L

To Lynn,

Want to start off by saying I know for a fact if I didn’t take the time to write this to you I’d always regret it, thought about writing it down for you and giving it after your exams but considering how long I made it, I think I rightfully changed my mind. hope this sees you well… Sometimes in life we stumble upon someone we just have a really good feeling about, someone who has a great vibe to them, something that draws us in to them, these people they make us feel comfortable, bring us happiness when we’re around them, something about them reminds us that life isn’t supposed to be as cruel as some dumbasses say it is, they make us forget about our challenges in life rather focus on our blessings and so we wanna stick around with them, give them our time, invest our time with them and after a while we realize who they are and get a good idea of them. Few times out of this already kind of rare occasion we can find out that this person towards at least us is actually someone genuine, caring, has an amazing heart, has amazing morals, someone we can relate to in many ways, someone who we can potentially see ourselves adding to our journey and who’d add value to us in the long run. Now this could end up being a great friend or if it’s the opposite gender and you’re attracted to them, a partner. Now obviously a partner is what I saw in you because I was most definitely attracted to you but you were exactly one of these extremely rare people to me that I'm describing.

And after a lot of those long drives back from your place on some cold and really late nights or other times when I was alone and had much time to think like when travelling back to see you in time for valentines day I remember even then too staring out the window, asking myself questions like is all of this really worth it? do I really love her this much? Is she good for me? Is she mature enough? How am I affecting myself by doing all of this? What am I sacrificing? Why do I see her so often? Is this gonna last? Irrespective of what the truth lying beneath the answers may have been, good or bad for me, I couldn’t stop myself. This is when I realized how much I truly love you. Spending time with you I realized never felt enough because of how fast it flew by being with you, how much happiness I felt I deserved in my life and how it would bring me so much being around you. How badly I wanted to see you happy, see you smile and be with you. But the truth is, it was affecting me, all the ups and downs, and the times where we felt this isn’t gonna work out and that we’re just wasting our time here. These are the times that would leave me completely distracted/ feeling lost. Now you know quite a few out of many of the challenges Ive faced throughout my life so you know I’m not easy by any means to crack but damn did these times leave me feeling quite lost, at times even feeling ashamed of myself for pursuing the relationship at the cost of feeling like this. But I kept telling myself she can very much be my naseeb, and if that’s so, fuck whatever the cost is, ill pay whatever the price is to find out but let me keep going, and at this point there was no way I was letting go of you even if it affected me. Do I blame myself, or will I ever regret putting so much time and effort into you assuming this is how we end it? Absolutely not because I enjoyed spending every second with someone like you, not only do you have the prettiest face ever, you have a far more beautiful soul. You always have the right mind about things at the end of the day, you’re such an amazing person Lynn genuinely, I hope to God this world doesn’t ever steal that away from you. At the right time I hope that you find something with someone even better for you. And this I don’t have any doubt in because at the right time having you is an absolute blessing in any mans life, but for us I too can agree it might not be the right time. And to wrap up because I could keep going on and on for days about you, the last 6 months with you specifically, has been nothing short of a sum of one of my greatest experiences. At the end of the day I can’t ever regret losing out on that time that I’ll never get back or that may have stunned my growth because whether it’s in 5-10 years or now id say in this incredibly unusual occasion it was worth it and you truly are someone I will Never forget. ❤️

Was going to wait until you finish your midterm to send you this and its also the reason why I’m keeping away from you because I feel like if we talk it’d snowball into a distraction and from now on we’ve agreed to put an end to that but I can’t help not saying anything to you and make you feel like I don’t care so honestly you don’t even need to reply to this or text me or anything till after you’re done.

I wish you stayed in that place and died there 🥺

He said

Why do you care so much about what other people think

Oh right cause what else is there to think about

Let’s just care about everything 🫵😂

The Betrayal, by Shruthi Rajaram

He held me close to his heart.

Made me trust him from the start.

Promised that I was always the one.

That all his careless days were done.

…

I thought our life was just taking a small bend,

But never knew “we” were nearing a dead end.

A naïve me still could hear his voice echo,

“Nothing will change” —

But it wasn’t until he put me in the exchange.

That I knew — for him I was just another book to read.