Manager

     “Thou must repent for thy sins. If thou shalt confess with thy mouth, all shall be forgiven. Come to me, child, for I shall cleanse thy of thy sins.”

     His words are like a sweet song, low and melodic. He’s soft, kind- I could only dream that he’ll forgive me for my own atrocious deeds. Silky tresses of charcoal hair, pale skin that glows under the light from the stained glass windows. His dark eyes, sharp and at the same time, all forgiving. He’s truly godsent, an angel preaching in the lord's name.

     I wish for my wrongs to be forgiven, or maybe I wish that he would leave so I can’t taint him with my sinful existence. He is beautiful, my humanity would surely disgust him. He can’t be near these people, much less myself. We’re undeserving of his love and patience and guidance. They, no- we should not be allowed in his presence, lest we besmirch god’s will and show him our disgraceful selves.

     That is why a river of blood has been poured, that is why crimson drips slowly from the end of my braid and stains my hands. I will sin if it is to protect him from us, I will sin to spare him the harm that would surely come from being kind to devil spawn like us. That is why I cannot face him. I couldn’t bear it if he were to cry, to look into the eyes of a sinner such as myself and see the hideous truth behind my existence.

     “Nikolai, why did you kill them?” He calls to me, his monotone voice a faint whisper. The purity in him is too grand, even in the face of a massacre.

     “I couldn’t let them taint you…”

     “My dearest…” he mutters softly before his cold hands grasp my face, forcing me to face him. He was smiling. “You’re magnificent, far more magnificent than I had thought. I couldn’t have predicted this, and it’s more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.”

     “But I killed them. Aren’t you angry?” I respond weakly, not having noticed the tears trickling slowly down my cheeks until he’d brushed them away. His frail hand runs through my hair before pulling me closer by the nape of my neck.

     “I’m not angry, I’m so very proud.”

     “…why?” My voice breaks softly. Against my own will, I lean into his gentle embrace. I know I don’t deserve to touch him, to stain his pristine robes with my filth of blood and shame. But I am a weak, pathetic mortal in the face of a god, and I can’t bear the thought of pulling away from his patient kindness. 

     “Hush, there’s no need for such questions. Did I not say you’ll be forgiven? It’s a principle of my belief, that forgiveness shall be bestowed upon those worthy of it. And what you did here…” his voice caresses me like velvet, soothing the despair brought about by my shame, “it was noble.”

     I pull away though only slightly, preserving the contact while I stare back into his eyes. There’s a spark there, hotter than flame and cooler than ice. In the face of my baffled mind, he only seems to be pleasured, like this is what he wanted all along.

     “Don’t look so shocked, Kolya. You’ve committed a sin, yes, but look at you. You feel remorse, your hand trembles with chagrin, you’re flushed with tears. My dearest, facing me was enough to repent. Now what we must see is the good in your actions.”

     “But, I killed them-“

     “You killed them to protect me.” His pale lips twist upward into a snake-like smirk. “What you did was chivalrous, self-sacrificing, and so very beautiful. The artistry in which you dispatched them-“ he chuckles softly, like a melody of revery, “perfect. All of it. I forgive you.”

     Overcome with emotion, the blade slips from my hand, replaced quickly with Fyodor’s robe. I cling to him desperately.

I just watched the movie and counted roughly how many times Simon used the camera, which was give or take 200. So I’m going with that.

The wiki and the movie are kind of at odds with each other, bc the wiki says he blasted Ava and the crew with almost 15 times the lethal dosage of radiation, but the manual in the movie says the camera gives off 7,400 millisieverts per usage. That is a lot, but it’s not 15 times the “lethal amount”. I decided to go with the manual bc it has an actual number.

The hull thickness was tricky bc no one’s gonna make a submarine out of iron, and I don’t know how much pressure the vessel had to withstand, not to mention the fact that it wasn’t actually holding up well. For simplicity’s sake, I just decided to go with 6 inches/152.4 millimetres, which is in the range but a bit thicker than your average deep-sea research sub since iron doesn’t stand up to pressure as well as steel. That thickness would block roughly 90% of the radiation coming at him.

So, that gives us 200 usages, 7,400 millisieverts each, up against 6 inches/152.4 millimetres of solid iron.

(200 x 7,400) x 0.10

148,000 millisieverts of radiation poisoning.

Yeah… considering 10,000 kills anyone within a few weeks of exposure, I’m not surprised he died. Hell, the people who died within a month of Chernobyl only experienced 6,000. Even if he managed to escape the blood ocean, this shit would’ve killed him pretty much immediately.

I could be nice and give him a 7.5 inch/190.5 millimetre hull which should be enough to block 99% of the radiation, but that’s 14,800 millisieverts, which is still more than enough to kill him.

So basically, Simon is fucked. Have fun putting him in your bloodymary au’s knowing he’s got a couple weeks to live at best. Radiation memes for u: