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Well, when I set out on this journey 40 days ago, I had no idea where it would lead me. I hadn’t expected it to be as difficult as it sometimes was. I had thought that I was much closer to actually loving myself than I discovered. I felt shameful of this at times, because of the nature of my work, to help people transform their lives, I feel that I’m supposed to have it all together, to have the…

39: The fear of loving

From the moment we take our first breath in this world, life is both wonderful and exciting. We inhale our first breath without being aware that we’re breathing by ourselves. We look back towards our mothers and feel the fear of separation. When will we see her again? When will we touch again? The heart chakra is our energy center inside the body that works to let love in and out. The rhythm of…

The last 4 nights have been hard in terms of sleeping. All my children as well as myself seem to be having a rough time. Due to the sleep deprivation I find myself being a bit edgy. I have little or no patience with the kids when they’re upset, and at bedtime I’m very impatient if they’re not getting to bed on time.

I have to stop and ask myself what’s going on? I find the answer frustrating, but…

Day 37: To be recognized

As he is fascinated with the world around him, my 2 year old son likes to point at everything, but today when he pointed at the man in the elevator, I felt bad. Of course, my son is just showing me, “Wow Mommy, look there’s a man!” In my head I’m thinking it’s not polite to point, you might make him feel bad. Now, I have no idea what that man is thinking, maybe, “Just got my hair cut, and yes, I…

Day36: Pain is a weakness

The last 2 nights sleep has eluded me. I lay there trying to let go and sleep, but in vain. Something inside me is demanding my attention, but I’m trying to ignore it. I think I can win by reading or just lying there willing myself to sleep, but after 3 hours I give in. I begin to listen, and what I hear is both upsetting and transformational at the same time; I believe feeling pain is a weakness.

Day 34: The gift

I try to see everything in life as a gift. I might not understand it right away, but I know it’s there for the taking, if I can see life’s every turn in a positive light. My clients ask me, “Oskar, what’s the gift in this? I know you say there’s always a gift, so what’s the gift?” It makes me laugh every time they ask me this, and it’s so rewarding when they see the true gift that underlies every…

Day 34: Everyone is Important

This morning, when we were out for my husbands birthday, my family and I spoke about Rosa Parks and Amelia Earhart and their incredible contributions to this world. What a gift and a legacy they have left to the world, how by standing up and knowing their own self-importance (and that of others) they both changed the rules the world had been playing by.

Self-importance is something that is often…

So I’m in the elevator this morning and I meet one of my neighbors, who asks me, “Would you like a box of cereal? I have an extra one.” I look at the box and think, “Hmm Shredded Wheat… not something I’m jumping for but ok, I’ll give it a shot.” I tell her, “I’m trying to let myself receive everything the universe offers me” and she says, “You should always receive, it’s good for you,” then adds…

Day 32: Let go and receive!

I am sitting here with a bag of chocolate wafers and my coffee. I have been sitting like this for the last 15 minutes, shoving my face with wafers, and writing and deleting over and over again. About an hour and a half ago I tried to sit down, but I remembered I needed to make the beans for tonight, and then I needed to clean the kitchen, and then I needed to make some coffee because I was tired,…

Day 31: Let go of the rules!

Over and over again I keep coming back to Acceptance. “Accept yourself the way you are!” the Universe tells me, “I’m trying” I respond. “Don’t try, do!” comes the response. Where is the miscommunication between me and the universe? And then I receive a sign…On the side of a truck, I see an advertisement that reads, ‘This book has no rules.’

I wouldn’t describe myself as someone who follows…

Day 30:

Today I could definitely feel some sort of change happening. I was aware of the presence of Silence, whom I had met yesterday, still with me. When I tried  to get into that thinking space that can overtake the mind, silence would wash over me and the thought was gone. One part of me was comfortable to feel like this, but another was frustrated with my ‘lack of thinking’ or more…

Silence. From the moment I woke I felt it. I am afraid of it, yet at times I’d like to stay in it forever. Like a warm pool I could sink deeper and deeper into it. Silence, I would never have to speak again. I could cut off from the world. If I wouldn’t have to say anything I felt I would never hurt anyone. I could go unnoticed and yet…. to cut ones tongue, is to cut ones life.

But here I am;…

Yesterday morning it came to me that my blog entry should be about Control; but what about it? The lack of it? Letting go of it? I could have sat down to write already after my first session but I was waiting for a better idea, maybe I could find something else to write about, anything! A million other ideas flew through my head but nothing seemed right, and I had this underlying feeling that I…

“Momma?” My son woke me at 3am, with a voice full of love and kindness that melted my heart. He is just over 2 years old now, and every night since he was born he wakes me several times in the night. He hasn’t yet slept through a single night without waking, and neither have I.

Most nights when he wakes he is upset and shouts at me to help him. When I’m tired someone shouting at me just makes me…

Day 26: Slow Down!!

This morning my daughter asked me to make pancakes for breakfast. I am tired but after a moment I get up. As I enter the kitchen I see she has set the table and made it beautiful. It’s perfect. I set out to be the same. Carefully, I measure each ingredient into the bowl, then put them away again. I am working very efficiently, or so I think. So I continue like this, even letting my kids help to…

Day 25: accepting I am powerless

I awoke this morning, as I do most mornings, to my beautiful baby boy asking for his milk. When I look into his eyes I am captivated by this beautiful boy. I am so in love with him, and all I want to do is kiss his cheeks all day long. So I do just that, and as I kiss him the thought arises in me; would I let someone kiss me all day? Would I let someone give me so much love? And the answer, to my…

When my eldest child was 5 years old, she turned to me one day and said, “Mommy, when someone is being mean to you, they are only showing you how you feel about yourself, and the only way to heal this is with inner peace.” I was shocked and awed that my little one had told me something so profound! Yes she was right, I knew in my heart that this was true, I had already been working towards this,…