I started my first fanfiction after I wrote a conversation a few weeks ago. Every Sunday, I will add another chapter in addition to my other posts.
What if there had never been a fire that killed Jessica, but a car crash had killed Dean? But Sam couldn't handle his death, so he began to hallucinate Jessica's death instead and drive around with his brother.
Jessica still loves Sam and tries to find and to help him. But she didn't know that Supernatural beings existed. But Sam didn't know that not every supernatural being he hunts is real.
The Imaginary, the Imagination, and the Supernatural
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Somehow, Mark Pellegrino played Lucifer so well that I didn't believe that Lucifer was the villain in the story. Mark made it so reasonable that Lucifer's actions were understandable due to some kinds of loss that I sometimes forgot why he was the villain and what he had done, and I even sympathized with him in one way or another.
And I think that the writers did in the later seasons made the same mistakes.
Like, why would Sam talk to Lucifer, let ihm life in his room and not send him away with a sigil?
And if he had no choice but to send him away, why didn't he get panic attacks only by thinking of Lucifer?
Sam was tortured by Lucifer for nearly 120 years nonstop. And even a strong mind can't make it due to trauma for this long time. And I didn't think there for years. I think of minutes to an hour. So, why did Sam really work with Lucifer after the hallucinations?
While watching Supernatural, there were some things we saw quite frequently, while other things changed drastically over the course of the series, and some changed slowly and not so noticeably.
What obviously never changed was hunting things, saving people (and the world while one of them two (or three) caused the end), the brotherhood and codependency.
But the codependency was also one of the things that changed slowly but never completely, and during the show not that noticeably - unless you're starting to watch it over and over again or started from the beginning.
The way they think was a thing that slowly changed. At the beginning, Dean was so used to thinking in black and white. But later on - when we saw Benny, Garth and many other "Monsters" Dean began to understand that there are different kinds of Monsters and that not everyone is bad (but some are obviously bad). Dean also thought he was what John wants him to be, and for him there is no way out. But then, at the end, he wanted to become a firefighter. He wanted to have a family (an "own" family or one with Ben and Lisa again).
Sam, on the other hand, was at the beginning secure in his actions and what he wanted in his Life. But that changed with every Trauma and every loss he had a bit more. And at the end he sounded more secure and grown up than before, but inside of him, he was more broken than before Dean took him out of the fire.
Another thing that changed slowly was what they hunted and how frequently they hunted monsters, demons, angels and sometimes other barbaric humans ("Our usual playmates, there’s rules, patterns. But people, they’re just crazy.").
In the first two to three seasons, Sam and Dean hunted more monsters than demons. After Cas appeared, they began fighting angels and demons more frequently and discontinued their weekly hunting trips.
The third and last thing that changed slowly was how much they trusted other people and how well they've been working together with other hunters.
There are Jody, Charlie, Donna, Claire, Bobby and many other hunters they've hunted with and asked for help one or other time. But then there are episodes where we saw many other hunters hunting side by side with Sam and Dean against something bigger.
In my opinion, there was a drastic change when Castiel came into Sam and Dean's lives. Not only because he became a good friend. He changed their beliefs in good, evil, God and Angels.
Another drastic change were Bobbys death. Not only because they lost a father figure. They lost a permanent home, a place where they could be themselves without being scared of an attack because Bobby is there and managed it before it possibly could happen (like the weekend project: the panic room).
And the other drastic change was when they found the Bunker. That was the turning point where she almost finally stopped making her weekly monster hunts visible to us, and instead began to lead a normal life - by her standards.
One thing is: Stand up for those who can't defend themselves. Stand up, even if it's your family. Real family will understand one day why you've done things the way you did. Or it wouldn't be necessary for your relationship.
And those who can't defend themselves at that point will give it back one day - or give the good things to others - and you'll feel it too.
Jessica came home, and she felt relaxed for the first time in months. She felt like Sam was just longer in the library, or he had fallen asleep there again, like the dozens of times before.
She didn't remember when she fell asleep, but she awoke because her phone rang for several minutes.
"Hello?”
She asks, half asleep, half awake.
"Jess? Do you have a minute? I don't know what I should believe and what not. Please help me!”
"Sam? What happened?”
Jessica was fully awake and was ready to pick up Sam immediately.
"I can't find my brother and my dad... My dad died…. And Dean isn't here. I think I have gone crazy.”
Jessica heard him crumple on the other end of the phone.
"Are you still in Sioux Falls? Did you talk with a doctor there?”
Jessica sat upright in her bed and listened intently. She heard his breathing quicken and his attempts to calm himself, but how grief, confusion, and loss overwhelmed him. After several minutes, Jessica heard Sam speak.
"I'm not in the hospital anymore. But I'm still in Sioux Falls.”
Jessica heard a little difference in Sam's voice. It was like tears coming up, and he had to fight them and didn't want Jessica to know it.
"I can't even remember how I came here. I only know I was with you, and then you were gone, and I looked for my dad and Dean.”
Jessica rubs her eyes and sighs before she brings up an idea:
"Come back home, and we can handle everything from here. You don't have to deal with it alone. Take the next flight, and I'll help you with everything.”
"Dad wanted to be burned as soon as possible. And I want to at least give him this honor. And I'll call you either I found Dean again or when I've got Dad's ashes and I come home to you again.”
"Sam?”
"Yeah?”
"I wish you could just come home and tell me everything. Everything that happened to you and where you went through.”
Jessica heard Sam swallow and gave him time to answer. And when he started speaking, her jaw literally dropped open, because even though Sam only mentioned a few things, he said enough to leave her speechless when they hung up 20 minutes later.
Two hours later, she hears the doorbell ring, and she opens the door.
"Dad! What are you doing here?”
"Is it a crime to visit my daughter?”
He laughs. But then turns serious while Jessica lets him in.
"You didn't answer the phone, and I wanted to look for you. Did something happen I have to know about? And how was Sioux Falls?”
"I don't know what I should believe and what not. On the one hand, I heard what Sam told me; I saw things in Sioux Falls you wouldn't believe me in a thousand years and on the other hand, I am thinking all the time that it can't be true, and everything was something I can't process. I have no idea where my mind is. And then Sam asked me if I could help him find his brother. What should I do?”
"Wait a second, please, and tell me everything from the beginning. But first, let's order pizza and beer.”
*At midnight, Jessica grabs the last piece of pizza while her dad sips his beer.*
"And you were sure his brother died a year ago?”
"When you asked me that a year ago, I would say that it was Sam's brother in the photo the cops showed Sam and me. But now I am not that sure anymore. There are so many things out there I never saw or never mentioned before I was with Sam in this Motel and figured out that ghosts are real. And there are people out there who hunt ghosts and monsters, which could possibly be real too.”
"Cutie pie, why didn't we hear about it at college or at school? Shouldn't it be taught there if it's true?”
"We heard about it in so many stories. But we never listened to them. So, what if there are some monsters from those stories real and others not?”
"As much as I love you, cutie pie, I think you're too tired to think straight at the moment. We should discuss that tomorrow.”
"You're right, Dad. I just cleaned up a bit.”
„Go to bed. We're doing it together when we are awake.”
"What would I do without you?”
Jessica laughs and says good night and goes to bed while her dad makes the couch ready.
The next morning, the doorbell rings. It's Brady, who heard Jessica was in Sioux Falls, and he wanted to talk with her. Jessica's dad opened the door while he shouted to Jessica that she had a visitor.
"Hello, Mr. Moore. Is Jessica home?”
"Yes. Give her a minute. She makes herself ready.”
Jessica's dad goes into the kitchen and hands Brady a glass of water.
"Hey, Jessica. I heard you were outside the city and visited Sam?”
"Yes, I was at Sam's side. But I don't really talk about it. I have to think about that for a little bit for myself. I didn't know what was right, what was wrong and what was in between. And I talked with my dad the whole night. But thank you for coming up. Do you want some coffee?”
Brady nods.
"Yeah. I'll grab one before I go and grab some groceries.”
Jessica makes coffee for Brady and herself.
"How did you know I was with Sam? I haven't told you."
Brady sips at his coffee before he answers.
"If I have time to drive to my parents, I have to drive through Sioux Falls. And so I saw you two there talking with a white woman.”
He sips again, and Jessica gets a little bit nervous.
She thinks: "What has he seen? Can he explain anything? Will he judge me?”
"I didn't want to interrupt you. And after the woman disappeared, you were so into talking with Sam and got so close; I thought you two wanted some private time.”
"Brady! My dad is right behind you!”
Jessica looked at him admonishingly.
“I'm so sorry, Mr. Moore. I've forgotten you're here.”
Brady's face turned from white to red in seconds.
"I was also young, a long time ago.”
Jessica's dad smiled.
"I made the same jones a long time ago.”
Brady stood in the middle of the room and didn't move an inch.
"Weren't you on your way to Walmart?”
Jessica's dad asked gently.
"You're right. I wanted to go shopping.”
Brady turned a little bit around before he left the apartment again.
"What's that between Brady and you? It looked a little bit more than friendship.”
"We're just friends. He is just a friend who helps me from time to time. There's nothing more between us. Trust me, Dad.”
"Ok, Ok. I didn't mention it again.”
Jessica and her dad clean up the apartment, and Jessica thinks about the time with Sam and the ghost.
"Dad? Do you think Sam would just break a promise like that?”
"What do you mean, cutie pie?”
"That ghost I told you about…. She said that Sam promised her to stop hunting. And she understood why Sam can't stop. But it was also a little bit weird.”
"You know Sam better than I do. But he never broke a promise in all the time I have known him. And there were promises that weren't easy. Even I wouldn't do these without hesitation. But he did it without batting an eye. So if Sam is breaking a promise, then only because he sees no other way."
The apartment is cleaned, and Jessica and her dad are sitting on the couch in the living room.
"Do you know what you're going to do after college?”
"I'm not sure. But I want to help people like Sam professionally. But I don't know how I can get there.”
"Do you mean you want to help people hunting these unbelievable things, or do you mean help people with a psychotic episode?”
"I think I couldn't kill that easily- even when it's an 'unbelievable thing'. And I think someone should take care of those people with a psychologist's help. - Wait a second. Did you say Sam is having a psychotic episode?”
"It sounded a little bit like that. But please don't take it at face value. I haven't spoken to him since he left.”
"I know. I know."
Jessica's dad looks at his wristwatch.
"Oh. I should go back to your mom. Otherwise, I would hear something about punctuality again. Do you want to eat with us? We would be happy.”
"Sure. But let me first change my clothes.”
Jessica and her dad are ready to go as the doorbell rings again.
"Who could it be? I thought I hadn't invited anyone today.”
Jessica opens the door, and Brady stands again in front of it.
"Brady? What are you doing here again?”
"I wanted to have a look after you again, and I've brought you something. Have a look!”
Brady hands Jessica a grocery bag full of beer, cola, chips and ice. And while Jessica took a look, his eyes turned black for a second.
While Jessica hands him the bag again, she says:
"Thanks. But I wanted to go eat with my parents. And my fridge is totally full. But if you want, we can use it tomorrow after college. I need help with my presentation, and you would be the perfect partner for that. And I need another point of view tomorrow. Is that Ok for you?”
"Yeh. That would be perfect. Is 6 OK?”
"6 P.M. would be perfect. And thank you, Brady. I don't know what to do without you.”
Jessica and her dad are sitting in the car and driving to his house.
"Are you sure there is nothing between you too? It looked a little bit like that.”
"Yes. I'm really sure. Brady introduced me to Sam nearly three years ago. And I still love Sam. I won't leave him just because Brady is here for me. While he is somewhere else, he doesn't know what's right, what's wrong and hunts monsters. That wouldn't be fair.”
"OK, OK. I won't mention it to your mom. Maybe to Annie.”
"Why would you do this to me? This isn't that much better.”
"Hey! If someone were to give them gossip, then what happens to Sam or that our neighbours have the wrong haircut or drive the wrong car?”
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For Supernatural, I wished that they had nearly never used modern techniques in the series. This made it necessary to come up with more creativity in the scenes and take what was given by the outside, like rain and sun and play/work with it.
I also think that new faces could make it more interesting, like the change of the Actresses from Meg or Ruby - even when I love Mark Sheppard for Crowley, Mark Pellegrino for Lucifer, Misha Collins for Castiel, Amanda Tapping as Naomi and Robert Wisdom as Uriel - even when it's easier to watch a show with always the same faces.
While I was watching supernatural I learned much about Always-keep-fighting and family-don't-end-with-blood. And I hopefully never forget these things. I hope I can give someday these lessons to people I love.
But what exactly did I learn by Always keep fighting and Family don't end with blood?
Always keep fighting: not only fight your inner demons (real ones like Ruby or Crowley), but also your demons and problems in the world. Fight them, even if you think you can't.
What I hopefully never forget: Family don't end with blood. They care for you. They hold your back. And if your family isn't good for you, you need someone else, I will be there.
I want to listen to the same story over and over again, until you find your way out of this situation by yourself or with help.
I want to fight with you at battles side by side until we win or lose with proud.
I want to be there even if you hate me at some moments Like Bobby was there for Sam and Dean, even when he didn't want kids in first place.
That and so much more did I learned by Supernatural. And I want to give this to people.
While I was listening to the first chapters of "Family don't end with blood" a few months ago, I became a diffuse Feeling.
On the one hand I felt like nothing could stop me. I will always can change my life - even more if I start to show who I really am and where I am interested in. But on the other hand I felt at one point that I was too late to the party. I started the show years after it ended. I joyned the fandom because of it when everyone had found their place in the Community. I felt like I couldn't fit in, even though I felt Connected because of this exact feeling.
I wanted to be a part without showing myself. I wanted to be heard without saying anything.
But all the storys - not only from Jared, but also from Kim Rhodes and some fans - gave me strength to start using my voice to transport my thoughts about a show that effected me in the same way in 7 months than a dozend other series in 12 years (some of them more than others, some nearly the same as SPN, because it stayed at my side for a longer time. But that's something for another day and other fandom).
read this thread. this is by far the most concise explanation of a lot of different issues that i’ve seen in fandom spaces in a while. cosigning both the linked thread and the thread about aus/uk/can law that’s linked in-thread.
If someone has never taken a class that includes copyright law, they may not know this stuff, so I don’t necessarily blame random people for not knowing what copyright is, but like… maybe just maybe it’s something that should be taught????
Just another reminder, because this always drives me crazy, but even if monetizing your fic was 100% unambiguously legal and protected, AO3 would still not let you do it because AO3 was founded and is supported by people like me who want a fandom community that is completely divested from making money off of fic.
Yes, this. Lots of fanworks on AO3 are unambiguously legal. Fics based on Shakespeare plays and fairy tales and Greek mythology and The Great Gatsby and your original character from your D&D game are not violations of copyright, because no copyright applies to those things.
AO3 still doesn’t let you monetize those things on the site, because we don’t want the site to be commercial! Because that’s not what it’s for!
It’s not there for you (generic you) to make money off the efforts of the people who build and maintain the site for free! We aren’t getting paid for the work we do to give you a nice site to use, just like you aren’t getting paid for the work you do to create whatever art you share there. Because fandom is supposed to be a community where we share with each other, and therefore we all benefit.
The deal is, we give you a free, stable, safe platform to host your works. In exchange, you get a site that isn’t covered in ads and tip jars and links to gofundme and “read the next chapter at my patreon”. You get one goddamn place on the internet that isn’t trying to make money off you. And we will defend that space and keep it non-commercial.
If you want to make money off your fics, you can instead post them somewhere like royal Road. “Oh, but Royal Road’s culture is so much more negative and stressful and lacks the supportive norms of AO3!” Yeah, because people are trying to make money there. Half the userbase is treating it as a storefront and hustling is the natural social consequence of that. AO3’s culture can only exist because it’s not commercial.
While Sam, Dean and Cas try to find a way to get rid of the four horsemen, we've got a whole episode of war, famine, pestilence, and death.
Later today I'll write something about death, but now I want to mention Pestilence, war, and most of all famine.
Pestilence and war are two of the easier ones in my opinion. They were affected by them, but not that much that they can't fight them.
But famine is different from the two before. It affected Sam so much that he couldn't get his things together - because of his demon-blood-addiction and his human side. And even if he wasn't addicted, he would sacrifice himself and wouldn't be able to fight famine because of it.
Cas is affected by famine too, which was new for me, because I thought that he was immune to famine because he still has a little bit of his angel power. But after Famine's explanation, I understood Cas.
But that Dean wasn't affected by famine was an interesting detail of his character. And even before Famine explained to Dean why he isn't affected the Same way as all the other people around, I had a thought about that, and Famine explained it very well: He is dead inside.
Even though I only learned the word for this feeling a week ago, I knew while watching this episode that Dean was apathetic due to long-term depression (which he always, besides one or two times the whole show, hid well). He didn't want to feel anything, and famine took away his self-medication (alcohol, sex, and food). So Dean was realy doesn't feel anything that day, and it was just a little bit different than a normal day for Dean.
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I mentioned earlier that I want to do a separate post about death. And here it comes...
The original death (played by Julian Richings) was someone with Aura and authority without even knowing how he was, how his behavior is and how he treat everyone around him.
And because I was seeing a pattern with "the Bad guys"/the horsemens, I thought that Julian Richings death wouldn't stay long. But then he was someone Dean respected more than his dad. And we know how much Dean respected John.
Death became a deathmeal at the end. Something no one else became. Dean knew deep inside him that Death isn't something he and his brother can trick forever. At one point death would get them. And because he knew that, he want to talk to him and doesn't want to kill him.
And the second "big death" Billy was just a shadow of Julian Richings death Interpretation. But if she would be as old as the real one she would have nearly the same authority.
I think there are so many missed opportunities in Supernatural. But today I want to focus only on the Musical/Fanfiction-episode.
Even when I first watched it, I had the feeling that it could be the end of the whole series. And the more I think about the concept of the episode and the ending of the musical and the end of the episode, I felt like: This is the end of the tellable story, and now it's up to you to make your own fanfictions, your own endings, and let everything sink in.
The only thing that has to change is where this episode is placed in the series. I think before this "final" episode, every big event has to come to an end, and then only a few little things would be brought together in this last episode.
In my opinion, everyone would be sad that it's over and there would be tears. But not because it is a cruel end as we've got. There would be tears just because of the "Carry on my wayward son" AND that it came to an end.
And with this episode as an end, there were so many more possibilities for spin-offs or a new generation like wayward sisters to take their place on TV (I am waiting for the series, and I know I am not the only one!) with appearances of Sam and Dean in there.
But the end made us cry for several hours straight and let us neglect that the last episode exists.
At what time did I lose myself in Supernatural? I can't say an episode or an exact season. But I know it was something in between of season 2 and season 4.
I lost, not because I needed a new home or I wanted to have a new comfort series. No, something more natural caught me. Something human and natural.
I think it's the continued failures of Sam and Dean and the continued forgivings from them and their friends. Something I thought was something only I discovered in my life or in the life of my friends.
Adding to that, I also read and heard some parts of interviews from Jared about his depression diagnosis and how it affected him in his work and how he figured it out - with professional help and help from friends and family.
Something in between that I lost myself in supernatural.
Sam and Rowena are together in the Bunker, and everyone else is on a hunting trip or grocery shopping.
"Nobody ever said I'm a bad brother? What do you mean? People say that all the time."
Sam let out a bitter laugh.
"And honestly? They're not wrong. I didn't look for Dean when he was in Purgatory. I got addicted to demon blood. I couldn't stop him from becoming a vampire. And because of me, we got mixed up with the British Men of Letters in the first place. So yeah... maybe I am a bad brother."
Rowena rolled her eyes dramatically.
"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Samuel. I was an appalling mother to Fergus. If anyone's qualified to judge such things, it's me. And believe me—you are not a terrible brother. Compared to me, you're positively saintly."
Sam looked away.
"But everyone says it. Dean said it. Bobby said it. Hell, sometimes I think they're right."
"Ah."
Rowena's expression softened.
"There's your problem, darling. You're listening to everyone else instead of yourself."
She stepped closer and tilted her head.
"You measure your worth by your failures and ignore every sacrifice you've ever made. That's a rather unfair standard, don't you think?"
Sam remained silent.
Rowena smirked.
"Besides, if public opinion were any indication of one's value, I'd be doomed. Half the world hates me, and yet here I stand—powerful, brilliant, and as gorgeous as ever."
"Gabriel? How did you manage to get into the divine witness protection program only with Loki's help?"
"Who said I had only help from Loki? And isn't the help from one Trickster enough? You didn't find me until I wanted to play with Dad's toys and tricked Sam and Dean two or three times before they noticed..."
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Let me explain: We know Angels can heal. We know Angels can send someone back in time. So what if Dean died in the Last episode, but one of the Angels loved watching Dean hunt and sent him back in the angel's favorite time (or maybe in Dean's favorite one)?
