the sun

And y’all don’t wanna hear this but aceness (having lived through it and connected with other people about it believe me I am not talking out of my ass) more than any other identity like this has a LOT of cases where it’s born out of conditions. It has a lot to do with being in a society where sexuality is expected. It has a lot to do with internalized homophobia. It has a lot to do with dysphoria. It has a lot to do with performative heteronormativity being shunned. It has a lot to do with sexual rejection. It has a lot to do with interpersonal anxiety. And those are all very valid. But because aceness is obsessive about inclusion-as-proof-of-existence (you know, the existence of that community y’all defend so much but also claim you don’t have?), ace discourse also circles around telling people they don’t need to question the source of their feelings, they don’t need to think about the how’s and why’s of their identity. And like, that’s not fucking healthy. I’m sure there are plenty of people who are just ace because they’re ace. But there are also a lot of people who are traumatized by this traumatic and inflexible society we live in, and while I’m not saying you’re not ace, I am saying figuring out if there’s an identifiable why might make your life so much better. Because there are so many instances of people who have complicated feelings on love and sex and thus are averse stumbling onto MOGAI tumblr and going ah! Someone gets me! But later finding out that there was a reason, and confronting that reason, and leaving the label behind. Me included. I was aro AND ace, or believed I was for a time, because it seemed to explain a lot of my feelings on the concepts. But I’ve learned different. So in a way I’m glad that the community became so vile that I turned my back on it. Sometimes I think about that guy that was like “I’m dating women but I don’t want sex with them, I’m ace but for some reason I’m attracted to men but I could never see myself dating one” and it’s like.. that’s textbook internalized homophobia and performative heteronormativity. And this is what I mean when I say it’s dangerous that the Ace community is so allergic to any critique of its methods of gaining ‘members’ or his rhetoric. Because it’s actively trapping people in a state of non-growth. You won’t stop being valid if you find out there’s a reason you’re averse to romance or sex. You’re not a ‘fake’ aro/ace person if there’s a reason you identify that way.

Op i understand what you’re saying but at the same time… it ain’t that deep. I don’t sit down and ask lesbians WHY they are lesbians, like can you fucking imagine? “Have you thought about why you are a lesbian? You might just be straight and traumatized towards men. Have you spent a lot of time thinking about sex wth men? Are you sure you don’t want it secretly deep down?” That’s nasty and directing it at aces is no less so.

Ace-angel you are EXACTLY why the ace community is vile. Tons of us have shared literally our own personal experiences of how we identified as ace due to mental illness, trauma, internalized homophobia and dysphoria. I’m fucking one of those people. This is EXACTLY why your community hurts people, because you think asexuality is comparable to being lesbian or gay or trans or bi. Its fucking not. Life is more complex and just because something is true in regard to being gay doesn’t mean it works the same way for asexuality. Its a false equivilency.

since this post is actually getting attention rn i really want to emphasize this-