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Here's something you're handling wrong when you speak to ABAers.

Before you get upset, I genuinely have the best interests of autistic kids in mind. I am explicitly against ABA in all forms. I have been outspoken about this in other areas of my life and I will be outspoken about this on here as well.

When trying to figure out how to have a conversation with pro-ABA people, including parents whose children are enrolled and providers who do it for a job, it can be really difficult to know what is the best thing to say to have an impact on them. And of course there is no one size fits all option that works on every person.

One thing that comes up a lot, it's something I used to say when I had these conversations and it's something I've seen many other autistic people say, is:

"It is not okay to modify a child's behavior."

This misses the mark.

Take a moment to digest that information before we move ahead.

We modify people's behavior all day everyday. Part of parenting is modifying a child's behavior. Part of teaching is modifying a child's behavior. Part of nannying, babysitting, working in daycare is modifying a child's behavior.

Modifying behavior is not the enemy.

Teaching coping skills is modifying a child's behavior. Teaching critical thinking is modifying a child's behavior. Making accommodations is modifying a child's behavior. Setting boundaries is modifying a child's behavior. Potty training is modifying a child's behavior.

Behavior modification is necessary to a successful life.

To modify a behavior is to change something so that the behavior changes.

Teaching children critical thinking skills modifies their behavior because it changes the behavior wherein they naturally jump to conclusions and don't think through any kind of problem or have any kind of problem solving skills. We modify their behavior on purpose because it benefits them and everyone else in the world.

But let's be more specific.

Using AAC is behavior modification. Giving your child access to communication, language, and accessibility tools is going to change the way they behave. It changes a child who previously didn't have an effective means to communicate and probably was communicating with body language or whining or possibly physically harming others into a child who communicates. This stops the behavior of whining or communicating with body language or physically harming other people. It adds the behavior of using the accessibility tool to communicate. It changes the behavior of communication.

Redirecting a harmful stim is behavior modification. If your child stims in a way that harms themselves or others, finding a way to redirect or replace that stim with a different stim is modifying their behavior. It stops the behavior where the child is hitting someone or biting their own hand or banging their head on the floor. It adds the behavior where the child is spinning in circles or chewing on a chew toy or snapping a rubber band against their wrist. It changes the behavior of self-stimulation.

Teaching children to identify their emotions is behavior modification. When you teach children what emotions look and feel like and give them the tools to identify those emotions and process them safely, you are modifying their behavior. It stops the behavior of the uncontrolled meltdown from being overwhelmed by feelings, or of kicking or hitting, or of uncontrollable sobbing. It adds the behavior of the positive coping skill that follows identifying the emotion such as coloring a picture of what anger feels like. It changes the behavior of how they present and handle their emotions.

All of these are ways that we modify a child's behavior because it is necessary.

Behavior modification is not inherently harmful.

When you bring your disagreement with behavior modification up to someone who does ABA or has their child in ABA you will probably get a response like, "Behaviorism is used every day. That's how we potty train kids. We're not abusing them. Is it abuse to potty train kids?"

And then you end up in this uncomfortable spot where you can't effectively get to the point that you need to get to because this hurdle is in the way. How exactly are you going to explain to them that behaviorism used to potty train kids is different than what is used in ABA?

Really that question is asking how do you explain ABAers that behavior modification used to potty train kids is different than what is used in ABA?

And the thing is, from a behavior modification standpoint nothing is different.

Behavior modification in ABA is technically the same thing as behavior modification done in every other aspect of our life that is necessary and beneficial.

This is where we are going about it the wrong way entirely.

It is not the behavior modification that is wrong with ABA.

The behaviors that are being modified and the method by which they modify them is what is wrong with ABA.

Normal, safe, healthy, effective autistic behaviors do not need to be modified.

There are some autistic behaviors that need to be modified.

Behaviors like:

Self harming stims

Stims that harm other people

Stims that damage valuable property

Ineffective communication

Meltdowns

ABA does often seek to end these behaviors, or to change them. Many people who enroll their children in ABA are looking specifically to modify these behaviors.

Two major problems with ABA are:

They modify these behaviors in ludicrous and harmful ways

They modify behaviors that do not require modification

And a lot of places are phasing out the latter due to all of the pushback that they've been getting but not all of them.

In ABA, they seek to change the behavior of a self-harming stim by disallowing it entirely.

If you're autistic, you probably know why that does not work. If you take away the ability for one person to self-regulate using self-stimulatory behaviors, they will quickly become dysregulated. The dysregulation leads to an uptick in dangerous behaviors and meltdowns.

In ABA, they seek to change the behavior of ineffective communication by using rewards, consequences, and bribery try to force children to speak verbally and vocally. Not only does that not really make any freaking sense, and it's not particularly effective, but it's super distressing and also leads to an uptick in meltdowns. It also leads to a situation called language deprivation which is harmful, and is frequently experienced by nonverbal children as well as Deaf children.

In ABA, they seek to modify the behavior of meltdowns by starting them out or ignoring them, or by taking things that a child loves or needs away from them as a consequence for having a meltdown.

This does not work and is not safe because meltdowns are not controllable once they begin. Taking things away from a child because they are experiencing distress is cruel. Ignoring a child to try to stop them from being upset is absurd.

There are safe and beneficial ways to change all of those behaviors that do need to be changed. Meltdowns feel terrible. Ineffective communication is harmful. Stims that hurt people or damage property need to be changed.

We can modify all of these behaviors.

In order to stop stims that are harmful, we redirect them. We figure out what makes the stim appealing and we find substitutions until we find something or several things that work.

Children who like to bite themselves may like the sensation of biting and benefit from a toy or they may like the sensation of the pressure when they bite and may benefit from a weighted blanket. Sometimes what helps them to stay regulated is the pain so you need to find a safer way for them to experience small amounts of pain to stay regulated. This looks like a hair tie on their wrist that they can snap at will, or a clothespin that pinches their skin for a few moments at a time.

The goal is to help them self-regulate in a way that cannot hurt them or anybody else or anything that shouldn't be damaged.

When children cannot communicate effectively we modify that behavior by giving them an alternative means to communicate. We do not have to force them to speak (although it is acceptable to put your child in non-ABA speech therapy, if you're particularly pressed) because we can give them accessibility tools or a language that can help them communicate effectively.

We give them access to AAC or sign language. Sometimes we use picture cards. This modifies the behavior of how they communicate and allows them to communicate more effectively. Rather than causing them to stress and using rewards and punishments, or taking things away and holding them hostage until the child speaks verbally, we give them access to language and teach them how to use it.

Meltdowns are not always completely avoidable, and neither are the behaviors that happen during them. We can avoid a large volume of them by meeting a child's needs before they arise.

When children have a way to communicate effectively, their basic needs for hunger, warmth, safety, and sleep fulfilled, and their self-regulatory mechanisms intact, they do not meltdown very often.

We can also modify the way that they behave during the meltdown by accommodating them. Have a conversation with them when they are not in meltdown or make observations and keep trying different choices until one works. They may need to be left alone in a quiet space, they may need stim toys. They may need you to sit nearby and offer words of support. They may need deep pressure. This will be different for every person. By simply helping them to have what they need to be safe during a meltdown you are modifying the behaviors that happen during them.

The other problem with ABA is when they seek to modify behaviors that don't need to be modified.

Some examples that ABA commonly tries to modify or extinguish that do not need to be modified are:

Poor social skills

Being nonverbal

Non-harmful stims

Being weird or unusual

Special interests

Strange interests

Hyperfixation

Emotional dysregulation*

Disinterest in activities that do not intrigue them

Selective mutism

Avoidance of eye contact

Adherence to routines

Being blunt

Sensory issues

Emotional dysregulation has a star beside it because on some level this does need to be modified in that children need to be taught how to identify an experience their feelings when they can be. But at the same time we don't need to stop children from experiencing upsetting emotions and we do not need to modify their emotional state.

I could probably spend forever explaining this but I won't because I've already given such a long spiel.

We don't need to change those behaviors because they do not hurt anyone and are not harmful. We certainly do not need to be using harmful methods like the ones mentioned previously to eradicate behaviors that don't even need to be changed at all. We do not need to withhold things from children until they hold their hands still, or reward children with food items because they have said hello to another child.

I hope that you will take this information and you will use it when you speak to pro-ABAers in the future so that you can make an argument that is coherent and cognizant of the root issue.

This will tremendously help getting them to comprehend where the problem lies instead of derailing every conversation about it onto the subject of behavior modification.

Behavior modification is not always wrong and in fact it is sometimes necessary. ABA is not just behavior modification done when it is beneficial or necessary.

American Sign Language (ASL)

Australian Sign Language (Auslan)

Australian Indigenous Sign Languages

Black American Sign Language (BASL)

Brazilian Sign Language (LSB)

British Sign Language (BSL)

Chinese Sign Language (CSL)

Emirati Sign Language (ESL)

French Sign Language (LSF)

Italian Sign Language (LIS)

Indian Sign Language (ISL)

International Sign Language (IS)

Irish Sign Language (ISL)

Japanese Sign Language (JSL)

New Zealand Sign Language (NZSL)

Mexican Sign Language (LSM)

Plains Indian Sign Language (PISL)

Polish Sign Language (PJM)

Ukrainian Sign Language (USL)

Yolŋu Sign Language (YSL)

Please feel free to add on if you know of others, be it more resource for one of the sign languages above, or resources for learning any of the other 300 plus sign languages.

Edit: I updated the ASL reference to Bill Vicars, but reminder that these are just things I found around, please find Deaf teachers wherever possible! And for ASL, lifeprint.com is another wonderful resource.

typing with unreliable speech but maybe just as on brand as i can be for this post

i see some discussion of speaking/nonspeaking autistic. but. want to talk about other forms of autistic speech that AAC helps with, me and many others.

Speaking: Society/brain default. You open your mouth and move all parts necessary to make words as you think them in your mind.

Nonspeaking: A person who does not generate speech with their mouth at society default. May be no words at all, may be words that do not help with communication/do not make standard sentences. People assume most AAC users fall here, NT/abled people usually assume all AAC users. Might be motor/muscle barrier, might be psychological/neurological.

Intermittent Speech: Previously "semiverbal" but far more specific. Speech comes and goes. Many autistic people fall here too, but can also be for motor/muscle/psychological/neurological/etc.

Unreliable Speech: Words come out that are not what you have in your head. Still full normal words, might also make sense as response, but do not reflect what you try to say or want to get out.

Insufficient Speech: You can speak when you want with words but you cannot say the full idea. Stops partway. Mouth doesn't finish ideas, but brain does.

All these types can get good help from AAC! When Unreliable speech, AAC with words preloaded (like buttons/symbols) can help me find words that my mouth does not say. Helps to have vocab in front of me. Insufficient speech also a good time for AAC for me.

One or more can also start during burnout, or get [a little/much] worse. Might also use Gestalts more (full phrases/sentences that brain understands as "words." I do not say "oops" when I drop things I say "that's on brand" but to brain? Same idea same word same communication) too.

nonverbal & nonspeaking mean similar thing but not interchangeable (because some people who call self one can get very offend if be call other or be lumped in with other—like gwydion & i, get very offend if be call nonspeaking). nonspeaking absolutely not the more preferred, correct, better, or less ableist over nonverbal. know OP you not explicit say any of this but many people have done this many many times so any post that educate about “not speak (at all)” and only mention nonspeaking but not nonverbal reinforce this.

intermittent speech, or lose speech, or verbal shutdown, very much different than semiverbal. like nonverbal nonspeaking, semiverbal is all time experience. in fact, semiverbal (& nonverbal) people have been begging people to NOT use semiverbal when talk about sometimes not able/hard talk.

OP you mention insufficient speech. so use this illustrate: if insufficient speech all time, that semiverbal. if only sometimes, that probably more partial/semi-lose speech, or beginning stage of lose speech/verbal shutdown, etc.

@savingbeforeleavingtheship

What is the difference between nonspeaking and nonverbal?

Lots of these terms are pretty new for me and I am trying to learn what is least ableist and what is preferred by those who have these experiences, so I am trying to understand.

I think what I saw once or twice before was that nonspeaking is the "better" term because some people who don't speak words still make vocalizations and so are being "verbal". But I don't remember if that info was from someone who is nonverbal or if it was someone else. I'm not trying to say you are wrong or offend you, I am trying to explain where my confusion comes from and hope you can help me understand better.

same with semispeaking/semiverbal

some like -speaking, some like -verbal, some like both

no real difference

Well, for starters, I figured that at least writing out the quote was better than not having any context at all. And in that particular image, the quote was what I was sharing and I found important.

I also have cognitive difficulties. I really struggle to describe images. It might seem straight forward to a lot of people, but my brain really struggles and can’t seem to describe images. I end up getting stressed because I can’t figure it out. I’m not sure why this is. It feels like a glitch in my brain honestly. I know what I’m seeing but I can’t put it into words.

I have seen a few posts lately refusing to add accurate de/transcriptions because they believe it would be triggering for screen reader users and that is incredibly patronising.

Blind people do not need to be protected. We can filter out tags and post content to avoid triggering things just like you. It is not an equal media experience if a sighted person coming across the post would immediately see its sensitive content, but we're just told "oh you don't want to know" .

Feel free to explain why in the tags/comments/reblogs. Sighted people / People without vision disabilities, please avoid voting on low vision polls !

they're kind of expensive but I'm sooooo saving up

like i already am annoyed enough about the intersexism within altersex* communities. but the fact that there are people still using salmacian as a term i think is incredibly insulting to intersex people. especially considering when one of our main focuses in our activism is often fighting against medicalized sexual abuse. it also just feels so insensitive especially considering that hermaphrodite is a slur and to create parallel terminology off of a slur is just bizarre.

to us it literal . ocean is sky , life is flower . carpet is grass . cloud is on river . plain same same is cardboard . rock is brick in mouth . sunshine is eat grass

everything is with thing . that how it is .

is hard word , so associate with feel taste think how .

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but to others , is see as vague not literal . “poetry” . many times is speak literal then someone is reblog with “poetry , writing” , is confusing .

is try hide word because often self is think in “grotesque” gore organ word literal , no like scare .

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but is like word , is like write , just in own way without worry of people , even if word frustrating and people no understand

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for us , reason why no like when is call “writing , poetry” is because is mean people see as “fantasy , made up , constructed , make to look pretty” instead of just how brain is .

they think is “attentional make pretty” , it not . it just brain disable .

too too often is face with both “made up” to “omg so pretty” to “sound stupid” , and in end , lot time people no know what self is even try say .

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is often feel alone because many autistic literal literal by book , but self is no understand by the book literal so brain is compare and put things together , even no related at all

think that is good way describing. makes self think, for long time selfves always made selfves' disability "pretty". needed make look pretty okay palatable pleasing because... cannot remember why

but selfves now learning that way disability is is okay if not pretty. is okay if way that selfves' symptoms disability is is in way that is displeasing other people. is process

but possible think that possibly selfves' dislike of when people call way that talk "pretty" is pushing back. is sort of, "no not want try make selfves pretty even when hurt anymore". overcompensation? compensation? brain not have words able think what want think say right now

is annoying. very annoying. when people focus on way that selfves talk. but not what selfves saying. feel lots that when selfves make important serious post that must mask way talk very very hard even when difficult very hard because otherwise people not read what mean say. not read listen

selfves find that selfves' are both ways. very literal by book when comes to things like rules and definitions. know selfves have had issues not understanding when people break rules also when people say "this thing fits this definition but it isn't this definition because i don't want it to be" have struggled lots lots because not understand why is not thing. because fits rules. must follow yes? unsure

but when comes things such as distress. or things that are "you'll understand when you feel it" type things like emotions also love also physical sensations. brain think metaphors only

remembering time when self. self really frustrated that was being ignored when talking, was talking like this and was being ignored. self tried express that self was trying as hard as could to be understand but was not possible. and way brain worded it was that self kept digging and digging and digging but would say and talk things about digging and nobody understand

looking at now. self understand why people not connect. but brain at time was make connection because not understand what frustration at that felt like. how words fit it. so had apply other things

is hope make sense?? words brain fuzzy at moment