Christla's Chronicles

My 2nd work for the LOVE LETTER ZINE

(1990) Moomin Valley BUCK-TICK Doujinshis

The amount of suffering and trauma that causes cptsd and dissociative disorders in children is so severe, no adult would be able to go trough it without breaking and becoming suicidal. It's the kind of pain that mandates how you live your entire life because you are trying to avoid it no matter what, it's the thing that gives you life long nightmares and makes you freeze and gives you nausea and horror when you are reminded of it. It's pain that is too big to even talk about, or ask help about, because it doesn't feel like there's enough resources or comfort in the entire world that would make any of this okay, ever.

And even this life changing, extreme amount of pain, when it's done to you, means nothing to abusive parents. You being in severe pain in dismissed so casually, like it couldn't matter less. Like it's just a normal feature that you're supposed to deal with and shame on you for not dealing with it better, shame on you for bringing it up and being all 'dramatic' and 'attention seeking' with it. How dare you ask that someone cares if you're dying in pain and terror, don't you know you're supposed to be less sensitive and deal let it go?

And in the end they tell you it's your fault you're in pain anyway. That if you did things differently, if you weren't so, you, then things would have been different. As if you didn't spend your entire life trying to impossibly figure out just what is demanded of you so that the abuse would stop, what could you do to avoid it. None of it matters, your pain or your struggle or perspective of life, all if it is dismissed and replaced with victim blaming.

That's why you grow up feeling so meaningless and irrelevant. Even when you were in the worst pain a person can experience, it wasn't important enough to even spring a conversation. It didn't matter enough to even acknowledge, you couldn't even dream of getting a break from abuse or some relief from pain. They were telling you they were ready to kill you with the amount of pain they'd inflict on you, and they would blame you for it while watching you die.

don’t know what’s real or fake …