Maria🐇

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

God forbid a girl be a fan of both

Literally meeee :3

Hate the stomach's occasional tendency to respond to hunger with nausea. Like babygirl you are NOT helping your case right now by threatening to push the emergency "eject all food now" button!!!

women are genuinely the greatest thing ever created, you’d be crazy not to adore them with your whole being

Too much movement makes your joints hurt and too little movement also makes your joints hurt. This would imply that there's an optimal amount of movement that allows your joints to not hurt. This is a lie.

[guy confused about lesbian relationship voice]: okay ... so which one only tells lies?

the saying about rose tinted glasses has a real truth to it. have you ever worn actual rose tinted glasses in real life. like those candy heart shapes ones. it fucking rules. you look cool AND everything looks a little bit like it has an instragram filter on it. cannot reccomend my rose tinted glasses enough #myrosetintedglasses