OVER & ETERNITY.

“Not really an event per se, just something that happened and was really cool.” Though Prompto wishes it were something official because then he’d have something to look forward to. Alas, the brief look of disappointment accompanied by a sigh should be enough for the other to understand. “Yeah! Don’t know if you were around last December, but it happened around then. Shoulda seen it, I’ve never seen everyone so happy before. It’s kinda solemn this yeah in comparison…” 

“Me? Oh, well,” That’s a bit of a hard question for him to answer, so much so that his mind drifts for a moment as he tries to think of an acceptable answer. Or at least one that doesn’t sound too personal. “Tough question…a new camera sounds nice but I think I’d just wish for some people to spend it with. They say you’re supposed to spend the holidays with people you care about but…”

“I see.” No, Lucifer wasn’t here a year prior, but he’d expect that he’d continue to remain here for the unforeseeable future. Although Lucifer hadn’t witnessed this circumstance the stranger spoke of, he would reassure them nonetheless, despite not being too well versed in the events and holidays that others celebrated. “Well, I know for the one that Spirale has always been full of surprises. I’m sorry to hear that it seems lacklustre in comparison, but I am sure things will get better.” If Lucifer had anything on him, he’d offer to give something to strengthen his reassurance.

Hearing his wishes, Lucifer could relate. There was no actual gift he could thing of other than company. Although they hadn’t met before, this didn’t stop Lucifer from saying: “Is that so. This may not sound like much coming from someone you’ve never seen before, but I am sure any company is better than none at all, no?” Even if Lucifer didn’t have much to say, he seemed to have a habit of turning up a bit unexpectedly even so.

     Friend? With as little difficulty as Lucifer seems to regard it, Malleus can’t say the same. Time has proved it a difficult concept to grasp and it’s one that Lilia urges him to explore, seek out himself, yet eludes him whenever he tries. Are they? He supposes they might be. Shaken from his stupor, he nods in assent.  “It has been quite a while. You seem to be in better spirits than earlier; I’m assuming everything went well?” 

there’s… something oddly calming about the thought of lucifer going out and buying ingredients to make something for sandalphon specifically? whether to show gratitude or not, he’s grateful that he can do something like this. to lead somewhat of a normal life, that’s — it’s what lucifer deserves, isn’t it? the chance to live.

“I’ve.. missed you making things for me.” if he’s also allowed honesty, ❪ he doesn’t feel like he’s not, ❫ and the amount of thought lucifer’s put in for sandalphon makes him feel.. warm. he’s certain that no matter how it is it tastes, he’ll enjoy it. 

so, he does finally take a forkful of a piece, and he’s not sure what he expects when he takes a bite but… it… tastes familiar. in the way only lucifer could create something, which means that it is good, at least to sandalphon. 

“Thank you.” 

he smiles softly, but he doesn’t want to continue eating by himself, so he nods to lucifer. “I would greatly enjoy it if  you would continue to cook for me. That is—I do like it. You should try it, too.” being able to share something like this with him, too, feels more than he could ask for. he doesn’t really want to take it for granted; being presented with the opportunity. being able to see lucifer after he’s finished up with the day, too, and spend more time with him.

Subconsciously, Lucifer is watching Sandalphon expectantly, eager to hear his response to his cooking. Lucifer isn’t the best at this by any means, but there’s a newly found thrill in not being the best at something, and thus working harder. Lucifer sees it as another aspect of life that he wasn’t given before. Again, Spirale manages to offer something new, and Lucifer takes it in his stride, one step at a time. He’s smiling at Sandalphon, sitting up straight with both hands resting on his lap. He doesn’t mind doing this - he wants to do this. There’s nothing more satisfying than seeing Sandalphon smile effortlessly, especially after what they’ve been through. It’s yet another gift Lucifer doesn’t want to take for granted. He keeps this thought to himself, but, if one were to look closely, they’d see his eyes sparkle. Hearing Sandalphon’s response, Lucifer smiles, satisfied. “It’s no problem at all. There’s no need to thank me.” After all, Lucifer is doing it because he wants to. Because he is willing. When offered, Lucifer seats himself next to Sandalphon, taking a small slice for himself. He pops a bit in his mouth with the same smile present, his eyes forming crescents. 

“I wonder if we’re gonna get presents again this year. Last time Ofiuco did that, it seemed like it made everyone really happy. Is there a box or something for requests? Seems like there would be for this kinda stuff.”

sandalphon’s glad, too. there’s.. a lot of time he wants to make up for with lucifer. and he seems proud of this, so he of course wants to try it. even if it turns out to taste anything like when he’d first tried his coffee. he nods again, moving to obtain one of the knives he owns along with a pair of plates and forks, “The bigger piece, huh..” then he cuts it. “I am.. looking forward to trying this. Is it your first time baking, Lucifer-sama?” he would imagine it would be… but they’ve been here awhile. he doesn’t just want to assume. 

“yes, it is. i made sure to try and buy the right ingredients earlier that were listed in this book.” as to whether it tastes good or not, well. lucifer did want to allow sandalphon to have the honour of the first taste. there isn’t a single hint of hesitation within lucifer. “if i can be a little honest ... i missed being able to make things for you to try. i know i’m rather limited now, but i was glad to find that i can still do this much.” just as he would make coffee for sandalphon to try, it was something so mundane amidst everything else. lucifer is glad he can still have this privilege alone. 

“Lucifer-sama…” he made him a pie..? sandalphon pensively tilts his head, before smiling and nodding once, “I hadn’t expected anything for that, but… thank you. I felt sharing this space with you would be good for the both of us.” it’s nice to see him, it always is, ❪ he always wants to, ❫ so of course it’d just be safe to say that living with him would be.. nice? “One moment, I’ll grab a knife so we may both try it together.”

“ah, sandalphon.” lucifer looks quite pleased with himself. “i made something for you, as a thank you for welcoming me into your home. i managed to find a cook book... i have found they are super informative. this is a pie, for you, if you’ll accept it.”

“ah, it’s been some time, my friend.” it’s the first time such a formality is used, yet lucifer says it with ease, as though it has always been the sentiment. lucifer smiles: “ever since our last meeting... it’s good to see you well.”

     the  later  hours  of  night  are  a  time  that     thieves  sentiment ,   which  is  a  fact  that  Joseph  has  come  to  know  rather  well .   but  who  would  he  be  to  let  the  shadow  of  confrontation ,   lingering  beneath  his  still  voided  eyne ,   get  in  the  way  of  the  only  thing  which  brought  him  some  comfort ?   the  beautiful  stranger  moves   &   Joseph  offers  a  contented  smile ,   obligingly  reaches  down  to  return  camera  to  eye  -  level .   former  hunter  aligns  himself  with  the  dark  scenery ,   catching  the  ends  of  the  other’s  attire . 

     ❛❛   nonsense ,   ❜❜     the  comment ,   more  for  effect ,   rings  like  a  soft  song  before  being  picked  up  by  the  winds ,   breaking  moment’s  quiet .   a  click   &   a  flash  of  light  follows  shortly  behind ,   gentled  voice  humming  inaudible  tones  whilst  examining  his  camera  before  finally  returning  to  meet  their  gaze .     ❛❛   if it is a picture to capture a perfectly scripted environment ,   yes .   however ,   each photograph carries with it memories   &   experiences forever engraved ,   &   that ,   which is the most precious of all ,   cannot be ruined .    ❜❜ 

   the  hunter ,   typically ,   would  joyously  accept  such  offer  to become  his  model .   unfortunately  they  are  not  under  normal  circumstances ,   for  who  would  ever  call  this  strange  inescapable  land  “normal” ?   nonetheless ,   Joseph  returns  their  offer  with  gratitude .    ❛❛   it is kind of you to offer up assistance ,   but it’d be a grand disservice to have you portrayed with such cheap imitation of a real camera .   no matter how convenient this may be ,   it cannot compare to a proper one .   ❜❜

     as  though  to  present  how  little  care  he  held  for  the  disposable ,   clawed  hand  extends ,   motioning  for  the  other  to  take  hold  of  it ,   ghost  of  a  smile .     ❛❛   you are welcome to sate your curiosity .   give it a try .   you may just make a hobby out of it .   if you’re inexperienced with such ,   i am happy to guide .   ❜❜

never would lucifer have imagined being in this sort of situation, but, he supposes he should get used to this feeling in particular whilst living in spirale. he offers himself because it’s what he’s used to. spirale in that regard is no different from the skies when it comes to obligation and duty, despite the difference in circumstances. lucifer will do so effortlessly to anyone. he doesn’t hide the fact that he’s intrigued. lucifer can’t help but settle his eyes upon the camera every now and then, curiosity aflame in his gaze.

ah, lucifer thinks, this stranger has a point. he finds himself rather entranced by these words. although lucifer knows little when it comes to cameras and photography, he is still sentimental. lucifer has come to value the smaller and most fleeting moments above all else, which speaks volumes for someone made as an arbiter to the skies. time has blurred by this point, but it doesn’t matter. the corner’s of his lips quirk up slightly. “then, i am glad to add to that experience. i admit, i am growing more curious.” of course, even if spirale had been considered temporary to him, it’s still a home to others. there’s a plethora of things to capture here. lucifer has only ever relied on his memory.

“ah, an imitation?” he assumes it’s the same as his powers. even now that he can fly up to an hour a day, it doesn’t compare to how strong his wings truly are. lucifer flies as though the clouds are a mere stepping stone. the sky limitless. so, they have had something taken from them too. “i’m sorry,” lucifer says. “i do understand to some extent. i assume you had a real camera before? i .... wasn’t able to tell the difference, actually.” now, he only wonders what the difference is.

“Of course. Here.” He passes over the cup, brimming with freshly brewed coffee, as the small planet reascends upward. A larger, violent and crystallised world seems to have caught the tart tray in its gravity with little hope of escape. Perhaps later. The other cup, teeming with early grey, is taken into Kirschtaria’s hand and sipped with a casual slowness. 

“I fear I can’t quite say,” he replies, gazing into the quiet depths of his cup. If offers no answers. “Let me see, I’ve been here… almost five months now, if time moves the same as elsewhere. My understanding of this place is still somewhat lacking, but I do believe this is an annual festival like any other.” It’s ever so irritating to lack the necessary knowledge to navigate any place, let alone one such as this. But simply living there yielded clues almost daily; though he’s no closer to the truth of the matter. “It’s much like home in a sense, though our stars remained seated in the sky. Though I can’t complain about them like this.”

lucifer is curious. despite having no knowledge himself, he seems relatively calm about the situation when it comes to experiencing spirale’s events first-hand. sometimes, his curiosity exceeds his frustrations. lucifer is more than aware now that he’s been rendered close to powerless, but that doesn’t stop the smile on his face. he gives a warm smile in response to the coffee, lifting the cup to his lips and taking a sip. he figures there’s no point in dwelling on the elephant in the room when such an interesting event is taking place. that, and lucifer doesn’t really know who he’s sharing company with. “i won’t complain either. i haven’t seen anything like this before.”

     a  man  in  silver  -  tinged  moonlight ,   stood  in  midst  of  starlit  scenery ,   entering  his  sights  without  warning     &   Joseph  momentarily  holds  back  on  pressing  the  shutter  button ,   instead  lifting  the  disposable  camera  away  from  cracked  visage .   much  like  the  times  he  had  been  alive ,   scenery  -  shooting  would  not  always  be  successful ,   people  would  come   &   go  regardless  of  whether  they  saw  the  photographer  or  not .   face  displays  curiosity  for  the  stranger ,   staring  out  towards  the  open  sky  in  supposed  deep  thought    not  that  ex  -  Count  finds  much  wrong  with  it ,   the  late  hours  are  typically  the  most  sentimental  ones .  

❛❛   good evening .   i hate to interrupt ,   but i’m afraid you’re standing in frame .   ❜❜

   hunter  half  -  lifts  camera  in  hand ,   as  though  to  further  explain  his  words   ;   then  there’s  a  chuckle ,   a  ghost  of  a  smile  laminating  youthful  visage ,    ❛❛   ———   unless you’re fine with being photographed .   it’d be quite the sight to capture beauty befitting the scenery surrounding it ,   wouldn’t you say so ?  ❜❜

   ——————@overeternity​   /

usually, lucifer’s careful, but spirale has been catching him off guard in every sense of the word. no longer the upholder of perfection in the clouds, but instead something worn. lucifer feels like a ghost of himself. he finds a comforting solace here, where he can collect his thoughts, and try and piece together this onslaught of foreign feelings. certainly, he has admittedly underestimated spirale. no events that have transpired have ever been something lucifer has had control of. and it’s weird, coming from an ex supreme primarch.  when hearing another’s voice, lucifer turns, his face alight with surprise.

“ah.. my apologies. i didn’t know.” lucifer is quick to step away from where he was standing, moving to what he assumes is a safe spot. his curiosity is immediately piqued to the camera the stranger is holding. at their invitation, too, lucifer gives a smile, and lets out a soft chuckle. “i wouldn’t want to ruin what you’re already doing.” lucifer doesn’t know much about photography. there has never been much reason to think about something like it, when sitting in a place that was seemingly never-changing. thousands of years could pass, and lucifer wouldn’t tire of seeing the same skies.

touching lucifer feels different. touching him like this, at least, as if weights were lifted wholly from the center of himself and something as soft as feathers and as warm as the morning light traced the outline of his fingers. he didn’t necessarily understand touch, despite observing skydwellers. but he knew that even when they were scared they reached out for one another, like extending a lifeline to another person by the mere notion of pulling them into your arms. that you held the world’s safety in those arms. he kind of understands why, now.

his vulnerability doesn’t feel coupled with shame, not this time. because even in his broken down parts, rusted shut and shattered in pieces, lucifer didn’t judge him. he didn’t scold him, chastise him for it or make him feel like he was ugly. he apologized. sincerely. so especially when he goes in to mention his sorry sight of a state, sandalphon has to stifle a laugh, though it still partially comes out. there’s nothing halfhearted about it, however soft it may be.

“I’ve lain the whole of my wounds out to you and behaved in a manner unbecoming of me and disgraced you, do you think I wouldn’t allow you the same vulnerability?” it doesn’t feel like it’s showing the exact same, though, because as ever lucifer is dignified and graceful. even when he’s crying. apologizing, displaying his own wounds.

and when he mimics the action, sandalphon feels a rush of color to his face, incarnadine and deeply warm. his smile feels like relief, so sandalphon smiles in return. and this is something sandalphon can do. because allowing lucifer — no, welcoming lucifer alongside him is one of the only things he really wanted. he’s surprised for the notion to be carried the same within him, but he’s glad to hear it. with them being where they are now, outside of the skies, maybe it could be a new start. or a beginning to something, whatever that may be.

lucifer’s hands feel - he hates himself for thinking this, delicate. he didn’t expect them to be anything else but soft, so as his thumb traces beneath his eye, sandalphon removes one of his hands so he can place it to the back of lucifer’s. he squeezes it, gently. in truth, he couldn’t bear the same. he wonders if his anger was partially due to not wanting to feel pain. so his tone shifts slightly, not in an attempt to mock, but more a teasing manner, “I suppose I can allow it.” and he, too, leans into the feeling.

“It’s the least I can do for you.”

there’s something that catches lucifer off guard. it feels like an eternity more since he’s seen sandalphon this peaceful, and at that he blames himself, too. perhaps this marks the beginning of something new. perhaps, lucifer can allow himself to indulge a bit more, to reach out and seek time with sandalphon, knowing that he’s been so easily lost from his side before. lucifer doesn’t want to make the same mistake again. even if sandalphon says that, lucifer still feels ashamed. he has always set to prove an example to sandalphon, being his creator and all. but sandalphon has given lucifer many firsts, and, in turn, lucifer has laid himself bare, any and all capabilities of feeling splayed out before him. admittedly, as sandalphon leans into his touch, lucifer feels a little vulnerable himself.

lucifer lets out a soft chuckle. “thank you, sandalphon.” he could say countless thank you’s. never did lucifer expect sandalphon to forgive him. even if sandalphon know is unaware to whatever other events transpire, it’s alright. lucifer has sought solace in the here and now, relieved and grateful that sandalphon, even at this timeline, can forgive him. that thought alone causes lucifer to hold his breath a bit. it’s as if every nagging thought and feeling dissipated into dust. after another moment, lucifer’s small smile grows a bit wider. “i must say, i missed seeing this expression on you.” as opposed to the rebelling, and even having met sandalphon with their tension spread out in between them still, this is the sandalphon lucifer has missed.

something soft and seemingly fleeting. it was seeing sandalphon’s smile that always made it harder leaving the shaded garden. lucifer finds that, even if that garden isn’t here, sandalphon’s smile is home. that is the solace lucifer has been speaking about. eventually, lucifer gently takes his hand away from sandalphon, wiping under his own eye. “i shall do my best to be here for you,” lucifer says with a newly found assertiveness and confidence. “i promise i won’t leave again.” of course, lucifer means even in death, but he thinks it’s still better not to disclose such information. at this second chance, lucifer has never felt more determined to cling onto it. martyrdom has never been easy on the heart.

@overeternity​

Knee-deep in water, gauntlets left on land, he was quietly standing. Absolutely still except for his still breathing and the waggling of impatient fingers. Usually he could have Vyrn employ a strategy where he could scare the fish toward Gran, who would then be able to to catch them, but he was Vyrn-less. Lyria-less, too, ‘cause she would absolutely want to help with something fun like this.

One….two…three…Go! He launched himself at the fish with a splash, feeling the fish’s scales between his hands. “Aha!”

Pulling it up, he let out a whoop. “Knew I could get one! Ah…” It was so…Small.

“Guh…” He turned, holding his small wriggling prize as he noticed his audience. The other man did not look very impressed, and Gran allowed himself a sheepish grin. “Well…”

“If you wanted to help, I uh, wouldn’t mind sharing!” The stranger had a fish waved at him as Gran walked the short way to shore, wriggling his feet in the sand. “Usually I have a partner for this sort of thing, but he’s not here.” Was it just him, or was he getting a weird look…(Don’t tell me…Someone else knows me. Or maybe it’s because I just caught a fish with my hands.)

how... odd of a situation. but amusing nonetheless. how could this not grab the attention of lucifer, who’s attention, especially in spirale, is easily caught. he notices the wriggling fish in the hands of a familiar fellow. well, it’s quite nearly impossible for lucifer to forget a face once it has been seen, and what’s more, who’s dreams he’s slipped into. by now, the primarch has realised the effects of spirale --- how memories can be twisted and warped. it’s not really a surprise if he doesn’t remember him, nor does lucifer really make any attempt to make their history known. for now, he smiles, regarding both the boy and the fish.

“ah, i have no need for one at the moment. but thank you.” his smile is something easy. “but, if this is a request for some help, i have no problem in lending a hand.” admittedly, catching fish is among the countless things lucifer hasn’t tried. but, if an ex supreme primarch could govern the skies and oversee evolution, then surely something as minute as catching fish should be no trouble at all, right? lucifer is confident, shyness is rarely seen with this primarch. 

     “Such a broken record,  spouting apologies left and right as if they were free. Enough of it, already.”  Though his words rung sharp,  his voice carried a passive air while thin brows furrowed once more.  “Have a bit more respect for yourself.”

     “There is nothing you would be able to do for me that I can’t do for myself already; I may do questionable things but it isn’t to where I would recruit the help of someone so perturbed. No one from my world would even think of me sweeping to the rescue, either, so it isn’t as if i bear any responsibility.”  Never one to sugar-coat,  never one to be cryptic in what he’s willing to recognize is a dire situation,  Malleus spoke with a huff again. The moment’s pause that followed made it clear just how doubtful he was of Lucifer’s current state, remembering all to well how off-kilter some of the other students were when it came the day of reckoning.  His and theirs were different,  of course. But that creeping unease of a viewer that crawled up his arms and sat heavy in his stomach was nearly identical. Frigid fingers of urgency holding their hands to shake their very jaws, eyes wide in a feeling that he couldn’t seem to name even to this day: yes, it was very much the same.

     “I cannot understand this savior complex that you’ve held onto or who it is that you’ve decided so desperately needs your help. It only causes trouble for yourself.”  He’d rolled his eyes here to barely suppress a sneer if only out of confusion rather genuine distaste.  Every experience since joining Night Raven brought with it a learning curve and this dilemma was no different;  eyes downcast to observe his nails, the finality of his response was said as nonchalantly as he could muster, as if he wasn’t just a bit curious. Lilia would laugh if he could see.  “But it won’t do either of us any good for me to sit here and interrogate you about it. For now, anyway. It would be rather heartless of me to kick you away like a dog to the street so take my aid as an act to repair my public image. It would also do me well to see whatever it is that you’re so convicted to follow through with. Out with it, then. What do you propose we can manage as a plan while everything is in disarray? Not to mention what they might do seeing you like this.”

He was right. Lucifer felt no shame in admitting to it, although, the concept that someone would openly tell him this was new in itself. All his existence prior, Lucifer had been put on a pedestal, either praised or sneered at, unable to follow through wills of his own when given a duty which limited his freedom. Spirale was different. Lucifer was no longer on this pedestal, and his companion here had told him what truth he needed to be told. He was losing himself, if only slightly, to the despairing feelings that followed these unfortunate events. Lucifer looked at him and listened, earnest in his expression. 

They owed Lucifer nothing, but Lucifer was still determined in his will to at least do something. The lack of knowledge toward the situation was the driving force of making things difficult. Lucifer had been an all-powerful omnipotence, something divine, something almost perfect, or so many had said. But Lucifer had never recognised this perfection, at least. He had been merely careless and humble, and extremely naive. After a moment, he took in their words, Lucifer’s brow furrowing. He had lost himself in front of them, but felt no embarrassment. It was like being scolded for a mistake made, like before with his duties. Lucifer took blame as easily as he swung a sword at someone. There had been little thought or consideration then.

With a slow exhale, Lucifer said: “I do not mind the trouble I face. If it means I can do what I can to help someone, then that alone is the one goal I have.” He spoke clearly and with conviction. Maybe this thinking was naive in itself, but it was all Lucifer had ever known. He was, ultimately, something created in order to do something. A tool, but the use of that word wasn’t used for him. “I apologise for my outbursts ... I hadn’t meant to alarm you or trouble you.” That was very unlike himself.

The primarch couldn’t help but look a bit hopeful, though. “I’m not sure what I can propose.. I haven’t faced something like this before.” A rebellion? Sure. But the strange actions of someone close, the unknowing of any hierarchy or whoever was behind this situation to begin with was what bothered Lucifer. Maybe even offering his hand and some words helped, just to ease what worrying thoughts were going astray. “I’ll make sure they don’t see that.” It was better kept between the two of them, to have seen Lucifer fall to a low like that. “Are you not the least bit concerned for what’s going on? Even if you don’t know anyone personally ... it seems people are forgetting things.”

Having been a bit short on staff today, he’s specifically asked if he could work as a barista for this evening’s shift. Noctis wasn’t one to let someone down, so he accepts with a less than enthusiastic attitude. He did agree to fill in if required ( & if they were desperate ), and he planned to make good on his word. With the little training he had making coffee however, he’s sure his boss would object to the idea. “It’s fine… I’ll get the hang of it…”

He then promptly approaches a familiar individual, one who frequents the cafe more often than most—Noctis even recalled serving him a few times. “What can I get you today…?” Despite having worked here for months now, he still sounded rather awkward.

overeternity / lucifer !

Lucifer took his now usual spot at the cafe. Having been a frequent customer since his arrival, even he noticed the shortness of staff, but didn’t think too much of it. It was another day, and the faces here had become recognisable at most. Really, his presence here was only a subtle way at offering what support he could in Spirale, but Lucifer had also come to find the atmosphere both welcoming and warm. He looked up at the familiar stranger, not recalling having said anything beyond an order, so Lucifer didn’t know their name. He smiled nonetheless.

“One coffee, please.” Today his order was predictable, but the primarch had been nitpicking at the menu a bit more as of late. He supposed this was one of the easiest choices --- Lucifer was taking into consideration that, with a shortness of staff, their load might be a bit more heavy. He gave an easy smile. Although there were days where he wouldn’t make small talk, Lucifer supposed he should extend some words beyond an order this time. He had been served by them a few times before, after all.

he apologizes so much. is this to make up for before? can he make that up? it feels uncomfortable, in a way. he shouldn’t have to this much, shouldn’t have to feel as if he were the only one who did anything at all, and every apology feels like a spear splintered apart in his chest. like the splinters move further in with each one. but it still brings relief, whenever he mentions that sandalphon is.. more than he ever assumed after everything that transpired.

and for some reason it’s embarrassing when he says that — he feels his face flush, but he doesn’t look away. he hopes he’s not making an expression that would hint to this. his purpose should have been him, too. it could have been. it could be. they have this place now, wherever in the skies it is, maybe it could be another chance. he’s certain more people know his face by now than lucifer’s, so the probability that someone would recognize him before him is… slim. not unless they were another primal, most likely.

“Selfish? You?” when has he ever been? maybe if he had been more, they wouldn’t be here. maybe, but… “I want you to be.” it’s blunt enough, “I want you to do what you want — what you want. Not what is expected of you. Not what you feel like you should do.” he feels, honestly, a little frustrated that he hasn’t before. he knows why.

and if lucifer understood how he felt now, that’s the most anyone ever has before.

— he’s crying?

his hands raise an inch, but don’t budge more than that. he doesn’t believe lucifer deserved what happened, either. not anymore. even if he didn’t do anything, anything to prevent it, anything to stop it, how could he have known? sandalphon’s never reacted that way before. it was unanticipated, he’s certain of this, it’s explicitly why he did it — because it wasn’t expected of him.

he continues to speak, and the more he lets him go on the more he realizes just how guilty he must feel. but, of course he does. of course he cared about him. of course if there were anyone in the world that he should have been able to count on, it should have been him. he chose not to, and that’s not lucifer’s fault.

and then his hands raise the rest of the way, brushing along lucifer’s face, along some of the tears, bringing his face into his palms; and he doesn’t feel anything except… sympathy.

and he simply says, “I want that.” he wants lucifer to understand, too; that he doesn’t need to hold all of the blame. he doesn’t need to be the sole one to carry the burden of it, “You did what you were able to. There’s little to be done about events from the past but, there’s the future that lies beyond the horizon.” he brushes away another falling tear with his thumb, “There’s plenty of time to make up for everything. Please allow me to relieve some of your burden, Lucifer-sama.”

Could he? After all this time, after the mistakes Lucifer had made, the reluctance to reach out, to say what was needed, what was felt so strongly between them --- could he? Sandalphon was emotional. He always had been, and Lucifer wouldn’t have had it any other way. To be able to learn from him, to enjoy his time with him... it all feels like a far-fetched dream; something the Skydweller’s would talk about. Lucifer was aware of his own feelings now. He was aware of the words he’d been keeping to himself, in fear that he’d only hinder Sandalphon.

After all, it was his punishment to bear. 

His plan had always been to watch over Sandalphon. To see him thrive and flourish, to see him advance and prosper in what he loved doing most. These skies weren’t theirs, no, but there was surprisingly some peace felt with that fact. Lucifer felt selfish to admit that he’d wanted, more than anything, than to rest with him. Had he known the feeling sooner --- to allow himself to wish and feel beyond what he’d been instructed --- perhaps he would have spoken up about Sandalphon. Because he felt it ... he felt Sandalphon’s weight, he soaked in his pain like a sponge.

When Sandalphon reached forward to brush along his face, it was as though the very foundation Lucifer stood upon caved. As though he’d finally teared himself free of the countless fears which clung to him. When Sandalphon made the move to touch his face, Lucifer relented, leaning into his touch, his eyes closed, more of a soundless peace in the place of agony. Was this alright? Would Sandalphon mind? Lucifer was stiff in his movement still, holding himself stern, but his head lulled to the side slightly, shedding less tears. Emotions were a foreign thing, and, Lucifer thought, they always would be. But he didn’t mind to let himself go before Sandalphon. He allowed himself not to mind at all.

“Forgive me,” Lucifer said again. “I ... I find solace again in what you give me.” Whether it were words of encouragement, or something as simple yet delicate as brushing away a tear, Lucifer felt grateful. “I have shown you the state that I am. I’m sure it is a sorry sight.” The previous guardian of the skies, the overseer, the ruler, reduced to this. There was an old fear still apparent in the cracks of his bones, but Lucifer ignored it. He pushed his restraint aside in favour to indulge ... just this once. With his voice barely above a whisper, Lucifer said: “If that is what you want, then....”