Paper Fic Writer

"That doesn't make any sense. Why would he be in a Santa costume when the kid's asleep? What’s the point--oh." A Grinch-ish smile creeps onto Garou's face. That is, if the Grinch was a pervert... "You're saying she's into that kind of thing, and the kid walked in on the foreplay. You know..." He raises his fingers into quotes. "'Tickling' Santa Claus?"

"What is actually wrong with you?" Badd growls through his teeth. "Ya read between the lines. It's cheeky. It ain't a 'Son of Santa' thing, it ain't a kink thing and it seriously ain't about mom cheatin' on dad with Santa. Period. End of story."

Garou pouts as Badd moves to another section with pre-made stockings. Nah, all of these look cheesy... "All I'm saying is that if you had Santa as a side piece, you could tell me. I might even be into it. Wouldn't you?"

As Badd narrowly avoids going down an aisle that smells like a nightmare of pine--for Garou's sensitive nose as much as his own--there's something about the way Garou asks that question that makes Badd stop dead in his tracks. He faces Garou and puts his hands on the collar of Garou's jeans jacket, fixing him with an expression he is trying to keep serious even as a laugh forms in his gut, threatening to explode any second. "Babe...is this about when I kissed ya in the living room last Christmas after that party at Zenko's school? When I dressed as Santa for the kids? Ya...ya know that was me, right?"

Garou stares back at him as a slow blossom of poinsettia red covers his cheeks. It only darkens as he pushes him off. "Pfft. Of course I knew it was you. What do you think, I'm stupid or something?"

Even though he's managed not to laugh right in his face, Badd can't help smiling. "Garou, ya can't actually--"

"That's not it, okay?! I mean, if I did, it was because I was really tired that night from eating all those cookies and shit, I had a sugar crash--!"

Badd can't even look at him for a few seconds as he tries to keep from losing all his composure. Finally, he takes Garou's slender, cool hand, squeezing it. "Listen, legs. If ya ever got the chance to make out with Santa Claus, ya have my blessing. Kiss him, tickle him, whatever. Go all the way to third base with him, I'm cool with it. 'Cause I know after Christmas, you're still mine, yeah?"

It's only after Badd finishes saying this that he feels several eyes on him, and he turns to see a small group of children and their parents watching his heartfelt moment of sincerity with Garou. Their faces display what can only be described as a mix of disgust, fascination and a dash of horror from the younger ones. And of course, the pickle for the shit sandwich: one of the kids is holding a Metal Bat action figure, eyes slowly moving from it to him and back again...