CHEY

It was nearly summertime; the pollen was almost nonexistent, tornado season had passed, and the days had reached temperatures of high eighties/low nineties. Thank God, you adored summer. You were happy it felt like it already. You were in the garden, on your knees gathering berries and putting them in your basket. You were humming softly, a light sweat dripping down your chest, hair blowing gently in the wind. You couldn’t wait to head back inside and turn the berries you picked into berry jam. A distant yell ripped you away from your thoughts. “Hey, get back here!”

Your head snapped up, your eyes landing on the shouting culprit. You sighed, eyes growing heavy at the sight of her. Ellie. Ellie came to work as a ranch hand in the wintertime. The two of you had spoken only a handful of times and every conversation was short and sweet. It was difficult carrying a conversation with her but you wouldn’t stop trying. You wanted—no, needed—to know her. You couldn’t deny the huge crush you had on her. You were certain it was obvious. You were very attracted to her and wanted her to see it and make a move on you. But so far, no luck.

You placed your basket of berries down and stood up, stepping slowly towards the gate. Ellie had finally gotten the sheep that escaped the herd back in and was getting them all in their pen. You placed your hand on your brow bone, sheltering your eyes from the Texas sun, and squinted your eyes to get a better look at her. She caught you out of the corner of her eye and looked over at you. You waved slowly. She tipped her cowboy hat at you and went back to tending the sheep. Fuck, she looked so hot on her horse. You were in a daze, watching her like a creep as she hopped off her horse to close the gate. She got a hold of the reins and began leading her horse over to the stables, which was right next to the house. You were almost certain she could see you watching her from her peripheral and it embarrassed you a bit. It was time to get started on the berry jam, anyway. You headed inside, feeling relieved when the air from the box fan hit your legs.

You heard a bell growing louder and louder then the soft thud of paws hit the kitchen floor. “Hey, Poppy,” you greeted your cat, bending down to pick her up. Her white, fluffy fur tickled your neck when you placed her on your shoulder. You could feel the rumble of her purring on your chest. You continued holding her as you brought out the things you needed to make your jam. Sugar, a pot, spoon, mason jar, and the basket of berries you foolishly left outside. “Ugh, sorry, Pops,” you breathed, setting your cat down. You spun around and stepped out of the screen door, freezing when you saw the basket on the porch swing. You tiptoed forward, looking around, eyes landing on Ellie walking away. “Thank you,” you called out. Ellie paused and turned back. “Welcome, ma’am.” A blush found its way on your cheeks. You grabbed the basket and brought it inside, smiling to yourself thinking about the interaction.

-

It was late morning, the day after your last interaction with Ellie. You were finishing up separating the jam in different mason jars. You winded up with extra and made some for your dad and of course, for Ellie. As a thanks for bringing you the berries you left outside. You knew it was nearing the first break the ranchers took. Ellie typically ate inside her truck, away from everyone else. You hoped you wouldn’t be a nuisance, interrupting her break to hand her the jar of jam. You tied a piece of red gingham fabric around the lid and made a bow. You held it against your chest and stepped out of the house bare-footed, making your way towards the driveway. Her tan ‘88 Chevy K10 came into view. You sped up, the butterflies in your stomach flipping. Ellie’s eyes landed on you quickly approaching her. Once you reached her door, she rolled her window down and leaned out of it a bit.

“Everythin’ alright?” she questioned.

“Yeah! Everythin’ is fine. I made you some berry jam and thought I’d go ‘head an’ give it to ya.”

Ellie took the jar of jam in her hands and placed it in her lap, staring down at it with a small smile tugging at her lips. “That’s awfully kind of you, darlin’. Thanks. I’ll put it in my cooler so it don’t ruin in the sun.”

You backed up to give Ellie the room to step out of her vehicle. She shut the truck door and went around to the back, pulling the tailgate down. She grabbed her cooler and placed the jam inside and closed it. Once she was done, she brushed her hand on her jeans and leaned against the truck bed. She crossed her arms and looked down at the dirt on your knees. “Pickin’ berries again this mornin’?”

You looked down at your knees and giggled. “No, I picked some of my roses this morning.”

“Ah, shoulda known. Yer covered in scratches,” Ellie pointed out. “Put some alcohol on that.”

“Yeah, I will! How’s your day goin’ Ellie?”

“Fine so far. You?”

“Also fine. Keepin’ busy. Sheep givin’ you a hard time again today?” you asked with a sly smile.

Ellie scoffed, pursing her lips and letting out a small puff of air. “Nope,” she said, popping the P. “They know to listen to me.”

“Yeah? If they don’t?”

Ellie’s eyes widened for a brief second, shocked by the tone in your question. It was playful; enticing. You were obviously flirting at this point. Ellie had to shut it down. “They just don’t, then.”

“Oh, okay.”

Awkward!

“Well, my break’s ‘bout over. If you wanna walk me to my horse,” Ellie offered sweetly, feeling sort of bad about how blunt she was before. You perked up and nodded eagerly. The two of you started to stroll slowly towards the stables. It was quite a walk, which gave you more time to converse with her.

“What do ya do in yer free time?”

“Pft, nothin’ much. Take care of whatever needs to be taken care of, watch Gunsmoke, sleep.”

“Gunsmoke?!” you repeated in disbelief.

“Yeah, Gunsmoke.”

“God, no wonder my daddy likes ya so much.”

Ellie chuckled. “Yeah, we do talk about that show purty often.”

“So, you don’t go out much?”

“Once every blue moon.”

“Yer missin’ out!” you exclaimed. Ellie’s eyes travelled down your legs to your bare feet, your red toenails keeping Ellie’s attention for a bit.

“Not missin’ much,” she mumbled. “I like stayin’ at home with my dog.”

“Ooo, you have a dog?”

Ellie admired your sweet smile and looked ahead. She had to stop looking at you like this. “Yup. Bassett hound. His name’s Poncho.”

“Oh, like the Townes song?”

“Yeah!”

“That’s so cool!”

“Townes,” she repeated to herself under her breath. “You sure know yer stuff.”

“I was just ‘bout to say the same.”

Ellie’s eyes once again landed on your red toenails. She stopped when you did, watching you reach down to pick the lone white daisy that stood tall and proud. You spun around on your feet, holding the flower up to Ellie. “Do ya like flowers, Ellie?”

“Sure, who doesn’t?”

“Daddy,” you mumbled, melancholy evident in your tone.

“Well, what’s the matter, darlin’?” inquired Ellie.

“Oh, nothing,” you sighed, internally telling yourself to snap out of it. You brought the daisy to your nose, inhaling the scent deeply before holding it out to Ellie again. “Here, I want you to have this.”

Ellie took the flower and placed it behind her ear. “You’re a sweetheart,” she complimented. “Thank you. Let me put this in my truck real quick so I don't lose it. Stay here.”

You watched Ellie jog back over to her truck. She opened the door, leaned in to put the daisy in her glove department, shut the door and ran back to you. “Hey,” she said once she reached you. “You still look sad.”

You shrugged. “Not sad, feelin’ bittersweet, I guess.”

Ellie thought back to a brief conversation she had with your dad once. Your mom was the one who grew all the fruits, the vegetables, and the flowers. When she passed, you insisted on being the one to tend to the garden. You didn't want anyone else in or even around your mom's garden. All of the workers were informed about this. Your dad wouldn't mind it but you did. Maybe the flower reminded you of your mom.

“Tell me what I can do to put a smile on that pretty face.”

You bit your lip, turning away from her so she couldn't see the blush forming on your cheeks. “Well my next question was: do ya like cats?”

“Cats?” Ellie repeated in slight disgust. “Never met one who liked me so I don't like ‘em back.”

“What?” you nearly shouted. “How can you not like cats?”

“Jus’ don't.”

Ellie slowed to a stop in front of her horse, reaching up to pet its mane.

“You still wanna put a smile on my face?” you asked.

“Course I do.”

“Well, how about after you're done for the day, you come by and meet my cat?” You held your hand up to silence Ellie before she could even protest. “Her name is Poppy and she's the sweetest. She ain't mean, hand on the Bible. Pretty please, come by and meet her! I’ll make you somethin’ to eat too. Make it worth your while.”

Ellie nearly said out loud that talking to you made it worth her while anyway but decided against it. After today, she needed to go back to how it was before. A good morning, good afternoon, and a have a good day. All this talk wasn't doing Ellie’s thoughts any good. Especially when her eyes found the beads of sweat dripping down your collarbones. Or the red on your toes when she glanced down at the ground. It made her think of herself on her knees for you, brushing the polish on each nail slowly to make sure it was perfect. Looking up at you to see an angel above her, a white glow surrounding you and nearly blinding Ellie. She kept her distance for a reason: you drove her crazy.

“Well, I reckon I have the time today,” she finally stated, scratching the back of her neck.

“Good!” you exclaimed. “I’ll have something ready fer you when you come in! Anything you want?”

“You don't have to make me nothin’. That's sweet of you to offer.”

“Well, I'll probably make myself a sandwich. I’ll make two just in case you want one. Turkey sound good?”

Ellie chuckled. “With mayo, sweetheart. Thank you. I, uh, I oughta get back to work now.”

“Yeah, I've kept you a lil over your break. Sorry ‘bout that. I'll let daddy know it's my fault so he don't tear you a new one.”

“Don't worry about it. It’ll be fine. It was worth my time, anyhow. See you later, honey,” Ellie got onto her horse, clicking her tongue at it to get it to move. You weren't sure but you could've swore she winked at you before turning her back towards you.

-

You sat patiently at the dining table, two plates with a sandwich on each one in front of you. You knew that Ellie would walk through the door any minute. Your dad had gone to the store which was perfect. Gave you the opportunity to properly flirt with Ellie. You weren't stupid; you could see the way she kept eyeing you up and down that she wanted you just as bad as you wanted her. Of course, her working for your dad made things a bit difficult but you weren't above sneaking around. You would have to anyway, especially since she was a woman. Your dad would be angry if he caught you sneaking around with any of his workers. He’d kill you if it was with Ellie.

You jumped when you heard a knock at the door. You stood up, rushing to the screen door where you could already see Ellie on the other side waiting patiently. You opened it, stepping aside to let her in. “Hi, Ellie! How was work?”

Ellie studied you briefly before stepping in. Your hair was now in two braids. You wore a white tank top that was a bit see through and jean shorts. Fuck. You knew what you were doing. Ellie wasn't gonna take the bait. “Same old, same old,” she responded. She took her boots off and placed them outside. “I can't be too long. Poncho’s got me on a strict schedule.”

“Don't worry, I won’t steal any valuable time away from Poncho.”

Ellie followed you to the dining room. You both sat down at the table, Ellie staring down at the wood. She was nervous. There was a faint smell of honey in the air. The same scent filled her nose on her walk with you earlier. Was it your shampoo or body wash? Either way, it was nice.

“I want us to eat first before I let you meet my cat. She likes to try and steal food. Bless her heart,” you giggled.

“Hey, I'm still perfectly fine not meetin’ yer cat.”

“I’m not the one who insisted on puttin’ a smile on my face, am I?”

“Hm, you got me,” Ellie responded. She picked up her sandwich and took a bite. You followed her actions, your eyes glued to her lips. They were dry and cracking. You still imagined that they would feel soft against yours, though. Once Ellie finished her sandwich, she pushed the plate away and leaned back in her chair. “That was really good, darlin’. Thank you.”

“No problem,” you said with a smile. You took the plates and placed them in the sink real quick before standing over Ellie. “I think it’s kinda hard to fuck a sandwich up, ain't it?”

Ellie was taken back. She had never heard you cuss before. It sounded weird, especially with how easily it rolled off your tongue. As if you did it all the time. Ellie didn't expect that. “You should watch your mouth,” Ellie teased. “Pretty girls don't talk like that.”

“I hear you cussin’ at the sheep all the time,” you retorted.

“Sayin’ I’m pretty?”

“Duh, but you knew that.”

You waved your hand, urging her to follow you. Ellie obliged, standing up and walking behind you. Once the two of you reached the stairs, Ellie tried real hard to look at anything other than your ass. She was starting to feel slightly bad about the way she kept looking at you. It was perverted. You were too sweet for that.

You led her to your room, stepping in to see Poppy stretched out on your bed. Ellie was looking around at the posters on your wall. Townes, The Highwaymen, Led Zeppelin—she was once again impressed with your taste. On the other side of the room was a huge poster for Clint Eastwood’s The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Your dad’s influence, she assumed. You sat on the bed, picking Poppy up and placing her in your lap while you watched Ellie walk around your room. She picked up a stack of records, went through them, and set them back down. She paused when she caught a glimpse of your guitar sitting in the corner.

“Know how to play that?”

“Yeah! I could use some more practice, though. Do you play?”

“Yeah. Guess I'm decent at it.”

“Play me somethin’, then,” you said, letting Poppy jump down. You laid back in the bed, waiting for Ellie to pick the guitar up.

“Mm mm, not now. I'll play you somethin' another time.”

Ellie turned back to look at you sprawled out on the bed. Before her mind could even enter the gutter, she felt something soft brush against her jeans. She looked down to see your cat Poppy leaning against her leg. She froze momentarily. “Woah,” she muttered. “Nice kitty.”

“She likes you, Ellie!” you raised back up, reaching your hand out to Poppy. She ran towards you and jumped up on the bed. You picked her up, kissing her on the top of her head. “Poppy, this is my friend, Ellie!” Ellie slowly inched towards you with her hand out. She let Poppy sniff her before attempting to pet her. Ellie's fingers glided through her soft fur with ease. Ellie felt herself relax when Poppy started purring.

“This is the first cat who's ever let me pet it,” said Ellie. She smiled at the cat before pulling away. “You were right, she’s sweet. She takes after you.”

“Thank you, darlin’,” you replied with a smirk. “Wanna sit with me awhile?”

“I, um, I'm not sure. I don't think it's a good look for me to be in my boss's daughter's bed."

“Ain't like we're doin’ anythin’ wrong. We’re hangin’ out anyways, ain't we?”

“Not in your bed.”

“Sittin’ on a bed is a crime now, Ellie?”

Ellie let out a small puff of air before giving in, sitting at the edge of the bed. “Such a tease,” she whispered to herself, quiet enough so you couldn't hear her. You scooted closer to her, your feet dangling over the edge along with her feet. You playfully bumped your foot with hers. “I've enjoyed talkin’ to ya, Ellie. You're so quiet. It's real nice to know you can carry a conversation.”

“I like talkin’ to ya, too,” said Ellie. “I prefer keepin’ to myself but yer not half bad.”

“Half?”

“Mhm.”

“What can I do to not make it just half?”

“Y’know you ain't bad at all,” said Ellie.

“I’d hope not.” Your eyes wandered over to her exposed arms. They were tan, freckled, and toned to perfection. You fought the urge to reach out and brush your fingers along her muscles. “Did you mean it when you said I was pretty?”

Ellie looked down at you, her green eyes flickering back and forth between your eyes and lips. “Yeah,” she breathed. “But you knew that.”

“I reckon. But did you know 'fore today?”

“Know what?”

“That I'm pretty.”

You leaned forward a bit, Ellie’s breath hitching in her throat. “What are you doing?” she asked, voice trembling.

“Nothin’. Just wanna know if you always thought I was pretty or if it's somethin’ you noticed for the first time today.”

“C’mon,” she uttered. “You know yer pretty.”

“You suck at answerin’ questions.”

“Only cause I think you know the answer.”

Ellie’s nose nearly brushed against yours. You leaned in even more, pressing yours against hers. “I wanna hear you say it anyway.”

“Wanna hear me say I always thought you were pretty?”

“Yeah, or maybe… show me.”

You placed your lips firmly against hers, melting immediately in the kiss. Ellie’s lips moved against yours, hesitant and gentle before she grabbed your face. She deepened the kiss, her tongue darting out to brush against yours. Your hand found its way to her thigh. You squeezed it tightly, Ellie moaning in your mouth. It was at that moment Ellie realized what she was doing. She pulled away from you, standing up and backing away from you. “Fuck,” she cussed. “What are you… what are you doing?”

You stared up at her in confusion, your chest rising up and down quickly with each breath you took. “I-I’m sorry, I… I thought…”

“Thought what?” Ellie snapped. You flinched at her tone. Ellie sighed, rubbing her brows in an attempt to calm herself down. “Thought… thought what, sweetheart,” she repeated, softer than before.

“I thought you were… like me,” you whispered.

“Like you?”

“Ain't you?”

“N-No! I mean, well, yes but… fuck.”

“So, it's me? Yer not… into me?”

“I can't,” groaned Ellie. “We can't.”

“I’m sorry, Ellie. I obviously misread the situation.”

“No, no… it’s not that. Honey, look at me,” Ellie kneeled down in front of you to catch your attention. You looked down at her, your big eyes wet with tears but none had spilled. “I wanted to kiss you. I've… I've wanted to but this is wrong. It ain't… natural.”

“What? Cause my dad is your boss?”

Ellie shook her head. “Not that. This.”

Your eyes widened once you realized what she was getting at. “This is natural, Ellie!” you nearly cried. “It's jus’ feelings! Ain't that the most natural thing in the world? To feel happy, to care, to like, to love?”

Ellie made a face.

“I… I'm not saying I love you, Ellie, it was an example… I kinda jus’ met you. I don't… I don't love you. I meant somethin’ else, y’know? To like a girl, care about her, to maybe love her one day. It's natural cause those feelings are normal.”

“They can't be for me. Sorry, swee—sorry,” she corrected herself. She stood back up, playing with her hands for a minute before walking to the doorway. “I had a good time but I gotta go. I’ll… I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.”

You looked up, hoping to catch a glimpse of her before she left but she was already gone. You buried your face in the pillow, allowing the tears that had been welling up in your eyes to finally spill.

-

Ellie’s drive home was silent. It had been a strange day. She couldn't stop seeing the expression on your face when you said it wasn't natural. She didn't mean nor want to hurt you. It was how she felt about herself. She could think about you and the kiss all day long. She could think about the dirt on your knees, the scratches from rose thorns that covered your thighs, how soft your lips felt against hers, your laugh, and your sweet voice. But to do anything was where she drew the line. She couldn't help it. Her mama beat it in her when she caught her with a girl at the age of fifteen. It was bad enough that Ellie couldn't be and hasn't been in a relationship since. She kept her thoughts about women to herself. It had been a long time since someone actually made her want to do something about her thoughts. You were dangerous. But Ellie knew she had to reconcile with you once her thoughts were gathered. It wasn't fair to make you feel that way just because she felt it about herself.

She pulled up in her driveway, turning the ignition off. She gathered all of her things, including the daisy you gave her and put it behind her ear. Ellie jumped out of her truck and made her way to the bed. She opened the tailgate and pulled out her cooler. She wheeled it inside, dropping it briefly to greet Poncho.

“Hey there, you old man,” she greeted softly. She scratched Poncho’s ears gently. “I’ll feed ya here in a minute. Gotta put everything up.”

She started with the cooler. She took out your jam first and placed it in the refrigerator along with the bottles of water she didn't drink today. She took the daisy out from behind her ear and placed it in her palm. Ellie smiled down at it. She walked over to her bookshelf and looked at all the titles before her eyes landed on her copy of Lonesome Dove Joel had passed down to her. She took it down and opened the cover, setting the daisy in it and shut it. She put it back up and sighed. She hoped you were okay.

You lied in bed, scribbling down the events that unfolded today in your journal. Your eyes were red and puffy from crying. Although you loved the kiss with Ellie, you deeply regretted it. You made her uncomfortable when she was already uncomfortable with herself. And now, you know what she thinks about you, too. It wasn't a good feeling. You knew you had to apologize to her the next time you saw her but you weren't sure if she even wanted to speak with you. You understood and wouldn't pressure Ellie into having a conversation with you. But it wouldn't hurt to at least let her know you're sorry. While you were thinking about it, you went to the back of your diary and ripped out a blank page. You started writing out your apology, the tears already spilling down your cheeks again.

-

Ellie hadn't seen you in the garden all day. It felt weird. She was so used to watching you from a distance, planting seeds and picking berries and flowers. One of the workers told her that your dad said you weren't feeling good. She knew it was her fault. She felt so awful. Once work was done with the day, she headed to her truck where she saw a piece of paper behind the windshield wiper. Ellie took it and hopped into her truck. She opened the folded piece of paper, her eyes going over the words carefully with a soft ache in her chest.

Ellie,