Writer in Progress

I saw this video the other day, of a street that had started to flood. Now, the water was barely enough to cover your foot, but it filled the street, and the rain continued on lightly in the background of the grey sky. There were two little boys running through the water, barefoot, and laughing. One lay down like a starfish in the flow of it, and the other one saw this and joined in. I can't fully explain it, but that's how I see us, both now and back when we first met as children. I can see you laying down in the freezing water, and me laying down there beside you, laughing.

The sky lies far too bright and awake for the lateness of the day as Irish summertime refuses to say goodnight. The garden isn't picture perfect but the mess lies sparsely, just enough to remind you that someone actually lives here. A light breeze catches the stray hairs hanging over her forehead. Warm light radiates through the window to her right, reminding her that the comfort of home awaits behind the kitchen door when she's ready for it, but the moment doesn't feel right yet. She peers at the row of red brick chimneys to her left. They lie dormant against the familiar grey backdrop of clouds. Right now, in this moment, she is home. And yet, in a month's time, someone else will be right here - in her garden, bathing in her warm lights, watching her neighbour's chimneys - and they will call it home instead.

I feel like such a fool for the amount that I love you. A part of me has loved you from that frozen night we shared on the picnic bench, the world sleeping around us while we barely knew the time was passing. From the first hike, the first breakfast, the first kiss, and all the butterflies that came with. From the first time I laid my eyes or my hands on you. And then there was so long without you, only able to observe from a distance as you lived your life and I wasn't a part of it, and I still loved you then. Even when I was with anyone else, I always wished that it would be you instead. Now we have each other again and the love is so full that I can barely contain it in my aching chest. When I'm looking into your eyes like the world has stopped around us, or when we're stood in the kitchen together making a cup of tea and brushing against one another, or when I'm laughing and telling you to shut up as my smile grows, I love you more and more through all of it.

A sun's worth of warmth radiates from my chest throughout my whole body until I can feel it trembling at my fingertips. Tracing circles along your arm as you engulf me and pull me close. I've fallen into the easiest love I've ever felt, into a love that was worth the wait. Even in my moments of uncertainty, you hear my anxious thoughts and soothe them without even being told. I grieve the moments we lost in the in between times, all the memories that we could have made, but then I remind myself that we waited for each other, even if we didn't realise it at the time. I turn in your arms, look up at your wide eyes and smile. This is exactly where I want to be. This is exactly who I want to be - yours. I love you.

The sandy gravel on the pontoon digs into my thighs as I sit and lough water drips down from my hair to create a little puddle around me. Even though the clouds are trying their best to keep the sun a secret, there's still a lovely warmth to the afternoon air. Inches to my right, you're sitting there with me. There are others around, but voices fade into the background as we face out towards the lapping water. We talk about the future like it's a guarantee and wonder aloud with a confidence of 'when' and not 'if'. There's a comfort in it that I've not known before.

We say goodbye to your friends on the street corner, a slight chill floating through the summer night air. Outside is dark, filled with deep purples and hazy oranges as we pass under streetlight after streetlight. Your house is cosy and warm as we arrive, the lights still on and everyone still awake for a late night hello. It doesn't take us long to disperse up the stairs into our separate rooms. It feels so comfortable, like I've been doing it forever. I lay my head on your chest, sleep pulling at my eyes, as you swirl your fingers along my back. I never want to feel anything but this close and connected to you.

The computer screen flickers, casting moving shadows along the barren walls. The scene is set only by that tenuous light, night having firmly taken over from the day, felt also by the drag on the lids of my eyes. Movement of cars outside could almost be mistaken for the swell of sea waves. My exasperated hand runs through my well ruffled hair for another time and sends the red strands scattering in all directions. Every fibre in my body aches for the kind of sleep that I haven't had since my eyes were softer. The creak of my spine echoes before the pitter patter of my fingers on the keyboard fills the room again.

The orange sky has been taken over more by deep blue since she last took a peek out of the window. The cool night air is a welcome respite for their slick bodies. He collapses onto her back, and they begin to giggle breathlessly. She can feel the vibrations of his laughter move through her spine. He moves, as if to get up, but instead starts to slowly pepper kisses along her shoulders and neck. The familiar intimacy fills the small gap between them, and it's comfortable. She can feel his smile in his kisses, and he can hear her appreciation in the little noises that escape her own smiling lips.

The water is unforgiving. It pulls at my limbs with a ferocity I never expect, and infects my chest with the heaviest cold I have ever felt. If I were to be pulled under I would be gone. Just another part of the background noise of a peaceful forest. My body would go green with moss, and sink to the bottom like a rock that has always been there. Sometimes I think about the tranquility of that, my unwavering stare looking up to the muffled sunlight above. It becomes a tempting fate in the rush of the day. The current feels so welcoming against my tired soul. No longer would the world's needs lie heavy on my soul if I were just another rock on the riverbed.