bingo bango bongo

When Carrie died / (And I haven’t really spent a lot of time with her since then) / (That month really fucking sucked, now it’s been a couple years) / Everyone was turned completely upside down / Everybody, but especially Evelyn* / They were particularly knocked out / and we held them / Everyone was crumbling away / But especially Evelyn

I only picked up the phone a couple of times / How was I supposed to know it was heroin? / How was I supposed to know anything about heroin? / I canceled our coffee date / The only one I said yes to out of that number of times / I was buried in my own bottle but not like she was / I can’t go back and pick up a couple more times

Then we went to Jenning’s Beach late at night / We called a car even though all of our phones were dying / We took swigs out of the half handle of Svedka we had left / Poured one onto the sand because I’d seen that in the movies / After we smashed the bottle against the rocks / We built a little castle out of broken seashells / Why do I keep not picking up my phone now? /  Why haven’t I learned anything about texting back?

I met somebody and he made me write a song

He made me a playlist

He held my hand-

We watched Gremlins and we watched Always Sunny

Flying Circus, Halloween, Green Room, It Follows

I cracked open, I sat on his couch and smiled at his parents

I saw things I wasn’t used to thinking about

I’m giving up masochism for now, I’m submitting to self love

I don’t want to lose my fucking friend but

Different conditions? I love you and I meant it.

I like the taste of his tongue and I like the tone of his tales

I like telling stories with him and sitting in the passenger seat

I hope you come back soon I miss you come home

It’s okay if you can’t be together with me being together with you

I understand it and it could be it wasn’t meant to be 

Who knows? 

Maybe I’ll always be a little chipped and need a little pain to fill in the cracks

Or maybe I’ll heal and you’ll heal too

I don’t know, call me when you find that office with your name on it

We can do work and glue numbers together

I’ll still be your girl, even just a little bit

That’s okay, that’s okay. 

I hope you come out of your hiding place and find a piece of your heart that loves you, too