#systemic abuse

@bruisedandbubbly

i was able to contact the person that had donated before, she was willing to help, but no one else even tried to reach out, we'll probably only have to sell our bed maybe, i hope we can do something about the rent without needing to do that but idk

we'll no longer sell the wheelchair in a hurry, i hope to sell it for a logical price now, it may help us guarantee at least another month, idk what to do about the other ones, especially since the social assistance here is literally outright stating they don't want to help us in particular, further details about that will be below.

basically, they are doing everything in their power to not give us our rights and are attempting the hardest they can to manipulate us into thinking we don't have rights that we know we have (they themselves aren't able to not clearly state we are eligible for the benefit, even though they are trying extremely hard) we no longer know at all when it will be reinstated for these reasons, they keep pinballing us and not showing any sign of wanting to do their work, and are clearly stating they need to know every detail about our personal lives, they also tried to separate us for an "interview" with me alone, even though i am neurodivergent (autistic and more) and should have the legal right to be accompanied at all times by my partner, i don't know exactly why this is happening, i have some ideas, but I don't know if it's safe for me to share at all, especially since this is getting no significant attention when i have already talked about a lot of stuff relating to how corrupt and hellish Brazil is (i will link a post, the first one, which details some more about all of this, please read if you can), if anyone interested in helping sees this and wants to know more, i can provide more information, i just, i just don't want to waste more time, everything is going terrible, problems we didn't expect are arising and i am losing all my sanity because of this.

thanks for reading, if you have.

dms are always open, please contact if you wish.

if you want more details about everything, i recommend checking the #updates tag on my blog, and especially, checking this post:

link to post asking for donations, if you're interested:

done burning out for patriarchy.

I broke it down, connected the dots, and laid out what isn’t being talked about enough.

tw: sui attempts implied, blunt sh mentions, psychiatric gaslighting mentioned, familial abuse mentioned

people don't like to help what's broken,

they like to help what's normal,

they like to help what reflects themselves,

they like to help their mirrors, because it feels like helping themselves.

but two girls who have suffered since birth,

whose poems are raw cries for help, not even in disguise,

screamed out in every way possible until exhaustion,

just to be ignored.

again, again, and again.

we fell in love because no one else would ever understand

what hell feels like when it's been burning all of your skin, for all of your days.

i imagine what most must think when they look at us:

"they're lesbians, they're queer, they're weird."

"their bodies look (somewhat) normal."

"they can (somewhat) talk 'normally', so they mustn't need help."

"they can simply work like everyone else."

right?

no.

i’m tired of explaining, but i always have to.

i was never given a diagnosis, my parents made sure of that.

but i was medicated like a test subject:

antidepressants that gave me mania,

antipsychotics that silenced me but didn’t stop what i saw.

mood stabilizers that turned me into a walking corpse.

the prescriptions — in my hands or in theirs — gather dust in some forgotten corner,

never useful, never real help.

for them, that was “good enough",

it was a useful reason for them to get rid of me.

but for me, it was hell.

i tried to end it.

i failed.

my partner tried, too.

she failed countless times.

undiagnosed, untreated, but tortured? yes.

and her suffering surpasses mine.

i don't know how we're still alive.

so tell me, do you think we could work in this hellhole?

where diagnosed autistic people are thrown into supermarkets,

forced to carry boxes, drowning in endless noise,

music blaring, chaos everywhere, without reason,

just to earn the right to eat?

i almost go insane when i hear loud noises.

i hit my own head when i feel i’ve "interacted wrong".

but i hide it. i always hide it.

until it brews inside me and becomes worse.

she does the same.

because if anyone saw us, if anyone found out,

WE'D BE TOSSED IN HELL AGAIN,

IN THAT PSYCHIATRIC CENTER.

WE'D BE BACK TO THAT PLACE WE NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN.

THE PLACE WHICH MADE ME UNABLE TO WALK.

we have to hide the fact we aren't normal.

because different people don’t get helped,

they get erased.

by governments feeding on our suffering.

by systems that only protect their own reflection,

burning every broken mirror.

they’d rather turn us into experiments,

torture us because we dared to ask for rest,

than even think of raising a hand to help.