, already walking you through his outline with the kind of focused enthusiasm that made his whole face more animated. he talked with his hands a little, you realised. small gestures that punctuated his explanations.

it was kind of endearing. he was kind of endearing, in this unpolished, genuine way that made you want to keep watching him talk even though you should probably be paying attention to the actual content of what he was saying.

"—so if we use that framework it'll save us a ton of time on the backend. does that make sense?" he glanced at you, expectant.

"yeah, totally," you said, even though you'd caught maybe half of it. "you're really good at this."

"at what?"

"explaining things. breaking stuff down." you let your voice soften deliberately, the kind of tone you'd use on someone you were interested in. testing. "you must be a really good TA."

jake's expression brightened with genuine pleasure, completely innocent. "oh, thanks! i really like teaching actually. it's really satisfying when something clicks for someone, you know?" he turned back to his laptop. "okay so for the first module, i was thinking we could—"

you felt something deflate slightly in your chest. he'd just. moved on. thanked you politely and redirected straight back to work like you'd commented on the weather.

you tried again twenty minutes later, when he'd finished explaining the database architecture. "seriously, how is your brain even wired like this?" you said, letting your hand rest on the table between you, close enough to his that moving a few inches would mean touching. "like, this would've taken me hours to figure out and you just see it."

"i mean, i've been coding since i was like twelve," jake said, smiling in that self-deprecating way that made your stomach flip. "my dad's a software engineer so i kind of grew up around it. you'd be just as good if you'd had the same exposure." 

he grabbed his water bottle, took a sip, completely oblivious to the way you were looking at him. "anyway, should we start on the initial setup? i can handle the repository if you want to draft the pseudocode for the first function?"

"sure," you said, trying not to sound as frustrated as you felt.

it continued like that. you'd find little ways to compliment him, to touch his arm when he said something funny, to lean into his space. and every single time jake would light up with friendly appreciation and then just. keep going. keep working. keep being nice in this utterly platonic way that was starting to drive you slightly insane.

when you suggested taking a break and offered to buy him coffee, he'd said "oh that's so sweet, but i'm good, i don't want to lose momentum." when you'd asked about his hobbies, trying to find some common ground beyond code, he'd given you a genuine answer about gaming and soccer and then immediately asked about your hobbies with the same earnest interest he gave to literally everything.

he wasn't being cold. wasn't being dismissive. he was just. friendly. sincerely friendly in a way that suggested he thought you were also just being friendly and nothing more. the idea that you might be flirting with him clearly hadn't even crossed his mind.

it shouldn't have bothered you. it was one study session. you barely knew him. but there was something about the way he was so completely unaffected that made you want to push harder, try more obviously, make him see you the way you were apparently seeing him.

which was insane. you were being insane.

"okay i think that's a good stopping point," jake said eventually, glancing at his phone. "we got through way more than i expected, honestly. you're really fast at this."

"we work well together," you said, maybe too much emphasis on the together part.

"yeah," he agreed easily, already packing up his stuff. "this is gonna be way less painful than i thought. usually group projects are a nightmare but i think we're pretty compatible."

compatible. he said it like he was talking about software versions.

you packed up your own stuff, trying to shake off whatever weird frustrated feeling had settled in your chest. this was good. you had a competent partner who was easy to work with. that's what mattered. not whether he noticed when you laughed at his jokes or sat closer than strictly necessary.

the library had gotten dark outside while you'd been working, the early winter darkness that feeking too heavy for eight pm. you pushed through the doors together, the cold air immediately biting at your face.

"which way are you headed?" jake asked, adjusting his backpack.

you pointed toward the east side of campus. "miller hall."

jake stopped walking. just fully stopped and stared at you. "wait, seriously?"

"yeah?"

"i'm in miller," he said, and his face did this thing, this open, delighted thing like you'd just told him something genuinely exciting. "i'm on the fourth floor. what floor are you?"

"third," you said, trying to keep your voice normal even though your brain was already racing ahead. same building. same building. you lived in the same building and you hadn't known. "that's—what are the odds?"

"i know, right?" jake fell into step beside you, and he seemed more relaxed now, less formal than he'd been in the library. "i can't believe we haven't run into each other before. though i guess i'm not around that much, i'm usually either in class or the lab or—" he laughed. "okay i'm making myself sound really boring."

"no you're not," you said, maybe too quickly. "i'm the same way. especially during midterms."

"the worst," he agreed. "hey, at least now if we need to meet up for the project it's super convenient. we can literally just knock on each other's doors."

he said it so casually. so normally, like it was just a nice logistical benefit and nothing more. meanwhile your mind was already cataloguing possibilities. you could time your meals to match his schedule. figure out when he usually left for class. find reasons to be in the common areas when he might pass through. it would look natural, coincidental. just friendly neighbors running into each other.

you were already strategising.

the realisation made something uncomfortable twist in your stomach. this was. this was too much maybe. you were thinking about him too much, cataloguing details about him like you were studying for an exam. getting frustrated when he didn't respond to your flirting even though you had no actual reason to expect him to. you'd had one late-night interaction and now one study session and somehow you were already rearranging your mental map of campus to accommodate his presence in it.

"you good?" jake asked, and you realised you'd gone quiet.

"yeah, just tired."

"same." he smiled at you, easy and warm. "thanks for picking me as your partner, by the way. i know you could've worked with your friends and i'm—i'm really glad you asked me instead. i think this is gonna be fun."

fun. he was looking forward to the project because he thought it would be fun. because he liked coding and teaching and he probably thought you were a cool person to work with. he was just. happy to have company. happy to make a new friend.

meanwhile you were over here planning imaginary coincidental run-ins and getting weirdly possessive over someone who didn't even know you liked him.

god, you were pathetic.

"yeah," you managed. "me too."

you reached miller hall, and jake held the door open for you, still talking about some technique he wanted to try for the project. you half-listened, watching the way his hair flopped over his forehead, the animated way he gestured when he got excited about something.

the elevator ride to your floor felt too short. jake got off with you, said he'd just walk up the extra flight of stairs for the exercise. "text me if you think of anything for the project," he said, already heading toward the stairwell. "or honestly just text me whenever. i'm always on my phone."

then he was gone, and you were standing alone in the hallway outside your door, feeling weirdly deflated and wired at the same time.

your phone buzzed before you'd even gotten your key out.

jake: forgot to say this but your idea for the UI was really smart. i think it's gonna make the whole thing way more intuitive. jake: ok NOW i'm done bothering you. have a good night!

you stared at the messages, that dangerous warm feeling spreading through your chest again. he'd texted you immediately to compliment your idea. with absolutely no prompting.

you were smiling at your phone like an idiot.

yeah. you were definitely pathetic.

"i'm just saying, he's clearly not interested," yunjin said, stabbing her salad with more force than necessary. "like, you've tried everything."

you were sitting in the dining hall, picking at your food while yunjin and beomgyu conducted what was essentially an intervention about your jake situation. an intervention you hadn't asked for and definitely didn't want.

"maybe he's just shy," you said, defensive.

beomgyu snorted. "shy guys still notice when someone's flirting with them. they just get weird about it. this guy sounds like he genuinely has no idea."

"which means he's not into you," yunjin added, gentler now. "and that's fine, you know? you can just be project partners. you don't have to keep torturing yourself."

except the thing was, you weren't entirely convinced jake wasn't interested. or maybe you just didn't want to accept it yet. because he texted you unprompted sometimes, sent you memes he thought you'd find funny, always smiled when he saw you in the hallway. that had to mean something, right?

"i'm not torturing myself," you muttered.

"you've mentioned him like fifteen times in the past hour," beomgyu pointed out.

"have not."

"you literally just told us about how he holds his pen. his pen."

okay. maybe you were torturing yourself a little.

you left the dining hall feeling irritated and restless, your friends' words circling in your head. he's not interested. he has no idea. you're torturing yourself. maybe they were right. probably they were right. you should just focus on the project, get a good grade, and move on like a normal person.

you were cutting through the student centre, not really paying attention to where you were going, when you passed the community bulletin board. the usual chaos of flyers and posters, study abroad programs, club meetings, someone selling a barely-used microwave. your eyes skimmed over it automatically, not really looking.

then you saw his name.

TUTORING AVAILABLE - COMP 101, 201, 301

patient, experienced, flexible schedule

contact: jake sim

there was a row of little tear-off tabs at the bottom with his phone number. several were already missing. the flyer itself was simple, almost plain. you stared at it. people flowed around you, conversations and footsteps and the ambient noise of the student centre, but you just stood there staring at jake's handwritten flyer.

you didn't need tutoring. your grades were fine. good, even. you and jake were in the same advanced class, for god's sake. he'd probably seen your test scores when he was TAing. this would be…obvious. wouldn't it? taking a tab would be transparent and desperate and—

your hand moved before you'd fully decided. the paper tore with a soft sound that felt too loud. you stared at the little strip in your palm, jake's number printed in his neat handwriting even though you already had it saved in your phone.

what were you doing?

you shoved the tab in your pocket and walked away quickly, like someone might have witnessed you doing something incriminating. your heart was beating too fast. this was insane. this was transparent. he was going to see right through it.

but.

but it was also legitimate, wasn't it? people got tutoring all the time, even when their grades were fine. wanting to understand the material better, wanting a different perspective, wanting to be extra prepared. those were all valid reasons. normal reasons. and yeah, maybe you had ulterior motives, but the cover story was solid enough that you could maintain plausible deniability. to him. to yourself.

you made it back to your dorm before you pulled out your phone.

you: hey! i saw your tutoring flyer in the student centre. do you still have availability?

you hit send before you could overthink it. then immediately started overthinking it anyway. he was going to ask why. he was going to point out that you clearly didn't need help. he was going to—

your phone buzzed.

jake<3: oh hey! yeah i have some slots open. but wait, aren't you doing pretty well in class? i've seen your test scores when i'm grading and you're like, consistently in the top range jake<3: not that you CAN'T get tutoring obviously! everyone can benefit from extra help jake<3: i just want to make sure you actually need it and aren't just being nice or something

god, he was even considerate about this. checking in to make sure you weren't wasting your time or money on something you didn't need. being thoughtful and genuine while you were over here manipulating the situation to manufacture more time with him.

you felt a twinge of something uncomfortable. guilt maybe. but you pushed it down.

you: i mean yeah my grades are okay, but i feel like i'm just memorising patterns without really UNDERSTANDING the concepts you know? like i can solve the problems but i couldn't explain WHY you: i just want to make sure i actually get it. especially since the material keeps building on itself

it wasn't entirely a lie. you did sometimes feel like you were pattern-matching your way through assignments. and deeper understanding was always good. these were reasonable concerns. the fact that they weren't your primary motivation didn't make them untrue.

jake<3: oh yeah that makes total sense actually. i see that a lot with students. they can execute but the underlying logic isn't solid jake<3: okay yeah we can definitely work on that! my rate is $20/hour but honestly for you i'd be happy to just do it for free? since we're already working together on the project anyway

you: no way i'm paying you. you're already helping me so much with the project

jake<3: the project is a two person thing, you're helping me just as much jake<3: but okay we can argue about payment later. when works for you?

you felt that warm, dangerous flutter again. he'd offered to tutor you for free. just casually, like it was no big deal. like spending extra time with you was something he actively wanted to do, even without compensation.

you: i'm pretty flexible. whenever you have time

jake<3: thursdays at 7? we could do the library again or somewhere on our floor if you want somewhere quieter jake<3: also i promise i'll actually TEACH and not just fix your code for you like last time lol

you smiled at your phone. somewhere on your floor. which meant his room or yours. which meant private, just the two of you, no other students around.

you: thursdays work for me! 

jake<3: cool! we can switch off. i'll bring snacks jake<3: this'll be fun :)

he'd sent a smiley face. an actual emoticon. it shouldn't have made your heart skip but it did.

you locked your phone and sat on your bed, that satisfaction settling warm in your chest. you'd done it. you'd created a legitimate, recurring excuse to see jake outside of project work. an hour a week, minimum, where you'd have his complete attention. where you could sit close to him in the privacy of a dorm room, help him help you, let those boundaries get just a little bit blurrier.

it was harmless. he was offering tutoring anyway, you were just taking him up on it. and yeah, maybe your motivations weren't entirely pure, but you weren't lying to him. not really. you did want to understand the material better. the fact that you also wanted to be around him more was just. additional context. secondary reasoning.

you were being smart about this, honestly. creating opportunities without being pushy. letting things develop naturally within structures that already existed.

you ignored the small, quiet voice in the back of your mind that whispered this was too much. that you were engineering situations and manufacturing proximity and maybe that wasn't as harmless as you wanted to believe. that jake was offering to help you in good faith while you had an agenda he knew nothing about.

you were good at ignoring that voice.

your phone buzzed again.

jake<3: btw i've been thinking about the database structure and i had an idea

and just like that you were smiling again, typing back, that uncomfortable feeling dissolving into something easier and warmer and more immediately gratifying.

it was fine. everything was fine. this was just tutoring. just spending time with someone you enjoyed being around. there was nothing wrong with that.

nothing wrong with it at all.

you'd been doing the tutoring sessions for three weeks when your roommate officially moved out. well, not officially officially. her stuff was still there, her side of the room still technically occupied. but she'd been spending every night at her boyfriend's off-campus apartment for the past month, and one day she just stopped pretending she was coming back.

"i'm still paying rent," she'd said, shoving clothes into a duffel bag. "so like, it's still my room. i'll probably crash here sometimes. but you basically have the place to yourself."

you'd nodded sympathetically while internally celebrating. your own space. privacy. no need to coordinate schedules or deal with her boyfriend's annoying habits. it was perfect.

it took you less than a day to realise it was perfect for other reasons too.

the next tutoring session was supposed to be in the library. thursday at seven, like always. but you'd been sitting in your empty apartment that afternoon, looking at your space with new eyes, and the idea had planted itself so naturally you'd almost convinced yourself it was practical.

you: hey, would you maybe want to do tutoring at my place tonight instead? my roommate moved in with her boyfriend so it's way quieter than the library you: totally fine if you prefer the library though!

the response took longer than usual. long enough that you started second-guessing yourself. maybe this was too much. too obvious. crossing some line from study partner into something else.

jake<3: oh jake<3: um jake<3: yeah that's fine. if you're sure? jake<3: i don't want to like. intrude or anything jake<3: but yeah quieter is definitely better for focusing

you: you're not intruding i literally invited you haha you: i'm in 3B. just come by at 7

jake<3: okay! see you then

you spent the next two hours in a cleaning frenzy you absolutely did not want to examine too closely. you weren't trying to impress him. you just wanted the place to look nice and presentable. the fact that you changed your clothes twice and lit a candle that made the whole apartment smell like vanilla and sandalwood was just. coincidence.

the knock came at exactly seven. jake was annoyingly punctual.

you opened the door to find him standing in the hallway looking uncertain, backpack slung over one shoulder, holding a bag of chips. "hi," he said. "i brought snacks. i didn't know what you liked so i just got the variety pack."

"you didn't have to do that."

"i know, but—" he shifted his weight. "i don't know, it felt weird showing up empty-handed."

you stepped back to let him in, watching as he moved into your space with obvious hesitation. he didn't walk in so much as carefully entered, like he was worried about disturbing something. his eyes went immediately to your walls, taking in the art prints you'd hung, the string lights, the bookshelf crammed with novels and textbooks. then to your desk setup, the small kitchen area, the couch that your roommate had left behind.

"wow," he said quietly. "this is. really nice."

"it's just a dorm apartment."

"no, i know, but—" he gestured vaguely at everything. "it's decorated. like, actually decorated. my place looks like a prison cell compared to this." he was still standing near the door, like he hadn't fully committed to being here. "is that an original print?"

you glanced at the framed artwork he was pointing at. "yeah. local artist. i got it at a campus market thing."

"it's really cool." he finally took a few more steps inside, setting his backpack down carefully on the floor like he was afraid it might scuff something. his attention caught on your kitchen counter, where you'd left out the fancy coffee you'd bought yesterday. the expensive cheese and crackers. the fruit you'd pre-cut and arranged in a bowl because apparently you were that person now.

jake went quiet for a second. then he laughed, but it sounded a little uncomfortable. "okay i have to ask. are you like, rich?"

you felt your face heat. "what? no."

"because this—" he gestured at your apartment again, at the candle burning on your coffee table, the throw blanket artfully draped over your couch, the general aesthetic coherence of the space. "this seems like. i don't know. very put together for a college student."

"i just like my space to feel nice," you said, defensive. "there's nothing wrong with that."

"no, definitely not! i didn't mean—" he ran a hand through his hair, flustered. "i just meant. my room has like, a bed and a desk and some clothes on the floor. this looks like an apartment from a magazine. in a good way," he added quickly. "it's impressive. i'm just. you know. mildly intimidated."

"don't be intimidated," you said, softer now. trying for casual. "seriously, make yourself comfortable. do you want something to drink? i have coffee, tea, juice, those fancy sparkling waters—"

"you have fancy sparkling water?"

"they were on sale."

they were absolutely not on sale. you'd bought them specifically because you remembered jake mentioning he liked trying different flavours. but he didn't need to know that.

"um, sure. i'll try one." he was still standing awkwardly in the middle of your living room, like he couldn't figure out where he was allowed to exist.

you grabbed two cans from the fridge, handing him one and gesturing toward the couch. "we can work there if you want. or the desk. whatever's comfortable."

"couch is good," he said, finally sitting down and immediately looking slightly less tense. he opened the sparkling water, took a sip, and made a surprised noise. "oh this is actually really good."

"told you." you sat next to him, closer than you would have in the library. not touching, but close enough that you could feel the warmth of him next to you. close enough that when he leaned forward to pull his laptop out of his backpack, you caught that familiar scent of soap and citrus.

he pulled up the lesson he'd prepared, something about optimisation algorithms, and fell into his teaching rhythm. you'd noticed this about jake before. when he was explaining code, he became more confident. less apologetic. his hands moved as he talked, tracing invisible diagrams in the air, and his whole face became more animated.

you were trying to focus. really, you were. but you kept getting distracted by the fact that he was here, in your space, sitting on your couch. his knee bumped yours at one point and he apologised even though it was barely contact. you told him it was fine. his handwriting was neat when he sketched out examples in your notebook. he had a small scar on his left hand you'd never noticed before.

"are you following?" he asked, glancing over at you.

"yeah," you said, snapping back to attention. "sorry. just thinking."

"it's kind of a dense topic," he said, apologetic again. "we can take a break if you need."

"no, keep going. you're good at this."

something in his expression softened. "thanks. i—i actually really like doing this. the tutoring, i mean. it's nice having someone to talk through concepts with who actually cares about understanding them properly." he paused, looking around your apartment again like he was seeing it with fresh eyes. "and this is. yeah. this is better than the library for sure."

"yeah?"

"the library's always so loud, even in the quiet sections. and people keep interrupting to ask if they can take chairs from our table." he settled back into your couch slightly, his shoulders loosening. "this is way better. i can actually think here."

you felt that dangerous satisfaction bloom in your chest. this is better. i can actually think here. he was comfortable. in your space. comfortable enough to relax, to take up room, to exist without that careful hesitation he'd had when he first arrived.

"we should do all our sessions here," you said, trying to sound casual. "if you're cool with it."

jake glanced at you, then around the apartment again. for a second you thought he might question it. might recognise this for what it was. but then he just smiled, easy and genuine. "yeah, i'd like that. this is really nice."

"cool," you said. your heart was doing that annoying fluttery thing again.

you went back to the lesson, jake's voice steady and patient as he walked you through increasingly complex problems. his knee stayed pressed against yours. he'd stopped apologising for taking up space. he reached for the fancy crackers you'd set out without asking if it was okay first, just casual and comfortable like he belonged here.

and god help you, you liked seeing him like this. liked having him in your space, surrounded by your things, relaxed and focused and entirely unaware of how much thought you'd put into creating this exact scenario.

he was more comfortable here than he should be. settling into your life with an ease that should have alarmed you but instead just made you want to pull him deeper.

you were playing a game he didn't know existed. creating intimacy in careful increments. manufacturing closeness that felt organic to him but was entirely designed by you.

"okay your turn," jake said, pushing your laptop toward you. "try implementing that function we just talked through."

you pulled the computer into your lap, fingers moving over the keys, hyper-aware of jake watching. of his presence next to you, patient and encouraging. of how easy it would be to let this become routine. thursday nights on your couch, just the two of you, the rest of the world locked outside.

professor kim handed back midterms on a wednesday, and the energy in the lecture hall was exactly what you'd expect. nervous shuffling, people immediately comparing scores, that girl in the front row who always cried regardless of her grade already tearing up.

you flipped your exam over and saw the 100 staring back at you. perfect score. you felt a flush of satisfaction that had nothing to do with the grade itself and everything to do with the fact that jake would see it.

"holy shit," yunjin whispered, leaning over to look. "you got a perfect score?"

"apparently."

"that's insane. i got an 87 and i thought i did well." she shook her head, impressed and maybe slightly annoyed. "what did jake think? he must be so proud, that's basically a direct result of his tutoring."

speaking of jake, he was two rows behind you, and you could hear his friends' voices carrying.

"dude, you got a 98," one of them said. "that's insane."

"i missed this one question," jake said, and he sounded genuinely disappointed. "i can't believe i mixed up the time complexity."

you turned around without really thinking about it, catching his eye. he was already looking at you, and his face did this thing, this hopeful uncertain thing. "how'd you do?"

you held up your exam. his eyes widened.

"you got a hundred?" he said it loud enough that a few people glanced over. then he was standing up, moving past his friends, coming down to your row with his exam still in his hand. "holy shit, that's—that's amazing. you—" he stopped himself, looking almost embarrassed by his own enthusiasm. "sorry, i'm like. weirdly excited about this."

"don't apologise," you said, smiling despite yourself. "you sound more excited than i am."

"because i—" he gestured at your exam, then at you. "you understood it. like really understood it. i could tell during our sessions that things were clicking but seeing it actually translate to a perfect score is just—" he ran his hand through his hair, grinning in a way that made your stomach flip. "i'm really proud of you."

the words hit you weird. i'm proud of you. said with such genuine warmth, such unironic sincerity. like your success was somehow his success too. like he was personally invested in your performance because he'd helped you get there.

except you hadn't really needed the help. you'd manufactured the entire situation. you'd been doing fine before the tutoring started and you'd probably have gotten a perfect score regardless. jake's proud smile was based on a false premise. he thought he'd helped you achieve something when really you'd just. used him. used his time and his patience and his genuine desire to help people, all so you could sit close to him once a week.

something uncomfortable twisted in your chest. you shoved it down.

"i couldn't have done it without you," you said, because that's what you were supposed to say. what he expected to hear. even if it made you feel slightly sick.

"i know, i know. it's a good grade. i just hate making careless mistakes." he smiled at you again, softer this time. "but seriously, i'm really happy for you. you worked really hard for this."

"we should celebrate," you said, before you could second-guess it. "both of us. good scores, successful tutoring, whatever. come over tonight? i'll make dinner, we can watch a movie. my treat, as a thank you."

jake hesitated, just for a second. "you don't have to thank me."

"i want to," you said firmly with a smile. "you've been helping me for weeks and not accepting any payment. the least i can do is feed you."

"when you put it that way." he was smiling again, that easy smile that made your heart do stupid things. "yeah, okay. what time?"

"seven?"

"perfect."

...

you went slightly overboard with dinner. not crazy overboard, just. more effort than was strictly necessary for a casual thank-you meal. homemade pasta, the good parmesan, a salad that actually had more than three ingredients. you'd also bought wine, which felt very adult and sophisticated until you remembered you were literally just having your study partner over.

jake showed up at seven on the dot, holding a bag of cookies from the expensive bakery near campus. "i know you said your treat, but i can't show up empty-handed," he explained, handing them over. "it's like, physically impossible for me."

"you're ridiculous."

"i've been told." he stepped inside, immediately more comfortable than he'd been that first time. he knew where to put his shoes now, where to set his bag. he went straight for the couch like he belonged there.

dinner was easy. conversation flowed naturally, jumping from classes to campus gossip to a debate about whether the dining hall pizza was underrated or genuinely terrible. jake argued passionately for underrated, gesturing with his fork, getting sauce on his chin that he didn't notice until you pointed it out. he laughed, embarrassed, wiping it away.

"wine?" you offered, after you'd cleared the plates.

"oh, um. sure?" he looked uncertain. "i'm not really a big drinker."

"me neither. but we're celebrating, right?"

"right." he accepted the glass you poured, taking a small sip and making a face. "god, why do people like this? it tastes like someone made juice go bad on purpose."

you laughed despite yourself. "it's an acquired taste."

"that's what people say about things that are objectively bad." but he took another sip anyway, settling back into the couch as you pulled up netflix.

you ended up on some action movie neither of you had seen, the kind with improbable stunts and a plot that didn't require much attention. which was good, because you weren't really watching it. you were too aware of jake next to you, closer than he needed to be, his shoulder occasionally brushing yours. he'd finished his wine faster than you expected and seemed looser now, more animated. he kept making commentary on the movie, pointing out plot holes and questionable physics, his hands moving as he talked.

"—and there's no way that building would still be structurally sound after that explosion," he was saying, gesturing at the screen. "like, basic engineering, you know?"

"you're thinking too hard about it."

"i can't help it. my brain won't turn off." he glanced at you, something warm in his expression. "this is nice though. just hanging out. we're always studying or talking about the project, it's cool to just…exist. without an agenda."

without an agenda. the words hit harder than they should have. because you did have an agenda. you'd had one this entire time. this whole evening was carefully constructed, from the homemade dinner to the wine to the deliberately casual intimacy of it all.

"yeah," you managed. "it's nice."

the movie continued. jake shifted closer, his thigh pressing against yours. you didn't move away. his arm ended up along the back of the couch, not quite around your shoulders but close enough that you could feel the warmth of it. neither of you acknowledged it, but neither of you adjusted either.

"can i ask you something?" jake said during a particularly slow part of the movie.

"sure."

"why did you pick me? for the project, i mean." he was looking at you now instead of the screen, his expression curious and open. "you could've worked with your friends. people you already knew. but you walked all the way across the lecture hall to ask me."

your heart kicked up. "i told you. you're good at this stuff."

"yeah, but." he paused, like he was trying to figure out how to phrase something. "it felt like. i don't know. like you went out of your way. and i've been trying to figure out if i'm reading too much into it or if there was something else."

the air felt suddenly thinner. "something else like what?"

"i don't know." he laughed, self-conscious. "i'm probably being weird. forget i said anything."

"jake."

"i just—" he met your eyes, and there was something vulnerable in his expression that made your breath catch. "i really like spending time with you. like, more than i probably should for someone who's just a project partner and tutoring student. and sometimes i think maybe you. i don't know, feel the same? but i'm also really bad at reading these things so i'm probably completely wrong."

oh. oh.

"you're not wrong," you said quietly.

his eyes widened slightly. "i'm not?"

instead of answering, you leaned in. gave him enough time to pull back, to stop this, but he didn't. he met you halfway, his lips soft and uncertain against yours. for a second neither of you moved, the kiss chaste and almost careful. then something shifted. his hand came up to cup your face, thumb brushing your cheekbone, and you pressed closer, your fingers curling into his shirt.

jake made a soft sound against your mouth, surprise or maybe pleasure, and kissed you back with more confidence. his other hand found your waist, tentative at first then firmer, pulling you closer. you ended up in his lap somehow, his hands spanning your back, your fingers threading through his hair. he tasted like wine and something sweet from the cookies he'd brought.

"is this okay?" he whispered against your lips, breathing hard.

"yes," you said, and kissed him again before he could second-guess it.

his hands moved under your shirt, warm against your skin, and you felt him shiver when you rolled your hips experimentally. "god," he breathed, sounding almost pained. "we should—are we really—"

"do you want to stop?"

"no. god, no. i just—" he looked up at you, pupils blown, lips kiss-swollen. "i didn't think this would happen. i'm not. i don't usually."

"it's okay," you said softly, meaning it. "we don't have to do anything you don't want."

jake didn’t stop you. instead, he seemed to melt into the contact, his hands trembling as they slid further up your back, skin hot through the thin fabric of your shirt. when you moved to guide him off the couch and onto the rug, he followed with a sort of dazed compliance, his glasses slightly askew on his face.

you knelt between his legs, and the shift in atmosphere was immediate. the movie was still playing—some distant sound of tires screeching—but all you could hear was the ragged, uneven hitch of jake’s breath. when you reached for the button of his jeans, his hand flew to your wrist, not to stop you, but just to steady himself. his knuckles were white.

"are you sure?" he whispered, his voice cracking. "i—i'm not... i don't want to mess this up. our project, the tutoring... i don't want to make things weird for you."

"jake," you said, looking up at him through your lashes. "shut up and let me."

he let out a shaky, half-strangled laugh, his head hitting the base of the couch as he let go of your wrist. "okay. okay, yeah. shutting up."

as you eased his jeans down, you realised the lanky, awkward way he carried himself in the halls was a massive deception. he was built with a surprising, heavy sturdiness that the oversized hoodies always hid. his legs were long, his thighs thick with the kind of muscle that suggested he actually did play soccer as more than just a hobby. and when you finally freed him, you couldn't help the small, sharp intake of breath that escaped you.

"jake," you breathed, your eyes widening. "holy..."

he groaned, the sound vibrating deep in his chest, and covered his eyes with his forearm. "don't. don't look at me like that. i know. i'm sorry, is it... is it too much? i can—"

"it's perfect," you cut him off, reaching out to touch him. his skin was searing, and the moment your fingers closed around him, his entire body jolted like he’d been hit with a live wire.

when you leaned forward to take him into your mouth, jake’s reaction was explosive. he arched off the floor, his fingers tangling desperately in your hair, his breath coming in short, panicked gasps. he was so sensitive, so completely overwhelmed by the sensation that it felt like he was losing his grip on reality.

"oh god," he choked out, his voice high and strained. "wait, wait—that's—you’re so... the pressure, i can't—"

you didn't slow down. you liked the way he lost his composure, the way the articulate, logical TA was reduced to incoherent stutters. you used your hands to keep him steady, your tongue swirling around the head of him, and jake’s hips began to move in a frantic, uncoordinated rhythm. he was trying to keep some semblance of control, trying to stay "polite," but the sheer intensity of it was breaking him.

"i'm gonna... i'm actually gonna..." he gasped, his hands tightening in your hair, pulling you closer until he was practically burying himself in you. "please, don't stop. don't stop, just like that—right there—"

he hit his limit with a loud, guttural shout that was muffled only by the back of his hand as he bit down on his own knuckles to stay quiet. his body went rigid, muscles in his arms and chest standing out in sharp relief as he came, the force of it leaving him limp and shuddering against the couch.

it took him a long time to come back down. for several minutes, the only sound in the room was his heavy, labouring breath and the flickering light of the tv. you pulled back, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, feeling a fierce, glowing sense of triumph. he looked completely wrecked—hair a disaster, glasses hanging off one ear, chest heaving.

you felt powerful. you’d spent weeks engineering this, calculating every move, and seeing him like this—totally undone by you—was better than any perfect exam score.

"you okay?" you asked, leaning your chin on his knee.

jake let out a long, shaky exhale, finally moving his arm to look at you. his eyes were hazy, his face flushed a deep, beautiful red. "i... think my brain just short-circuited," he whispered, a small, dazed smile tugging at his lips. 

"in a good way?"

"in the best way." he reached out, his fingers trembling as he tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. "thank you. seriously. i don't—i don't even know what to say."

you smiled, leaning into his touch. the apartment was warm, the air still smelling of vanilla. "you don't have to say anything. you should just stay."

the words were soft, natural. it felt like the obvious next step. but the second they left your mouth, you felt the shift.

it was subtle at first—the way jake’s fingers went still against your skin. then his pupils, which had been blown wide with pleasure, suddenly constricted. he blinked, the haziness clearing as his internal "problem-solving mode" kicked back in with a vengeance.

"stay?" he repeated, his voice sounding suddenly small.

"yeah. it's late, and it's cold out. just stay over. we can... i don't know, wake up and have coffee. maybe look at the project again."

jake’s eyes darted toward his hands, then to his backpack, then to the door. the relaxation in his shoulders vanished, replaced by a rigid, frantic tension. he looked like he’d just realised he was standing in the middle of a minefield.

"i—" he started, scrambling to pull his jeans up. he was moving so fast he almost tripped over his own feet. "i can't. i mean, i should... i have that grading to finish. for kim. and i—i didn't bring my toothbrush. or my meds. and my roommate, he—he'll wonder where i am. he gets worried."

"jake, it’s fine, you can borrow—"

"no!" he said, a bit too loudly. he was fumbling with his belt, his fingers shaking so badly he could barely loop it through. he wouldn't look at you. his face wasn't flushed with pleasure anymore; it was pale, his expression twisted into something that looked dangerously like panic. "no, i really should go. i’m sorry. i just... i realised the time. i have to go."

you stood up, feeling a cold, hollow pit open in your stomach. "did i do something wrong? was it... was it too much?"

"no! no, it was... it was amazing," he said, finally getting his shoes on, not even bothering to tie the laces. he grabbed his backpack, clutching it to his chest like a shield. "it was too amazing. that's the... that's the problem. i'm—i'm not good at this. i think i need to... i need to think. logically. about the implications."

"the implications?" you asked, your voice rising with a sharp, hurt edge. "it was just a night, jake. it doesn't have to be a 'logical problem' to solve."

"i know, i know. i'm sorry. i’m just... i'm a mess." he backed toward the door, his hand fumbling for the handle behind his back. "i'll text you? about the project? we still have that deadline on tuesday."

"jake—"

"goodnight! thank you for dinner. the pasta was really... the texture was perfect. okay. bye."

he practically fell out of the door, the sound of his hurried footsteps echoing down the hallway as he sprinted toward the stairs.

the click of the door closing felt final. you stood in the centre of your perfectly decorated, candle-lit apartment, surrounded by the remnants of the dinner you’d spent hours on. the half-empty wine glasses, the bag of expensive cookies, the rumpled rug.

you felt a hot, stinging prickle behind your eyes. you’d done everything right. you’d been strategic, patient, and kind. you’d gotten him to open up, to trust you, to want you. and yet, watching him run away like you were a bug in his code—something to be deleted or fixed—hurt more than any midterm failure ever could.

you sat back down on the couch, the silence of the room suddenly feeling just as oppressive as it had back in the computer lab. you picked up your phone, looking at his last text. this'll be fun :)

you threw the phone onto the cushions and buried your face in your hands, the smell of his citrus shampoo still clinging to your skin, mocking you.

jake didn't text.

you stared at your phone for the entire next day, watching the screen like you could will a message into existence. the "i'll text you" he'd thrown over his shoulder before fleeing felt increasingly like a polite lie. by saturday afternoon you broke first.

you: hey, you okay?

the message sat there. delivered, but no response.

you tried again sunday morning, going for casual.

you: still on for project work this week?

still no response.

by monday you'd moved past confusion into something that felt uncomfortably like panic. this wasn't how things worked. people didn't just. stop responding to you. they didn't ignore you or avoid you or remove you from their orbit like you were some problem to be managed. you were used to being wanted, pursued, the one who had to let people down gently. this reversed dynamic was unfamiliar and honestly humiliating.

you saw him in the dining hall on tuesday. he was with his friends, laughing at something one of them said, looking completely normal. like nothing had happened. like he hadn't been on your couch four days ago falling apart under your touch.

you started walking toward their table before you could think better of it, but jake's eyes flicked up, met yours for a fraction of a second, and then he was standing, gathering his tray, saying something to his friends. they all got up and left. just. left. walked out the side exit while you stood there holding your lunch like an idiot.

yunjin grabbed your arm. "okay, what the hell was that?"

"nothing," you said, but your voice came out wrong. 

"that was not nothing. did something happen with you and jake?"

"no. i don't know. it's complicated."

it wasn't complicated. it was actually pretty simple. you'd pushed too hard and now he wanted nothing to do with you.

wednesday he wasn't in his usual spot in lecture. you spent the entire class scanning the room, finally spotting him in the very back corner, a place he'd never sat before. he kept his eyes on his laptop the entire time, didn't look up once. when class ended he was the first one out the door.

thursday was supposed to be tutoring. seven pm, his room or yours, the standing appointment you'd had for weeks now. you waited in your apartment, laptop open to the half-finished project, telling yourself he'd show up. he was responsible and dedicated. he wouldn't just bail without saying anything.

seven came and went. then seven-thirty. by eight you accepted he wasn't coming.

you: are we still working together on the project? i need to know so i can plan accordingly.

again, no response.

friday morning you were walking to class when you saw him ahead of you on the path. for once he hadn't spotted you first. you sped up, closing the distance, and watched in real time as he seemed to sense your presence. his shoulders tensed. then he took a sharp left turn down a path that definitely wasn't toward any of his classes. he was actively avoiding you. taking different routes. altering his entire routine just to not run into you.

something hot and humiliated burned in your chest.

by next week, you'd had enough. you knew his schedule. knew he had algorithms right before lunch on mondays, in the engineering building, third floor. you positioned yourself outside the classroom before class ended, ignoring the curious looks from other students filing out. you spotted jake immediately when the doors opened. he saw you at the same moment and actually stopped walking, causing someone behind him to bump into his back.

"we need to talk," you said.

"i have—i need to get to—"

"jake." your voice came out sharper than intended. "five minutes. please."

something in his expression shifted. resignation maybe. he nodded once, following you to an empty study room down the hall. you closed the door. the small space suddenly felt suffocating.

"you've been ignoring me," you said.

"i know."

"for a week. you didn't text, you didn't show up to tutoring, you're literally avoiding me on campus."

"i know," he said again, quieter. he wasn't looking at you, his eyes fixed somewhere around your shoulder. "i'm sorry. that wasn't— i should have communicated better."

"so communicate now. what's going on?"

jake was quiet for a long moment. when he finally spoke, his voice was careful. measured. "what happened last week. that crossed a line for me."

"we both wanted it."

"did we?" he looked at you now, and there was something in his expression that made your stomach drop. "because i've been thinking about it a lot. about how we got there. and i feel like. i don't know. like maybe i missed something."

"what do you mean?"

"the tutoring," he said. "you didn't actually need it, did you? your grades were already good. and the project. you had friends you could have worked with. people you actually knew. but you picked me." he paused. "why did you pick me?"

the question hung in the air between you. you could lie. deflect. but something about the way he was looking at you, patient and a little sad, made it feel pointless.

"i liked you," you said finally. "i wanted to spend time with you."

"okay." he nodded slowly. "so the tutoring was. what. an excuse? a way to manufacture time together?"

"it wasn't like that."

"wasn't it though?" there was no anger in his voice. just. tiredness. "because from my perspective, i thought i was helping someone who needed help. i thought we were becoming friends. and then suddenly we're… doing that. and i'm trying to figure out when the shift happened and i can't. because maybe there was no shift. maybe that's what you wanted the whole time and i just didn't see it."

"i did want to be your friend," you said, defensive now. "i wasn't. it's not like i was using you."

"weren't you?"

the words hit harder than they should have. because he wasn't wrong. you had used him. used his kindness, his eagerness to help, his complete inability to see through your motivations. you'd engineered situations and manufactured proximity and told yourself it was harmless.

"i like you," jake said, and somehow that made it worse. "i really do. but i feel. god, i don't even know how to explain it. exposed? like you saw something in me that made me an easy target and you just. went for it. and i didn't even realise what was happening until it had already happened."

"that's not—"

"and the thing is," he continued, talking over you gently, "you're so far out of my league. like, objectively. you're smart and pretty and confident and you have your shit together. and i'm just. me. i'm awkward and i ramble and i spend friday nights debugging code for fun. so the fact that you were interested never made sense. i kept waiting for it to click, for me to understand why, and now i think i do. it wasn't about me. it was about. i don't know. the chase? the conquest? i was a project to you."

"no," you said, but your voice came out weak. "jake, that's not true. you weren't a project."

"then what was i?"

you didn't have an answer. or you did, but it was complicated and messy and saying it out loud would mean admitting things you didn't want to admit.

jake sighed. "i'm not trying to be cruel. i'm really not. but being around you right now makes me feel uncomfortable. like i can't trust my own judgement because i didn't see any of this coming. and that's. that's my issue to work through. but i need space to do it."

"what about the class project?"

"we can do it over email. divide up the work, combine it at the end. we don't have to see each other."

"and tutoring?"

"i think we should stop. you don't actually need it anyway."

each sentence felt like a door closing. practical, reasonable, and completely final.

"i'm sorry," you said, and meant it. "i didn't mean to. i wasn't trying to hurt you."

"i know," jake said, and he sounded sincere. "i don't think you set out to do anything malicious. i just think you didn't really consider how it would feel from my side. and now we're here."

"so that's it? we just stop talking?"

"for now, yeah. maybe later we can be normal around each other. but right now i need. distance."

he moved toward the door, his hand on the handle. you wanted to say something, anything that would fix this. some argument that would make him see you differently. but looking at his face, at the quiet certainty there, you knew there was nothing you could say. he'd made up his mind. he'd set a boundary. and you had no choice but to respect it.

"i really am sorry," you said again.

"i know," jake said. "me too."

then he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him with that same horrible finality. you stood there in the empty study room, staring at the space where he'd been.

you couldn't even argue with his reasoning. everything he'd said was true. you had manufactured situations. you had used his kindness and his obliviousness to get what you wanted. you'd told yourself it was harmless, that your feelings were real even if your methods were questionable.

but intent didn't matter when the impact was someone feeling manipulated and exposed.

you left the study room feeling hollowed out. the campus looked the same. people laughed and talked and went about their days. somewhere out there jake was probably headed to lunch with his friends, relieved to have finally said what he needed to say.

and you were just. alone. with the sharp realisation that you'd ruined something before it even had a chance to be real.

the party was exactly the kind of loud, chaotic mess you needed. bass thrumming through the floors, bodies packed into every available space, the air thick with sweat and cheap alcohol and too many competing perfumes. yunjin had dragged you here, insisting you needed to "get out of your head" after moping around for two weeks straight.

so here you were. red cup in hand, smile fixed in place, laughing at jokes you weren't really hearing. performing normalcy while your brain kept circling the same thoughts on loop. jake's face in that study room. the careful way he'd said i need space. the hollow feeling that had taken up permanent residence in your chest.

"you good?" beomgyu asked, leaning close to be heard over the music.

"yeah, great," you said automatically, taking another drink.

you were on your third. or fourth. you'd stopped counting. the alcohol sat warm in your stomach but hadn't managed to quiet your thoughts yet. maybe if you drank enough you'd stop replaying every conversation with jake, analysing every moment for signs you'd missed, evidence of how thoroughly you'd fucked everything up.

"i'm gonna get another drink," you said to no one in particular, pushing through the crowd toward the kitchen.

that's when you saw him.

jake. standing near the makeshift bar someone had set up on the counter, red cup in hand, talking to a girl you didn't recognise. and he was laughing. actually laughing, head thrown back, completely at ease in a way that made something hot and ugly twist in your chest.

because he never looked like that with you. even before everything went wrong, even during those tutoring sessions in your apartment when you'd thought you were building something real, he'd always been slightly careful and polite, like he was containing himself. but now he was loose and animated, gesturing with his free hand while the girl laughed at whatever he was saying, her hand resting on his arm.

her hand was on his arm.

you watched as she leaned closer, saying something that made jake grin. that specific grin, the one where his eyes crinkled at the corners and you could see his perfect teeth on display. you'd thought that smile was special. something you'd earned. but apparently he was just like this, with everyone who wasn't you.

the jealousy hit so hard it felt physical. burning through your chest, turning your vision sharp and focused. you were moving before you'd decided to, weaving through people, your jaw clenched so tight it hurt.

jake saw you coming. his smile faltered, something uncertain crossing his face. "hey—"

"who's this?" you said, gesturing at the girl. your voice came out sharper than you'd intended, heavy with something you couldn't quite name.

the girl looked between you and jake, confused. "i'm mina. jungwon's sister remember? we just met like ten minutes ago."

"oh right." you focused on jake, ignoring her entirely. "you look like you're having fun."

"i—yeah?" jake's eyebrows drew together. "it's a party?"

"funny how you can make time for parties but couldn't respond to any of my texts about the assignment."

"i told you we could do it over email—"

"is that what you're doing right now? project work?" you knew you sounded irrational, accusatory, but you couldn't stop. the words kept spilling out, poisoned by alcohol and jealousy and two weeks of feeling like you'd been the only one affected by any of this. 

"or are you just. moving on? found someone new to—"

"okay, i'm gonna go," mina said, backing away with her hands up. "this seems like. a thing. nice meeting you, jake."

she disappeared into the crowd. jake stared at you, his expression shifting from confused to something harder. "what the hell was that?"

"you tell me. you've been ignoring me for two weeks and now you're here flirting with random girls?"

"flirting?" jake's voice pitched up slightly. "flirting? i was literally just talking to her. she asked where the bathroom was and then we started chatting about the music. that's—that's not flirting, that's called being polite."

"she had her hand on your arm."

"so?" jake looked genuinely baffled now. "people touch arms when they talk. that doesn't mean anything. and even if it did—" he stopped himself, jaw tightening. "i don't owe you an explanation. you don't get to. we're not together. we're not anything."

the words hit exactly where they were meant to. "right. because you decided we're not."

"no, because you decided we weren't, like a month ago when you started playing games instead of just being honest." his voice was rising now, frustration bleeding through. "and now you're mad because i'm talking to someone else? you don't get to do that. you don't get to manipulate me into something and then act possessive when i try to move on."

"i'm not—" you started, but stopped. because he was right. you were being possessive and irrational. reading intent into a harmless conversation because you wanted there to be something there. wanted confirmation that jake was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him.

but he wasn't. he was just living his life. talking to people at parties. laughing easily with strangers. completely unaffected while you spiralled.

"i wasn't flirting with her," jake said, quieter now. tired. "i was just being friendly. that's what normal people do. they don't engineer entire relationships or manufacture situations. they just exist around each other."

"i know," you said, your voice coming out smaller than you wanted. "i'm sorry. i shouldn't have. that was out of line."

jake nodded once, already turning away. "yeah. it was."

you watched him disappear back into the crowd, leaving you standing alone by the kitchen counter. your hands were shaking. you downed the rest of your drink in one go, the burn doing nothing to quiet the noise in your head.

you'd just proven everything he'd said about you. possessive. manipulative. unable to let go. you'd projected your own feelings onto a completely innocent interaction and made a scene because you couldn't handle seeing him okay when you were so thoroughly not okay.

you'd been so certain. so sure he was flirting, that the girl meant something, that you'd caught him in some kind of lie. but you'd been wrong. completely, embarrassingly wrong. because you didn't actually know what jake was thinking. you never had. you'd just assumed, projected, filled in the gaps with your own narrative.

and now he was probably telling his friends what a psycho you were. probably regretting he'd ever let you into his life in the first place.

you grabbed another drink.

…

the party had devolved into that late-night haze where everything blurred together. people you didn't recognise, conversations you weren't part of, music that had gotten somehow both quieter and more invasive. you'd lost track of yunjin and beomgyu somewhere around drink number six. or seven. the room tilted slightly when you moved too fast.

you were trying to find your jacket, ready to call it a night, when you spotted him. jake. sitting alone on a couch in the corner, looking absolutely exhausted. his head kept drooping forward like he was fighting to stay conscious, then jerking back up. his eyes were half-closed, his usual careful posture completely abandoned.

you should walk past him. nothing good could come from another interaction tonight. you'd already embarrassed yourself once. but your feet carried you closer anyway, some magnetic pull you couldn't quite resist even knowing it was a bad idea.

you were almost past him when his hand shot out, fingers wrapping around your wrist. "don't," he said, not looking at you. his voice was rough, slurred slightly. "don't leave."

you stopped. "jake—"

"been trying," he mumbled, his grip loosening but not releasing. "trying so hard. but you make it impossible."

"what are you talking about?"

he finally looked up at you, and his eyes were unfocused, glassy with alcohol. "you. i'm talking about you. can't stop thinking about you. it's driving me insane."

your heart lurched. "you're drunk."

"i know but so are you," he said, like that explained everything. "that's the only reason i'm saying this. because sober me knows better. sober me has self-control and boundaries and all that shit." he pulled gently on your wrist, making you stumble slightly closer. "but drunk me is tired. so tired of pretending i don't want you."

"you said you needed space."

"i do need space. because when i'm around you i can't think straight. i can't trust myself." his words were coming out uneven, tripping over each other. "you think i was avoiding you because i was mad? i was avoiding you because if i saw you i'd—" he made a frustrated noise. "i'd do something stupid. like this. this is stupid."

you sat down next to him, his hand still wrapped around your wrist. "jake—"

"you're so pretty," he said, almost accusatory. "and you smell good. and you're smart, like actually smart, not just good at school. and when you laugh it's. it does things to me. and i hate it. i hate that you have this much power over me when i don't even know if you actually like me or if i'm just… convenient."

"i do like you," you said quietly. "i've liked you the whole time."

"but do you?" he turned to face you more fully, his eyes searching yours even though he seemed to be having trouble focusing. "or do you like the idea of me? the nerdy guy you can manipulate? your little project?"

"that's not—" you stopped. "it wasn't like that. it's not like that."

"then what is it like?" he was still holding your wrist, his thumb pressing against your pulse point. "because i've been trying to figure it out for weeks and i can't. i can't understand why you'd want me. what you get out of this. and maybe i'm just stupid but i need you to tell me. plainly. what do you want from me?"

"you," you said, the word coming out more honest than you'd intended. "just. you."

jake laughed, bitter and tired. "that doesn't make sense."

"i know."

"i'm not interesting. i'm not cool or funny or—"

"you are though," you interrupted. "you are all of those things. you just don't see it."

he went quiet for a long moment. then, so quietly you almost missed it: "i've been trying so hard not to want you back. because i knew—i know it's not good for me. but i can't stop. and i'm so tired of trying."

his hand slid from your wrist to your hand, fingers threading through yours. the touch was so much gentler than you expected, almost reverent. "i deleted your texts without reading them," he admitted. "because if i read them i'd respond. and if i responded i'd end up right back where i started. wanting you. letting you in. getting hurt."

"i don't want to hurt you."

"i know. that's what makes it worse." he leaned his head back against the couch, eyes closing. "you don't mean to. you just. do."

you didn't know what to say to that. didn't know how to fix the damage you'd done or convince him that your feelings were real when your actions had been so calculated. so you just sat there, holding his hand, feeling the warmth of him next to you.

"i missed you," jake said, so quiet you barely heard it over the music. "i fucking missed you and i hated myself for it."

"i missed you too."

"yeah?" he opened his eyes, looking at you with something raw and unguarded. "you missed manipulating me?"

"that's not fair."

"isn't it though?" but there was no heat in his words. just exhaustion. "god, i'm so tired. tired of being angry. tired of trying to stay away from you. tired of pretending i don't want you so badly it hurts."

the confession hung in the air between you. jake was looking at you like he was waiting for something, permission or rejection or maybe just confirmation that you'd heard him.

you leaned in. gave him time to pull away, to remember all the reasons this was a bad idea. but he didn't. he met you halfway, his lips crashing against yours with none of the careful hesitation from before. this was messy and desperate, his hand coming up to cup the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair. he kissed you like he'd been holding back for too long, like all that careful control had finally snapped.

you shifted closer, practically climbing into his lap, and he made a sound against your mouth that went straight through you. his hands were everywhere, spanning your waist, sliding up your back, gripping like he was afraid you'd disappear if he loosened his hold even slightly.

"been thinking about this," he mumbled against your lips, barely pulling back enough to speak. "every night. hated myself for it but couldn't stop."

"me too," you admitted, kissing along his jaw. "i couldn't sleep. kept replaying everything."

"i lied about the texts i didn't respond to," he said, tilting his head to give you better access. "i read them. all of them before deleting. at like three am. read them over and over."

"why didn't you answer?"

"because i wanted to say things i shouldn't say. like how much i missed you. how i kept going to the lab hoping you'd be there. how seeing you at the party tonight fucking destroyed me even though i pretended i was fine." his hands tightened on your waist. "how i've been so fucking miserable without you."

you kissed him again, harder this time, swallowing his words. he responded immediately, pulling you fully into his lap now, and you could feel how much he wanted this, wanted you. it was overwhelming. intoxicating. the desperation in every touch, every small sound he made.

"we should," he said between kisses, "we should probably stop."

"do you want to stop?"

"no. god no." he pulled back just enough to look at you, his pupils blown, lips swollen. "but i'm drunk and you're drunk and tomorrow we're gonna regret—"

"i won't," you said firmly. "i won't regret this."

something shifted in his expression. softened. he touched your face with a gentleness that made your chest ache, thumb brushing across your cheekbone. "you're gonna break my heart," he said, not quite a question.

"i'm not."

"you will." but he kissed you anyway, softer this time. slower. like he was memorising the feel of you. "and i'm gonna let you. because i'm weak and pathetic and i want you so much i don't even care anymore."

"you're not weak."

"i am though." he rested his forehead against yours, eyes closing. "i'm so weak for you. it's embarrassing."

you could feel his exhaustion creeping in, the way his body was getting heavier against yours, his movements slowing. "come on," you said softly, standing and pulling him up with you. "let's get you somewhere you can actually sleep."

"don't wanna sleep," he protested, but let you guide him anyway. "wanna stay with you."

"you will. i'm not going anywhere."

you found an empty bedroom on the second floor, the door unlocked and the bed mercifully unoccupied. jake collapsed onto it immediately, pulling you down with him. he was asleep within minutes, his arms wrapped around you, face buried in your neck. his breathing evened out, deep and steady.

you should probably feel guilty. taking advantage of his drunken honesty, letting him confess things he'd normally keep locked away. but you were too tired, too overwhelmed by everything he'd said. i want you so badly it hurts. i've been so fucking miserable without you. you're gonna break my heart and i'm gonna let you.

you didn't have answers. didn't have promises you could make. didn't know how to fix the fundamental imbalance between you, the manipulation and hurt that had gotten you here.

but for now, in this quiet room with jake's warmth pressed against you, you could pretend tomorrow didn't exist. could pretend this was simple. just two people who wanted each other, tangled together in the dark, nothing more complicated than that.

you fell asleep still wearing your shoes, jake's arms tight around you, his heartbeat steady against your chest.

you woke to pale morning light filtering through unfamiliar curtains and the warm weight of jake still wrapped around you. for a disorienting moment you couldn't place where you were. then it came back in pieces. the party. the confrontation. jake's drunken confessions. falling asleep tangled together.

jake stirred against you, his breath catching as he woke. you felt the exact moment awareness returned, the way his body went tense. slowly, carefully, he pulled back just enough to look at you. his hair was a disaster, sticking up in every direction. his glasses sat crooked on the nightstand. his eyes were cautious but clear.

"hi," he said quietly.

"hi."

he didn't let go of you. didn't immediately scramble away or apologise or retreat into panic like last time. he just looked at you, searching your face for something.

"i said a lot of things last night," he finally said.

"yeah."

"i meant them." his voice was serious, steady despite the embarrassment colouring his cheeks. "i know i was drunk, and i probably shouldn't have said half of it, but. i meant it. all of it."

your heart kicked up. "jake—"

"i like you," he said, cutting you off gently. "i've liked you since that first night in the lab when you were stressed about your code and i got to actually help you with something. and it's been killing me trying to stay away from you because every time i see you i just. want you. so much that it scares me."

"why does it scare you?"

"because i don't know how to want someone this much and still protect myself." he shifted slightly, propping himself up on one elbow so he could see you better. "last time i didn't protect myself at all. i just. gave in. and then i panicked because it felt too big, too fast, and i didn't know how to handle it."

"and now?"

"now i'm still terrified," he admitted. "but i'm more scared of not trying. of walking away and spending the rest of college wondering what could have happened if i'd just. been brave enough to give you a real chance."

you felt something tight in your chest start to loosen. "i want that. a real chance. i want to do this right."

"yeah?"

"yeah." you reached up, brushing his messy hair back from his forehead. "i'm sorry. for all of it. the manipulation, the games, not being honest about what i wanted. you deserved better than that."

"i know," jake said simply. then, softer: "but i also know you were scared too. just in a different way."

he leaned down, kissing you with a gentleness that made your chest ache. different from last night's desperate intensity. this was slow, careful, almost questioning. you kissed him back, trying to pour everything you couldn't quite say into it. apology and promise and want all tangled together.

when he pulled back his eyes were dark, pupils blown. "i want to try again," he said. "properly this time. but i need you to be honest with me. about what you want. about what this is."

"i want you," you said. "not as a project or a conquest or whatever i convinced myself it was before. just you jake."

something in his expression softened. "okay," he said. "okay. we can work with that."

he kissed you again, deeper this time, and you felt his weight settle more fully over you. "i want to make it up to you," he murmured against your lips. "for running away before. for making you feel like you did something wrong when i was just scared."

"you don't have to—"

"i want to." he was already kissing down your neck, hands sliding under your shirt. "let me. please."

there was something in his voice, almost pleading, that made you nod. he smiled against your skin, helping you out of your clothes with more confidence than he'd had before. when you were bare beneath him he just. looked. taking his time, hands mapping your body like he was memorising every detail.

"you're so pretty," he said, almost reverent. "i thought about this. about you. so many times."

then he was moving lower, pressing kisses down your stomach, your hip bones, the inside of your thighs. when his breath ghosted over where you needed him most you couldn't help the small sound that escaped.

"tell me if anything's too much," he said, glancing up at you. then he lowered his mouth to you and your brain short-circuited.

he started slowly, almost tentatively, like he was learning you. his tongue moved in careful strokes, testing what made you gasp, what made your hips shift toward him. when he found the rhythm that had your fingers tightening in his hair, he made a low, satisfied sound against you that you felt everywhere.

"jake," you breathed, and he looked up at you through his lashes, pupils blown wide, lips glistening with your arousal.

"tell me," he said, voice rough. "tell me what feels good."

"that—" your words cut off as he did it again, tongue flicking over your clit with that same perfect pressure. "right there. just like that."

he was a quick learner. always had been. he catalogued every reaction, every sound you made, adjusting and refining. except this wasn't detached or analytical. this was hungry. desperate. he sucked your clit into his mouth and you moaned, loud and unrestrained, your thighs trembling on either side of his head.

"fuck, jake—"

"god, you taste so good," he mumbled against your pussy, barely pulling back enough to speak. his chin was wet, his glasses fogged slightly. "been thinking about this. wanted to do this right last time."

he was getting lost in it now, the careful control slipping into something messier, greedier. he alternated between focused attention on your clit and broad, indulgent strokes through your folds, like he couldn't decide between making you fall apart and simply savouring you. his tongue pushed inside you and you keened, your back arching off the bed.

"oh my god," you gasped. "jake, your mouth—"

he moaned against you, the vibration making your thighs clench around his head. he didn't seem to mind, just gripped your hips harder, pulled you closer, like he wanted to suffocate in your pussy. when his fingers joined his mouth, sliding through your wetness before pressing inside, you nearly sobbed.

"so wet," he murmured, almost to himself.

he crooked his fingers, finding that spot inside you that made you cry out, and worked it mercilessly while his tongue circled your clit. the dual sensation was overwhelming, pleasure building so fast you couldn't catch your breath. your fingers tightened in his hair, probably painful, but he just groaned and doubled his efforts.

"jake, i'm—fuck, i'm gonna—"

"i know," he said against you, his voice wrecked. "i can feel it. let go for me."

his fingers thrust deeper, faster, his mouth sucking hard on your clit, and you shattered. your orgasm hit like a shockwave, your whole body going taut as pleasure whited out your vision. you were dimly aware of the sounds you were making—high, desperate whimpers and moans—but you couldn't stop them.

jake moaned against you, the sound vibrating through your core, and he didn't let up. he worked you through it with devastating patience, his tongue lapping up everything you gave him like he was starving for it.

"jake," you gasped, trying to push at his head. "too much—"

but he just whined—actually whined—and gripped your thighs tighter, keeping them spread. "please," he mumbled against your pussy, his words muffled and desperate. "please, just one more. need to feel you come again. please."

"i can't—" but your protest died as he sealed his lips around your clit again, sucking gently, his fingers still working inside you. the overstimulation was almost painful but it was already shifting into something else, something that had you gasping and arching into his mouth instead of away from it.

he was making sounds now—desperate, needy whimpers and moans that vibrated against you. he was rutting against the mattress, you realised dimly, seeking friction while he lost himself in eating you out. his hair was a mess from your fingers, and he looked absolutely wrecked.

"so good," he whined between licks. "taste so good. could do this forever. please let me—need to make you come again—"

he was babbling now, drunk on you, his movements getting messier and more desperate. his tongue worked your clit in frantic circles while his fingers curled inside you, and the pleasure was building again impossibly fast. you were so sensitive that every touch felt electric, overwhelming.

"that's it," he gasped, feeling you start to tighten around his fingers. "yeah, give it to me. please, please—"

your second orgasm hit even harder than the first, ripping through you with an intensity that had you crying out his name, your thighs clamping around his head. jake moaned like he was the one coming, his hips jerking against the mattress as he worked you through it, tongue lapping up everything, fingers gentling but not stopping until you were actually sobbing from oversensitivity.

only then did he pull back, and when he finally lifted his head he looked completely gone. his face was flushed and wet, his eyes glazed and unfocused, his lips swollen and red. he looked drunk on you, his eyes unfocused and dark.

"fuck," he breathed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "you're so hot when you come. the sounds you make—"

you pulled him up into a kiss, tasting yourself on his tongue, feeling the way he groaned into your mouth. his cock was rock hard against your thigh, leaking and desperate.

"your turn," you said, reaching down to wrap your hand around him.

he hissed at the contact, his hips jerking forward. "you don't have to—"

"i want to." you stroked him slowly, base to tip, feeling how hot and heavy he was in your palm. precum leaked from the slit and you used it to ease the glide. "you're so hard, jake. does eating my pussy turn you on that much?"

"fuck—" his voice broke. "yes. god, yes. you have no idea."

"tell me." you tightened your grip slightly and he whimpered. actually whimpered. "tell me what you were thinking about."

"i was thinking—" he gasped when your thumb swept over the sensitive head. "thinking about how good you taste. how you were shaking. how i could feel you clenching and i wanted—wanted to be inside you—"

"yeah?" you stroked him faster, loving the way his abs tensed, the way his thighs trembled. "you want to fuck me, jake?"

"so bad," he choked out.

you guided him between your legs, not quite inside yet, just letting the head of his cock slide through your wetness. he made a strangled sound, his whole body shuddering.

"we should—do you have—" he was trying to think through the haze of arousal, being responsible even now. "condom?"

"pill," you said. "i'm on the pill. and i'm clean. tested recently."

"me too. clean, i mean." his cock twitched against you, smearing precum through your folds. "can i—fuck, can i feel you bare?"

"yes," you breathed. "want to feel all of you."

he positioned himself at your entrance, the thick head pressing against you, and even that felt like too much. he pushed in slowly, so slowly, and the stretch was intense. you were wet enough that he slid in smoothly at first, but the sheer size of him was overwhelming.

"oh fuck," you gasped, your hands flying to his shoulders. "jake, you're so—you're so big—"

"i know, i'm sorry—" he froze, only halfway in. "am i hurting you?"

"no, don't stop," you urged, your legs wrapping around his hips to pull him deeper. "just—go slow. need to adjust."

he sank in another inch and you both moaned. he was splitting you open, stretching you so full you could barely breathe. when he finally bottomed out, buried completely inside you, he dropped his forehead to yours.

"oh my god," he choked out. "you're so tight. so fucking tight and wet and—i can't—"

"don't move yet," you managed, clenching around him involuntarily. he was so deep you could feel him everywhere, pressing against spots that made your toes curl. "just let me—fuck—"

"you feel incredible," he said, his voice shaking. "i've never—nothing compares to this."

you tightened around him experimentally and he swore, his hips jerking forward. "sorry, sorry," he gasped. "i'm trying to hold still but when you do that i want to—"

"want to what?" you rolled your hips slightly and he groaned, deep and guttural.

"want to move," he admitted, his control clearly fraying. "want to fuck you."

"then do it," you said.

something in him snapped. he pulled almost all the way out and thrust back in hard, the force of it punching a cry from your lips. he did it again, and again, finding a rhythm that was deep and relentless. the bed creaked beneath you, the headboard hitting the wall with each thrust.

"yes," you gasped, your nails digging into his shoulders. "just like that—don't stop—"

"god," he panted, his voice wrecked. "you feel so good."

you looked down between your bodies and moaned at the sight—his thick cock disappearing into you, glistening with your wetness, stretching you obscenely. "jake, oh my god—"

"feel how deep i am?" he thrust particularly hard and you keened.

"yes—fuck yes—"

he wasn't being careful anymore, wasn't being gentle. he fucked into you with abandon, each thrust hitting that spot inside you that made sparks shoot up your spine. the sounds were obscene—skin slapping against skin, the wet slide of his cock, his grunts mixing with your moans.

"wanted this," he said against your neck, his breath hot. "wanted you. for so long."

"tell me more," you demanded, loving this unfiltered version of him.

"thought about this constantly," he admitted, his thrusts getting harder. "thought about having you like this. making you feel good. hearing you say my name."

"jake—" you were getting close again, that familiar tension building low in your belly.

"touch yourself," he said. "want to feel you come on my cock. need it. please."

you slid your hand between your bodies, finding your clit, already swollen and sensitive. the added stimulation made you clench around him and he swore, his rhythm faltering.

"that's it," he encouraged, his eyes fixed on where your fingers worked. "fuck, that's so hot. you're so hot. make yourself cum. let me feel it."

you worked your clit in tight circles, the pressure building faster with each thrust of his cock. he was so deep, hitting all the right spots, the slide of him inside you absolutely perfect. you were making sounds you'd never made before—high, desperate whines and gasps.

"close," you managed. "so close—"

"come for me," he urged, his voice strained. "squeeze my cock. want to feel your pussy milk me. come on, baby, let me feel it—"

the orgasm hit you like lightning, sudden and intense. you cried out his name, your whole body convulsing, your pussy clamping down on him rhythmically. waves of pleasure crashed over you, so intense you forgot how to breathe.

"oh fuck," jake choked out, his hips stuttering. "you're—i can feel you—i'm gonna—"

he tried to last, you could see it in the tension of his jaw, the way his arms were shaking. but your pussy was still fluttering around him, still clenching in aftershocks, and it was too much. he buried himself deep with a broken moan, his cock pulsing inside you as he came. you felt the warmth of it, felt him fill you up, and the intimacy of it made something in your chest crack open.

"fuck," he gasped, collapsing on top of you. "oh my god. that was—i've never—"

you wrapped your arms around him, both of you breathing hard, hearts racing in sync. he was still inside you, softening slowly, and you could feel his release leaking out around his cock.

"that was amazing," you said when you could finally speak. "you were amazing."

he lifted his head to look at you, his expression soft and vulnerable. "i think i might be falling for you," he said quietly. "is that okay? am i allowed to say that?"

your throat felt tight with emotion. "yeah. that's okay."

"good." he kissed you gently, sweetly. "because i don't think i could stop even if you told me to."

he pulled out carefully and you both hissed at the sensitivity. immediately he was gathering you into his arms, pulling you against his chest like he couldn't stand not touching you. you fit there perfectly, your head tucked under his chin.

"we should probably talk about this," you said after a while. "about us."

"we will," jake promised, his fingers tracing patterns on your spine. "but can we just stay like this for a bit first?"

"yeah." you pressed closer, breathing in the scent of him. "we can stay like this."

and you did. stayed tangled together as the morning light grew stronger, as the sounds of people leaving the party filtered up through the floor. his cum was still leaking out of you, making a mess on your thighs, but neither of you moved to clean up. you just held each other in this new, tentative peace.

jake changed almost overnight once you started dating. it was like giving him permission to want you openly had flipped some switch in his brain. suddenly he was everywhere.

he'd show up at your door before your 9 am lecture with coffee, your exact order memorised, his hair still messy from sleep because he'd woken up early just to see you. he'd kiss you goodbye and then text you five minutes later with some random thought he forgot to mention. did you know that octopuses have three hearts? just learnt that. thought you should know.

in class he'd sit next to you instead of in his usual back corner spot, his knee always pressed against yours under the desk. sometimes his hand would find its way to your thigh, just resting there, his thumb tracing absent patterns while he tried to focus on the lecture. you'd catch him staring at you instead of his laptop, and when you'd raise an eyebrow he'd just smile, unashamed.

"you're distracting," he'd whisper.

"i'm literally just sitting here."

"i know. it's very distracting."

study sessions became impossible. you'd be explaining a concept and he'd lean over to kiss your shoulder, your neck, the corner of your mouth. "jake, i'm trying to help you."

"i know, keep going," he'd say, already doing it again.

"you're not even listening."

"i am. you were talking about. um." he'd grin sheepishly. "okay i wasn't listening. but you're just so pretty when you're focused."

your friends noticed immediately. yunjin had taken one look at jake's arm slung around your shoulders at lunch, the way he was playing with your hair while talking to beomgyu, and pulled you aside.

"okay so he's like. obsessed with you," she said. "it's actually kind of cute. in a golden retriever kind of way."

"he's not obsessed."

"babe, he just offered to carry your bag even though your apartment is literally three minutes away. and he's been smiling at you for the past ten minutes like you hung the moon. it's obsessed behaviour."

but she said it fondly, and later you caught her telling beomgyu that she'd never seen you this relaxed before. "she's not performing," yunjin had said. "she's just. being."

and she was right. with jake you didn't have to strategise or calculate or perform anything. he wanted you. obviously, openly, without games or subtext. when you showed up to his place in sweats and no makeup, he'd light up like you'd dressed up specifically for him. when you stole his hoodies, he'd just buy more so you could steal those too.

"i like seeing you in my clothes," he'd admitted once, pulling you close. "makes me feel like. i don't know. like you're mine."

"possessive," you'd teased.

"is that bad?"

"no," you'd said, kissing him. "i like it."

jake's friends had their own reactions. you'd been nervous meeting them properly, remembering that disastrous first encounter at the party. but they'd welcomed you easily, even if they did give jake endless shit.

"dude, you're so whipped," his roommate said, watching jake immediately get up to refill your drink without being asked.

"and?" jake had said, completely unbothered.

"and nothing, it's just funny. remember when you said you'd never be that guy who drops everything for someone? and now you're literally—"

"finish that sentence and i'm not helping you with discrete math anymore."

but he was smiling when he said it, and later his roommate told you that jake talked about you constantly. "it's honestly annoying how happy he is."

the thing was, you were happy too. unexpectedly, overwhelmingly happy. jake made you sharper somehow, more focused. when you studied together you actually retained information because he made learning feel collaborative instead of competitive. he celebrated your successes like they were his own, staying up with you before big presentations, bringing you stress-relief snacks, sending you encouraging texts.

and you did the same for him. learnt his patterns, his tells when he was overwhelmed. you'd show up at the lab with dinner when you knew he'd been working for hours. you'd run your fingers through his hair when he was stressed, and he'd melt into your touch, all that tension draining away.

"you make everything easier," he'd told you once, late at night when you were both too tired to filter. "like the world's less heavy when you're around."

"that's the cheesiest thing you've ever said."

"i know. i mean it though."

weeks blurred together in the best way. stolen kisses between classes. jake's hand always finding yours. the way he'd kiss you goodbye at your door and then text you goodnight five minutes later even though he lived one floor up. movie nights that turned into makeout sessions on your couch, jake's glasses getting in the way until you carefully removed them, setting them aside so you could kiss him properly.

he got clingy when he was tired, wrapping around you like a koala, mumbling into your neck. "don't leave."

"i'm just going to get water."

"too far. stay."

"jake, i'll be gone thirty seconds."

"thirty seconds too long."

you'd laugh, running your fingers through his hair until he fell asleep, and feel something warm and settled in your chest. this was what it was supposed to feel like.

the beach had been jake's idea. "there's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight," he'd said, eyes lighting up behind his glasses. "and i know this spot that's perfect for stargazing. barely any light pollution. we could bring blankets, make a whole thing of it?"

so here you were, sitting on a blanket in the sand while the ocean crashed softly in the background. the sky was impossibly clear, stars scattered across it like someone had spilt diamonds. jake lay with his head in your lap, one of your hands playing with his hair while he pointed up at the sky.

"okay, so see those seven stars there?" he traced a pattern with his finger. "that's the big dipper, which is part of ursa major. but if you follow those two stars at the edge, they point directly to polaris. the north star."

you hummed, only half listening to the actual words. you were too busy watching him. the way his eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, how animated his expressions were when he talked about something he loved. the moonlight caught on his features, highlighting the sharp line of his jaw, the soft curve of his lips.

"and that one—" he was still going, completely absorbed. "that's cassiopeia. she was a queen in greek mythology who bragged about being more beautiful than the sea nymphs, so poseidon punished her by placing her in the sky upside down. you can see how the constellation kind of looks like a W? that's her throne."

"jake," you said softly.

"oh, and if you look over there, that really bright one? that's actually venus, not a star. common misconception. planets don't twinkle like stars do because—"

you leaned down and kissed him, cutting off his rambling mid-sentence. he made a surprised sound but responded immediately, his hand coming up to cup the back of your neck. when you pulled back he followed your lips automatically, trying to chase another kiss.

"you were saying?" you teased.

"i—" he blinked up at you, slightly dazed. "what was i saying?"

"something about venus."

"right. venus. because of the. um." he lost his train of thought as you leaned down again, kissing him slower this time. "you're distracting me from the meteor shower."

"am i?"

"yeah. very effectively." but he was smiling, pulling you down for another kiss.

you shifted, moving to straddle his lap properly. jake's hands immediately found your waist, sliding under your shirt to rest against bare skin. 

the kissing turned heated quickly. jake made these small, needy sounds that drove you crazy, his hands roaming over your back, your sides, anywhere he could reach. when you rolled your hips experimentally he gasped into your mouth, his grip tightening.

"fuck," he whispered. "you're gonna kill me."

you kissed down his jaw, his neck, feeling his pulse racing under your lips. his hands had moved to your hips now, guiding your movements, and you could feel how affected he was. "still thinking about the stars?" you teased.

"what stars?" he pulled you down for another bruising kiss, one hand tangling in your hair. "can't think about anything except you."

you ground down harder and jake made a sound that was almost a whine, his head falling back against the blanket. "please," he gasped. "please, i need—"

suddenly, the loud, insistent beeping of his watch interrupted the moment.

you both froze.

jake's face went bright red as he fumbled with his wrist. "oh my god. oh my god. it's my fitness watch. it thinks i'm exercising because my heart rate—" another beep. "make it stop."

you couldn't help it. you burst out laughing, burying your face in his shoulder while his watch continued its concerned beeping about his elevated heart rate. "it's not funny," jake groaned, still trying to silence the watch. "this is so embarrassing."

"it's a little funny."

"my watch just cockblocked me. there's nothing funny about that."

you kissed his jaw, still giggling. "i think it's cute. your heart rate got that high just from kissing me?"

"you were not just kissing me, you were—" he made a frustrated noise. "yes. okay. yes. you have that effect on me. are you happy?"

"very." you settled against his chest, feeling his heartbeat still racing under your ear. the watch had finally stopped beeping. "for what it's worth, my heart's doing the same thing."

"yeah?" he wrapped his arms around you, holding you close.

"yeah."

you lay there together, the ocean providing a steady soundtrack, the stars scattered above you. jake pressed a kiss to the top of your head. "i love you," he said softly. "in case that wasn't obvious from the way my watch literally staged an intervention."

you lifted your head to look at him. his eyes were soft, open, vulnerable in the moonlight. "i love you too," you said, meaning it completely.

he smiled, that full, genuine smile that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. then he kissed you again, sweet and unhurried, his hands gentle on your face.

"we should probably head back soon," you murmured eventually. "it's getting late."

"five more minutes," jake said, pulling you closer. "just. let me hold you for five more minutes."

you settled back against him, his arms wrapped securely around you, both of you looking up at the vast sky. you'd come here to watch a meteor shower but you'd been too distracted by each other to notice if any had passed.

somehow, you didn't mind at all.

"hey," jake said softly. "thank you."

"for what?"

"for giving me another chance. for being patient with me while i figured my shit out. for. this. all of it." his arms tightened around you. "i know i was difficult at first."

"you weren't difficult. you were protecting yourself. i get it now."

"still. you could have given up on me. but you didn't."

"of course i didn't," you said, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "you're worth it. you've always been worth it."

jake made a soft, overwhelmed sound, burying his face in your hair. "i'm gonna marry you someday," he mumbled. "just so you know."

"jake—"

"not now. obviously not now. but someday. when we've graduated and figured our lives out and i can actually afford a ring. i'm gonna marry you."

you felt your chest go tight with emotion. "okay," you whispered. "someday."

"yeah. someday."

you stayed like that until the cold started seeping in, until you were both shivering despite being pressed together. finally, reluctantly, you packed up the blanket and headed back to campus. jake held your hand the entire walk, occasionally pulling you close to kiss you at random intervals.

"what was that for?" you asked after the third surprise kiss.

"just because," he said, smiling. "because i can. because i love you. do i need more reasons?"

"no," you said, kissing him back. "no more reasons needed."

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