βSo I said to myself,Β βKyleβ β¦ thatβs what I call myself.β
βI wasnβt sure this day would ever come, but you were.β
βI wasnβt sure love could survive everything we put it through, but you were.β
βYou were always strong and always sure.β
βNow I know I want you to stand beside me for the rest of my life. Thatβs what Iβm sure of.β
βThe only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you.β
βItβs hard to imagine you as a boy.β
βHmm, double dβs, just like your grades.β
βIf my dollyβs cold, can I put her in the toaster oven?β
βI just thought we were having plastic for dinner.β
βI have a question that Iβm going to need a yes or no answer to. How many people get into Yale each year?β
βI donβt wanna be empty inside any more.β
βI have never seen you screw up on anything. Iβm the screw-up, remember?Β β
βI donβt do alone real good.β
βI donβt sweat, I glisten.β
βIt was rainingβ¦ you had an umbrellaβ¦ I grabbed it, stuffed it down your throat, and then I opened it. I Mary Poppinsed ya.β
βNow thereβs only two people horribly dead here, thatβs an acceptable loss.β
βDuckies are good, cuz not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed βem crackers and you can ride 'em.β
βDuckies are the horsies of the ocean.β
βIβm a kid. I donβt understand the emotional content of Full House.β
βMy grades arenβt good enough to get me into college?β
βYour grades, my friend, arenβt good enough to get you a Slurpee.β
βYou do your thing and I do my thing. You are you and I am I. And, if, in the end, we end up together, itβs beautiful.β
βShe got sick and said that chicken soup would help her feel better. I told her it probably would. Then I went bowling.β
βIβve come to a conclusion: Men are idiots.β
βIt was one of those nights. You know the kind. Like day, but darker.β
βWhen did this school get a library?βΒ
βEveryday is a new adventure isnβt it?β
βBoy you are disgrace to this community, this country, and humanity in general!β
βThe worst thing that ever happened when we were kids was that your Pop-Tart fell on the ground.β
βShe goes away for the summer and comes back a woman.β
βWould you be my girlfriend?β
β If I was only going to be alive for one more minute, Iβd spend it looking in your eyes.β
βIf you were only going to be alive for one more minute, Iβd tell you to stop lookinββ¦ and start kissinβ.β
βI believe in love like I believe in God: you canβt touch it, you canβt see it, but you can feel its wrath.β
βWhy does everything have to haunt us for the rest of our lives?β
βBook 'em, good-lookinβ.β
βLifeβs tough, get a helmet.β
βIs this stuff supposed to be burning?β
βIβm no rocket scientologist.β
βI think itβs the opposite of funny. I think itβsβ¦ wood.β
βLook at me, Iβm breakinβ the law.β
βI never asked to be the man in this relationship.β
βWith this outfit and this hair? Hello, buh-bye, I am SO at the mall.β
βI have you. I have you by your ovaries.β
βI just want to have my picture taken, so I can send it to my grandma so she sends me a check.β
βHey, be careful. Not that I care.β
βLove is the most rare and precious thing in the whole world.β
βI married a moose.β
βIβm a damsel, but not the distressed kind β one whoβs totally calm and in complete control of her own destiny.β
βIf stupidity were in the Olympics, youβd win a Nobel Prize.β
βItβs against the Geneva Detention Convention.β
βHow come last night you kept me waiting for 20 minutes outside your house?β
βHow come you parked outside my house, honked the horn, and didnβt come in?β
βIβm sorry I disrupted the class and killed everyone.β
βI have got something incredible to tell you. But for security reasons, I am going to use our code.β
βThereβs no such thing as good news until Iβve had my Grape Nuts.β
βWeβre gonna have a child? Wait, weβve only kissed. I mean, I knew I was a good kisser, but wow.β
βHow do you accidentally kiss someone? Did she slip on a rug, and your lips broke her fall?β
βI walk alone in this worldβ¦ Alone I walkβ¦ Except for the grilled cheese sandwich in my pocket.β
βI told her I was training for the Olympic decathlon.β
βA girl wrote seven numbers on my hand. What could this possibly mean?β
βYou have a very large head. I donβt know why I married you.β
βThat was then, this isβ¦ not then.β
βChickens in the hallway. Chickens in the hallway. Somebody must have let 'em loose as the official senior prank. Look at 'em. Look at 'em. Oh, look at the chickens. Oh my gosh, this is crazy. I wonder which crazy senior though this up, huh? This is nuts.β
βWait a second, the killerβs dead. Weβre off the hook.β
βI think that he knows weβre too old for detention to scare us like it did when we were little kids right, so heβs turned this school into a total chamber of horrors.β
βThereβs blood on the black board. I donβt think itβs because he ran out of chalk!β
βIβm real screwed up.β
βWeβre supposed to see other people..βΒ
βIβm supposed to see other people, youβre supposed to wait until I die.β
βHow do we really know the light bulb goes off when you close the refrigerator?β
βI donβt want to have feelings for another girl.β
βItβs great to be so in touch with my feminine side.β
βIβm gonna get in touch with her feminine side.β
βI think youβre beautiful on the inside.β
βDo you know why a husband talks to his wife before doing something? So she can tell him what a stupid idea it is.β
βSomething bad happened, but for the very first time youβre not responsible.β
βWhen one mocks someone, one should wait until theyβre not looking right at them.β
βWho carries these things around? What did you do, dig up your grandfather and pick his pocket?β
βSo, do you know what the best part of being a virgin is?β
βIβve seen you in gym class. Wear pants.β
βWhy canβt geography be like history? We always win World War Two, Lincoln always gets shotβ¦β
βThere are co-ed bathrooms. Girls shower in there, NAKED!β
βYou gave me bad advise in a dream!β
βI am not responsible for dream me!β
βItβs like we share the same brain.β
βThat was the longest time out Iβve ever had.β
βI went behind your back and stole your girl.β
βSo, whatβs it like to have that kind of money?β
βIβm hitting my head. Iβm hitting the northern-most part of my head.β
βThereβs a dark side to a bake sale too, isnβt there? Fat. Cholesterol. What about that?β
βSheβs got style. Sheβs got elegance. Sheβs got parents.β
βCanadians skate. How hard could it be?β
βI know what youβre saying and Iβm winking right back at you.β
βI do believe your resolve is weakening, my little kumquat.β
βIs it okay, if I rip off your head, and roll it down the hallway?β
βIf every marriage failed except one, I guarantee you that one would be ours.β
βIβd kill you, but I canβt move.β
βGotta love Halloween. It really brings people together.β