finally my child can safely ram her fucking head into a doorknob this is what the future is all about what a time to be alive 

“r u taken?” yes bitch taken for granted

I’m reading your palm and it says it belongs on my butt

Pet peeve: People who yelled at you and made you angry but try to joke with you a few minutes later because they can’t stand the atmosphere they created

yeah good grades are cool and all but have you ever had a good night sleep

A private life is a happy life and the less they know, the better .

Some guys are just so boring. Like all they have to offer is dick, a few good morning texts, and a boring conversation. And people settle for it because they are desperate to have someone. But life should be exciting and relationships should be fun and spontaneous and bring out the creativity in both people. Well that’s what it has to be for me. That’s a must. Wanting to experience a life of enjoyment together is a form of intimacy

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen