Overheard at a Bar

Viagra

First Man: You know the hospital?

You'll be wiping condensation off your cock later.

The problem with summer is that all the sweat and sun cream makes children really slippery and hard to catch.

“Batman…He’s like a kind-of detective.”

I once had a few too many on a night out and fell asleep on a pub toilet. When I woke up everything was silent and dark. I thought I'd died. After a lengthy deliberation, I concluded that I probably wasn't dead and tentatively made my way out of the toilet. I discovered I was alone in an unlit - and unfamiliar - pub. I looked out of the window to work out where I was and - reading the hanging sign - found it was a pub that I had no memory of going into. I tried the door, but it was locked. Then the alarm went off. After a frantic, and rather befuddled, search, I found a phone behind the bar and called the police to tell them that I was trapped in the pub. They said they'd contact the key-holder and come with him to let me out. By the time I was freed it was daylight. The policewoman asked if I wanted her to call my wife to let her know I was okay and explain why I was so late home. I declined.

Just because it's well manicured, it doesn't mean it's a theme park.

The Indian Taxi Driver Museum

A conversation about childhood sweets.

Woman: Do you want to have my mother for Christmas?