The City's First Most Appealing Snack

Stevie photographed by Neal Preston in 1996. 

but it sounds pretty legit u gotta admit

Destroying Christmas Trees: Self defense, I mean the tree attacked them. 

Scratching their owner’s eyeball: Self defense. 

Scratching their sleeping owner’s face: Self defense. 

Jumping on their owner’s back and clawing into their spine: Self defense. 

Admittedly yeah 

A dog doesn’t do those things because a dog’s version of self defense is to be a good animal who loves you and doesn’t attack you unless you attack them first. 

Destroying Christmas Trees: Cats like to climb things. They’re not doing it to spite you.

Scratching their owner’s eyeball: Probably an accident, due to overstimulation when playing. It wasn’t trying to hurt you. Don’t anthropomorphize animals by attributing spite to them. Animals don’t do spite the way that humans do.

Scratching their sleeping owner’s face: Trying to rouse you with its paw, probably gently, because it loves you and wants to play with you.

Jumping on their owner’s back and clawing into their spine: Come on. If a cat is jumping on you, it loves you and wants to be close to you. Digging in with its claws is how it balances itself on an unstable surface and is purely a reflexive reaction. It isn’t intending to hurt you.