Look at you, hacker...

"Be boiled alive once or attempt to engage with someone once" What's the difference bro. I genuinely feel insane, I don't know if it's the drug and alchohol abuse or if it's me, but recently I've begun to doubt if what happened to me ever happened at all. Everyday I remember less and less of every bad thing ever done to me. And I feel like I'm losing a part of myself. And I'm scared. But I'm mostly scared because everyone has gaslit me into doubting if I was groomed or not. First he gaslit me, and he still is by proxy, but to everyone else too.

It feels like it's time I move on. Especially when I can't verify the facts for myself. And even if I could, I'd probably go crazy for a couple more months or a year over it again. Just isn't healthy for me to think about, I guess that's ultimately the conclusion here. Nothing is worth losing myself over. I'm an okay person, I want to keep that intact. And he isn't here to hurt me now. Nothing else in my life has been particularly stressful either, especially since summer break started so I could rest. And now I'm here, and I'm still who I was 14 years ago.