Felonies? That's Hot

Aries: I’m Joe Exotic, otherwise known as the Tiger King, the gay, gun-carrying redneck with a mullet.

Taurus: I’m never going to financially recover from this.

Gemini: I don’t think we’re done blowing shit up today.

Cancer: I’d shoot you before I’d shoot my cat.

Leo: People don’t come to see the tigers, they come to see me.

Virgo: This is my own little town. I’m the mayor, the prosecutor, the cop, and the executioner.

Libra: I’d like to introduce my wife, but my husband’s at home feeding my brand-new baby kangaroo.

Scorpio: She’ll never get a million dollars out of me. I don’t own anything.

Sagittarius: I’m outspoken, good looking, love to party and have fun.

Capricorn: It’s just two complete opposite, different worlds. You know, he’s a little more upscale, and I’m working with people who just got out of prison.

Aquarius: I am not changing the way I dress. I refuse to wear a suit. I am gay. I am broke as shit. I have a judgement against me from some bitch down there in Florida.