she don't wanna go

You should try not crying when people argue with you. I know a lot of dumb lawyers — not calling you dumb — and as long as you talk loud and pretend to know what you’re doing, you can make it in the field.

I've tried, I'm just really lousy at dealing with confrontation! Wow, really? I could probably fake my way through law school if I really wanted to, I just don't.. like.. hard work? I guess I'm kind of a brat that way. Oops. 

Suing people just for the money’s no fun. I mean, sure, I get a cut of it, and when it’s a greedy bastard I take a bigger cut, but the real fun of suing somebody is watching the look on their face when they’re legally deemed to be a horrible person and watching the tears stream down as they plead their innocence.

.. Ouch, well, fair enough. I'm not smart enough to be a lawyer and I cry when people argue with me, but I'm really glad I understand what exactly does it for ya in the workforce, pal. Remind me to never cross you, though.

Hey, all that means is that you still got it. Plus it’s just a boner. I’m sure vaginas are still way grosser than an erect penis.

Don't get me wrong, I love being the center of attention, just.. not when it involves a man who smells like garlic touching himself a foot away from me. And as a proud owner of a vagina, I'm gonna have to disagree with you! Well, that may just be because I'm a strong advocate against anything penis-related, but still.

Lighten up, buttercup. If it really gets you going, we can sue him for sexual harassment. I figure you could get a couple thousands bucks if you’re good at crying. Hell, if we were feeling ballsy, we could even sue Disney.

Maybe if I needed the money I'd take you up on that offer, but I'm hardly into suing anybody. If I was, I already would've taken down half the elderly men and horny fathers who've grabbed my ass during this trip.

THANK YOU JESUS! I can’t see that anymore.

It's just not a good sight. Like, at all. Even if I liked guys, I think it would still be gross.

Try to take it as a compliment, he’s probably thinking about you.

.. Okay, can a person pass out from disgust? 'Cause I feel like that might happen.

Yeah. It’s hot and sweaty and some people still get the random occasional boner and then you gotta readjust based on the new amount of space it’s taking up. That or he’s tickling himself with pleasure at the sight of you. 

.. Oh--.. Oh no! No. Nope. Can't take this information. No thank you. Not a good visual.

That would be awful. Even though I heard that legally, no one is allowed to die in Disneyland. They have to take them off the property to pronounce them dead. It’s a thing, apparently. 

.. Wait, are you serious? They're allowed to do that?

They must have done something big to make you angry. 

Not exactly, I just don't really like seeing the people I used to fraternize with when they're supposed to be across the country, y'know?

Yeah, exactly! Free food is always a wonderful thing. I mean, we might as well just call it a date, too, while we’re at it!

We might as well, right? It's the smart thing to do, after all, considering the fact that we're both adorable and obviously have amazing chemistry. So, tomorrow? Pick you up at eight?

…did you actually watch one of your exes die?

No, I-.. no. I didn't, don't worry.

Of course I do! Well, thanks. You’re right, I do tend to get that a lot. But it sounds much better coming from you. I guess I’ve just never been fortunate enough to see you around. It’s a shame, really, but I’m sure I’ll be able to make up for lost time. Oh, yeah, that’d probably take forever! I mean, if you wanted to hear it, I totally wouldn’t be opposed. More time to talk to you, after all.

Well if you're going to do me the pleasure of sharing your life story, I might as well buy you dinner-- I mean.. it's only fair, right? Plus, uh.. free food. Everyone likes free food.