Up at four in the morning ruminating about how to stop suppressing my head mates.... I feel so shitty for doing it. I can't stop tearing myself up over not doing enough...but I don't even know where to start. I'm hesitant to use clinical terms because I'm scared to admit that I need them, that using them and going against my programming gives me so much relief.
I wish I could socialize more with other systems without my heart cramming up that I don't belong in the same vicinity as them because I'm a mockery to their Disorder....maybe if I could love myself a little more, or find someone I really like being around I could arm myself with terms and explanations guilt free
Most of all I wish I could give all of us more time, I feel so selfish, it's frustrating..so damned frustrating. I made progress on that today but it just made me realize how big of a hole I need to fill....alone... at least for now
(tired rant on my porn account yayayayaha~)
(which is the only account I have :v)