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@patronsaintoftechdecks
hold up. i just gotta clarify. that post where i said that I thought of st. john the apostle laying his head on jesus, wasnt a gay thing. it’s literally in the bible. John 13:23
One of his disciples, the one whom Jesus loved, was reclining at Jesus’ side
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is the friend you texted for ten hours the same friend who had a boyfriend and slipped away during the relationship before coming back when it ended?
no this is a different friend but same friend group
To Phantom
by Avery Pearson
Brain with tentacles: what do you taste when you touch me? You see me. At least, you’re trying to. I think. You seem just as struck as I am. What in the world are you? It’s an incredible feat, today, to elicit and exchange wonder with anything, really. Fear can be conquered with knowledge if you trade in your doubts for discovery. Wisdom’s only earned with love, the truth with intimacy. You’re all tricks. You can’t be from here. You jet and hide from your problems. You can’t bear to hide how you feel. How you feel is how you see, how you are. You’re trying so hard to understand. No one gets it. You’re all alone. I can’t stop thinking about you. Deliciously divergent, enticing me with each new rule you make, mend, and break. You challenge precedence - embrace the impossible in every appendage. Reserved gait, curious fervor. Your scattered genius contradicts this impatience, this urgency. Withdrawn - absolutely saturated. A slave to your impulses, calculated when it counts. What does it feel like to have distributed control of your actions? What do you dream about? When will I know you?
i love having friends. i was texting my friend for 10 hours. we started talking about what we were doing in the moment. she was making boba & i had just got back from mass. we sent each other memes. then we played games w each other on our phone for like two hours. we sent each other more memes. we texted each other when we had peed. then we became aware of how long we had been on our phones but continued to be on it. then she told me all about percy jackson & basically went word for word on the first book for like three hours. then we sent each other memes for another hour & she kept saying she was gonna sleep but always came back into the chat to text me about whatever random thought she had.
y’all i got a job on campus. this is my first job & ima be making minimum wage so every dollar i make will go towards my trip to spain. i’ve done the calculations & the amount of money ima make will be around the amount i need to go to spain. & i’m fine with that bc at least i know I will be the one paying for it. i don’t want my parents paying for it bc it’s around $2k or more not counting the spending money for food & whatnot in spain. so like in total including counting money it’ll probably be like $3.1k. i am not about to let my parents pay that amount of money. so i’m thinking of having another job but not necessarily for a company just a side hustle of my own. the side hustle money i could use for personal expenses & food & phone payments & car insurance & whatnot. bc currently my parents pay for everything so i need another job. but yeah even if no one reads this, i like to document it
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guys something is wrong w me.
before she had a boyfriend, it was always us two. our friends said it was like we were basically dating EVEN SHE SAID THAT. her mom said we were girlfriends. family friends thought she was more than just my friend when i invited her to parties.
i liked it being just us two.
then she got a boyfriend. it wasnt us two anymore in fact she stopped texting me & calling me bc she would go to him for everything. she didn’t avoid me or anything but we only spoke if we passed by each other to say hi or something.
she & her boyfriend broke up & now she calls me again & texts me & we hang out we say stuff just us two again. she falls asleep on call & facetime just like she used to. i don’t think we’d work as a relationship just bc of our very different dynamics but i don’t want her to be w someone else. i also don’t know if it’s the attention i like. i want to love her just for who she is & i don’t necessarily mean in a romantic way simply for the way she thinks, her mannerisms, for the things she loves, for the things she hates, for her values, for all she does & all that she doesn’t.
the other day she said she wanted a girlfriend. i was barely able to cope w her having a boyfriend but w a girlfriend? i don’t even know what i would do i just know i don’t want her to have someone else but is it bc i want her to be w me or is it bc i won’t be her #1 & she won’t be my #1 anymore? or is it the attention that i crave? i have other friends that i talk to & i go out w. so ???
aghhh
nvm fuck all that i should’ve listened to God
guys something is wrong w me.
before she had a boyfriend, it was always us two. our friends said it was like we were basically dating EVEN SHE SAID THAT. her mom said we were girlfriends. family friends thought she was more than just my friend when i invited her to parties.
i liked it being just us two.
then she got a boyfriend. it wasnt us two anymore in fact she stopped texting me & calling me bc she would go to him for everything. she didn’t avoid me or anything but we only spoke if we passed by each other to say hi or something.
she & her boyfriend broke up & now she calls me again & texts me & we hang out we say stuff just us two again. she falls asleep on call & facetime just like she used to. i don’t think we’d work as a relationship just bc of our very different dynamics but i don’t want her to be w someone else. i also don’t know if it’s the attention i like. i want to love her just for who she is & i don’t necessarily mean in a romantic way simply for the way she thinks, her mannerisms, for the things she loves, for the things she hates, for her values, for all she does & all that she doesn’t.
the other day she said she wanted a girlfriend. i was barely able to cope w her having a boyfriend but w a girlfriend? i don’t even know what i would do i just know i don’t want her to have someone else but is it bc i want her to be w me or is it bc i won’t be her #1 & she won’t be my #1 anymore? or is it the attention that i crave? i have other friends that i talk to & i go out w. so ???
aghhh
y’all i got a job interview the day after tomorrow & i’m nervous. it’s an on campus job in the library so i don’t know how professionally i have to dress. i was thinking maybe just some khakis or chinos with a knitted sweater & a polo bc it’s still cold out & that’s not exactly dressed down but it’s not super dressed up either. also i cannot hold eye contact for my life so i’m just going to pretend the interviewer is someone i miss bc maybe then i’ll be more inclined to look them in the eyes. also i have incredibly poor posture so i have to focus on that too. oh & yesterday i saw a tweet that said the way you say goodbye makes more of an impact than the way you greet someone & im thinking about that & obviously this can range but i want to make sure i greet & say goodbye w a smile. in this case, it’s a profesional setting so all i have to do is smile, look them in the eyes, shake their hand, thank them, & leave. simple. also what questions do they ask in an interview?? i was sent some supplemental questions to fill out that was part of the application & it was only ten questions but it took me a while to answer them. WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT TO KNOW 😭 i don’t even want to go to the interview bc what if i fuck up. i wouldn’t want to go back into the library ever again 🤦 but i have to try. it’s not a lot that i would make either i’d only make an average of $700 a month but it won’t affect the financial aid i would receive so i get to keep all the money. i just don’t want the interviewer to think badly of me. also, even though the salary is low, i like having something to do & for about 15 hours a week i’d have something to do in the library. if i don’t have something to do i’ll just be on my phone or waste time some other way & feel guilty. at least w a job i’ll feel productive & maybe less guilty. also i’m a little relieved to know that i at least made it past the initial application portion & that my answers to the supplemental questions were good enough that they want to interview me. i wonder how many others are interviewing probably like 50.
The Epiphany of the Lord
“For by gold the power of a king is signified, by frankincense the honor of God, by myrrh the burial of the body; and accordingly they offer Him gold as King, frankincense as God, myrrh as Man.” — St John Chrysostom {website}
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this is the year i go to spain
these are some things i found when exploring some julia or fatou sets and the mandelbrot set, using my own little program.
most of these are from various julia or fatou sets of the function c*sin(z) for different seed values. the others are from the classic z^2 + c.
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The only reason America hasn’t crumbled is that too many Catholic grandmas are saying rosaries for our country
reading a manga for a girl is the equivalent of downloading discord for a boy
