Spiffy the Skeleton

“Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep” – Mary Elizabeth Frye

“claire is getting married next week”

“i can reschedule the death ray”

“That’s the fourth time this week you’ve brought up cannibalizing me. Should I be worried?”

“So needless to say, she peed on me.”

“Wow, this Heineken has such a smooth finish!”

“Do you think I can fit an entire orange in my mouth?”

“If I hear someone sing Hamilton in the shower again I’m joining them in their shower so I can drown them.”

“Someone just gave me a free cake. Should I be worried?”

“How did they manage to get that in BOTH shower stalls!?”

“How much caffeine is poisonous? Asking for myself, I’m actually worried.”

faintly, as though yelled from in a room down the hall “Can you come hand me my Swiss rolls? My head spins if I sit up.”

“Well you see, Marxism is actually” *anguished yelling from multiple people*

“Why is Ross sitting in a box in the hallway with a sweatervest draped over his head?” “Stress.”

“What’s the difference between an undergraduate research assistant and a random nosy 19 year old? Less than you’d think!”

“Let Bob Ross caress your happy little struggles away.”

“He talks like he thinks the world is waiting with bated breath to hear what he thinks about Fight Club.”