My Magnus Archives Blog don't mind me

I'm so hungry I could eat a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license

rip martin blackwood it must be tough having a boyfriend who literally knows everything. you try to argue with him about who forgot to buy milk and he airdrops into your mind a first person pov of him putting milk on the shopping list and you at the store getting distracted by someone's dog.

gertrude robinson will see a promising, intelligent young man and go “is anyone gonna traumatize that” and not even wait for an answer

i love how tma introduces canon vampires and immediately glosses over them. yeah we have vampires here. who the fuck even cares. we’ve got bigger fish to fry jonathan

i'm abt halfway through season 1 of tma (i think?) and i just wanted to say it's so fucking funny how jon puts his whole archivussy into voice-acting every story, then after 20 minutes of stellar in-character acting he just goes "well that was fucking stupid innit, seek psychiatric help lmfaoo" and ends the episode

nobody is talking about how freaky eric delano was. like that man said mary was hot in the same way a shark is hot and then actively acknowledged that she tasted like BLOOD and was like "yeah i want that one awooga hummina hummina hummina"

i know that every statement in tma was canonically real just because it would be kinda shitty storytelling if it wasnt, but oh my GOD i wish we got to hear jon tearing an actually false statement to shreds. especially if it was a live statement. imagine youre some dumb frat kid and you go give a statement to the spooky research facility about Dick Butts or whatever and this tiny little man with a stare that could curdle milk who looks like he maybe died sometime last week just fucking yells at you for 90 minutes about proper story structure and pacing, and if you were going to waste his time you could’ve at least been original or creative and he wanders away still ranting like “i put the clown apocalypse on hold for THIS”

alternative: you go in, you’ve rehearsed your story a hundred times and practiced looking suitably Upset in the mirror, and one of the assistants tells you the archivist is out right now, he should be back in a few minutes, would you like to wait? and then the most tired man on the planet walks past you at a somewhat concerning speed, doesn’t even look in your direction or stop walking, just says “no” and slams the door in your face.

dearest followers i regret to inform you that thinking with my cunt has once again led me perilously and irretrievably deep into a vast system of underground tunnels