I am genderqueer but I am not non-binary.
I am a binary gender. That binary gender is male, and happens to also be genderqueer. Even if that “technically counts as being non-binary,” it doesn’t to me.
I am two genders at the same time, but I am not bi-gender.
I have two gender identities. They coexist at the same time and never change. I am always male and always genderqueer. However, I am not bi-gender. You might be scratching your head and wondering how that’s even possible. How can someone who’s two genders at once which never change not be bi-gender?
Because I’m not. The label just doesn’t fit me. I do not identity with the label bi-gender. I am not bi-gender, I am genderqueer. A genderqueer guy.
Although my gender fluctuates in intensity, I am not gender-flux.
My gender tends to be silly goofy and likes to fluctuate in how ‘intense’ it is. One day, I could be feeling 100% super manly man, boyly boy, and want only to be addressed using he/him/his, no matter what I look or dress like that day. Other days, I could feel a little more ‘disconnected’ from my manhood, and although I still love he/him pronouns, I might throw it/its into the mix too. (But never they/them.) You’re probably thinking that that sounds like the textbook definition of gender-flux. And it more or less is. But it’s not me. Even I don’t know why; I just don’t vibe with the label.
There are certain labels that, although they may “technically” describe someone, won’t fit them. In my opinion, gender should not be defined as what label “technically” fits. It should be defined as how the individual themself feels about it.
A binary trans person might identify as a label such non-binary, for instance, not because their gender itself is not binary, but maybe because they still like dressing in clothes traditionally associated with their birth sex, or because they don’t like being referred to as a woman or man and would rather just be called a person! Or even if they just like they way the label vibes with them and would rather use that instead or “trans man,” or “trans woman.”
Their gender could still be binary, but they are 100% allowed to refer to themselves as non-binary, for whatever reason they want.
If you want to use labels to describe your gender expression rather than identity itself, then that’s alright! You’re allowed, I promise. And if anyone tries to police your identity for no absolutely reason, just remember: it’s YOUR gender, it’s YOUR identity, and it’s NOT hurting anyone!
