Padalecklesins

It was white. Everything was white. Jax stood up and looked around. Nothing. There was no road. No cops. No truck. Just white. He turned around and all of the sudden there was a door. Why did it look so familiar? Slowly, as to check again if he really was in one piece, Jax made his way to it. Taking a deep breath he pushed it open. The first thing he noticed was the scent; weed, spilled booze, residual cigarette smoke, motor oil, and a faint smell of sex. He paused in the doorway when he realized where he was. TM. The clubhouse. The door slipped closed behind him as a voice broke him from the shock.

“Hey, it’s about time.” Jax’s eyes shot to behind the bar.

“Half-sack?”

“Yeah man. They’ve been waiting on you.” Sack motioned to the hall as he continued to put away the whiskey glasses on the counter. Jax made his way to the corner and as he turned it he saw face upon face of people he never thought he’d see again. Kozik. Miles. Phil. All of his fallen brothers greeted him with welcomes and pats on the back, motioning him to keep walking. He turned another corner.

“Hey kid.”

“Otto.” Jax gave the man, with full vision and a working tongue, a quick warm hug. Luann came out from behind him and hugged him as well.

“Jax.” He turned to see Piney. Jax gasped and pulled him in for a hug. “So glad to see you, son.”

“You too, brother.” Slowly a smile began forming. He looked up from Piney’s shoulder to see Bobby. “Bobby.” Bobby and Jax embraced, and laughed for a brief moment. A hand landed on his back. When Jax saw who it belonged to, tears formed in the corners of his eyes and large smile took over his face. Immediately Jax grasped him. “Opie. It’s been a long time.”

Op gave him a brotherly squeeze. “That it has brother. That it has.” Once they pulled apart he saw Donna standing close nearby. Jax gave her a quick kiss on the cheek when Opie guided him towards the door to his old room. “You got a few more stops buddy.” Jax practically ran to her when he saw his wife standing in front of the door. He held Tara against him, subconsciously turning her.

“I missed you Jackson.”

“I missed you too. I love you so much. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He suppressed the weeping sensation building inside of him.

“Shhh…” Tara ran her fingers through his hair. He breathed her in and looked up for a moment to see his mother standing a distance away, watching. Gemma smiled and nodded approvingly. Her son returned the gesture. “There’s still someone here who wants to see you.” She tore herself away from him and creaked open the door behind them. There stood a man with his back to them. A little boy was sitting on the floor playing with a toy motorcycle. He jumped up upon seeing Jax.

“He’s here!” The boy ran over and gave him the toy. Jax looked at it only to realize he had seen it before. His eyes met the boy’s. Shyly he smiled at his big brother. Just then, the man in the middle of the room let out a breath catching Jax’s attention. Jax straightened up and made his way towards him. He stopped two steps away. The man sensed his presence then turned around, wiping away a tear from his eye.

“Dad…” Jax teared up as well and JT wrapped his arms around the former prince of Charming.

It was white. Everything was white. Jax stood up and looked around. Nothing. There was no road. No cops. No truck. Just white. He turned around and all of the sudden there was a door. Why did it look so familiar? Slowly, as to check again if he really was in one piece, Jax made his way to it. Taking a deep breath he pushed it open. The first thing he noticed was the scent; weed, spilled booze, residual cigarette smoke, motor oil, and a faint smell of sex. He paused in the doorway when he realized where he was. TM. The clubhouse. The door slipped closed behind him as a voice broke him from the shock.

“Hey, it’s about time.” Jax’s eyes shot to behind the bar.

“Half-sack?”

“Yeah man. They’ve been waiting on you.” Sack motioned to the hall as he continued to put away the whiskey glasses on the counter. Jax made his way to the corner and as he turned it he saw face upon face of people he never thought he’d see again. Kozik. Miles. Phil. All of his fallen brothers greeted him with welcomes and pats on the back, motioning him to keep walking. He turned another corner.

“Hey kid.”

“Otto.” Jax gave the man, with full vision and a working tongue, a quick warm hug. Luann came out from behind him and hugged him as well.

“Jax.” He turned to see Piney. Jax gasped and pulled him in for a hug. “So glad to see you, son.”

“You too, brother.” Slowly a smile began forming. He looked up from Piney’s shoulder to see Bobby. “Bobby.” Bobby and Jax embraced, and laughed for a brief moment. A hand landed on his back. When Jax saw who it belonged to, tears formed in the corners of his eyes and large smile took over his face. Immediately Jax grasped him. “Opie. It’s been a long time.”

Op gave him a brotherly squeeze. “That it has brother. That it has.” Once they pulled apart he saw Donna standing close nearby. Jax gave her a quick kiss on the cheek when Opie guided him towards the door to his old room. “You got a few more stops buddy.” Jax practically ran to her when he saw his wife standing in front of the door. He held Tara against him, subconsciously turning her.

“I missed you Jackson.”

“I missed you too. I love you so much. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He suppressed the weeping sensation building inside of him.

“Shhh…” Tara ran her fingers through his hair. He breathed her in and looked up for a moment to see his mother standing a distance away, watching. Gemma smiled and nodded approvingly. Her son returned the gesture. “There’s still someone here who wants to see you.” She tore herself away from him and creaked open the door behind them. There stood a man with his back to them. A little boy was sitting on the floor playing with a toy motorcycle. He jumped up upon seeing Jax.

“He’s here!” The boy ran over and gave him the toy. Jax looked at it only to realize he had seen it before. His eyes met the boy’s. Shyly he smiled at his big brother. Just then, the man in the middle of the room let out a breath catching Jax’s attention. Jax straightened up and made his way towards him. He stopped two steps away. The man sensed his presence then turned around, wiping away a tear from his eye.

“Dad…” Jax teared up as well and JT wrapped his arms around the former prince of Charming.

It was white. Everything was white. Jax stood up and looked around. Nothing. There was no road. No cops. No truck. Just white. He turned around and all of the sudden there was a door. Why did it look so familiar? Slowly, as to check again if he really was in one piece, Jax made his way to it. Taking a deep breath he pushed it open. The first thing he noticed was the scent; weed, spilled booze, residual cigarette smoke, motor oil, and a faint smell of sex. He paused in the doorway when he realized where he was. TM. The clubhouse. The door slipped closed behind him as a voice broke him from the shock.

“Hey, it’s about time.” Jax’s eyes shot to behind the bar.

“Half-sack?”

“Yeah man. They’ve been waiting on you.” Sack motioned to the hall as he continued to put away the whiskey glasses on the counter. Jax made his way to the corner and as he turned it he saw face upon face of people he never thought he’d see again. Kozik. Miles. Phil. All of his fallen brothers greeted him with welcomes and pats on the back, motioning him to keep walking. He turned another corner.

“Hey kid.”

“Otto.” Jax gave the man, with full vision and a working tongue, a quick warm hug. Luann came out from behind him and hugged him as well.

“Jax.” He turned to see Piney. Jax gasped and pulled him in for a hug. “So glad to see you, son.”

“You too, brother.” Slowly a smile began forming. He looked up from Piney’s shoulder to see Bobby. “Bobby.” Bobby and Jax embraced, and laughed for a brief moment. A hand landed on his back. When Jax saw who it belonged to, tears formed in the corners of his eyes and large smile took over his face. Immediately Jax grasped him. “Opie. It’s been a long time.”

Op gave him a brotherly squeeze. “That it has brother. That it has.” Once they pulled apart he saw Donna standing close nearby. Jax gave her a quick kiss on the cheek when Opie guided him towards the door to his old room. “You got a few more stops buddy.” Jax practically ran to her when he saw his wife standing in front of the door. He held Tara against him, subconsciously turning her.

“I missed you Jackson.”

“I missed you too. I love you so much. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He suppressed the weeping sensation building inside of him.

“Shhh…” Tara ran her fingers through his hair. He breathed her in and looked up for a moment to see his mother standing a distance away, watching. Gemma smiled and nodded approvingly. Her son returned the gesture. “There’s still someone here who wants to see you.” She tore herself away from him and creaked open the door behind them. There stood a man with his back to them. A little boy was sitting on the floor playing with a toy motorcycle. He jumped up upon seeing Jax.

“He’s here!” The boy ran over and gave him the toy. Jax looked at it only to realize he had seen it before. His eyes met the boy’s. Shyly he smiled at his big brother. Just then, the man in the middle of the room let out a breath catching Jax’s attention. Jax straightened up and made his way towards him. He stopped two steps away. The man sensed his presence then turned around, wiping away a tear from his eye.

“Dad…” Jax teared up as well and JT wrapped his arms around the former prince of Charming.

This post is for all of you who have survived the urge to end your life, either coming out the other side or still fighting to stay alive. 

I noticed how when someone has a physical illness such as cancer, and they come out the other side or even remission, they are able to celebrate surviving. I think all of the survivors of being suicidal should too.

•Reassure them constantly. (This may be annoying but they will be thankful.)

•Keep them in the loop of your life. (This means share plans with them. It will keep them at ease.)

•Text them when you are on our way, or when you get home. (This may seem obnoxious but their brain will thank you.)

•Hugs. (After anxious days something as little as a hug can make things better.)

•Triggers. Identify them. (This one will be hard. Once you figure out what makes them anxious it will help you to make them feel safe.)

•No surprises unless you know it will make them happy. (Surprises can be hard to handle for anxious people. It will depend on their anxiety level.)

•Change is hard. (Try to limit major changes in your relationship if possible. Things will change but be ready to help your partner through it.)