Welcome. This is the personal blog for an alter (Tadashi Kunai) in a diagnosed, polyfragmented DID system. I am, as you may expect, an introject of Tadashi Kunai from Guchiry's Orthodoxia. I am sourcekin.
I post general discourse, especially mental health related discourse. I may also post whatever else I wish at random.
Tag Guide
#「⛪️ his grace's word」 (general tag)
#「⛪️ accordance」 (reblogs)
#「⛪️ confessions」 (asks)
#「⛪️ blasphemy」 (hate asks)
Byi under the cut.
Byi
I am diagnosed with DID, ASD, and highly suspect OCD and NPD. These disorders effect every aspect of how I interact with others.
As stated in the beginning of this post, I am sourcekin, which means I identify as my source and like to be treated as such. This does not mean you can treat me as a fictional character; treat me as the person I am in source, not a toy to play pretend with.
This blog is strictly anti-pro/neu/endo & anything else under the endogenic umbrella (willogenic, tulpamancy, sysplex, transplural, pluralkin, etc).
This blog is additionally: anti-pro/neu/polymind, anti-pro/neu/radqueer, anti-pro/neu contact paraphilia (harmless paraphilias & recovering no-contact excluded), anti-neu/proship & pro/neu/darkship, and anti-T.R.A.S.H.
This blog has no DNI. Read the above and follow your own. If you are mentioned above, interact at your own risk.
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Now that things have cooled down some, the original posts detailing I and my system's personal account of the Characters Against Endos server and it's staff's highly problematic behavior are back up. Feel free to reblog them again if you wish.
I will be leaving them up going forward. I do somewhat regret telling people to delete their reblogs, as I feel awareness of bad people is very important to holding them accountable, but simultaneously, I refused to sit by as the exploitation material of one staff member was being distributed.
A reminder; if you harass anyone mentioned in my posts after reading them and I find out, I will find your entire digital footprint and air it out next.
I'm in a server with a lot of people who were in CAE + also run by someone who was in the aforementioned server and I thought it would be worth asking for an announcement to be made so that anyone who may have potentially reblogged your posts to delete them from their profiles.
I was wondering if you think this would be a good idea and if I have your permission to do so. Feel free to answer privately or DM me (or nothing at all idrc) if you don't want to publicly answer this ask, since I understand the nature of the situation makes it one that may want to be resolved privately.
-Starface
I apologize for the late response. It goes without saying, but I am only able to respond when I am fronting, so said responses may come slowly at times.
But anyways. I do believe that would be helpful in reducing the uptick in harassment the CAE staff is currently getting, yes. You have my permission.
It's a shame some people cannot just block and move on, or report when necessary. I only wanted to make people aware of what the CAE staff is like so that those who need to may avoid them, but I refuse to be blamed for the staff's harassment— regardless of the fact I cannot control the actions of others no matter how many warnings I give— just as much as I refuse to stand by as it happens.
Someone already came into my inbox associating me with whatever vile person was threatening to/distributing one staff member's exploitation material, despite that happening prior to my post. If I do ever find that person, they will be tracked down and reported to authorities, I can promise you that. Any others involved in the CAE staff's harassment will be— as I've warned many times— thoroughly researched and posted about next if I find them, as well.
That's it, the post is private and others deleted. If you have reblogged any of my previous posts, I ask you to take the time to delete them.
The Characters Against Endos post and all others were for awareness, so those that do not wish to be involved with people like the aformentioned could avoid them— block them.
If you are sending asks to, reblogging, contacting those close to, or DISTRIBUTING THE EXPLOITATION MATERIAL of ANYONE I mentioned in the CAE post, you are absolutely deplorable; far worse than anything those mentioned in the CAE post ever were.
They may be profic/proship/darkship, they may be ableist, they may have done bad things, but they are not bad people. The world is not so black and white, and you're a fucking fool to think you're doing anyone good. They are human beings. They all have the capacity to grow and change and make up for their actions. They deserve encouragement to move in that direction, to recover and learn what they've done is wrong.
Upon zero circumstances should anyone be treated the way they are. No matter how bad the action. Even you sick individuals harassing them deserve the right to grow and be better. What is happening to the former CAE staff is unacceptable, and will not do anything to teach them what they are doing is wrong or help them be better.
Unfortunately, some people cannot behave.
If I find out who any of you are, you can and will be reported to ther proper authorities. I am not making empty threats; I have told you this. Especially whatever scum of the earth is in possession of exploitation material and distributing it.
Going into detail on I and my system's personal experience in the Characters Against Endos server and some of it's staff.
A trigger warning. Mentions of: general proshipping, self harm, & suicide.
No main blogs or personal information will be shared, only information those mentioned in this post have personally made publically available on their own public blogs will be shared. Only their anti-willo blogs will be named.
If you, the reader, harass anyone mentioned in this post, your entire online presence will be thoroughly researched and posted about next. I am not making empty threats, do not test me. I will not tolerate the very behavior this post denounces.
I as an alter never joined the anti-willo-verse because I lacked interest, but I was involved in the community by association through my system. I spoke in the Characters Against Endos server on a few occasions and obverved when the others in my system did instead, which was very often.
Let me start with the elephant in the room.
The server's former co-owner, otherwise known as @/anti-willo-monika in the awv, has been like this. It's recent behavior isn't new. During our time in the awv since it's conception, I and my system have seen it's behavior from the very start, and never liked it as a person. Apparently, that initial distrust and dislike of it and the majority of the server's staff was for good reason.
Aw-monika has been extremely rude to members of the server numerous times, lashed out at members for mostly nothing, and full well recognized it's actions were harmful long before this recent incident. yes, it has been harassing people like this for a while now.
Outside of the server, it also: is a very big proshipper, has an NSFW blog at 15 years old, blames innocent people for it's self harm and suicidality, and excuses it's problematic behaviors as "jirai", among other excuses like being a minor, being paranoia prone and coping with being a victim. Being a victim is fine, but not all coping mechanisms are acceptable and/or healthy. It doesn't seem to understand this and, as everyone in the awv has seen during the recent situation, it often harasses those that call it out.
Which brings me to another point; the Characters Against Endos server staff claims to be anti-harassment, but I strongly believe that is performative, given the rest of the staff is best friends with known harasser aw-monika.
Moving on.
Within the Characters Against Endos server, The absolute bare minimum was done about the recent situation with aw-monika. It wasn't banned, it wasn't kicked, and it wasn't even booted from the server staff. It's no longer co-owner, but is still a part of the staff team as a moderator. Since we left the server, it may even be of a higher status once again now that another staff member has openly admitted to being profic, but I would be unaware.
Bringing me to my next point; the other staff member mentioned in the paragraph above.
@/anti-willo-solivan, an admin of the Characters Against Endos server, recently publically admited to being profic; he avidly supports proshippers given his friendship with aw-monika and, similar to aw-monika, excuses the most vile parts of proshipping as coping mechanisms, despite, as I explained earlier, those coping mechanisms not being healthy, nor being acceptable.
When aw-solivan announced his profic stance in the Characters Against Endos server, members tried to warn another staff member, @/anti-willo-valerie.
Aw-valerie, once again in similarity to aw-monika, has a history of being extremely rude to members of the Characters Against Endos server and lashing out at members for mostly nothing. However, on top of this, aw-valerie is friends with an endogenic and strongly advocates for pwCDDs being friends with their oppressors. I and my system have also observed pup use paw's status as a server admin to shut down the conversation when pup was called out for ableism against disordered paraphilias.
The messages were scrubbed from the server when the channels they occured in were either deleted or privated, and my system unfortunately didn't think to screenshot them before that, but Tl;dr, aw-valerie stated that the 'phile' suffix is dirty/tainted and doubled down, also using paw's power as a server admin to avoid accountability when politely corrected by server members. Server members called pup out on this too, to which aw-monika stepped in to defend aw-valerie, and fully shut down the conversation, so you can add paraphilia ableism to aw-monika's long list of wrongdoings, but I digress.
Getting back on track; when members of the Characters Against Endos server attempted to alert aw-valerie to aw-solivan's profic stance, paw stated pup has known aw-solivan for a year, already knew of his stance and fully supports it.
Obviously, being that aw-solivan and aw-valerie are both profic and still remain in the Characters Against Endos server as staff, it can be deduced they are still friends with aw-monika, and fully support it and it's entire repertoire of problematic behavior, not just it's proshipping.
It can also be deduced that the owner of the Characters Against Endos server, despite her cowardice in moderating her own server and being open about her stances, is also in support of every staff member mentioned in this post, considering they are all still on staff as of our leaving the server, and have all been frequently, passively/subtly defended by her via server announcements, the "no shipcourse" rule and the removal of the two general rant channels and two sys-rant channels. The removal of the four rant channels is related, because that's where server members were voicing their dislike for a very problematic media that aw-monika is a big fan of (The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. What else would it be.) right before the channels were removed.
To close this post, in addition to the server owner, all other staff members that remain in the server are guilty of supporting those mentioned in this post, and every current member of the Characters Against Endos server should be treated with caution; some may remain/join the server knowing of everything detailed in this post, but others may just be unaware.
And I'll say this again:
If you, the reader, harass anyone mentioned in this post, your entire online presence will be thoroughly researched and posted about next. I am not making empty threats, do not test me. I will not tolerate the very behavior this post denounces.
IVE BEEN SAYING THIS. i stayed in the server to see if theyd do anything about monika whos been like this and no.. only made an annoucment of "stop talking about the situation!! its a mod but for archival purposes and it likes it!!" so... they werent punished at all and wouldnt let people voice their concerns of this behavior... yea nice... and it felt kinda obvious only 1 of the staff members (u know who u are ur amazing) actually cared about the harassment i was going through while the owner and other people running it felt so performative and like they didnt actually care to do shit
oh btw before the rant channels were deleted people were shit talking me in one of them so!!
and as someone who was groomed with proship related shit i felt very unsafe and seeing SOOO many people from that server inculding some mods openly fake claim that kinda truama on their blogs was... something...!
hi, we were one of the systems involved in the paraphilia argument with aw-valerie. we discussed the conversation with a few friends, so i do have snippets of it saved. though its not the full conversation, i feel it necessary that it should be seen. i've tried to put them in order as best as i can.
names have been censored for confidentiality. for reference: red is aw-valerie. dark blue is another individual arguing against valerie. teal is anti-willo-monika. purple was uninvolved in the situation. the uncensored user, "solis", is one of our alters.
i don't remember the exact argument red made about shutting down the conversation, but dark blue explains it closely enough in the first screenshot. i do remember making an argument after teal's message that "apparently pointing out ableism is accusatory now", but no screenshots of that were taken.
i recognise i was being rude, but ableism against something i suffer from is not something i'm required to take lightly.
in any discussions under this reblog, please refer to me as starface (it/they/she).
plain text under cut. plain text has been altered slightly from the original screenshots to ensure it reads correctly on screenreaders.
plain text:
screenshot 1:
red: i struggle with objectophilia and i am objectum. i feel they are not linked atleast for me.
dark blue: you straight up told us that paraphilias were inherently sexual and that because we were talking about it this was an adult conversation.
solis: i don't care that you "misread the conversation", your words are very implicit on how you feel about paraphilias. /end screenshot 1.
screenshot 2:
solis: do not tell me that i have no right to discuss something that causes me genuine distress just because it is "sexual".
red: don't throw around accusations of ableism because i misread the conversation.
solis: what you said IS inherently ableist, don't deflect now.
red: i struggle with objectophilia and i am objectum. i feel they are not linked atleast for me. /links back to beginning of screenshot 1. end screenshot 2.
screenshot 3:
dark blue: thinking they're inherently sexual is an incredibly outdated and harmful view of paraphilias. it's any unnatural attraction, which also includes romantic and even familial aspects. i wouldn't be comfortable if this was a conversation about it being sexual but it really isn't, and is just about the stigma surrounding paraphilias themselves, harmful or not. /end screenshot 3.
screenshot 4:
purple, in a message that teal replies to: both the owner and co-owner need to see this channel before any more conversation happens. /the next sentences are cut off.
teal: the conversation should've ended when red said it should be ended and you all shouldn't have been so accusatory. i'm dissociated and barely understand what is going on, but I have read it all and moderators can shut down conversations for whatever reason they deem necessary. it seemed to be getting iffy when red shut it down, so feel free to open a ticket and explain what happened. we can ask red too. but this conversation now is being shut down, do not continue it. /end screenshot 4.
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Going into detail on I and my system's personal experience in the Characters Against Endos server and some of it's staff.
A trigger warning. Mentions of: general proshipping, self harm, & suicide.
No main blogs or personal information will be shared, only information those mentioned in this post have personally made publically available on their own public blogs will be shared. Only their anti-willo blogs will be named.
If you, the reader, harass anyone mentioned in this post, your entire online presence will be thoroughly researched and posted about next. I am not making empty threats, do not test me. I will not tolerate the very behavior this post denounces.
I as an alter never joined the anti-willo-verse because I lacked interest, but I was involved in the community by association through my system. I spoke in the Characters Against Endos server on a few occasions and obverved when the others in my system did instead, which was very often.
Let me start with the elephant in the room.
The server's former co-owner, otherwise known as @/anti-willo-monika in the awv, has been like this. It's recent behavior isn't new. During our time in the awv since it's conception, I and my system have seen it's behavior from the very start, and never liked it as a person. Apparently, that initial distrust and dislike of it and the majority of the server's staff was for good reason.
Aw-monika has been extremely rude to members of the server numerous times, lashed out at members for mostly nothing, and full well recognized it's actions were harmful long before this recent incident. yes, it has been harassing people like this for a while now.
Outside of the server, it also: is a very big proshipper, has an NSFW blog at 15 years old, blames innocent people for it's self harm and suicidality, and excuses it's problematic behaviors as "jirai", among other excuses like being a minor, being paranoia prone and coping with being a victim. Being a victim is fine, but not all coping mechanisms are acceptable and/or healthy. It doesn't seem to understand this and, as everyone in the awv has seen during the recent situation, it often harasses those that call it out.
Which brings me to another point; the Characters Against Endos server staff claims to be anti-harassment, but I strongly believe that is performative, given the rest of the staff is best friends with known harasser aw-monika.
Moving on.
Within the Characters Against Endos server, The absolute bare minimum was done about the recent situation with aw-monika. It wasn't banned, it wasn't kicked, and it wasn't even booted from the server staff. It's no longer co-owner, but is still a part of the staff team as a moderator. Since we left the server, it may even be of a higher status once again now that another staff member has openly admitted to being profic, but I would be unaware.
Bringing me to my next point; the other staff member mentioned in the paragraph above.
@/anti-willo-solivan, an admin of the Characters Against Endos server, recently publically admited to being profic; he avidly supports proshippers given his friendship with aw-monika and, similar to aw-monika, excuses the most vile parts of proshipping as coping mechanisms, despite, as I explained earlier, those coping mechanisms not being healthy, nor being acceptable.
When aw-solivan announced his profic stance in the Characters Against Endos server, members tried to warn another staff member, @/anti-willo-valerie.
Aw-valerie, once again in similarity to aw-monika, has a history of being extremely rude to members of the Characters Against Endos server and lashing out at members for mostly nothing. However, on top of this, aw-valerie is friends with an endogenic and strongly advocates for pwCDDs being friends with their oppressors. I and my system have also observed pup use paw's status as a server admin to shut down the conversation when pup was called out for ableism against disordered paraphilias.
The messages were scrubbed from the server when the channels they occured in were either deleted or privated, and my system unfortunately didn't think to screenshot them before that, but Tl;dr, aw-valerie stated that the 'phile' suffix is dirty/tainted and doubled down, also using paw's power as a server admin to avoid accountability when politely corrected by server members. Server members called pup out on this too, to which aw-monika stepped in to defend aw-valerie, and fully shut down the conversation, so you can add paraphilia ableism to aw-monika's long list of wrongdoings, but I digress.
Getting back on track; when members of the Characters Against Endos server attempted to alert aw-valerie to aw-solivan's profic stance, paw stated pup has known aw-solivan for a year, already knew of his stance and fully supports it.
Obviously, being that aw-solivan and aw-valerie are both profic and still remain in the Characters Against Endos server as staff, it can be deduced they are still friends with aw-monika, and fully support it and it's entire repertoire of problematic behavior, not just it's proshipping.
It can also be deduced that the owner of the Characters Against Endos server, despite her cowardice in moderating her own server and being open about her stances, is also in support of every staff member mentioned in this post, considering they are all still on staff as of our leaving the server, and have all been frequently, passively/subtly defended by her via server announcements, the "no shipcourse" rule and the removal of the two general rant channels and two sys-rant channels. The removal of the four rant channels is related, because that's where server members were voicing their dislike for a very problematic media that aw-monika is a big fan of (The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. What else would it be.) right before the channels were removed.
To close this post, in addition to the server owner, all other staff members that remain in the server are guilty of supporting those mentioned in this post, and every current member of the Characters Against Endos server should be treated with caution; some may remain/join the server knowing of everything detailed in this post, but others may just be unaware.
And I'll say this again:
If you, the reader, harass anyone mentioned in this post, your entire online presence will be thoroughly researched and posted about next. I am not making empty threats, do not test me. I will not tolerate the very behavior this post denounces.
IVE BEEN SAYING THIS. i stayed in the server to see if theyd do anything about monika whos been like this and no.. only made an annoucment of "stop talking about the situation!! its a mod but for archival purposes and it likes it!!" so... they werent punished at all and wouldnt let people voice their concerns of this behavior... yea nice... and it felt kinda obvious only 1 of the staff members (u know who u are ur amazing) actually cared about the harassment i was going through while the owner and other people running it felt so performative and like they didnt actually care to do shit
oh btw before the rant channels were deleted people were shit talking me in one of them so!!
and as someone who was groomed with proship related shit i felt very unsafe and seeing SOOO many people from that server inculding some mods openly fake claim that kinda truama on their blogs was... something...!
A very important addition from the person aw-monika harassed.
Also, I would like to update everyone: the Characters Against Endos server was deleted after aw-solivan found my post. Lol.
To the server owner and all of it's problematic staff: fuck all of you. You're all absolute cowards who can't handle being held accountable for your deplorable beliefs and actions. Get help. Do better.
Going into detail on I and my system's personal experience in the Characters Against Endos server and some of it's staff.
A trigger warning. Mentions of: general proshipping, self harm, & suicide.
No main blogs or personal information will be shared, only information those mentioned in this post have personally made publically available on their own public blogs will be shared. Only their anti-willo blogs will be named.
If you, the reader, harass anyone mentioned in this post, your entire online presence will be thoroughly researched and posted about next. I am not making empty threats, do not test me. I will not tolerate the very behavior this post denounces.
I as an alter never joined the anti-willo-verse because I lacked interest, but I was involved in the community by association through my system. I spoke in the Characters Against Endos server on a few occasions and obverved when the others in my system did instead, which was very often.
Let me start with the elephant in the room.
The server's former co-owner, otherwise known as @/anti-willo-monika in the awv, has been like this. It's recent behavior isn't new. During our time in the awv since it's conception, I and my system have seen it's behavior from the very start, and never liked it as a person. Apparently, that initial distrust and dislike of it and the majority of the server's staff was for good reason.
Aw-monika has been extremely rude to members of the server numerous times, lashed out at members for mostly nothing, and full well recognized it's actions were harmful long before this recent incident. yes, it has been harassing people like this for a while now.
Outside of the server, it also: is a very big proshipper, has an NSFW blog at 15 years old, blames innocent people for it's self harm and suicidality, and excuses it's problematic behaviors as "jirai", among other excuses like being a minor, being paranoia prone and coping with being a victim. Being a victim is fine, but not all coping mechanisms are acceptable and/or healthy. It doesn't seem to understand this and, as everyone in the awv has seen during the recent situation, it often harasses those that call it out.
Which brings me to another point; the Characters Against Endos server staff claims to be anti-harassment, but I strongly believe that is performative, given the rest of the staff is best friends with known harasser aw-monika.
Moving on.
Within the Characters Against Endos server, The absolute bare minimum was done about the recent situation with aw-monika. It wasn't banned, it wasn't kicked, and it wasn't even booted from the server staff. It's no longer co-owner, but is still a part of the staff team as a moderator. Since we left the server, it may even be of a higher status once again now that another staff member has openly admitted to being profic, but I would be unaware.
Bringing me to my next point; the other staff member mentioned in the paragraph above.
@/anti-willo-solivan, an admin of the Characters Against Endos server, recently publically admited to being profic; he avidly supports proshippers given his friendship with aw-monika and, similar to aw-monika, excuses the most vile parts of proshipping as coping mechanisms, despite, as I explained earlier, those coping mechanisms not being healthy, nor being acceptable.
When aw-solivan announced his profic stance in the Characters Against Endos server, members tried to warn another staff member, @/anti-willo-valerie.
Aw-valerie, once again in similarity to aw-monika, has a history of being extremely rude to members of the Characters Against Endos server and lashing out at members for mostly nothing. However, on top of this, aw-valerie is friends with an endogenic and strongly advocates for pwCDDs being friends with their oppressors. I and my system have also observed pup use paw's status as a server admin to shut down the conversation when pup was called out for ableism against disordered paraphilias.
The messages were scrubbed from the server when the channels they occured in were either deleted or privated, and my system unfortunately didn't think to screenshot them before that, but Tl;dr, aw-valerie stated that the 'phile' suffix is dirty/tainted and doubled down, also using paw's power as a server admin to avoid accountability when politely corrected by server members. Server members called pup out on this too, to which aw-monika stepped in to defend aw-valerie, and fully shut down the conversation, so you can add paraphilia ableism to aw-monika's long list of wrongdoings, but I digress.
Getting back on track; when members of the Characters Against Endos server attempted to alert aw-valerie to aw-solivan's profic stance, paw stated pup has known aw-solivan for a year, already knew of his stance and fully supports it.
Obviously, being that aw-solivan and aw-valerie are both profic and still remain in the Characters Against Endos server as staff, it can be deduced they are still friends with aw-monika, and fully support it and it's entire repertoire of problematic behavior, not just it's proshipping.
It can also be deduced that the owner of the Characters Against Endos server, despite her cowardice in moderating her own server and being open about her stances, is also in support of every staff member mentioned in this post, considering they are all still on staff as of our leaving the server, and have all been frequently, passively/subtly defended by her via server announcements, the "no shipcourse" rule and the removal of the two general rant channels and two sys-rant channels. The removal of the four rant channels is related, because that's where server members were voicing their dislike for a very problematic media that aw-monika is a big fan of (The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. What else would it be.) right before the channels were removed.
To close this post, in addition to the server owner, all other staff members that remain in the server are guilty of supporting those mentioned in this post, and every current member of the Characters Against Endos server should be treated with caution; some may remain/join the server knowing of everything detailed in this post, but others may just be unaware.
And I'll say this again:
If you, the reader, harass anyone mentioned in this post, your entire online presence will be thoroughly researched and posted about next. I am not making empty threats, do not test me. I will not tolerate the very behavior this post denounces.
Learning that an admin of the Characters Against Endos server is proship/profic and that everyone in the server I and my system collectively hated— which is saying something, considering I hardly agree with my system on anything— are still in the server and actively supporting this person, giving us even more of a reason to hate them all then before, is bittersweet.
On one hand, our initial distrust and dislike for these people from the start of the awv was further proven justified, but on the other, realizing over half of this community (the anti-willo-verse) that my system spent the past few months deeply involved in is full of horrible people, is highly disappointing.
Honestly, we should have known, considering a rule of the server is that shipcourse is not allowed. My system wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but as it turns out, the reason shipcourse is banned is because the entire staff is friends with a proshipper, but I digress.
Despite my very strong opinion on these people and my very agressive nature, I am not naming names or condoning harassment for any of them; the aforementioned admin does not deserve the threats and harassment they are getting; they need to be encouraged to recover and do better, not be told to kill theirself. No one who supports the admin deserves threats or harassment either.
