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@oshafileclerk
warning: this blog contains unreality
#davidcore is for aesthetics for david, #breaking character is out of character posts, #serious and #actual osha usually deal with irl osha
david smith [character of this blog] uses he/him and they/them pronouns
samwell [bold text] uses he/him pronouns
i also run @offical-osha, @immortalosha, @glitchposting, @supernatural-history-foundation, @shf-director-watson, @raptureosha, and @travelerosha
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As David is going about his day, he comes across Poppies. Poppies is, very casually, skinning a corpse. Poppies doesn't seem to have noticed him yet, apparently solely focused on the task at hand. If David were to look in greater detail, it wouldn't be hard to notice that everything Poppies is wearing appears to be made from materials such as those Poppies is harvesting right now.
@preceding-poppies
[David stands there for a moment, frozen. He watches for a few silent seconds, fingers hovering over his pocket, before he bolts, work boots pitter-pattering loudly against the tile.]
As he flees, he keeps running into Poppies. Again and again and again, he turns a new corner to find Poppies waiting for him. David clearly can't be going in circles, as Poppies has long since abandoned the body Poppies was harvesting. There are plenty of bodies in this forsaken realm, but someone so obviously interesting and amusing to interact with is an opportunity that rarely presents itself.
[Okay, fine. If David can't run...]
[He steps towards Poppies cautiously.]
Hello?
"Hello… strange little thing…"
Poppies smiles a smile that most people only see in horror movies. Poppies shambles towards David slowly, with intent.
[David doesn't dare move, staring down Poppy with a nervous gaze.]
Hi there. Er... who are you? I-I haven't seen you... around... before...
I’m sorry I haven’t been too alive recently. A beast stole the basement key and I had to get lost in a new segment of the basement to find it. Did you know there’s biomes in the far basement? Like there’s an entire bioluminescent segment where a species kind of took over the floor! Or the part that one of the backups is has somehow become mostly metal! I need to sit down. I feel like I just did laps in a cranberry bog.
[Open Starter]
We have a basement? That isn't the archives?
Yeah! Do not come down here to check it out if you value your life though. It’s full of beasts that don’t tend kindly to new smells. Or faces for the ones that can see.
...
I'm already down here. I brought cinnamon rolls.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! WHERE ARE YOU. DID YOU BRING A FLASHLIGHT. DO YOU WANT COFFEE WITH THOSE CINNAMON ROLLS. WHERE ARE YOU. PLEASE TELL ME YOU TOOK A LEFT
I dont know I did not Yes I do I dont know I think I did. I hear something moving around I'm scared :(
OK STAY STILL. IF YOU SEE ANYTHING RUN TOWARDS LIGHT I’M ON MY WAY. COFFEE IS BREWING AND I AM SPRINTING.
Im the figure hunched over a box in the fetal position
MOTHER OF GOD YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT BEAST MISSED YOU THERE. COME WITH ME
*Vern grabs your wrist and starts dragging you hastily. A pair of shimmering orange eyes starts getting closer.*
Feels good to be back!
[David follows Vern without complaint, looking over his shoulder.]
What is that. Hey. What is that.
Pinstalkers. These ones work like normal Pinwalkers, except for the part where you won’t die if you stand still. These ones are totally deaf, so they can’t hear me say that. Fortunately, we ran into teens. They still haven’t quite worked out the sprinting part and unforTUNATELYYYY
*The beasts pick up speed. They tower over you by a foot at least. Their sharp, scythe like legs and sputtering anger is clearly on display as they accelerate in speed.*
EXPLANATION LATER GET YOUR LEGS ON THE GROUND AND RUN
[David lets go of Verns hand and just starts running as fast as humanly possible, which is surprisingly fast.]
I HATE THIS FUCKING BUILDING
IT’S BEAUTIFUL WHEN IT DOESN’T WANT YOU DEAD!!!
Yes! The door! Finally!
*I should specify not the door out, the door to what seems to be his little cubby or hideout of sorts. We have GOT to name it before we pull in another stray.*
GETINGETINGETINGETIN
*He hauls the door open, almost ripping it off the hinges. This is your ticket to safety.*
I DOUBT THAT
[David bolts in, almost knocking Vern to the ground. He proceeds to drop to the floor and let out a loud shriek.]
FUCK!
*Vern aggressively shuts the door, almost cutting a leg off of the beast. It loudly bangs on the door with its legs, but it goes away eventually.*
FORGOT JUVENILES ARE ALSO FAST. AS HELL. SORRY. YOU SAW THE DO NOT ENTER SIGNS.
[He stares blankly into the distance.]
I should have learned my lesson by now. Thank you for the save, uh, I would've been a very bloody heap on the ground now if it weren't for you, I'm sure.
[He stands up and smiles shakily, appearing pretty chill for the near-death experience he just had.]
...I'm David, by the way. In case we haven't met. Cinnamon roll? Not sure how good they are now, got a bit banged up, but...
[He holds out the box.]
Vern. Nice to meet you.
*Vern takes a cinnamon roll and takes a bite.*
Mmm! These are good! The coffee should be done by now, let me check.
*He walks over to a makeshift kitchen area, pulls out a pot of steaming coffee from a coffee machine, and pours it into two mugs, one for each of you.*
I’m out of creamer now, but do you want some sugar in this? Nothing like a post-running-for-your-life coffee,
[He beams, any apprehension melted by the approval of his baked goods.] I'm glad! I made them myself, but I was worried they were a bit burnt, I haven't made them in a while-
[He cuts himself off, realizing he was about to launch into a bit of a rant.]
Er. Sure, I'll take sugar! Can I add it myself?
Here, take the jar. Be careful with it.
*Vern hands you a flowery jar that’s covered in duct tape.*
Oh these are your first cinnamon rolls in a while?
[David carefully places the jar down and begins putting concerning amounts of sugar into his coffee.]
Mm-hmm. I used to bake them a lot, and then I got super into bread - sourdough, pumpkin bread, banana bread, wheat bread - and I was on vacation for a while so I was branching out. I made a lot of macarons, those are really hard to make, you know, but God at least they aren't- [He pauses and sips his coffee.] Nice, perfect. Good coffee. Uh, sorry, I like baking. Adrenaline gets me talking a lot.
*Vern stares at you like you ate glass after you emptied half of his sugar jar into your coffee.*
Deserved.
Glad to hear you’re a baker. Always loved hearing about other people’s hobbies. I do a fair bit of cooking, but I can never quite get baking down right. It’s always a bit too salty or it didn’t rise right or something else stupid.
*Vern puts a spoonful of sugar in his coffee, mixes it, and takes a sip.*
Damn, this is good coffee.
It's not as hard as it looks. If you want, I can show you how to bake something simple sometime - box cake or something like that.
What brand coffee do you get? I just usually get the cheap dollar store stuff.
Not entirely sure what brand this is. I traded spaghetti sauce for coffee with my boyfriend, and god only knows where he got this one.
I’d love to try that sometime! Here, let me find us some seats so we’re not just standing around.
*Vern moves a bunch of file folders, papers, and photos off of a rolly chair and rolls it over for you to sit on. He pulls out a folding chair that was hanging on his door and sits down in it.*
[David takes the chair and spins around in it.]
Thank you. You'll have to ask him sometime... you have a boyfriend? [He tips his head to the side.]
Two, actually. I just haven’t gotten a photo of the other one yet.
*He lets out a little chuckle.*
You ever heard of a guy named Alam and a different guy named Rory? They’re the world to me. They’re both really sweet, and handsome, and lovely, and caring, and I’m gonna stop myself before I lose you.
Aw, no, it's fine, I understand. I've got someone of my own, although he's been.... uh, not around. [He frowns, and shakes his head.] I've heard of Alam, I think we might've met... Rory and I have run into each other, he seems nice.
Oh…that sucks. Wish he shows up soon. You yourself seem like a nice guy, I’ll bet he’s lucky.
Ah, so you know them! Nice, nice.
*Vern takes another bite of his roll and a sip of his coffee.*
They’re the lights of my life, those two. They’re both so kind and thoughtful. I think I should have another photo here somewhere…
*He starts rummaging through a cabinet above his sort of desk area. As he deconstructs his (relatively) neat cupboard, a decrepit human skull just. Falls out of it.*
Let’s see, let’s see…ah! There. This is one of…I can explain.
[David looks at the skull, his expression immediately becoming unreadable. He stands up.]
Vern, what's that? [He reaches into his pocket.]
This basement was built on bloodshed. Originally it was meant to be a storage unit type thing. During construction, they hired a bunch of interns to do the job. An old employee was getting skeptical of the cleaning brand OSHA was buying from, so they did research and found out they did many horrible things. This made the brand mad enough to, assumingly, hire an assassin to rig the backup power generators to explode. This skull is the product of that explosion. This was an intern of this place.
[David's expression shifts to about six different emotions in the span of 10 seconds, eventually settling on blank horror mixed with resignation.]
That sounds about right, honestly. Give me a second.
[He pinches the bridge of his nose and stands there in silence for a few moments.]
What? No, actually, please don't tell me more. Do you have that in writing?
I presume you want it in one sheet. Well, I have yet to get it in one sheet, but I do have a board about it. Like, a physical board.
*He casually walks to a bookshelf on the other side of the room, grabs the edge, and pulls it off of the wall, revealing a theory board filled with chicken scratch handwriting and photos of logs and paper and books. All connected for what?*
Ignore the mess, it’s kind of a storage area too.
Kind of? It’s filled to the brim with random boxes and papers astray. Things are everywhere, absolutely no way about it.
Uh... Whatever works.
[He looks around, trying to not look too phased.]
[@oshafileclerk wanders near Lanuri's lab, holding a clipboard and a thin file.] Any... magician science ghosts around? Yoo-hoo? Mr. Malepir? Dear God, I hope I'm in the right place.
A nearby wall cracks, as it dissolves into fading blue strings, phasing through the rest of the wall. Behind it, a narrow doorway is recessed into the wall.
A head and arm, the arm clothed with a blue coat, are phasing through the door. Lanuri responds, "Dr. Malepir. I didn't suffer through college to be referred to as mister. Please, step inside. I'd rather not deal with the shadow creepers hanging about lately."
[David jumps.] Jeez!
[He doesn't like the name "shadow creepers", so he's quick to come in. He looks around uneasily.]
Um. Sorry to disturb you, Dr. Malepir. My name's David Smith. I'm officially a file clerk and unofficially a secretary and bookkeeper for OSHA.
The entrance room seems to be a repurposed chemistry lab, now the worktables all have various scrap pieces and computer components covering their surface.
Lanuri's floating behind one of the tables near the entrance, clearing the metal off of it. "A pleasure to meet you. I am Lanuri Malepir, a magician and scientist, as you already know. Is there a specific reason you've sought me today?"
[David smiles pleasantly.]
Very nice... laboratory? that you have, Dr. Malepir. It's a pleasure as well.
[He lifts up the file. Scrawled on it in messy handwriting is "LANURI MALEPIR".]
As mentioned, I'm sort of a bookkeeper around here. My part of OSHA has a bunch of information on... well, everything, but a long time ago a lot of our files were destroyed. I'm just looking to compile new documents, so I came here to... maybe have an interview? If you aren't busy, that is.
Lanuri considers as he finishes clearing the table. "Hmm... well you've been much nicer to the integrity of my walls than my last uninvited visitor, so I might as well give you the interview. Sorry if I can't answer a lot, I've signed a lot of NDAs in my day and those are, quite annoyingly, enchanted when dealt to mages."
No problem. If you have any paperwork that might be relevant - uh, proof of ID, et cetera - that'd be nice, you just have to send it up to archives.
Where should we do this, then?
[@oshafileclerk wanders near Lanuri's lab, holding a clipboard and a thin file.] Any... magician science ghosts around? Yoo-hoo? Mr. Malepir? Dear God, I hope I'm in the right place.
A nearby wall cracks, as it dissolves into fading blue strings, phasing through the rest of the wall. Behind it, a narrow doorway is recessed into the wall.
A head and arm, the arm clothed with a blue coat, are phasing through the door. Lanuri responds, "Dr. Malepir. I didn't suffer through college to be referred to as mister. Please, step inside. I'd rather not deal with the shadow creepers hanging about lately."
[David jumps.] Jeez!
[He doesn't like the name "shadow creepers", so he's quick to come in. He looks around uneasily.]
Um. Sorry to disturb you, Dr. Malepir. My name's David Smith. I'm officially a file clerk and unofficially a secretary and bookkeeper for OSHA.
The entrance room seems to be a repurposed chemistry lab, now the worktables all have various scrap pieces and computer components covering their surface.
Lanuri's floating behind one of the tables near the entrance, clearing the metal off of it. "A pleasure to meet you. I am Lanuri Malepir, a magician and scientist, as you already know. Is there a specific reason you've sought me today?"
[David smiles pleasantly.]
Very nice... laboratory? that you have, Dr. Malepir. It's a pleasure as well.
[He lifts up the file. Scrawled on it in messy handwriting is "LANURI MALEPIR".]
As mentioned, I'm sort of a bookkeeper around here. My part of OSHA has a bunch of information on... well, everything, but a long time ago a lot of our files were destroyed. I'm just looking to compile new documents, so I came here to... maybe have an interview? If you aren't busy, that is.
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As David is going about his day, he comes across Poppies. Poppies is, very casually, skinning a corpse. Poppies doesn't seem to have noticed him yet, apparently solely focused on the task at hand. If David were to look in greater detail, it wouldn't be hard to notice that everything Poppies is wearing appears to be made from materials such as those Poppies is harvesting right now.
@preceding-poppies
[David stands there for a moment, frozen. He watches for a few silent seconds, fingers hovering over his pocket, before he bolts, work boots pitter-pattering loudly against the tile.]
As he flees, he keeps running into Poppies. Again and again and again, he turns a new corner to find Poppies waiting for him. David clearly can't be going in circles, as Poppies has long since abandoned the body Poppies was harvesting. There are plenty of bodies in this forsaken realm, but someone so obviously interesting and amusing to interact with is an opportunity that rarely presents itself.
[Okay, fine. If David can't run...]
[He steps towards Poppies cautiously.]
Hello?
I’m sorry I haven’t been too alive recently. A beast stole the basement key and I had to get lost in a new segment of the basement to find it. Did you know there’s biomes in the far basement? Like there’s an entire bioluminescent segment where a species kind of took over the floor! Or the part that one of the backups is has somehow become mostly metal! I need to sit down. I feel like I just did laps in a cranberry bog.
[Open Starter]
We have a basement? That isn't the archives?
Yeah! Do not come down here to check it out if you value your life though. It’s full of beasts that don’t tend kindly to new smells. Or faces for the ones that can see.
...
I'm already down here. I brought cinnamon rolls.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! WHERE ARE YOU. DID YOU BRING A FLASHLIGHT. DO YOU WANT COFFEE WITH THOSE CINNAMON ROLLS. WHERE ARE YOU. PLEASE TELL ME YOU TOOK A LEFT
I dont know I did not Yes I do I dont know I think I did. I hear something moving around I'm scared :(
OK STAY STILL. IF YOU SEE ANYTHING RUN TOWARDS LIGHT I’M ON MY WAY. COFFEE IS BREWING AND I AM SPRINTING.
Im the figure hunched over a box in the fetal position
MOTHER OF GOD YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT BEAST MISSED YOU THERE. COME WITH ME
*Vern grabs your wrist and starts dragging you hastily. A pair of shimmering orange eyes starts getting closer.*
Feels good to be back!
[David follows Vern without complaint, looking over his shoulder.]
What is that. Hey. What is that.
Pinstalkers. These ones work like normal Pinwalkers, except for the part where you won’t die if you stand still. These ones are totally deaf, so they can’t hear me say that. Fortunately, we ran into teens. They still haven’t quite worked out the sprinting part and unforTUNATELYYYY
*The beasts pick up speed. They tower over you by a foot at least. Their sharp, scythe like legs and sputtering anger is clearly on display as they accelerate in speed.*
EXPLANATION LATER GET YOUR LEGS ON THE GROUND AND RUN
[David lets go of Verns hand and just starts running as fast as humanly possible, which is surprisingly fast.]
I HATE THIS FUCKING BUILDING
IT’S BEAUTIFUL WHEN IT DOESN’T WANT YOU DEAD!!!
Yes! The door! Finally!
*I should specify not the door out, the door to what seems to be his little cubby or hideout of sorts. We have GOT to name it before we pull in another stray.*
GETINGETINGETINGETIN
*He hauls the door open, almost ripping it off the hinges. This is your ticket to safety.*
I DOUBT THAT
[David bolts in, almost knocking Vern to the ground. He proceeds to drop to the floor and let out a loud shriek.]
FUCK!
*Vern aggressively shuts the door, almost cutting a leg off of the beast. It loudly bangs on the door with its legs, but it goes away eventually.*
FORGOT JUVENILES ARE ALSO FAST. AS HELL. SORRY. YOU SAW THE DO NOT ENTER SIGNS.
[He stares blankly into the distance.]
I should have learned my lesson by now. Thank you for the save, uh, I would've been a very bloody heap on the ground now if it weren't for you, I'm sure.
[He stands up and smiles shakily, appearing pretty chill for the near-death experience he just had.]
...I'm David, by the way. In case we haven't met. Cinnamon roll? Not sure how good they are now, got a bit banged up, but...
[He holds out the box.]
Vern. Nice to meet you.
*Vern takes a cinnamon roll and takes a bite.*
Mmm! These are good! The coffee should be done by now, let me check.
*He walks over to a makeshift kitchen area, pulls out a pot of steaming coffee from a coffee machine, and pours it into two mugs, one for each of you.*
I’m out of creamer now, but do you want some sugar in this? Nothing like a post-running-for-your-life coffee,
[He beams, any apprehension melted by the approval of his baked goods.] I'm glad! I made them myself, but I was worried they were a bit burnt, I haven't made them in a while-
[He cuts himself off, realizing he was about to launch into a bit of a rant.]
Er. Sure, I'll take sugar! Can I add it myself?
Here, take the jar. Be careful with it.
*Vern hands you a flowery jar that’s covered in duct tape.*
Oh these are your first cinnamon rolls in a while?
[David carefully places the jar down and begins putting concerning amounts of sugar into his coffee.]
Mm-hmm. I used to bake them a lot, and then I got super into bread - sourdough, pumpkin bread, banana bread, wheat bread - and I was on vacation for a while so I was branching out. I made a lot of macarons, those are really hard to make, you know, but God at least they aren't- [He pauses and sips his coffee.] Nice, perfect. Good coffee. Uh, sorry, I like baking. Adrenaline gets me talking a lot.
*Vern stares at you like you ate glass after you emptied half of his sugar jar into your coffee.*
Deserved.
Glad to hear you’re a baker. Always loved hearing about other people’s hobbies. I do a fair bit of cooking, but I can never quite get baking down right. It’s always a bit too salty or it didn’t rise right or something else stupid.
*Vern puts a spoonful of sugar in his coffee, mixes it, and takes a sip.*
Damn, this is good coffee.
It's not as hard as it looks. If you want, I can show you how to bake something simple sometime - box cake or something like that.
What brand coffee do you get? I just usually get the cheap dollar store stuff.
Not entirely sure what brand this is. I traded spaghetti sauce for coffee with my boyfriend, and god only knows where he got this one.
I’d love to try that sometime! Here, let me find us some seats so we’re not just standing around.
*Vern moves a bunch of file folders, papers, and photos off of a rolly chair and rolls it over for you to sit on. He pulls out a folding chair that was hanging on his door and sits down in it.*
[David takes the chair and spins around in it.]
Thank you. You'll have to ask him sometime... you have a boyfriend? [He tips his head to the side.]
Two, actually. I just haven’t gotten a photo of the other one yet.
*He lets out a little chuckle.*
You ever heard of a guy named Alam and a different guy named Rory? They’re the world to me. They’re both really sweet, and handsome, and lovely, and caring, and I’m gonna stop myself before I lose you.
Aw, no, it's fine, I understand. I've got someone of my own, although he's been.... uh, not around. [He frowns, and shakes his head.] I've heard of Alam, I think we might've met... Rory and I have run into each other, he seems nice.
Oh…that sucks. Wish he shows up soon. You yourself seem like a nice guy, I’ll bet he’s lucky.
Ah, so you know them! Nice, nice.
*Vern takes another bite of his roll and a sip of his coffee.*
They’re the lights of my life, those two. They’re both so kind and thoughtful. I think I should have another photo here somewhere…
*He starts rummaging through a cabinet above his sort of desk area. As he deconstructs his (relatively) neat cupboard, a decrepit human skull just. Falls out of it.*
Let’s see, let’s see…ah! There. This is one of…I can explain.
[David looks at the skull, his expression immediately becoming unreadable. He stands up.]
Vern, what's that? [He reaches into his pocket.]
This basement was built on bloodshed. Originally it was meant to be a storage unit type thing. During construction, they hired a bunch of interns to do the job. An old employee was getting skeptical of the cleaning brand OSHA was buying from, so they did research and found out they did many horrible things. This made the brand mad enough to, assumingly, hire an assassin to rig the backup power generators to explode. This skull is the product of that explosion. This was an intern of this place.
[David's expression shifts to about six different emotions in the span of 10 seconds, eventually settling on blank horror mixed with resignation.]
That sounds about right, honestly. Give me a second.
[He pinches the bridge of his nose and stands there in silence for a few moments.]
What? No, actually, please don't tell me more. Do you have that in writing?
[@oshafileclerk wanders near Lanuri's lab, holding a clipboard and a thin file.] Any... magician science ghosts around? Yoo-hoo? Mr. Malepir? Dear God, I hope I'm in the right place.
A nearby wall cracks, as it dissolves into fading blue strings, phasing through the rest of the wall. Behind it, a narrow doorway is recessed into the wall.
A head and arm, the arm clothed with a blue coat, are phasing through the door. Lanuri responds, "Dr. Malepir. I didn't suffer through college to be referred to as mister. Please, step inside. I'd rather not deal with the shadow creepers hanging about lately."
[David jumps.] Jeez!
[He doesn't like the name "shadow creepers", so he's quick to come in. He looks around uneasily.]
Um. Sorry to disturb you, Dr. Malepir. My name's David Smith. I'm officially a file clerk and unofficially a secretary and bookkeeper for OSHA.
As David is going about his day, he comes across Poppies. Poppies is, very casually, skinning a corpse. Poppies doesn't seem to have noticed him yet, apparently solely focused on the task at hand. If David were to look in greater detail, it wouldn't be hard to notice that everything Poppies is wearing appears to be made from materials such as those Poppies is harvesting right now.
@preceding-poppies
[David stands there for a moment, frozen. He watches for a few silent seconds, fingers hovering over his pocket, before he bolts, work boots pitter-pattering loudly against the tile.]
I’m sorry I haven’t been too alive recently. A beast stole the basement key and I had to get lost in a new segment of the basement to find it. Did you know there’s biomes in the far basement? Like there’s an entire bioluminescent segment where a species kind of took over the floor! Or the part that one of the backups is has somehow become mostly metal! I need to sit down. I feel like I just did laps in a cranberry bog.
[Open Starter]
We have a basement? That isn't the archives?
Yeah! Do not come down here to check it out if you value your life though. It’s full of beasts that don’t tend kindly to new smells. Or faces for the ones that can see.
...
I'm already down here. I brought cinnamon rolls.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! WHERE ARE YOU. DID YOU BRING A FLASHLIGHT. DO YOU WANT COFFEE WITH THOSE CINNAMON ROLLS. WHERE ARE YOU. PLEASE TELL ME YOU TOOK A LEFT
I dont know I did not Yes I do I dont know I think I did. I hear something moving around I'm scared :(
OK STAY STILL. IF YOU SEE ANYTHING RUN TOWARDS LIGHT I’M ON MY WAY. COFFEE IS BREWING AND I AM SPRINTING.
Im the figure hunched over a box in the fetal position
MOTHER OF GOD YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT BEAST MISSED YOU THERE. COME WITH ME
*Vern grabs your wrist and starts dragging you hastily. A pair of shimmering orange eyes starts getting closer.*
Feels good to be back!
[David follows Vern without complaint, looking over his shoulder.]
What is that. Hey. What is that.
Pinstalkers. These ones work like normal Pinwalkers, except for the part where you won’t die if you stand still. These ones are totally deaf, so they can’t hear me say that. Fortunately, we ran into teens. They still haven’t quite worked out the sprinting part and unforTUNATELYYYY
*The beasts pick up speed. They tower over you by a foot at least. Their sharp, scythe like legs and sputtering anger is clearly on display as they accelerate in speed.*
EXPLANATION LATER GET YOUR LEGS ON THE GROUND AND RUN
[David lets go of Verns hand and just starts running as fast as humanly possible, which is surprisingly fast.]
I HATE THIS FUCKING BUILDING
IT’S BEAUTIFUL WHEN IT DOESN’T WANT YOU DEAD!!!
Yes! The door! Finally!
*I should specify not the door out, the door to what seems to be his little cubby or hideout of sorts. We have GOT to name it before we pull in another stray.*
GETINGETINGETINGETIN
*He hauls the door open, almost ripping it off the hinges. This is your ticket to safety.*
I DOUBT THAT
[David bolts in, almost knocking Vern to the ground. He proceeds to drop to the floor and let out a loud shriek.]
FUCK!
*Vern aggressively shuts the door, almost cutting a leg off of the beast. It loudly bangs on the door with its legs, but it goes away eventually.*
FORGOT JUVENILES ARE ALSO FAST. AS HELL. SORRY. YOU SAW THE DO NOT ENTER SIGNS.
[He stares blankly into the distance.]
I should have learned my lesson by now. Thank you for the save, uh, I would've been a very bloody heap on the ground now if it weren't for you, I'm sure.
[He stands up and smiles shakily, appearing pretty chill for the near-death experience he just had.]
...I'm David, by the way. In case we haven't met. Cinnamon roll? Not sure how good they are now, got a bit banged up, but...
[He holds out the box.]
Vern. Nice to meet you.
*Vern takes a cinnamon roll and takes a bite.*
Mmm! These are good! The coffee should be done by now, let me check.
*He walks over to a makeshift kitchen area, pulls out a pot of steaming coffee from a coffee machine, and pours it into two mugs, one for each of you.*
I’m out of creamer now, but do you want some sugar in this? Nothing like a post-running-for-your-life coffee,
[He beams, any apprehension melted by the approval of his baked goods.] I'm glad! I made them myself, but I was worried they were a bit burnt, I haven't made them in a while-
[He cuts himself off, realizing he was about to launch into a bit of a rant.]
Er. Sure, I'll take sugar! Can I add it myself?
Here, take the jar. Be careful with it.
*Vern hands you a flowery jar that’s covered in duct tape.*
Oh these are your first cinnamon rolls in a while?
[David carefully places the jar down and begins putting concerning amounts of sugar into his coffee.]
Mm-hmm. I used to bake them a lot, and then I got super into bread - sourdough, pumpkin bread, banana bread, wheat bread - and I was on vacation for a while so I was branching out. I made a lot of macarons, those are really hard to make, you know, but God at least they aren't- [He pauses and sips his coffee.] Nice, perfect. Good coffee. Uh, sorry, I like baking. Adrenaline gets me talking a lot.
*Vern stares at you like you ate glass after you emptied half of his sugar jar into your coffee.*
Deserved.
Glad to hear you’re a baker. Always loved hearing about other people’s hobbies. I do a fair bit of cooking, but I can never quite get baking down right. It’s always a bit too salty or it didn’t rise right or something else stupid.
*Vern puts a spoonful of sugar in his coffee, mixes it, and takes a sip.*
Damn, this is good coffee.
It's not as hard as it looks. If you want, I can show you how to bake something simple sometime - box cake or something like that.
What brand coffee do you get? I just usually get the cheap dollar store stuff.
Not entirely sure what brand this is. I traded spaghetti sauce for coffee with my boyfriend, and god only knows where he got this one.
I’d love to try that sometime! Here, let me find us some seats so we’re not just standing around.
*Vern moves a bunch of file folders, papers, and photos off of a rolly chair and rolls it over for you to sit on. He pulls out a folding chair that was hanging on his door and sits down in it.*
[David takes the chair and spins around in it.]
Thank you. You'll have to ask him sometime... you have a boyfriend? [He tips his head to the side.]
Two, actually. I just haven’t gotten a photo of the other one yet.
*He lets out a little chuckle.*
You ever heard of a guy named Alam and a different guy named Rory? They’re the world to me. They’re both really sweet, and handsome, and lovely, and caring, and I’m gonna stop myself before I lose you.
Aw, no, it's fine, I understand. I've got someone of my own, although he's been.... uh, not around. [He frowns, and shakes his head.] I've heard of Alam, I think we might've met... Rory and I have run into each other, he seems nice.
Oh…that sucks. Wish he shows up soon. You yourself seem like a nice guy, I’ll bet he’s lucky.
Ah, so you know them! Nice, nice.
*Vern takes another bite of his roll and a sip of his coffee.*
They’re the lights of my life, those two. They’re both so kind and thoughtful. I think I should have another photo here somewhere…
*He starts rummaging through a cabinet above his sort of desk area. As he deconstructs his (relatively) neat cupboard, a decrepit human skull just. Falls out of it.*
Let’s see, let’s see…ah! There. This is one of…I can explain.
[David looks at the skull, his expression immediately becoming unreadable. He stands up.]
Vern, what's that? [He reaches into his pocket.]
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I’m sorry I haven’t been too alive recently. A beast stole the basement key and I had to get lost in a new segment of the basement to find it. Did you know there’s biomes in the far basement? Like there’s an entire bioluminescent segment where a species kind of took over the floor! Or the part that one of the backups is has somehow become mostly metal! I need to sit down. I feel like I just did laps in a cranberry bog.
[Open Starter]
We have a basement? That isn't the archives?
Yeah! Do not come down here to check it out if you value your life though. It’s full of beasts that don’t tend kindly to new smells. Or faces for the ones that can see.
...
I'm already down here. I brought cinnamon rolls.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! WHERE ARE YOU. DID YOU BRING A FLASHLIGHT. DO YOU WANT COFFEE WITH THOSE CINNAMON ROLLS. WHERE ARE YOU. PLEASE TELL ME YOU TOOK A LEFT
I dont know I did not Yes I do I dont know I think I did. I hear something moving around I'm scared :(
OK STAY STILL. IF YOU SEE ANYTHING RUN TOWARDS LIGHT I’M ON MY WAY. COFFEE IS BREWING AND I AM SPRINTING.
Im the figure hunched over a box in the fetal position
MOTHER OF GOD YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT BEAST MISSED YOU THERE. COME WITH ME
*Vern grabs your wrist and starts dragging you hastily. A pair of shimmering orange eyes starts getting closer.*
Feels good to be back!
[David follows Vern without complaint, looking over his shoulder.]
What is that. Hey. What is that.
Pinstalkers. These ones work like normal Pinwalkers, except for the part where you won’t die if you stand still. These ones are totally deaf, so they can’t hear me say that. Fortunately, we ran into teens. They still haven’t quite worked out the sprinting part and unforTUNATELYYYY
*The beasts pick up speed. They tower over you by a foot at least. Their sharp, scythe like legs and sputtering anger is clearly on display as they accelerate in speed.*
EXPLANATION LATER GET YOUR LEGS ON THE GROUND AND RUN
[David lets go of Verns hand and just starts running as fast as humanly possible, which is surprisingly fast.]
I HATE THIS FUCKING BUILDING
IT’S BEAUTIFUL WHEN IT DOESN’T WANT YOU DEAD!!!
Yes! The door! Finally!
*I should specify not the door out, the door to what seems to be his little cubby or hideout of sorts. We have GOT to name it before we pull in another stray.*
GETINGETINGETINGETIN
*He hauls the door open, almost ripping it off the hinges. This is your ticket to safety.*
I DOUBT THAT
[David bolts in, almost knocking Vern to the ground. He proceeds to drop to the floor and let out a loud shriek.]
FUCK!
*Vern aggressively shuts the door, almost cutting a leg off of the beast. It loudly bangs on the door with its legs, but it goes away eventually.*
FORGOT JUVENILES ARE ALSO FAST. AS HELL. SORRY. YOU SAW THE DO NOT ENTER SIGNS.
[He stares blankly into the distance.]
I should have learned my lesson by now. Thank you for the save, uh, I would've been a very bloody heap on the ground now if it weren't for you, I'm sure.
[He stands up and smiles shakily, appearing pretty chill for the near-death experience he just had.]
...I'm David, by the way. In case we haven't met. Cinnamon roll? Not sure how good they are now, got a bit banged up, but...
[He holds out the box.]
Vern. Nice to meet you.
*Vern takes a cinnamon roll and takes a bite.*
Mmm! These are good! The coffee should be done by now, let me check.
*He walks over to a makeshift kitchen area, pulls out a pot of steaming coffee from a coffee machine, and pours it into two mugs, one for each of you.*
I’m out of creamer now, but do you want some sugar in this? Nothing like a post-running-for-your-life coffee,
[He beams, any apprehension melted by the approval of his baked goods.] I'm glad! I made them myself, but I was worried they were a bit burnt, I haven't made them in a while-
[He cuts himself off, realizing he was about to launch into a bit of a rant.]
Er. Sure, I'll take sugar! Can I add it myself?
Here, take the jar. Be careful with it.
*Vern hands you a flowery jar that’s covered in duct tape.*
Oh these are your first cinnamon rolls in a while?
[David carefully places the jar down and begins putting concerning amounts of sugar into his coffee.]
Mm-hmm. I used to bake them a lot, and then I got super into bread - sourdough, pumpkin bread, banana bread, wheat bread - and I was on vacation for a while so I was branching out. I made a lot of macarons, those are really hard to make, you know, but God at least they aren't- [He pauses and sips his coffee.] Nice, perfect. Good coffee. Uh, sorry, I like baking. Adrenaline gets me talking a lot.
*Vern stares at you like you ate glass after you emptied half of his sugar jar into your coffee.*
Deserved.
Glad to hear you’re a baker. Always loved hearing about other people’s hobbies. I do a fair bit of cooking, but I can never quite get baking down right. It’s always a bit too salty or it didn’t rise right or something else stupid.
*Vern puts a spoonful of sugar in his coffee, mixes it, and takes a sip.*
Damn, this is good coffee.
It's not as hard as it looks. If you want, I can show you how to bake something simple sometime - box cake or something like that.
What brand coffee do you get? I just usually get the cheap dollar store stuff.
Not entirely sure what brand this is. I traded spaghetti sauce for coffee with my boyfriend, and god only knows where he got this one.
I’d love to try that sometime! Here, let me find us some seats so we’re not just standing around.
*Vern moves a bunch of file folders, papers, and photos off of a rolly chair and rolls it over for you to sit on. He pulls out a folding chair that was hanging on his door and sits down in it.*
[David takes the chair and spins around in it.]
Thank you. You'll have to ask him sometime... you have a boyfriend? [He tips his head to the side.]
Two, actually. I just haven’t gotten a photo of the other one yet.
*He lets out a little chuckle.*
You ever heard of a guy named Alam and a different guy named Rory? They’re the world to me. They’re both really sweet, and handsome, and lovely, and caring, and I’m gonna stop myself before I lose you.
Aw, no, it's fine, I understand. I've got someone of my own, although he's been.... uh, not around. [He frowns, and shakes his head.] I've heard of Alam, I think we might've met... Rory and I have run into each other, he seems nice.
hey um. hey guys. help. im um. [Sound of metal banging against wood] im stuck in this closet. anyone?
Hey- Hey, are you okay? That's a bad question. I'll help you out, alright? Just... give me a second.
Oh thank god. Um, I'm not sure exactly how this thing opens... I'm pretty sure it locks from the outside? I dunno. The other few I got stuck in all had varying levels of lockage.
I might have a key! Give me a- well, I already...
[He sighs and runs through his key ring, trying to unlock the door. Does it unlock?]
[CHUNK. The key gets stuck in the hole halfway through turning it.] Um. What was. Hello?
[He tries to pull it out.]
Uh oh. Um. Okay. So, I got a key in the hole. And the key is now stuck. So I'll have to think of a plan B.
[He thinks for a moment.]
You mentioned getting stuck in other closets? How many closets have you gotten stuck in? ...I don't mean to sound rude, but why are you going into closets at this point?
hey um. hey guys. help. im um. [Sound of metal banging against wood] im stuck in this closet. anyone?
Hey- Hey, are you okay? That's a bad question. I'll help you out, alright? Just... give me a second.
Oh thank god. Um, I'm not sure exactly how this thing opens... I'm pretty sure it locks from the outside? I dunno. The other few I got stuck in all had varying levels of lockage.
I might have a key! Give me a- well, I already...
[He sighs and runs through his key ring, trying to unlock the door. Does it unlock?]
hey um. hey guys. help. im um. [Sound of metal banging against wood] im stuck in this closet. anyone?
Hey- Hey, are you okay? That's a bad question. I'll help you out, alright? Just... give me a second.
I’m sorry I haven’t been too alive recently. A beast stole the basement key and I had to get lost in a new segment of the basement to find it. Did you know there’s biomes in the far basement? Like there’s an entire bioluminescent segment where a species kind of took over the floor! Or the part that one of the backups is has somehow become mostly metal! I need to sit down. I feel like I just did laps in a cranberry bog.
[Open Starter]
We have a basement? That isn't the archives?
Yeah! Do not come down here to check it out if you value your life though. It’s full of beasts that don’t tend kindly to new smells. Or faces for the ones that can see.
...
I'm already down here. I brought cinnamon rolls.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! WHERE ARE YOU. DID YOU BRING A FLASHLIGHT. DO YOU WANT COFFEE WITH THOSE CINNAMON ROLLS. WHERE ARE YOU. PLEASE TELL ME YOU TOOK A LEFT
I dont know I did not Yes I do I dont know I think I did. I hear something moving around I'm scared :(
OK STAY STILL. IF YOU SEE ANYTHING RUN TOWARDS LIGHT I’M ON MY WAY. COFFEE IS BREWING AND I AM SPRINTING.
Im the figure hunched over a box in the fetal position
MOTHER OF GOD YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT BEAST MISSED YOU THERE. COME WITH ME
*Vern grabs your wrist and starts dragging you hastily. A pair of shimmering orange eyes starts getting closer.*
Feels good to be back!
[David follows Vern without complaint, looking over his shoulder.]
What is that. Hey. What is that.
Pinstalkers. These ones work like normal Pinwalkers, except for the part where you won’t die if you stand still. These ones are totally deaf, so they can’t hear me say that. Fortunately, we ran into teens. They still haven’t quite worked out the sprinting part and unforTUNATELYYYY
*The beasts pick up speed. They tower over you by a foot at least. Their sharp, scythe like legs and sputtering anger is clearly on display as they accelerate in speed.*
EXPLANATION LATER GET YOUR LEGS ON THE GROUND AND RUN
[David lets go of Verns hand and just starts running as fast as humanly possible, which is surprisingly fast.]
I HATE THIS FUCKING BUILDING
IT’S BEAUTIFUL WHEN IT DOESN’T WANT YOU DEAD!!!
Yes! The door! Finally!
*I should specify not the door out, the door to what seems to be his little cubby or hideout of sorts. We have GOT to name it before we pull in another stray.*
GETINGETINGETINGETIN
*He hauls the door open, almost ripping it off the hinges. This is your ticket to safety.*
I DOUBT THAT
[David bolts in, almost knocking Vern to the ground. He proceeds to drop to the floor and let out a loud shriek.]
FUCK!
*Vern aggressively shuts the door, almost cutting a leg off of the beast. It loudly bangs on the door with its legs, but it goes away eventually.*
FORGOT JUVENILES ARE ALSO FAST. AS HELL. SORRY. YOU SAW THE DO NOT ENTER SIGNS.
[He stares blankly into the distance.]
I should have learned my lesson by now. Thank you for the save, uh, I would've been a very bloody heap on the ground now if it weren't for you, I'm sure.
[He stands up and smiles shakily, appearing pretty chill for the near-death experience he just had.]
...I'm David, by the way. In case we haven't met. Cinnamon roll? Not sure how good they are now, got a bit banged up, but...
[He holds out the box.]
Vern. Nice to meet you.
*Vern takes a cinnamon roll and takes a bite.*
Mmm! These are good! The coffee should be done by now, let me check.
*He walks over to a makeshift kitchen area, pulls out a pot of steaming coffee from a coffee machine, and pours it into two mugs, one for each of you.*
I’m out of creamer now, but do you want some sugar in this? Nothing like a post-running-for-your-life coffee,
[He beams, any apprehension melted by the approval of his baked goods.] I'm glad! I made them myself, but I was worried they were a bit burnt, I haven't made them in a while-
[He cuts himself off, realizing he was about to launch into a bit of a rant.]
Er. Sure, I'll take sugar! Can I add it myself?
Here, take the jar. Be careful with it.
*Vern hands you a flowery jar that’s covered in duct tape.*
Oh these are your first cinnamon rolls in a while?
[David carefully places the jar down and begins putting concerning amounts of sugar into his coffee.]
Mm-hmm. I used to bake them a lot, and then I got super into bread - sourdough, pumpkin bread, banana bread, wheat bread - and I was on vacation for a while so I was branching out. I made a lot of macarons, those are really hard to make, you know, but God at least they aren't- [He pauses and sips his coffee.] Nice, perfect. Good coffee. Uh, sorry, I like baking. Adrenaline gets me talking a lot.
*Vern stares at you like you ate glass after you emptied half of his sugar jar into your coffee.*
Deserved.
Glad to hear you’re a baker. Always loved hearing about other people’s hobbies. I do a fair bit of cooking, but I can never quite get baking down right. It’s always a bit too salty or it didn’t rise right or something else stupid.
*Vern puts a spoonful of sugar in his coffee, mixes it, and takes a sip.*
Damn, this is good coffee.
It's not as hard as it looks. If you want, I can show you how to bake something simple sometime - box cake or something like that.
What brand coffee do you get? I just usually get the cheap dollar store stuff.
Not entirely sure what brand this is. I traded spaghetti sauce for coffee with my boyfriend, and god only knows where he got this one.
I’d love to try that sometime! Here, let me find us some seats so we’re not just standing around.
*Vern moves a bunch of file folders, papers, and photos off of a rolly chair and rolls it over for you to sit on. He pulls out a folding chair that was hanging on his door and sits down in it.*
[David takes the chair and spins around in it.]
Thank you. You'll have to ask him sometime... you have a boyfriend? [He tips his head to the side.]
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I’m sorry I haven’t been too alive recently. A beast stole the basement key and I had to get lost in a new segment of the basement to find it. Did you know there’s biomes in the far basement? Like there’s an entire bioluminescent segment where a species kind of took over the floor! Or the part that one of the backups is has somehow become mostly metal! I need to sit down. I feel like I just did laps in a cranberry bog.
[Open Starter]
We have a basement? That isn't the archives?
Yeah! Do not come down here to check it out if you value your life though. It’s full of beasts that don’t tend kindly to new smells. Or faces for the ones that can see.
...
I'm already down here. I brought cinnamon rolls.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! WHERE ARE YOU. DID YOU BRING A FLASHLIGHT. DO YOU WANT COFFEE WITH THOSE CINNAMON ROLLS. WHERE ARE YOU. PLEASE TELL ME YOU TOOK A LEFT
I dont know I did not Yes I do I dont know I think I did. I hear something moving around I'm scared :(
OK STAY STILL. IF YOU SEE ANYTHING RUN TOWARDS LIGHT I’M ON MY WAY. COFFEE IS BREWING AND I AM SPRINTING.
Im the figure hunched over a box in the fetal position
MOTHER OF GOD YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT BEAST MISSED YOU THERE. COME WITH ME
*Vern grabs your wrist and starts dragging you hastily. A pair of shimmering orange eyes starts getting closer.*
Feels good to be back!
[David follows Vern without complaint, looking over his shoulder.]
What is that. Hey. What is that.
Pinstalkers. These ones work like normal Pinwalkers, except for the part where you won’t die if you stand still. These ones are totally deaf, so they can’t hear me say that. Fortunately, we ran into teens. They still haven’t quite worked out the sprinting part and unforTUNATELYYYY
*The beasts pick up speed. They tower over you by a foot at least. Their sharp, scythe like legs and sputtering anger is clearly on display as they accelerate in speed.*
EXPLANATION LATER GET YOUR LEGS ON THE GROUND AND RUN
[David lets go of Verns hand and just starts running as fast as humanly possible, which is surprisingly fast.]
I HATE THIS FUCKING BUILDING
IT’S BEAUTIFUL WHEN IT DOESN’T WANT YOU DEAD!!!
Yes! The door! Finally!
*I should specify not the door out, the door to what seems to be his little cubby or hideout of sorts. We have GOT to name it before we pull in another stray.*
GETINGETINGETINGETIN
*He hauls the door open, almost ripping it off the hinges. This is your ticket to safety.*
I DOUBT THAT
[David bolts in, almost knocking Vern to the ground. He proceeds to drop to the floor and let out a loud shriek.]
FUCK!
*Vern aggressively shuts the door, almost cutting a leg off of the beast. It loudly bangs on the door with its legs, but it goes away eventually.*
FORGOT JUVENILES ARE ALSO FAST. AS HELL. SORRY. YOU SAW THE DO NOT ENTER SIGNS.
[He stares blankly into the distance.]
I should have learned my lesson by now. Thank you for the save, uh, I would've been a very bloody heap on the ground now if it weren't for you, I'm sure.
[He stands up and smiles shakily, appearing pretty chill for the near-death experience he just had.]
...I'm David, by the way. In case we haven't met. Cinnamon roll? Not sure how good they are now, got a bit banged up, but...
[He holds out the box.]
Vern. Nice to meet you.
*Vern takes a cinnamon roll and takes a bite.*
Mmm! These are good! The coffee should be done by now, let me check.
*He walks over to a makeshift kitchen area, pulls out a pot of steaming coffee from a coffee machine, and pours it into two mugs, one for each of you.*
I’m out of creamer now, but do you want some sugar in this? Nothing like a post-running-for-your-life coffee,
[He beams, any apprehension melted by the approval of his baked goods.] I'm glad! I made them myself, but I was worried they were a bit burnt, I haven't made them in a while-
[He cuts himself off, realizing he was about to launch into a bit of a rant.]
Er. Sure, I'll take sugar! Can I add it myself?
Here, take the jar. Be careful with it.
*Vern hands you a flowery jar that’s covered in duct tape.*
Oh these are your first cinnamon rolls in a while?
[David carefully places the jar down and begins putting concerning amounts of sugar into his coffee.]
Mm-hmm. I used to bake them a lot, and then I got super into bread - sourdough, pumpkin bread, banana bread, wheat bread - and I was on vacation for a while so I was branching out. I made a lot of macarons, those are really hard to make, you know, but God at least they aren't- [He pauses and sips his coffee.] Nice, perfect. Good coffee. Uh, sorry, I like baking. Adrenaline gets me talking a lot.
*Vern stares at you like you ate glass after you emptied half of his sugar jar into your coffee.*
Deserved.
Glad to hear you’re a baker. Always loved hearing about other people’s hobbies. I do a fair bit of cooking, but I can never quite get baking down right. It’s always a bit too salty or it didn’t rise right or something else stupid.
*Vern puts a spoonful of sugar in his coffee, mixes it, and takes a sip.*
Damn, this is good coffee.
It's not as hard as it looks. If you want, I can show you how to bake something simple sometime - box cake or something like that.
What brand coffee do you get? I just usually get the cheap dollar store stuff.
I’m sorry I haven’t been too alive recently. A beast stole the basement key and I had to get lost in a new segment of the basement to find it. Did you know there’s biomes in the far basement? Like there’s an entire bioluminescent segment where a species kind of took over the floor! Or the part that one of the backups is has somehow become mostly metal! I need to sit down. I feel like I just did laps in a cranberry bog.
[Open Starter]
We have a basement? That isn't the archives?
Yeah! Do not come down here to check it out if you value your life though. It’s full of beasts that don’t tend kindly to new smells. Or faces for the ones that can see.
...
I'm already down here. I brought cinnamon rolls.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! WHERE ARE YOU. DID YOU BRING A FLASHLIGHT. DO YOU WANT COFFEE WITH THOSE CINNAMON ROLLS. WHERE ARE YOU. PLEASE TELL ME YOU TOOK A LEFT
I dont know I did not Yes I do I dont know I think I did. I hear something moving around I'm scared :(
OK STAY STILL. IF YOU SEE ANYTHING RUN TOWARDS LIGHT I’M ON MY WAY. COFFEE IS BREWING AND I AM SPRINTING.
Im the figure hunched over a box in the fetal position
MOTHER OF GOD YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT BEAST MISSED YOU THERE. COME WITH ME
*Vern grabs your wrist and starts dragging you hastily. A pair of shimmering orange eyes starts getting closer.*
Feels good to be back!
[David follows Vern without complaint, looking over his shoulder.]
What is that. Hey. What is that.
Pinstalkers. These ones work like normal Pinwalkers, except for the part where you won’t die if you stand still. These ones are totally deaf, so they can’t hear me say that. Fortunately, we ran into teens. They still haven’t quite worked out the sprinting part and unforTUNATELYYYY
*The beasts pick up speed. They tower over you by a foot at least. Their sharp, scythe like legs and sputtering anger is clearly on display as they accelerate in speed.*
EXPLANATION LATER GET YOUR LEGS ON THE GROUND AND RUN
[David lets go of Verns hand and just starts running as fast as humanly possible, which is surprisingly fast.]
I HATE THIS FUCKING BUILDING
IT’S BEAUTIFUL WHEN IT DOESN’T WANT YOU DEAD!!!
Yes! The door! Finally!
*I should specify not the door out, the door to what seems to be his little cubby or hideout of sorts. We have GOT to name it before we pull in another stray.*
GETINGETINGETINGETIN
*He hauls the door open, almost ripping it off the hinges. This is your ticket to safety.*
I DOUBT THAT
[David bolts in, almost knocking Vern to the ground. He proceeds to drop to the floor and let out a loud shriek.]
FUCK!
*Vern aggressively shuts the door, almost cutting a leg off of the beast. It loudly bangs on the door with its legs, but it goes away eventually.*
FORGOT JUVENILES ARE ALSO FAST. AS HELL. SORRY. YOU SAW THE DO NOT ENTER SIGNS.
[He stares blankly into the distance.]
I should have learned my lesson by now. Thank you for the save, uh, I would've been a very bloody heap on the ground now if it weren't for you, I'm sure.
[He stands up and smiles shakily, appearing pretty chill for the near-death experience he just had.]
...I'm David, by the way. In case we haven't met. Cinnamon roll? Not sure how good they are now, got a bit banged up, but...
[He holds out the box.]
Vern. Nice to meet you.
*Vern takes a cinnamon roll and takes a bite.*
Mmm! These are good! The coffee should be done by now, let me check.
*He walks over to a makeshift kitchen area, pulls out a pot of steaming coffee from a coffee machine, and pours it into two mugs, one for each of you.*
I’m out of creamer now, but do you want some sugar in this? Nothing like a post-running-for-your-life coffee,
[He beams, any apprehension melted by the approval of his baked goods.] I'm glad! I made them myself, but I was worried they were a bit burnt, I haven't made them in a while-
[He cuts himself off, realizing he was about to launch into a bit of a rant.]
Er. Sure, I'll take sugar! Can I add it myself?
Here, take the jar. Be careful with it.
*Vern hands you a flowery jar that’s covered in duct tape.*
Oh these are your first cinnamon rolls in a while?
[David carefully places the jar down and begins putting concerning amounts of sugar into his coffee.]
Mm-hmm. I used to bake them a lot, and then I got super into bread - sourdough, pumpkin bread, banana bread, wheat bread - and I was on vacation for a while so I was branching out. I made a lot of macarons, those are really hard to make, you know, but God at least they aren't- [He pauses and sips his coffee.] Nice, perfect. Good coffee. Uh, sorry, I like baking. Adrenaline gets me talking a lot.
