Literally too gay to live

I know, I know it's so unfair that life demands so much of you. It can be exhausting, can't it? All of the expectations. Being switched on all of the time. The responsibility of it all.

But you're safe here with me to relax. To let it go. I promise, everything is okay.

You need to rest your brain from it all. You're exhausted. Let me take over while you lay your head on my lap and I play with your hair.

What do you need my love? It's hard to let go today, isn't it?

Open your mouth my darling and take my fingers. Feel the pressure on your tongue. It can be difficult for you sometimes to stop thinking, but I know that once your mouth is busy, these thoughts sometimes float away.

i'm in Ireland and the search for that bastards name is still blocked and hidden... the legnths the british go to defend and protect their instruments of colonialism and violence is beyond belief. no justice for the victims and yet every measure taken to protect David James Cleary and his fellow murderers.

-she buys from amazon, she both has no sense of personal style and is an unethical consumer giving money to bezos

if you copy a url by sharing on the website, the link will look like this

getting rid of tracking in these is easy, just delete everything after the question mark and you are golden

in the case for the app, its slightly more complicated

first you have to delete at. that appears before tumblr(.)com the other tracking shit on this one has a lot more info, so please, clean app urls. after the first set of numbers, there's a / you have to delete everything after it

a clean Tumblr url should look like this

"Kalvya, you're fine. Piloting fucks us all up a little bit."

"No, Gaige, I think...I think something's wrong. I can't... I can't think properly anymore. Memories are missing...I...I can't remember part of our sortie."

"Okay. It gets a bit monotonous sometimes. They blend together. I don't know what the issue is."

"You're not listening," I huffed, holding my head in my hands. "Why couldn't I remember what door my kennel is in?"

"Do you remember now?"

"Four-Twelve."

"There you go. You're fine. Your kennel is four doors that way." Gaige pointed to the wall to his left. "I could hear you hitting the buttons for like five minutes, that's why I opened my door. But you remember now. So...you're fine, pup."

"It's scary," I whispered. "So much of my time here is gone. I don't remember when I got here...I remember Holly. I think. Her face is fuzzy in my head, you know? I can't remember...Handler...Handler is here. Liazel..." Hearing Her name come out of my mouth invoked reverence. Love. Fear.

"We don't use Her full name, Kalvya. Don't say it. It's not for us."

"She's a fucking goddess, I adore Her," I whispered, feeling a rush of joy as I thought of Her. "But I don't remember where I met Her. She just kind of...appeared in my head. Like She was always there. I know I'm happy when She's here."

"That's right. We both are." Gaige pulled the zipper of his jumpsuit.

I wanted to watch him strip, but my skull pulsed if I focused on anything for too long. "Gaige, when did I get here?"

"Earlier this year."

"When?"

"I don't know, they called me up to do your resilience training. I don't know how long you were here before that. I don't need to know. That's not my place."

"Okay...Yeah. Okay." I rubbed my scalp.

"Do you wanna come lay down?" He sat down naked on the bed.

I risked my light sensitivity to peek. "I...Yeah. Yeah." I got up from the floor and slowly made my way to the bed in the other corner, stripping off my jumpsuit as I did so.

Gaige had a softer arrangement of blankets and warmer sheets than I did. I bunched up one of his pillows under my head and dragged a singular sheet over me. I was running hot, but having a covering fabric to hide under was nice. He kept his kennel dark, like a cave. His comms tablet was hanging on a little hook on the wall above his head.

He reached out a hand and touched my stomach.

I flinched at the contact, and shuffled closer to him. I wanted Gaige's touch now. I needed it. "You're okay," he said. "You're safe. We're both safe. Sortie is over, we've got at least twenty-four hours before we need to do anything again. You can hide in here if you want, until you get called." His soft golden eyes were glimmering in the low light. He ran his fingers over my hip. "Ares, lights off," he said to the computer automating parts of his kennel.

The lights dimmed further and then blinked out.

"You can just say you want me to stay here."

"I always do. I like touching."

"Pervert."

"Yeah."

I sighed and found his gaze, focusing on him for a few moments. I leaned forward and kissed him. "I'll stay for a while. You're a good cuddler."

"Thank you."

"I wish I could sleep with Handler. Cuddle Her."

"That would be an incredible privilege. But you can cuddle me."

"Dog pile."

"Mmm."

I turned over and pressed my bare back against Gaige, feeling his hands cradle my body and pull me closer to him. "You're gonna overheat me," I muttered.

"You are a mech pilot. Thermal regulation issues and everything."

"I don't have heat pipes."

"I could give you a heat pipe."

Source

rag doll with sew marks on her tummy and boobs and ass for stretch marks

vs

Games that are actually going to be 20 years old in 2026

My fox was tied to a loop on my shoulder, and it hung just over my collar with its little nose peeking at whatever I was facing.

At this moment, it was facing the open panel of my mech's data drive slots. I was struggling with the tab to release the drive bay so I could get it for the OpTechs.

Gaige and I had just run another sortie. We scouted a few breaches in the mountain range, where UT troops were known to run guns to rebels. Despite the nothing that happened over the course of eleven and a half hours, something had jolted the port and the usual diagnostics plugs weren't working. I had no idea when it had happened; time had gotten a bit fuzzy somewhere in the middle. My memory wasn't too clear for some of the sortie.

The drive wasn't the only thing wrong with the mech. Some of my ammunition readouts had been wrong, and my fuel gauge had clearly gone haywire; I was leaking fuel, or they hadn't swapped the power cells properly before launch. I sighed and adjusted my fingers again, annoyed with my whole frame.

"Fucker, come on..." I grumbled, my oily fingers struggling to get a grip on the tab. My head was buzzing, which didn't help.

"Hurry up, Pilot," a voice said.

"Gimme a fucking second!" I hissed, finally yanking the tab free and pulling the deck from the slot. I felt dizzy for a second, and grabbed at a handlebar and the cockpit seat to keep myself steady. The drive clicked up from its setting. "There. Hold on." After a second, the vertigo faded. I grabbed the drive and shifted over to the step out from the cockpit.

I looked out to the catwalk, handed the drive to the Operation Technician standing by for me, and marched up to where Handler was waiting.

As our eyes met, all my worries seemed to fall away. I loved Her eyes. Blue like the stars, framed by a face that was a work of art to behold. Without a thought, I stopped in front of Her and dropped to my knees. My neck ached as I tilted my head to keep Her face in my vision.

"Were you good for me tonight?" She asked.

"Yes, Mommy!"

"Good dog. Sit still." Handler reached for my head, scratching Her fingernails against my scalp before She adjusted the straps on my muzzle, Her face so close to mine. I wanted Her to take the muzzle off, if only so I could kiss Her. Maybe. If She let me.

"Hh..." I breathed quietly as She traced Her touch around the back of my head.

"Hound, did you mark your kills?" She mumbled into my ear.

My fuzzy mind crossed its wires in confusion. "...Kills? We didn't fight anyone."

Handler kissed my forehead. "Of course, little one. Up." She rose and snapped Her fingers, drawing me out of the math I was trying to do in my head.

Had we killed someone? I'll ask Gaige. Maybe he knows. I don't remember fighting anyone. Maybe She's just asking...just because. I don't know.

My neck ached. My brain seemed to be pounding. Oncoming migraine. Med techs could give me pain stims.

"Go, little pup," Handler ordered, pointing down the catwalk. "Med techs need to see you today."

A sense of clarity washed over me. I had a direction. "Yes, Mommy!" I paused before moving, and tilted my head toward my fox, glancing at it with a very pointed look.

Handler smiled at me, a warm and gentle smile, and reached out to brush Her fingers over my fox's nose with a few pets as gentle as Her kisses on my forehead. "Keep my Hound out of trouble," She whispered to it.

I giggled as Handler pointed down the catwalk again, still smiling.

Despite my confusion and pain, my step was light and my heart was soaring as I bounced off down to the offices behind the hangar. I loved it when She called me Her little pup, and when She engaged with my fox like it was a real pet. Mommy's little pup, and pup's little fox.

~~

"Sit, please."

I sat on the floor.

Doctor Pela sighed. "The table, puppy. Please."

My knees popped as I got back up and moved to the exam table.

"Arms up. Hold the bar above you." They pressed an electrode sticker above my left breast, and the heart monitor started ticking. "Deep breath." They pushed their hand against my sternum. "Hold. Hold... Exhale. Slowly."

I let the breath out through my nose. The bar felt weird against my hands; it had a rough texture.

"Arms down now. Can you let go of the fox?"

I looked at them. Their brown eyes and dark skin and bouncy ringlet hair made for a kind face. But I shook my head. "Mm-mm."

"Can you take it out of your mouth? I need to check your teeth and your gums."

I narrowed my eyes and gently released the soft felt fox from my teeth, catching it in my hand. I'd developed a habit to hold it in my teeth when I was out of the muzzle.

"Good girl. I'll give you a candy when we're done. Mouth open, please. Wide."

I licked my lips and stretched my jaw for the doctor. They put the metal tool against my tongue and ran another over my gums, soft eyes darting around as they looked at whatever it was that doctors looked at. I listened to the heart monitor beep steadily, squeezing my fox in time with the beeps.

"Okay. Good puppy. Can I pet your head?" They extracted their hands.

I nodded and tilted my head forward. They ran their fingers over my scalp, rubbing my hair gently. I twitched at a slight tug of a tangle.

"Are you washing your hair too much?" They said, adjusting their glasses and focusing their eyes on me. "You're a bit frizzy. You should let some of the natural oils stick around to keep your hair healthy."

I shrugged and put the fox back in my mouth.

"Okay. I'll bug your Handler about it."

Handler. I grinned behind the fox.

"Last thing. Bend forward for me, I'm gonna check your neural port." I followed their instructions, and their calloused hands touched my bare back before gently pressing the area around my framejack plug. They breathed quietly for a moment, pressed something cold against my skin, and then ran a wet fabric against the metal. "Any symptom flareups?" They asked me.

I took the fox out of my mouth again. "Of what?"

"Neo-tetanus."

I stared at the floor. "I don't...think so. I don't know. What does it feel like?"

"I'm surprised you don't remember, you had a rough case of it when your Handler-"

Handler!

"-brought you to the facility initially. I helped treat it. Sometimes it goes into relapse and we have to look again."

"I guess if I feel something weird I'll let you know."

"I'll send a list of things to watch for to your tablet. Hot flashes, muscle cramping in your neck, particularly bad spinal pain, long-lasting headaches...you'll see the list. Anyway. Do we need to do an STI panel?"

"No."

"Mkay. Gonna have you piss in a cup for me, then I'll take some blood, and we can put your muzzle back on and send you back to your Mommy." They gently peeled the electrode sticker off my chest.

"Mommy..." Joy sparkled in my chest. I wanted to see Mommy again. I hurriedly took the cup that the doctor handed me and went behind the curtain where a toilet sat, putting the fox in my mouth yet again. There was a shelf for me to set the sample on when I was done.

I yanked my panties down and filled the cup, screwed the lid on, placed it carefully on the shelf, then sat down and finished peeing. Doctor Pela stood watching, but I paid them no mind. I wasn't sure I'd had an unsupervised piss in months. I adjusted my panties back on my hips and walked back to the table.

"Hand sanitizer first, sweetheart."

I took a moment to pop my fingers, still sore from gripping the control sticks in my mech for so many hours. Pela was patient while I rubbed sanitizer over my palms and fingers, trying not to react to the intense smell of sterility and alcohol.

"Lay down. You passed out last time."

I situated myself appropriately, and placed the fox above my head on the exam table.

They were fast with the blood draw, but I got dizzy halfway through, and passed out by the end of it. Pela was holding an ice pack against my forehead when I came to after a few minutes, holding a carton of high-electrolyte juice that they made me drink before I could sit up. "You don't have a whole lot of spare blood in there, puppy. When did you eat last?" They asked.

I shrugged.

"Fucking hell, Paladinia. Let your dogs eat on the road." They huffed at their terminal, swiping things between screens and their tablet while I waited for the woozy sickness to pass. The vial of my blood was placed in a rack with many others. I stared at the dark gray tiles in the ceiling, tracing lines back and forth, counting seconds and minutes and wishing my stomach would settle, patting my fox to a steady beat in my head. Doctor Pela brought me a protein brick to eat, then handed me a hard candy to occupy my mouth while they slipped the muzzle back on.

Don't we need to do more tests? I felt over the back of my neck and tapped the shunt jack. "I..."

"What's wrong, Kalvya?"

"Isn't...urine sample? Blood pressure?"

"We already did those, pilot. Don't worry." They pulled the second strap on my muzzle.

I blinked. I knew I had just peed, or I was pretty sure I had. Why was my memory so fuzzy?

"See you tomorrow for hormone shots," they said, handing me my jumpsuit to put back on. "You've got a busy medical schedule."

"Busy pilot, I guess," I shrugged. I zipped up my jumpsuit, shifted the muzzle against my nose, and slipped the fox into its little harness over my shoulder. I huffed and wandered out of the office unsteadily.

~~

I felt dizzy again and braced myself against the wall, keeping a hand against it while I made my way to the elevators to go back to my kennel. But once I made it in the doors, I stared at the flashing indicators and could not remember where I needed to go. Was it up...? Down? Was I already on the right floor?

"Fuck," I huffed. "Fuck." I slapped the button for the next floor up. My head pulsed and I felt nausea rock my stomach. I whined into the wall of the moving elevator car, squeezing my eyes shut to keep the bright lights at bay and white-knuckling the handlebars.

I heard the doors open. I didn't move. I didn't even remember what floor I'd hit.

"Hey, pilot, you alright?" Someone came in.

I shook my head. "Can't remember."

"Remember what? Where you need to be?"

I nodded. "Kennel. Bed."

"Fourth level, pilot. You look really fucking pale, good goddess."

I cracked open my eyes, head pounding at just the hint of light breaking through, and slapped the fourth level button. The hazy outline of a soldier was in the corner of my limited peripheral vision. Wasn't sure who. The elevator closed and moved again, going up. My stomach lurched.

"You uh...want some help?"

I shook my head. As soon as the doors opened, I rushed out into the hall and searched frantically for something familiar. What door was it? There was a number. I remember the door lock. The door code. 9940. My kennel. Shit. Shit. What number? What fucking NUMBER was it? Four...four-fifteen? No.

I moved down the line of doors and tapped the code into each door lock, hoping I found the right one, but hitting a roadblock with each try. Why did all the doors have to look the same? Why did the hallways just keep going? All slate gray walls and black numbers and thin metal panels of crown moulding, all the fucking SAME, I hated it!

I slapped my code into another panel, not even bothering to look at the door, and it opened.

"Kalv-"

Not mine.

Didn't matter. I found Gaige's eyes. "Bin... now..."

He didn't ask any questions, pulled me into his kennel by my arm, and encouraged me to his disposal bin.

I threw up, dry-heaving over the waste bucket repeatedly, my stomach already empty, but there was color in the bile from the candy and smidgen of protein brick that the med tech had fed me. Most of it fell through the muzzle, but sickening bits remained, dripping off the metal basket and nauseating me further. I needed it off; I scrabbled at the buckle on the back of my head but couldn't center my fingers properly. My coordination was gone, just like my memories. My stomach would not stop convulsing, my body flushed with heat.

Pressure against my back. My muscles tensed.

"Goddess, fuck-"