MOVED --> MINDSMELDED

         pardon about the basically inactive activity on my other blogs folks

Something caught in his throat, rough and sharp, making it feel like he wanted to cry. It was a sensation that made him want to crumble to the ground, but Kyōjurō blamed it on the soothing presence of Oyakata-sama and the light pressure of the man’s hand on his shoulder. As his beloved leader continued though, the feeling only increased. The genuine care in his voice washed over Kyōjurō in a powerful wave. His heartbeat is loud enough for him to fear the man can hear it pounding; surely it was obvious to someone so observant. 

Kyōjurō listens carefully, taking in every word. There was a sinking feeling in his gut that Oyakata-sama knew what troubled him so badly, knew the reason root of his complicated emotions. It felt shameful, in a way, that someone could see right through him and pull out these feelings like it was nothing, but Kyōjurō understood why the other wanted to do it. If he’d been suspicious about the same thing for a friend of his, he would do the same thing.

           ( the dam is cracking, he’s going to fall soon )

A shaky breath leaves him before he knew it was even there. Kyōjurō was already feeling a swirling mess of disdain at himself, concern over what Oyakata-sama will think of him if he really talks about it, and fear over bringing his issues to light. He sworn to himself never to speak on them as they would surely cause trouble for the Rengoku house. 

         …..and he truly did not want Senjurō to get dragged into it.

“Oyakata-sama…I am grateful for your words. They mean a lot, thank you, but I…I don’t even know where to begin.”

         such a fragile breath sounds throughout the room, and kagaya takes a moment to angle his body a bit more, towards the young flame pillar. even with being unable to see, he learned that this contact was important, helping signal the brain into knowing the other is completely focused in the conversation. and kagaya is.

          he doesn’t remove his hand from kyojuro’s shoulder, keeping it there was a constant grounding, a simple comfort as he opened up. kagaya can only imagine how tough this must be. he is unsure of what it is that is specifically bothering kyojuro, and he chooses not to assume and come off as rude... so he will listen.           still, he can only imagine how this must feel. he was never allowed to truthfully express the concerns he had, not personal ones at least. the only worries he could speak of were in relation to the only reason he had been born. he hated that. so now he strives to let his children speak their minds, everything, and raise the importance of their personal thoughts to the same height as his families goal.

              “well... then start with whichever thought rings out the loudest. allow you mind to think on it, and whichever each thought may boil down to, begin there.”

        another gentle circle is soothed over kyojuro’s back before his hand comes to rest over-top his shoulder, a feather-light hold that could be brushed off if he so desired. kyojuro is not much younger than himself-- this is a reoccurring thought that kagaya rarely acknowledges, that the pillars are close to his age, if not older. but they have not aged how he has.          he is unsure of how they are raised, and overall he is unsure of how a normal child would be. the opposite of what he was taught is a good enough start.

               There   is   𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈   about   this   man,   this   Kagaya   Ubuyashiki,   that   you   do   not   understand.   It   is   𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈   that   aches   right   on   the   corner   of   your   frozen   soul,   𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈   like   a   tick   in   your   chest.   

                  You   𝒘𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓   if   you   will   die   here,   𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕   the   grasp   of   your   clawed   hands   around   this   man’s   throat.   A   shame,   you   could   𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒚   do   it   too   -   -   -   especially   on   how   this   man   breaths.   Your   blood   technique   𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍   𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆   lung   failure,   you   are   sure.   But   with   these   𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅   chains   around   your   body   as   well   as   the   fact   that   you   can   tell   that   .   .   .   𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈   is   flowing   through   your   veins.   It  is   hard   to   break   down,   but   eventually,   you   are   sure   you   can   work   around   it.   It   isn’t   𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈   you,   which   is   a   shame,   but   it   is   𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒕𝒆𝒅𝒍𝒚   𝒓𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈   to   give   you   your   strength.   

                  “   Oh!   You   are   not   rude   at   all!   Your   pillars   are   probably   right   anyways,   my   friends   talk   about   that   all   the   time.   It’s   nothing   I  haven’t   heard   before,   honestly.   “   You   sulk,   wishing   you   could   move   your   head   down,   but   there   is   a   blasted   collar   around   your   neck   there.   You   tried   to   bite   someone,   it’s   understandable.

                  Ah,   yes,   the   entire   𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏   why   you   are   here   in   this   cell.  Honestly,   does   this   man   believe   that   you   would   go   back   on   everything   that   you   have   built   .   .   .   to   accept   a   𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆   for   something   like   this?   

                     “   Why   would   I   ever   .   .   .   do   such   a   thing?   “   You   say,   the   bitter   cold   𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈   your   words.   

                     “   You   know,   this   ‘   curse   ‘   everyone   is   talking   about   is   quite   a   blessing.   I   have   saved   countless   people   from   their   suffering,   and   yet   I   am   detained   like   some   animal?   Please,   even   if   I   had   the   slightest   chance   of   worms   in   my   brain,   I   still   couldn’t   answer   all   of   your   questions!   No   one   trusts   me   with   any   information,   anyways.   “   

                  You   smile,   it   is   more   of   like   an   animal   𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈   its   teeth.   

                  “   You   know,   if   I   have   done   nothing   wrong   and   carry   no   information,   you   could   just   let   me   go   like   you’ve   said!   I’ll   keep   my   lips   sealed,   promise.   “   

        the sound of the chains signifies their movements, kagaya keeping his head straight as he listens. ones mind can only imagine the threatening aura this demon must have, perhaps baring their fangs, hands sharp as daggers that would easily end the humans life if not restrained. certainly nothing for him to think of now, for the demon will be residing in this cage for many more days.            he banishes the thoughts with a simple nod being the only thing to signify they were even there. each word spoken seems empty. of course, they sound as if filled with emotions, but there’s something behind each that is undeniably hollow. was this just how speaking to demons felt? kagaya himself is unsure, and he wonders if he should ask his beloved children.                they were far more experienced in this than himself.

          soothing a hand over the bandages covering his knuckles, kagaya smiles as if keeping enjoyable company, no hatred bubbling up to the surface from deep within. something they say sticks with his mind, and he hums in thought, nodding along before he speaks once again.

                “i believe i understand. allow me to change the focus some, and ask questions that may be easier to answer.”

          kagaya begins to piece together a question in his mind, taking each sentence douma had just spoken and beginning to try and break away whatever front there was to claw out the information desired. for all he knows, there is no front, and douma will be killed within a weeks time.            but for now, he is a ‘guest ’, and kagaya will do his best to keep from risking a second escape attempt. 

@robustxs​ said ❛❛ i’m not going to leave. i’ll stay as long as you need me to. ❜❜ || ✢ . ✢

        oh dear. kagaya can’t help the laugh that leaves him, gentle and short but enough to be recognized. he’s a bit... overwhelmed, by the fact that gyomei is this insistent to keep him company as his days grow darker. it is to be expected, but maybe he has grown used to the pillars obeying his dismissals, and proceeding with the missions they were assigned.              this is new. it is openly welcomed, though.

         the curse had spread rapidly by now, and just sitting up became a chore, forcing kagaya to remain in bed at all times. this made eating just as challenging, but even then, moving any muscle grew to the point of being unbearable. yet he did not worry for it, or wish the pain would lessen for his own comfort. he wished for it so that his beloved children would not worry. that is all he wants.

             i do not wish for death, i can endure this until my final moments. 

The light pressure of the other’s hand on his shoulder grounded him further, making him turn his face towards the other. One of the things Kyōjurō admired about this man was his uncanny ability to…see right through him. It was like every doubt, shred of insecurity and footprint left behind from the harshness of his father was laid out for the other to bear witness to without him ever having to say anything at all. It kept his façade in check, knowing that Oyakata-sama didn’t need him to speak on the things that gave him difficulties. 

However, that did not ease the pain that squeezed his heart when he is asked such a question. The other was right, of course, he was troubled. Thought he was not nearly as close with Oyakata as he was with his own mother, of course, the same echoes of dread when her ailment began to truly dig its claws into her surfaced now. The knowledge that Oyakata, too would leave this earth ached in his chest something awful; after all, he was the closest thing to a father Kyōjurō had in a long time. 

That…hurt. It hurt so much. 

“Ahaha, always observant, I see!” Kyōjurō’s voice waivers ever so slightly and he knows in his bones that Oyakata-sama is being gentle with him, it’s a foreign feeling. “I…”

“It is a matter of worry, that’s all. It’s nothing that will impact my abilities to perform on missions, I promise that.”

          being in a position like this makes trust... tricky. not that trust is not easily gained, it comes naturally for some when facing kagaya. it was the trust that kagaya cared for personal worries and doubts, that was the tricky part. and he did care, he was concerned for the emotions and troubles that his slayers went through, but being in such an important spot above them, it made it so that... many were not comfortable sharing.     whether it was because they thought it unnecessary to share, that the master would not care for a single hunters thoughts, or because they did not see themselves worthy to even worry him with these thoughts, he was unsure. but either way... it was a pattern he so desperately wished to break.

          kagaya kept his hand rested against kyojuro’s shoulder as he thought out his response, expression not altering much from the content smile often coloring his features. stroking his thumb to the fabric of his uniform does he speak up, hoping this could do something to at least sooth this barrier between them. a barrier like a glass wall, needing a simple tap to break, but so delicate that it feels cruel to do so.         he takes it upon himself to create that opening.

                    “young rengoku... i am not thinking of how it will effect your missions... if something is troubling you, i.. i wish to offer what comfort i may, and allow you to speak your mind freely in my presence...”

          there’s a pause; kagaya is unsure if he should proceed, or if he would be pushing too far. he chooses to press on, keeping his tone gentle as to not upset the pillar with his insisting.