out of tone

I was planning on posting 2 months on T update, but I’m usually too busy, sick or depressed to do it :)

However, I am getting very (very) pissed every time I see people sharing stereotypes regarding different ways of taking testosterone.

There is some weird myth floating around internet that injection is the only right way. I’m going to talk specifically about gel, because I can share an actual experience. So, there is no evidence that gel works slower than injections or that it doesn’t work at all. It is exactly same as shots - depends on you body. For me, personally, changes started very quickly. I will go through it in next post, hopefully.

One thing that guys seem to be worried the most is voice. That’s why I felt the need to make my update public here... I have seen people misleading others, saying that voice drops about 2-5 months on shots and 4-6 on gel. Well, I’m not sure... My voice dropped quite significantly after 6 week, and then more about 8 week. And I know guys with similar experience on Testogel.

Do not force yourself on shots. Make the right choice and pick something that works for you. I don;t mid needles, but I went for gel, because of anxiety and mood swings problem. Gel is applied everyday, so you avoid huge hormone level changes between shots (very important for mental health). Throw the “injections work faster” argument out of the window.

There you go

really wanted to post an update earlier, but there wasn't a lot to talk about and my schedule went crazy recently.

here we are though, two weeks on testosterone. as I mentioned here I'm currently using testogel, two pumps a day.  I’m not sure if all I noticed is 100% caused by testosterone or just coincidence, but I guess it's all worth mentioning. 

first two days were obviously normal, I didn't really notice anything special... it kinda took me less effort to walk fast a longer distance, but it could also be the excitement (The Women Who Lived signing day!). also, the next couple of days I felt really bad and constantly sleepy. other things I noticed on my second week, so I'll just go with it from head to toe...

my neck has definitely got thicker. a bit, but it has. it was really thin before, so maybe that's the reason I noticed it so fast. I won't say anything about voice change, because I'm having a terrible cold and it just sounds weird in general. seems like the t cold is a thing. I never get sore throat and cough (usually only running nose) and suddenly I feel like I'm about to cough my lungs out... shoulders and arm muscles, well, you can’t see anything yet, but I think I'm kind of stronger. my arms and chest had always been very weak, I didn't really work out a lot or anything. I just got a job that requires a bit of physical effort and I'm convinced that on my third day at work it all didn't tire me up at all. I don't necessarily feel stronger yet, but I can stand heavier exercises for much longer periods. I've always been quite hairy. haven't shaved my legs for 6 months and actually got self-conscious because it is more hairy than some cis guys I know... so I'm not sure if anything changed here. I think hair on my forearms are getting darker. probably should have taken some photos earlier... the lower growth (google if you're interested) is definitely a thing, also it’s got really sensitive and not in a good way skin in general - oily. yep, definitely more oily. no significant spots yet, but I'm trying to prevent acne as well as possible. warning, don't wash your face too much, it makes your skin too dry and causes even more oiliness later. also, seems like my hair gets greasy quicker, but that’s maybe because I’ve just buzz-cut it really short. when it comes too mood, it's a bit tricky. it's easy to get placebo. no mood swings, probably thanks to everyday application. didn't really notice any change in emotions (guys who stopped crying on testosterone - watch some doctor who, I'm sobbing) or sex drive (yet?). I'm a bit more confident, but it is a general outcome of many things happening right now. colleagues and people at uni are doing a great job respecting me as a man. amazing guys. 

same tired pre and 2 weeks on t XD

there was a lot happening this year. I haven't properly described it yet, so maybe this is the time. firstly, I'm polish, but currently living and transitioning in the UK. I wish I could find someone in similar position, who would describe their experience in detail back when I was clueless, so here I am, hopefully helping someone with this post.

actually, I started my research about transgender when I was a skinny emo teenager. I knew something's always been wrong my entire tomboy life, but when about the age of 15 I started searching web for clues... and I found only bad news. basically, in poland, back then, it just seemed impossible. I started to repress all these feelings, because I was convinced there's no way to get some help. at that time, one of trans guys I met online tried to commit suicide. I thought, no, this is not me, I'm probably just a confused teenager. I can try to fight this and just fit in. and I did. for a couple of terrible years...  but that's a completely different story I'll probably tell another time. 

when I reached 21, I was sure I need some changes. didn't know I'm a man, non-binary, genderqueer or whatever, but sure I was transmasculine. I needed testosterone. so, I don't have a lot of knowledge how it works in poland right now, as I moved to the UK. as soon as I started work here, I began my research. firstly, I went through a huge disappointment, because, apparently, the waiting list for gender identity clinic was about 12-18 months. then another 6-9 to her HRT. I did my maths. my new job was good enough to afford private doctors. it is expensive, but at that moment I was really determined and contacted Gender Care. I don't regret any single penny spent on it, honestly. I was given an assessment with dr Robin Dundas. he was a new member of london's gender care network then, so I had to wait only 5 weeks. perfect.

when the day came, I went to london extremely nervous. everything went smoothly though, and I left the appointment really happy. during 1,5 hour session the doctor asked me some questions and discussed my plan for transition. I was officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria, with no doubts. then I was reffered to a london transgender clinic for a medical assessment. you can only made an appointment there, if you have already been diagnosed. waiting time was 3 months. 3 stressful months.

first problem - phone calls. I had to call them to confirm. I am really anxious about talking on phone so it took me some time to do it, which actually caused a delay for my assessment. second one - finding a GP. so, I was going back home from England for a month, and then moving to Wales. I had no idea how to register to a surgery, find a trans friendly GP and get blood tests before the appointment.  yeah, i managed eventually, but got the results literally 4 days before deadline. I was just lucky. extremely lucky that the very first GP I met agreed to help. my bloods were all fine, hormones and liver within normal range. finally I was ready. 

on the night, 27-28th september, obviously I couldn’t  sleep at all. we had to leave early in the morning (like 2-3am!) to get a bus to london... finally, I went to see nurse Mary O'Brien who is the most kind and lovely woman in the world. she agreed for my sister to come in with me and instantly made us both feel comfortable. this talk was a bit longer, we had to discuss everything in detail, check my health properly and decide on my testosterone dose. I'm fine with needles, but I was still prescribed with gel. apparently, with my mood swings it's better to keep hormones levels stable. shots could cause me a lot of problems. everyone who is convinced that gel doesn't work as good as injection - myth. listen to experienced doctors, please. ask for their opinion. don't just trust random people on reddit. 

testogel, new one is sold in bottles, no sachets any more. one pump is 20.25mg of testosterone. I was instructed to use 2 pumps in the morning every day. obviously, if you can't keep routine it's a bad idea... I actually like it though. it makes me feel I help myself every single day, if that makes sense.

in the end, generally dying I went home... and had to find a pharmacy that had the gel in stock. I was lucky again, it took me just a quick trip to tesco’s and I had what I was dreaming about for years...

I'm a bit of a writer. I do have to stick to the rules when I public the articles I translate, but when I do my things I tend to skip capital letters. that's a thing I got used to and do every time I'm not stopped by necessary rules...