A public anthropology blog by Natalia Lee, former PhD student in Social Anthropology at the University of Sussex. This blog may contain distressing images; viewer discretion is advised.
Please note that this blog will contain graphic depictions of physical pain ordeals such as hook suspensions. Please proceed with caution if you are squeamish!
My name is Natalia Lee and I am a former PhD student in Social Anthropology at the University of Sussex. I'm a Heathen (Asatruar), animist, and a member of The Church of Pain. My research interests include ecstatic, sacred, and phenomenal pain, as well as contemporary and historical Nordic religion.
My study focuses on the role pain plays in the lives of contemporary Heathens and adjacent Nordic nature religions in Norway and the UK. This can mean fringe practices like factoring in pain as a physical ordeal ritual, and others who use their religion as a way of negotiating pain in their lives. This can include, but is not limited to, chronic and mental pain. In other words, I'm looking at pain as more than just an intentional act of devotional sacrifice, but also how it affects one's relationships to their religion.
Animism is the belief that everything is connected to nature at a greater cosmic, but also physical level. It is also a core belief of just about every nature religion I can think of. I'm using animism as a framework as I believe it makes for a better understanding of nature religions from the "inside out". A bit of personal bias, if you will. Animism helps us understand pain as pain is part of a natural response to something, and animism is all about understanding nature.
I combine my background as a hobby hook suspension practitioner with my positionality as an anthropologist, a Heathen, and Church of Pain member. My research aims to uncover the complex ways in which pain interacts with its subjects in a religious context.
I hope you join me on my research journey over the next few years. Thanks for looking, and feel free to write in with questions!
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Okay! For those who were wondering about alternatives to Google Docs, I think I found pretty much the perfect option: Ellipsus
Besides being online and collaborative like GDocs, a few things I've liked about it so far:
It has a drafts feature, which you can use to track and merge revisions to your doc OR you can use them as sub-documents to store things like your bible--character info, notes, scenes, whatever OR you can break down your story into chapters
Strictly anti-AI, and wanting you to own your writing 100%
Has a built in writing timer, and a focus mode (Strips away the UI)
Aaaaaand….!!
What's that...?
Oh yeah, snippet sharing:
and a built in export to AO3
Their plans are to keep this version of the product free, and then create higher end paid versions with more features to maintain a sustainable model that'll keep the product viable. They seem really cool so far. Highly recommend checking them out, if you're in any way interested in degoogling.
The Journal of Nerd and Popular Game Studies is a proposed periodical journal (quarterly or yearly depending on interest) with the intention of giving publishing experience to budding academics and writers who specialise in all things nerdy, from games to fanfiction and beyond!
While higher education (for example, a Bachelor's degree) is not strictly necessary for entry into the journal, papers must be held to a strict academic standard, including citations, theory, and appropriate formatting.
Topics include but are not limited to:
1. Religion and religiosity
2. Social/cultural anthropology
3. Sociology
4. Philosophy
5. Linguistics
6. Music
7. Art theory
8. Geography
9. Biology
Submissions to the journal are not guaranteed if they do not adhere to the rigorous academic standards required for publication. Draft submissions can be submitted for review for free; however, peer review is necessary for publication. At this time, papers that make it to peer review stage will cost £75 per paper (which will hopefully with time be subsidised with ad revenue), to cover the cost of each review as we strongly believe that the expectation for academics to do peer review for free is an exploitative system.
Each paper should range between 2500-3000 words, not including sources, listed in Harvard formatting. The journal will accept up to 20 articles per issue for full publication.
While this is still a proposed idea, it is expected that all papers must be submitted to the journal by July 1, 2026.
For further inquiries and proposals, please DM @tastesoftamriel (we still have to set up a website and email address based on interest).
"these researchers published a paper on something that literally any of us could have told you 🙄" ok well my supervisors wont let me write something in my thesis unless I can back it up with a citation so maybe it's a good thing that they're amplifying your voice to the scientific community in a way that prevents people from writing off your experiences as annecdotal evidence
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A general tip for students who are sending those dreaded Religious Absence Emails to your professors: Rather than asking permission to take the day(s) off, politely let them know that you will be taking the day(s) off.
In other words, consider not saying this:
"May I miss class on [date] so I can observe [holiday]?"
It's not that there's anything wrong with the above, per se. But because it's phrased as a request, it risks coming across as optional — a favor you hope to be granted. Problem is, favors are not owed, and so unfortunately asking permission opens the door for the professor to respond "Thanks for asking. No, you may not. :)"
Instead, try something along the lines of:
"I will need to miss class on [date] because I will be observing [holiday]. I wanted to let you know of this conflict now, and to ask your assistance in making arrangements for making up whatever material I may miss as a result of this absence."
This is pretty formal language (naturally, you can and should tweak it to sound more like your voice). But the important piece is that, while still being respectful, it shifts the focus of the discussion so that the question becomes not "Is it okay for me to observe my religion?", but rather, "How can we best accommodate my observance?"
Because the first question should not be up for debate: freedom of religion is a right, not a favor. And the second question is the subject you need to discuss.
(Ideally, do this after you've looked up your school's policy on religious absences, so you know what you're working within and that religious discrimination is illegal. Just in case your professor forgot.)
Also you do not have to be religious in order to take these days off. You do not have to spend all day at synagogue on Yom Kippur or fast in order to be "justified" in taking the day off. You can take the day off and observe any way you wish. Even if that means just being at home with your family. You do not have to go into detail when stating why you taking the day off. You just have to say that you're taking the day off to observe XYZ holiday.
If a professor ever gives you any pushback on this, your college should have a page detailing their policy. They also likely have a calendar of religious observances, and that will be found on the Office for Access and Equity's website (or whatever your equivalent is called). (Note: This is for the US. I'm in academia in the US, I don't know how this works outside of the country I work in. Please don't "um actually" me about some other country, I do not have the information you need.)
If you're celebrating a holiday that isn't on your school's calendar and you receive pushback, the Hindu American Foundation has a good template you can use. You'll need to tweak it a little, since you aren't a child, but some schools only put their university's majority faiths on the calendar. For example, at the university I'm at, faculty and TAs receive a link to a calendar with all of the Christian (general, as well as Eastern Orthodox and Catholic specific), Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, and Baha'i holidays. That doesn't mean if a Wiccan or Taoist student told us they had a holiday we wouldn't excuse the absence; it just means that the university wanted to conserve space and stop the PDF from getting any longer. So if you don't see your holiday on the school calendar, don't worry. Freedom of religion means you're still covered.
Also, if you are worried about this, keep these things in mind:
It's usually better to take an exam early than late; however, if you have a professor who doesn't make their exam until the night before (I've worked for a guy who does that, it's terrifying), you might not get that option. Follow the professor's lead on exam scheduling.
If your observance requires several days, put that in the first email- make sure the dates are very clear and in writing. With online exams, it's really popular to let students have a few days to take them- if your observance doesn't cover that whole period, you'll likely be expected to take it on the days that don't interfere. But if your observance covers the whole period, the professor needs to know!
If you're doing a lab class or there are multiple TA sections, offer a list of the ones you could do in that first email if there are other options. For example, saying something like "My regular section is with Caitlin on Friday at 3, which interferes with my observance; however, I could attend either of Caitlin's Wednesday sections or any of the Thursday sections" means fewer communication steps down the line.
If you have lab or project partners, communicate with them. Did your presentation get scheduled for a holy day? If you're not there and they are and they have to present without you, they're gonna be pissed. You don't have to tell them what you practice, what you're celebrating/observing, or even that you're going to be absent for a religious thing at all- but you do need to tell them that you're going to be absent during the work period. This is extra true if your holiday falls around finals/midterms.
This blog post contains graphic photos of hook suspensions. Please proceed with caution if you are squeamish!
It would be amiss to discuss my work on pain without providing my motivations behind doing so. This is an autobiographical account of my relationship with pain and how it has shaped my understanding of the world and myself. It is a diary entry of sorts, that allows you a glimpse into my personal world, and will hopefully give you an understanding of pain that varies from standard pain narratives as deviant or otherwise “sick”. I invite you into my world in the hopes that readers who have a personal relationship with pain feel less alone, as pain is an isolating experience, and to show the curious that pain is something that is beyond what standard narratives revile.
I began my journey with aesthetic body modifications two decades ago, bar the simple earlobe piercings my mother cajoled me into getting at the age of six. I began with a nostril piercing, done while I was underage at a mall in Singapore with a piercing gun. Looking back at this highly inadvisable decision, I wince, but it was the beginning of something so much bigger. Ever since I was a young child, I had a fascination with body modifications like tattoos and piercings, and it came as no surprise (but with plenty of disappointment) to my parents and teachers that by the time I was 18, I had amassed several piercings and a couple of tattoos, done by practitioners who turned a blind eye to my lack of ID. Some of these piercings I still have today, including my tongue, first nostril, upper lip, and several ear piercings. Needless to say, the tattoos are still there, albeit in need of some touching up.
One of the main topics of this blog, hook suspensions, was something that I did not try until my 20th birthday. Growing up in the multicultural society of Singapore, it was a yearly occurrence to watch the Hindu Thaipusam ceremony, whereby devotees of Murugan pierce their bodies with multiple long skewers and needles to carry a kavadi, a heavy ornamental structure, which they carry while dancing in a trance from temple to temple. Despite being Chinese, I developed a fascination with Thaipusam almost immediately, marvelling at how devotees could perform such a feat under what I imagined to be excruciating pain.
At the age of 13, I discovered the online forum BMEzine, a website dedicated to body modifications of all sorts. However, my curiosity and lack of parental Internet supervision led me to the “extreme” sections of the website, which hosted hundreds of photos of body modifications I didn't know even existed or knew to be possible. There were split tongues and penises, tattooed eyeballs, enormous stretched piercings, and of course, hook suspensions.
My first reaction to seeing the hook suspension gallery was immediate revulsion. I felt nauseous and confused. I asked the same question I get from every lay person outside of the heavy body modification scene I get today when I explain my enthusiasm for hook suspensions: why? It was more than the pain that shocked me. Thaipusam was one thing, but in comparison to the thick hooks rammed into the skin and flying bodies I saw on the Internet, it seemed tame. I had no idea that skin could even do that. I closed the browser and did not open that section of BMEzine again for several years.
On the cusp of my 20th birthday, I was discussing with a few friends from university what I should do as a rite of passage from my teens. It was unanimously decided that it had to be something body modification related. By this stage I was relatively heavily pierced (by “normal people” standards, anyway), and had amassed a few tattoos of varying size and quality. As much as I loved piercings and tattoos, they seemed passe. I needed to go bigger. Then, one of my friends made a bold statement. “Hey, have you ever seen those people who hang from the ceiling from hooks?”
My memory immediately flashed back to 13 year old me sitting at the family computer dry heaving with horror. This time, however, I was intrigued. I knew my piercer and world-renowned body modification artist in Sydney, Australia, was also a hook facilitator, but the question was whether I was ready for hooks. I went home that night after the pub and brought up BMEzine again. This time, I was ready. The next day, I booked in with my piercer, and raised funds for the suspension by walking around the pub with an upturned hat and asking strangers for loose change to crowdfund the experience. After being asked what I was planning on doing with the money, almost everyone I spoke to threw a dollar or two into the hat, calling me (as Australians do) “batshit insane”.
I recently found the video from my first suspension, that chronicled every step from marking up my back for a two-point (formerly known in suspension circles as a “suicide”) suspension to my first step into flight and the aftermath. Looking back at 20 year old me, some five suspensions and counting later, was bittersweet. Watching my face go from stern concentration and apprehension as I tottered back and forth uncertainly on tiptoes as my piercer gently swayed the rope I was attached to, to the combination of shock and glee as my feet left the floor of the tattoo parlour that night was an experience that was remarkable to see years later. There's something indescribably special about your first flight, no matter how many suspensions you do later down the line. It was baby's first suspension, and it would not be my last.
I took a three year hiatus from suspensions after that first one, mostly for financial reasons, but also because I didn't know after that initial flight whether I was ready for another one. It had been an overwhelmingly positive experience, but it wasn't until 2015, when I was planning my second visit to Norway, where I decided to get in touch with Wings of Desire (now disbanded), some of whose members were part of the legendary Pain Solution performance group, whom I'd idolised online since I was a teenager. It was a meeting that would change my life; almost ten years later, I am privileged to call my facilitators from that suspension, Alan Bellardinelli and June Bonsaksen (now co-founders of the Church of Pain/Smertekirken; more on that later) good friends. I had followed the exploits of the annual Oslo Suscon for several years by this stage, and while I was unable to make it to the event itself, I was determined to hang with Wings of Desire.
I organised the details and payment of the private suspension by email with June, and we agreed that I would do a lotus suspension. Sitting in lotus position on a piercing table, Alan, the head facilitator that day, walked me through what to expect. We settled on ten hooks (a significant jump from my previous two hooks), marked me up, and was pierced in tandem by Alan and another WoD member, Siv. After a lot of heavy breathing, nearly fainting from a combination of jetlag and low blood pressure and sugar, I felt my skin go taut and the table I'd been sitting on slide out from beneath me. That was it, I was flying again, and I knew for certain from that moment on that hooks would play a huge part in my life. Later that year, I flew back to Norway for a WoD Suspension Sunday event, which was hosted monthly at Blitz. However, unknown to me, it would be five years until my next suspension. From 2020, my relationship to pain in the form of suspensions would change entirely from a mode of thrill-seeking to a spiritual, embodied context that would eventually lead to this research project several years later.
This short summary of my relationship to pain over my early life hopefully provides some context for the passion that motivates my research. In the next post, I will discuss my relationship with hook suspension as a ritual practice, from my 2020 and 2024 rituals and eventual membership with the Church of Pain. You can read my field notes from my 2024 summer ritual here.
If you love poetry, photography, and hook suspension, be sure to check out my friend Aiko's book, The Beauty in Pain. Last I checked there were very limited copies left, so message Aiko if you'd like to secure one for yourself!
It's been a while, hello! Quick update on what's going on these days:
Finishing my handwritten fieldnotes from the June Smertekirken suscon 2025 (two months later, I know, lazy), before I type them up for publishing here.
Plodding through interviews for my book. I've been put on a mandatory mental health break for the rest of August so if you've volunteered and haven't heard back yet with an interview time, I promise I'll get back next month!
Research, research, and more research. My reading is interdisciplinary and all around fascinating, so if I can come up with anything coherent I'll try to post a literature review or two at some point.
In the meantime, please enjoy some photos from my ritual at this year's Smertekirken summer solstice camp. Spoilered below for the squeamish! Thank you to the amazing crew who made it happen; Alan, Daniel, Aiko, and Alfred, you're the best!
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Hi friends, if you've turned in your consent form but haven't received an interview time from me yet, it's not because it's because I've forgotten you! This week I learned that I have to completely restructure my PhD proposal, which means that unfortunately my book writing/research is taking a short break while I work on that. I will be conducting a couple more interviews this month, but for the time being I have to work on rewriting this PhD proposal, which will be due sometime next month/early June.
Thank you for your patience while I sort this out! I'm really gutted that I have to completely restructure my research plans, but this book is still absolutely being written. It may take a bit longer than planned due to PhD commitments (if I get in), but it will be done!
I aimed to write 5k words for my manuscript this month, and smashed the 9k goal I set for myself after I'd exceeded it! Goodbye work for March, phew that was exhausting..
Now for a week of rest before I get back to the interview hustle...
I'm currently working around the clock five days a week on research, which is wearing me thin. It's great keeping busy, but academic research is very different to retail work so my current schedule will need to change soon for the sake of my mental health.
Also a reminder that I'll be quite busy from 19 April with PhD stuff, so I may take a couple of weeks off interviews around then to focus on that as it's SUPER important. Having free time to write atm has been wonderful, but not being in an academic environment and not having an income has been super detrimental to me, so I need to work super hard on getting into this PhD program.
If I haven't gotten back to you with an interview date in the next two weeks, please do give me a boop, I haven't forgotten you (in fact you're in my spreadsheet), but I only have so much time and energy to work. Thanks for your patience and support!
So, you're thinking of applying for a PhD? The first thing you're going to need is a project proposal. I've been assisting a few friends with theirs over the past few weeks, so here is a breakdown of what you'll need.
PROPOSED TITLE. This should be clear and to the point. If you don't have a title, sum up the project in four or five words max. Remember, this is just a proposal, and may not reflect your later project (I changed my title later on).
SECTIONS. What these sections are varies from institute to institute, but generally includes a (very) short Introduction, Aims and Objectives, Methodology, Ethical Considerations, Research Questions (anywhere between 4-6), Funding, and a Proposed Bibliography (2-3 pages). You do not need an Abstract or Key Words (this may vary depending on the institution).
CHECK YOUR WORD COUNT. Different institutions have different requirements for their proposals. When I submitted my proposal, I was limited to 2000 words, not including bibliography. Some universities are more lenient. Be concise and axe any fluff; word economy is key as you want to demonstrate your background knowledge and research objectives.
SUPERVISOR(S). Identify people at your chosen institution who would make good supervisors. Email them directly with your proposal and CV, and write a bit about why you'd like to work with them specifically. It does help if you have read some of their work; if not, their research interests will be listed on the faculty page. Make sure that these interests align with your own, as these are people you will potentially be spending the next four years or so with.
If you are struggling to find a suitable supervisor, contact the PhD coordinator directly, and they can usually suggest some, or at least forward your proposal around the department. This is what I did at a couple of universities where I wasn't sure, and actually how I got my PhD position.
FEAR NOT THE LATE RESPONSE. Academics are busy people, and may take some time getting back to you. If you haven't heard back within ten days-two weeks, boop them (gently) again; they might have forgotten to reply or missed your email altogether.
That's it! I hope this helps any of you looking to further your education. Please bear in mind that this advice is specific to the Social Sciences (such as Anthropology). I cannot advise on what you'll need for other fields, so check university websites for requirements, or better yet, ask an existing PhD candidate or professors for tips.
As always, feel free to write in with any questions you may have, and I'll try to answer them. Best of luck with your applications!
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Took two days off to recuperate from my insane interview schedule...and realised I have eight more people I need to pencil into my calendar. About 30 to chase up. It's Sunday, I have an interview tonight, I've organised all my folders and documents, completed one transcript, and I'm close to tears. It's only 1:30pm.
The worst part? I have to work interviews around PhD stuff from next month because applications open in the middle of the month. So I'll be juggling PhD application stuff, interviews, and working on this book ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
If you've contacted me/sent back your consent form, please give me a week or so to schedule an interview with you, I'm very frazzled and atm I'm doing about four a week so my social battery is completely flat.
If you'd like to participate in my study, please feel free to DM me but atm it doesn't look like I'll be able to take any new participants on until late April/early May at best.
Become a researcher they said, it'll be fun they said.
Another interview today, thankfully over text so transcribing won't be as much of a pain in the ass. I need to contact more people about scheduling interviews since quite a few have gotten back (surprising) but my schedule currently is killing me.
Wrote (ie mostly copied and edited a few relevant paragraphs from my previous work) a bit to try wake up before this next interview. Just two more interviews booked tomorrow and Sunday, so I get Saturday "off" (have to run errands).
I'm trying not to burn out but now I'm in participant research stage it's a LOT when you have anxiety like me. Talking to people, especially strangers, for two hours? Dreadful. What was I thinking, becoming a social anthropologist lmaoooo I'm an idiot
