ahh..so sleepy

you loved these little moments when the sky had just turned dark, the dark-purple veil taking over the silver clouds, making them nearly impossible to tell apart from one another. sun was nowhere to be seen since the passing streetlights were the ones responsible for playing with your shadow now, casting it in different directions as you kept walking.

its been a long week. you just finished studying for the exams taking place tomorrow. you still wondered what luck it took for the two of your most important classes to have exams on the same day, back to back. you were a lot more excited for the following whole month of a break than frying the remaining bits of your brain over the final academic push. maybe you weren't all that confident in your knowledge even after the whole weekend worth of studies. or maybe you were overdoing it and pushing your mind in a corner.

either way, that didn't matter now. you didn't want it to matter.

you focused on the cold air you inhaled, wanting to float away from all the worries along with the wind particles that ruffled your hair.

it snowed just last week, giving you hopes for a prettier imagery during your testing period, but the continuous forecast of rain and warmer temperatures melted everything down, leaving nothing but a slight shine on the road and a humid hint in the air.

and as you immersed yourself more in the atmosphere, the one thing that made you snap back from your thoughts was the appearance of a persisting bitter smell. you open your eyes.

in front of you, a group of three boys were making their way in the same direction as you were, completely barricading the entirety of a thin alleyway as they all walked beside one another. the three were dressed in same dark colors, beanies over their heads, and the shorter guy on the right side even turned over his shoulder for moment and gave you a tense eye. seems about the typical public to walk around these times. you turned your head and looked around, feeling like you shouldn't have looked up in the first place.

but you wish it was as easy to switch your attention with just a head turn. a wave of a sharp, acrid scent mixed with the crisp night air stung the walls of your nose. it was so familiar. though you tried to bury it in the fragments of your memory, there were times when you yourself would be in their shoes; inhaling a chestful of smoke after along day that felt like it would never end, the bitter burn of nicotine hitting your throat like flames.

you didn’t need to look up again to know the source. it quite literally was all around their presence - the smoke of cheap cigarettes, ones that burned too quickly and with too much force.

by the time you were shaking yourself mentally out of it, the casted shadows of the group before you were already actively whispering between each other, giving you over the shoulder looks until all three had glared at you at least once. great. if you didn't feel weird before now you definitely were.

you tucked your hands into the pockets of your jacket and tried to keep your pace steady, swallowing, eyes still down on the asphalt. but that was only for a couple more seconds or so, until the boys had seemed to stop their pace and turn your way.

"hey," the guy in the middle, clearly the 'leader' of their little gang, was trying to get your attention. unexpected. you really wished to be able to just pass by, you didn't want any tension or problems, especially on a relatively empty street, sky getting darker every second. you really tried making it look like you didn't pay that much mind, until getting uncomfortably close and having to stop. you tilted your head up, not enough to meet gazes just yet, as looking at them directly seemed like a death wish at the very moment.

"got somewhere to be?" his voice was teasing, eyebrows raised at you sternly ignoring him for as long as you could. his question hung in the air like the smoke curling from the corner of his lips.

you really panicked for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"just passing through," you replied, voice steady despite the uneasy thrum in your chest. did that sound stupid? obviously you weren't following them. self doubts climbed up your skin along with the shivers. you kept your eyes on the leader, sensing he was the one who mattered most in this interaction. hell, you almost felt like breathing too much could've turned out the wrong way for you.

his lips curled at your answer, not quite a smirk, but close enough. "passing through, huh?" he echoed, as if tasting the words. did it really sound that stupid? you felt almost embarrassed at this point. doing your best to keep your form, you finally brought your eyes to examine the guy's face.

god, was he tall. his shoulders seemed especially broad with the unzipped puffer jacket resting on his shoulders, and height was hyperbolized by the below-average sized guy next to him. as your eyes crawled up to take apart his face, in the matter of seconds you noted the uniqueness of his features, his sharp jawline and plump lips that just finished letting go of a grey ribbon of smoke. his mimic seemed almost like one of a hand-drawn character, eyebrows especially expressive.

you felt so small, unrealistically small, nearly a whole meter smaller than him. a weird feeling continued spreading all across your body, so fast you couldn't even tell what it was.

you weren't the only one observing a stranger - while the tallest man was clearly staring back at you, his other two partners were doing just the same, but instead of your face they were more taking apart the details of your outfit.

standing so close to them and the recently released cloud of smoke just got in your head further, making it surprisingly difficult for you to feel like the whole situation wasn't just a part of your imagination or a hazy dream.

"do you smoke?"

what an ironic fucking question. the universe might have just been testing you right now. you had to take a second and blink to make sure this wasn't your brain talking.

"if you're sharing."

how pathetic.

how. fucking. pathetic.

the words just left your mind as if you turned back time, as if the whole period of quitting didn't even happen.

the man seemed to be in complete awe at your response, though. his lips parted, and eyebrows raised even higher. somehow he combined the expression of a subtle gasp with a smirk, clearly liking the way you spoke to him, how confident you seemed in the words, even if in reality you really weren't.

he looked at the two boys standing beside him, motioning something with his head, followed then by the two nodding and continuing to walk forward in the direction you all were going to initially, already finding themselves busy enough with a topic to discuss.

he used the one hand with a glowing, nearly-spent cigarette to hold up the the fabric of his jacket, so he could reach into the inner pocket and offer a brand new one to you. "be my guest"

if you're this far in, and the man in front of you is that good looking, there isn't much that could convince you to back off now. this isn't your proudest move.

you take the cigarette with a nod as a polite 'thanks', resting the fragile cylinder between the two of your fingers and bringing it closer to your lips.

you expected for him to also take out the lighter by now, but after shifting your focus for just a mere moment, you were only met with him inches closer to your face, the smoldering bud now pressed between his lips.

that was the exact second you felt it - your heart was beating at a pretty crazy pace. holy shit. your fingers were on the edge of shaking from the adrenaline in your veins, but you could probably shrug it off on the cold or the nicotine itself.

you knew exactly what to do, and the desire to keep your cool moved your head forward, the burning tip of his cigarette meeting the edge of yours with precision. a deep inhale and the faint crackle of the ember lit your own, sound filling the silence between you, something so quiet and gentle yet impossibly loud in the moment.

you swear his pupils dilated more with each second before you backed off to let out the first puff of bitter smoke. you felt disgusting. but yours probably got just as big in the moment. the heat seemed to be hitting not only your throat but also inching somewhere deeper. was it the same kind of heat? it's been too long for you to understand, and too many emotions were taking over you at the moment.

"I'm dongmin" with a soft smile and a draw from what's left of his bud, he extended his free hand out to you for a handshake, to which you did the same.

"y/n"

he looked at you with a smile, so mellow and cute, practically melting off the 'scary guy' image off his face. and you noticed it before he seemed to try and shrug it off right as he caught himself on it, suddenly starting to pace forward once again, you followed right after.

maybe it wasn't just you trying to make yourself look cool in front of the other for an impression.

"other two are donghyun and sanghyeok." he kept staring off into their backs, already significantly far that they couldn't hear any of his words, without trying to be quiet. "they're nicer than they look." he turned to you, the revealed tenderness still in the notes of his suppressed expression. it felt.. genuine.

you smiled back, walking beside one another in comfortable silence for a few moments, only the sound of your footsteps and the occasional inhale of smoke filling the air.

as the cigarette burned down to its last embers, your guilt was somewhere long forgotten, and the other two boys in the distance already seemed to walk off the other way, the two of you had made your way right to the entrance of your dorm without really thinking about it, filled with all kinds of conversations and facts about one another. both of your phone numbers already in the contacts of another. the cool night air had settled around you both, and you stood there for a moment, unsure of how to put the point you had in mind the whole time.

"you know, maybe we all are 'nicer than we look'" you quoted dongmin's words from the very beginning of your chat, and he felt a pang of surprise at you recalling his words. surely, by the way he shyly smiled and led his eyes away for a moment, you could tell he did find that bit of your words truthful. his exaggerated coolness slowly coming off, revealing a faint pink shade over his cheeks, so light it almost had a pastel-like quality.

and while you were busy noticing such details about him, all warm and fuzzy in your feelings, you didn't notice how dongmin stepped closer. there was no hesitation in his movement, and before you could process it, his hand was at the back of your neck, pulling you in gently.

the kiss was soft, exploratory, like he was tasting the moment, tasting you. it was nothing like you expected, no rushed desperation, only a slow, lingering connection that felt entirely new. his lips were utterly bitter, but had a distinct note - he tasted of dark chocolate.

the moment felt fleeting, and ended just as carefully and gently as it started. after a shared smile, you stayed a little longer for a tight hug, before waving goodbye and him observing the door behind you close.

the whole evening still felt like a haze - your head was dizzy from the warmness of your feelings, everything inside you fluttered and a smile was impossible to erase from your face as you rode up the elevator; you wondered if he felt the same way, walking back to his place.

you were looking forward to tomorrow, and the day after; to more things to share about yourself, more things to learn about him; and eventually, after some while, watch him chuckle at you confessing you agreed to smoke just to continue a conversation with him, and appear cooler.

maybe you share more than it seemed, and the things that brought you closer might have been just equally pretentious.

as soon as a very distinct pattern of knocks followed on your door - you ran up to it with an exclamation “yay!!! yay!!!”(which you’re sure was heard from outside the door), and pulled the doorknob immediately. you were anticipating woonhak to come back from the grocery store for the past 30 minutes, and, finally, with all of the needed ingredients start your planned cooking process together.

since forever you’ve been convincing your boyfriend to let you indulge into your nerdy and nostalgic whims and make butterbeer together. you loved baking, however, never got an opportunity to do it with woonhak yet. he usually was the one trying and tasting your creations, and this idea was the closest you could convince him to say yes to making something sweet together. he agreed to this on a late night of rewatching one of the films together, and it was all you could think about until the day finally came.

so you were especially eager to snatch the paper bag out of the boys hands after giving him an excited, warm smile, and a light peck on his cheek. he smiled at your expression, totally contagious to your happiness, and then watched the bag being opened immediately, checked for what he had brought.

“ginger….cinnamon…” you muttered with your head nearly immersed into the opening of it.

as you rustled through the rest, woonhak didn’t hear much of the rest of the words(addressed to yourself anyway) before you finally turned your head up and gave him a thumbs up, right as he finished shaking his shoes off.

"what was this for, once again?" the boy spoke hesitantly with an awkward smile. he seemed to have blindly agreed to the whole grocery list as usual, before noticing something just a little off about it - ginger, cinnamon, heavy & whipped cream, butter, cream soda... all that seemed a bit too sweet for a regular meal, now is it? he hoped you wouldn't catch onto his innocent absence of mind.

"butterbeer! obviously" you said with a playful roll of your eyes pacing into the kitchen area. you were a little too confident assuming that he understood what you meant, and was just playing around.

"but there wasn't any... beer..?"

you two exchanged a silent look for a couple of seconds. the corners of your lips were slowly tugging down into a pout.

"woonhak, we rewatched harry potter just the other wee-"

"OH, RIGHT" the volume of his voice rose up by a whole dozen of decibels, hands tangling in his hair, dramatic gesture as if he just thought of some new scientific formula. "right. I am so sorry. yes" he might have just been paying less attention to your words that night than you in particular, ending up in an agreement he didn't realize he had made.

maybe at any other occasion you would be a little sulky about his childish forgetfulness when it came to the plans you thought of. but in the other hand - it wasn't anything major at all, and under the the sentimental atmosphere of a late december evening, when the snowflakes were slowly swaying mid-air in front of the purely white, bedsheet-like soft imagery in the window, you only took in a breath, and put the bag down on the counter.

"just be a sweetie and put a medium pot on the stove." you took out the butter out of the bag and began unwrapping it with a knife in your hand.

the boy stared in anticipation of something, blinking in confusion at you after you so easily dismissed him forgetting pretty much the entire plans list for today. naturally he would expect a knock on the top of his head or an unserious session of begging for your forgiveness, like always. but instead - he just received a peck on his lips, your attempt to get him out of the starstruck look.

"come on, and then mix 6 table spoons of sugar and fourth of a cup of water"

woonhak immediately got to it as you said, like on command. the atmosphere was slowly getting to him, a little later than it did to you, but he still caught onto the calmness of the night and a pure desire to solely enjoy the night together, wrapped by only the warmest of emotions. his confusion melted into a flustered smile. he was mixing everything with as much precision as possible, before tilting his head at the pyramid of sugar soaking in the warm water on the bottom of the pot.

"that's.. a lot of sugar"

you looked over the boy's shoulder, standing just behind you, where the stove was located.

"yeah, we're basically making caramel" you looked at his face with an adoring smile "you're not gonna be eating all the 6 spoons, woonhak"

"well, split that for the two of us that's still 3 whole spoons.." "you are not eating all this in one go" you laughed, pushing his shoulder and handing him a wooden spoon to mix "since when do you care about how much sugar goes into sweets?"

your experience with baking really helped you with measuring out approximately 50 grams of butter just with your eyes. this piece along went straight into the pot with sugar and water, the syrupy mixture all dissolved by now thanks to consistent stirring.

slightly bumping your boyfriend with your hip made him step to the side, so you were able to reach for the saltshaker and twist the top into the mixture. changing the heat on low, you swiftly snatched the spoon out of the boy's hand and began mixing everything yourself.

at this point woonhak doubted what was he even doing here when you suddenly took everything over, but considering his baking experience he just stared off lovingly at you, watching you stir everything until the foam in the pot began rising and bubbling up in a more aggressive way than before. sharp smell of sugar filling up the air. your self-taught skills solely shaped by your own experience really dazed him sometimes, he could really just admire you do something you were passionate about.

more stirring, more questions from your inexperienced baking helper, and more of your laughter filling up the cozy atmosphere in kitchen. it felt lovely to spend quality time together like this, the radiating heat from the stove merely comparable to the warm feelings you felt towards one another when your gazes met, intentionally or not. the soft glow of the kitchen light casting a comforting hue over everything as the world outside stood still beneath a blanket of snow.

as the cream mixed into the caramel base, everything seemed to be going just fine, and maybe you thought so because you two were way too lost in each other's feelings - soon tiny black specks began floating up to the surface. at first, you thought it might just be some burnt caramel at the bottom of the pot, still a little peculiar, but stirring for longer only made more of them appear, spreading throughout the milky liquid like a constellation of questionable dots.

"uh…" woonhak tilted his head, staring at the pot with growing unease "Is it supposed to look like… that?"

you bit your lip and worriedly and squinted, trying to squish the specks with the spoon. the cinnamon and ginger didn't mix in, instead they just curdled Into solid pieces that left weird swirls of color around them... "gross..!" you muttered with a worried look, lifting the spoon and pulling out your phone to check over the recipe.

woonhak carefully took over the spoon from your hand while your attention was away in an attempt to duel with the dark chunks himself, hoping they would go away, but was only helplessly defeated just like you were.

"arghh.." you tensed your brows just a little, appearing more furrowed than angry "the ginger and cinnamon," a hand landed on your forehead "I think they meant the actual piece of ginger root. and a cinnamon stick. not the spices."

a worried look was shot your way, clearly seeing your frustration. contagiously, his eyebrows also grew tense and lips pressed together. he looked over the sweet milky goo in the pot, wanting to say that its not that bad, but seeing the texture get pretty 'gross', he couldn't lie to you nor himself.

"its fine, let's add the soda" you shook your head, clearly gaslighting yourself into thinking everything was fine. you reached for the bottle standing just behind woonhak, but was stopped by another hand holding the bottle sternly, preventing it from moving.

"lets not." it was a loud exclamation, but when met with his eyes you could tell it wasn't from wrong intentions. your own gaze grew softer, seeing the similar wish for nothing but a good time spent together "we have a bottle of a perfectly fine cream soda. lets not add it to.. that..."

he was joking, you could tell by his tone; but something struck your heart and you felt incredibly guilty for not reading the recipe as carefully and ruining the plans you so wished to work out.

you stood there for a moment as a tough feeling began building up somewhere in the bottom of your throat, the bottle still in your hand, suspended between you and the simmering chaos in the pot. you’d been clinging to the idea that everything would just work out—that the mess could be brushed aside with a laugh or a quick fix.

his touch on your hand, steady and gentle, grounded you, pulling you out of your head and back into the moment. you saw the care in his eyes, his effort to lighten the mood despite the ridiculous situation. It made your chest tighten.

"i’m sorry," you muttered quietly, staring at the concoction, unable to shake the feeling of disappointment. "i wanted this to be perfect. for us."

woonhak’s grip on the bottle loosened, his fingers continuously brushing against yours softly as he gave you a reassuring smile. "hey, no need. it's just a drink, right?" he gave a small chuckle, clearly trying to take the weight off the situation. "honestly, I think we’re making memories here, not just milkbeer."

you kept feeling glued to his eyes, all in your emotions trying to process everything until having to take a double take on what he just said.

"milkbeer?" you sniffled, wiping your nose and completely losing it, the previous tension in your throat coming out in a form of laughter "milkbeer."

poor woonhak was more confused at your reaction now than the initial one. it took him observing a couple more of your laughs before he realized he had misnamed the thing you were making. as embarrassing as it was, he was trying to be serious after all, he only deeply exhaled and pressed you closer to himself, locking you two into a tight hug after the bottle was safely settled down on the counter.

you smiled into his shoulder, wrapping your hands around him, not fully understanding if you wanted to cry from laughing or how much you loved him. maybe both? it didn't matter, he'd hold your body like this either way, tightly squeezing his arms around you like you're the rarest treasure in his grasp. his face was pressed into your head, kissing it until he was sure your breath was evened out and your shoulders weren't so tense anymore.

"well-" woonhak started, but the soft, sticky splooshhhhhhsss of the liquid oozing over the edge of the pot had interrupted him. Both of your widening eyes immediately turning to the same side and freezing.

"well, isn't that magic" he let go of you to turn off the stove immediately, pushing the pot to the inactive burner to not make further mess, being careful enough not to get burned. "hey, how about some hot cocoa?"

your eyes lit up, and you didn't need to be convinced further to nod and start glowing with enthusiasm of a second chance for this evening to have a good ending. surely unforgettable at this point.

you two spent the rest of the night under the wrapping comfort of a warm, fuzzy blanket. hot cups becoming more and more empty, until eventually put to the side so your hands could wrap one another instead, mind halfway faded to sleep.

the stinging aroma of burnt sugar from the kitchen was left for sometime later to take care of.

about me !

ᡣ𐭩 sonny/sunny, she/her

ᡣ𐭩 feb 11, '05; 19y.o

ᡣ𐭩 second year in college (: biology major (blehh)

ᡣ𐭩 groups I stan ! boynextdoor, exo, redvelvet. I do enjoy and know tons of others as well...hehe

⠀⠀⠀ೀ my ults are riwoo, chanyeol & wendy (:

ᡣ𐭩 interests outside of Kpop ! minecraft & manyyy many other videogames.., guitar, drawing, fashion, reading, skincare, sonny angels & other collectibles, perfume, contemporary & modern art.

ᡣ𐭩 my favorite season is winter ! my favorite pastry is pistachio macarons <3

English is not my first language, so if something feels a little confusing, runon, or could use some work in terms of wording please please pleaseee feel free to let me know!