ParanoiaEuphoriaa

god how I wish I were anyone but myself these last few days

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m not excited about anything anymore

I’ve been waiting over a year for a bird and it’s finally happening and I’ll be bringing him home in about two weeks and for some reason

I’m not excited

And that scares me so much

I don’t know what changed in me but something did and now I just want to get away and do something different

To talk them down from the edge, to listen to them overreact and complain about something, complain about their abusive relationship that they won’t fix, want me to keep streaks going, not even ASKING how I’m doing

I can’t even tell you the last time someone asked me how I was and genuinely hecking cared about that

It’s like it’s expected of me to be the therapist and fix everyone and it’s stressing me out so much

What if I can’t talk them down from the edge

What if I can’t fix their relationship

What if I can’t fix it

It’s starting to feel

No

It feels like it’s my job to fix everything and it’s not

I want myself back

I want to be able to go to bed without 30+ texts from people wanting me to fix something

I want to be able to wake up without 30+ more texts about a new thing they want me to fix

I’m not a therapist

It’s not my job to fix anyone’s anything

I want myself back from this because it’s getting too hecking much for me to handle

I have a life and I have stuff going on too that no one cares to ask about or understand

I tell people and I get a one worded reply back or told that I’m overreacting

No one knows what it’s life being in my life and I want it back to myself

I don’t want to feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness

I don’t want to feel like I HAVE to listen to this super heavy stuff and try and save someone’s life

It’s getting too much for me

I’m only one person and my brain is being stuffed will all of this heavy from everyone else and I’m barely feeling like myself now

I was going to turn my phone off for one day until I was purseueded to answer my friend who blew up my phone

And you know what it was

Asking me to keep streaks with someone for them because they and their abusive partner are going somewhere without WiFi

No.

I need myself back. People are relying on me to make them happy and fix them and even if it’s as something as stupid as a streak

I’m sorry but I can’t