under the lightning

I fell asleep immediately last night, and stayed asleep all night. Woke up at 5:30, Calebs alarm went off soon after, and we had a little morning. I've been in such a depressive shit mood lately and I've missed out on this for well over 2 months now because I could only fall asleep between 6am and 12pm. My mind has been in nonstop paranoia mode. I've cried more times than I can count. But I'm pulling out of it. It took me forcing myself out of my comfort zone and just getting some shit done. I even made a list. "Things to do in order to not be depressed."

It's literally just daily shit like renewing my tag and finishing the laundry.

I crossed off making a home cooked meal last night. We even had dessert. We just sat in the living room watching memes in mood light and ate, and it was the best night I've had in a while. My mind wasn't racing thinking of every bad thing that could possibly happen in my life from breaking a nail to dying in a fire. I wasn't thinking about how little I valued existence lately. And I wasn't putting myself down. It was so nice. I've been neglectful of myself but also of him. I love him so much, he's been so good to me.

I'm pulling through and it's nice to feel like I'll be back soon.