Welcome to the Graduation Obituary

you're slurping carrots! and carrots are not a slurp-able food!

I’m the most attractive burlap sack you’ll ever meet, but I’m still a burlap sack.

see, conservatives bitch about all the ‘snowflake terms’ that we come up with, but if we don’t have official terms like ‘demigirl’, we spontaneously generate shit like ‘non gender with left girl’

God hates old people smell, that's why he kills them!

Coconut oil is just the new mercury. Except it actually works.

kk. boobs. stay in your assigned seats.

its kind of a fact of life that all vampires are bisexual

ive got to mail a digital virgin

Just some good old-fashioned debauchery.

Not that thumb! That thumb is your party tit.

Pliers are not food, dad, and also, not delicious.

Bread is just a means to an end.

I guess my character archetype is Deadbeat.

Let's make this a filler episode and go to the beach!

sonnet discovered today that despacito is not actually on amazon prime’s free music list, so if you don’t buy the song, alexa will, in fact, only play a sample of the song.