P.T.E

Ok, so, im having trouble paying the bills, and i still cant work. so I opened a Ko-Fi where i accept tips I also offer there tracks made from the same lyrics I post here on my blog, if you want to share the same auditory experience as I do when I write the lyrics and iterate, getting the curated full experience.

(yeah i hate current AI, but i have no spoons for production and i still need to learn vocals at least.. so its my only available tool for producing the sound for my lyrics, which is part of my mental processing, externalizing the stories and hearing them back. it's Suno PRO version, version 5.5 and newer, generated wav files from their GUI)

and its all ANON there too, and if you find opsec holes, please notify me asap <3

1st grade, My Goals As A Pokémon Trainer: to train Pokémon to fight against trainers.

i was clear but i was erased.

-P.T.E, 2026

​The Reality:

In the material reality of post-estrangement recovery, the retrieval of professional assets necessitates zero biological or physical proximity. Standard operational procedure dictates strict containment protocols: remote verification of asset condition and extraction via a designated third-party proxy.

For a survivor navigating systemic abuse recovery, physical distance functions as an objective, non-negotiable biological necessity.

​The DARVO Move - Systemic Subversion

The observed abuse dynamic frequently deploys a systemic hostage vector under the guise of forced intimacy. Utilizing the tactic of weaponized incompetence, the withholding party systematically bypasses the explicit proxy mechanism.

By conditioning the release of material assets upon the physical presence of the survivor, the system enacts epistemic violence against clearly established boundaries.

Functionally, this maneuvers to assert biopolitical control, leveraging material property to force a breach in the survivor's safety perimeter, while concurrently framing the withholding party within the hegemonic narrative as accommodating and benevolent.

-P.T.E, 2026

-P.T.E, 2026

​They used their funds to control. ​They used their external peers to validate their version of the events. ​They used their literature to feel deep and mighty without ever being decent.

-P.T.E, 2026

entropy accelerators; they take energy and return only chaos.

-P.T.E, 2026

It was about my compliance.

You took a system already redlining from a decade of systemic abuse, a lifetime of direct abuse, and told me that "work" was the medicine.

You forced me to trade my remaining neural bandwidth for the performance of a "standard" life.

You didn't build a foundation; True recovery for a system like mine starts with the absolute rejection of your "normal".

The fact that I am now sitting in silence, unable to "contribute to society" is the proof that your cure was the poison.

I am not failing to recover. I am finally recovering from your "recovery".

-P.T.E, 2026

my utility.

if i'm not "productive", they see me as broken.

But right now, my "non-production" is the most needed, bodily and soul attuned thing i've done in a decade.

It’s the first time the engine has been allowed to just stop.

-P.T.E, 2026

-P.T.E, 2026

we all have secret secrets, but mine are split into two: state secrets i wont dive into, and the abuse I've gone through. guess which one's protected more…

living as a resource to be hidden, a talent to use and discard. some lame secret is it? "my child works for me"

if it wasn't a secret, maybe it wasn't a problem, but its not only that…

we all have secret secrets, but mine are split into two: state secrets i wont dive into, and the abuse I've gone through. guess which one's protected more…

in kindergarten, i still felt the hits from before; i asked the teacher to make it stop, no more. she invited them, sat us down, gave them the stage. i was canceled!

My memory was fine, till you manipulated the shit out of me! denying the abuse and then employing me!

i never signed, i never wanted to, i constantly denied it and rejected, too!

but were in power, the victim up the hill, choosing to blame the child.

we all have secret secrets, but mine are split into two: state secrets i wont dive into, and the abuse I've gone through guess which one's protected more…

lately on the news, they started talking, my heart dropped! state secrets were shared live on television, a thing i wouldn't imagine! and here i was protecting my family from a secret, their crimes, keeping up their fame, winning their self imposed lies

we all have secret secrets, but mine are split into two: state secrets i wont dive into, and the abuse I've gone through guess which one's protected more… (the answer: the abusive parents, the abuse I've gone through, are more secretive and protected by all the systems, unlike state secrets airing on TV)

-P.T.E, 2026

In a system built on lies, the truth always feels like an assault.

-P.T.E, 2026

[intro] how could they do this to me? [verse] i was doing my best, failing and maintaining the rest how could they have done this, anyway? they're not really narcs, they're choosing to be how was i chosen to be their target? intimidated by my natural ability to diff the bull from reality how can they still deny it all? not taking accountability [bridge] . . what people don't understand is how complex they made it be to be understood, to be comprehended, to be accepted its unimaginable, non productive, harmful traumatic dramatic but for others, on the surface, from the outside… . . [verse] the perfect family, the facade is on, reload ammo, never reborn values first,. .health and emotional safety last oh, not for the martyrs, they need to safely hover it all ever confronting it, mental hit to the balls [chorus] . . the family businesses, the source of pride been investing the money back, and aside for more fame and glory, more limits and fury been investing the emotion back, stabbing everyone . . [verse] but it wasn't that alone, it was in every hole using the child for marketing and production using his mind for parentification and legal protection not even credit or mention, the biggest secret DARVO in front of the law cause why ever grow they can evade the law they can reject the law they can use the law but you cant delete the blow they cant prevent the son to grow they just cant hide the truth for so long i cant believe how unhuman they are. [bridge] but its choices they thought about, and i heard everything they cant deny, but they are, they're self conscious criminals. [chorus] . . the family businesses, the source of pride been investing the money back, and aside for more fame and glory, more limits and fury been investing the emotion back, stabbing everyone . . [outro] how could they do this to me? i was doing my best, failing and maintaining the rest how could they have done this, anyway? they're not really narcs, they're choosing to be.

- P.T.E, 2026

But to a child under 8, "careers and income" are abstract concepts.

"shutting up" about a report of physical abuse is a moment where he learned that the family's public image was more important than his internal safety.

-P.T.E, 2026

[spoken intro] the whistleblower of their own demise. one, two. its me, the truth. three, four. preparing my words.

[bridge] making art was my way of expression, inside the insanity of the digital age. but it was too useful to hold, then i was used, very bold.

making art became my way of affection, narcs all around jump on the chance. but it was too useful to hold, then i was used, very bold.

am i repeating myself? cant know anymore, its the loop i was born into. what was i fighting for?

[chorus] make a better world, grow and let them behold, succeed and move people, be a celeb, less or more,, be the genius you never were, and hide the brilliance you had. it not to be told. now you gotta fold it ain't poker but you're losing you cards. its getting cold inside the trenches you built in my mind. now they see your pettiness through me being called a street kid, was right cause i never wanted to go back the weird silent one cause that's easy to see and understand

[verse] they're getting old, its no time to get back, they're getting worse, it was never about luck. they're still choosing toxicity, what are they expecting to see, its a pattern written in textbooks older than them, they play on repeat. they're not only NOT breaking the cycle, they're sticking to its rules, and I'm just here.. unable to create.. this text? as good as paperback on fire.

[chorus] make a better world. grow and let them behold. succeed and move people be a celeb, less or more be the genius you never were and hide the brilliance you had- it not to be told. now you gotta fold it ain't poker but you're losing you cards its getting cold inside the trenches you built in my mind now they see your pettiness through me. being called a "street kid", was right, cause i never wanted to go back. the "weird silent one" cause that's easy to see and understand.

[bridge callback] making art was my way of expression. . inside the insanity of the digital age. . but it was too useful to hold. .

[chorus] make a better world, grow and let them behold, succeed and move people, be a celeb, less or more, be the genius you never were, and hide the brilliance you had- it not to be told. now you gotta fold it ain't poker but you're losing you cards its getting cold inside the trenches you built in my mind now they see your pettiness through me being called a street kid, was right cause i never wanted to go back the weird silent one cause that's easy to see and understand

-P.T.E, 2026

It’s such an indirectly derogatory yet technically correct term...

-P.T.E, 2026

[intro] . . . . . . . . [chorus] love them! how do they love me back? . . fear them! supply for the prey. reaction is what i hold back. .. [bridge] its a tough break . . beat it just get . . [verse] power is something you hide. shower love from the inside. power from those who support. fire for those who oppose. . . [bridge] its a tough break . . beat it just get . . [chorus] love them! how do they love me back? . . fear them! supply for the prey. reaction is what i hold back.

-P.T.E, 2026

[chorus 1] they don't know me. shields up, enduring their pain. they couldn't know me, all i did was last till the end. breathe in, breathe out. you're already part of it, now survive. [quoting them] "cause that's how it is in society" "that's not how people do it" "why aren't you smiling with me?" [chorus 2] they don't know me. skin crawling, shoulders burning. they never seen the real me, they never allowed it. breathe in, breathe out. you're already part of it, now survive. [quoting them] "cause that's how the world goes" "you're just wrong" "why aren't you talking with me?" [verse 1] they revolved endlessly, doing improv, to pick at me, to avoid accountability. they called it love, hid me. [verse 2] i was never allowed to be me, how do you except me to act? want me to invent realities with you? i say no, don't involve me! [chorus 3] they don't know me. shields up, enduring their pain. they couldn't know me, all i did was last till the end. breathe in, breathe out. you're already part of it, now survive.

-P.T.E, 2026