Let's try this again, shall we?

I think you should be running this show tbh

do you think in the 1910/1920s people were getting in trouble for joking like "we just hit the iceberg..." and "this is literally my titanic"

do you think in the 1910/1920s people were getting in trouble for joking like "we just hit the iceberg..." and "this is literally my titanic"

hate how men sneeze like that. settle down, attention whore

just insane being forced over and over to re-litigate the nonexistence of fucking misandry during discussions about gender. it feels like being asked to re-prove that the earth is not flat at the beginning of every conversation

wasting away again in tumblrinaville...

I used to really like the ✨ emoji but now she's best friends with AI and I feel like I can't trust her anymore

NO do NOT let them win. We can save her. We can wrest her association back from AI. She doesn't deserve this and we can't abandon her.

when youre inadvertently 1% too nice to a straight guy you can usually pinpoint the exact moment where he decides you must be acting that way because you want to fuck down on him crazy style and it is at this point that one would be well advised to have a cyanide capsule under a false tooth or an equivalent fast acting response

accidentally running over a vampire with my car because they didnt show up on the backup camera

wasting away again in tumblrinaville...

Stop Humidity the air is trying to touch me Inappropriately

sorry i missed the gala of suitors i was outside picking on the weird girl in the garden tending to weird looking plants. yeah she had a little shack with a cauldron back there it was gross. anyways she gave me something to drink and now im madly in love with her so we need to start planning a wedding or whatever

Sorry I missed the crones' union meeting. The fuckingg princess showed up??? She wouldn't leave until I gave her a dr pepper. She got this really weird look in her eyes drinking it. I guess shes only used to beverages with 22 or fewer flavors

oooohh the love potion worked i cant believe you gave me a love potion im so in love its so effective lets make out

i am strategically acquiring mutuals with specific and unique fetishes to form an elite task force to pull off heists with.

Knocked up my workplace with my 40 hour long week and it gave birth to a beautiful baby paycheck