a dream ago

why do all the words sound heavier in my native language?

some sketchbook pages!

Kazuscara | A Ghost of a Memory

Part 1/?

i know because i have spent the last 2 weeks trying to say out loud: “i deserve good things.” i only get to “i deserve g-” and then i break out into a cold sweat. who am i to deserve anything? there are people out there suffering. there are people out there who need good things to happen. i don’t deserve anything. i am just a person. a filament. if a good thing was supposed to happen to me, i hope it passes over and happens to someone more - deserving.

but just because you can endure the present does not mean it should be something so painful.

you deserve a tender tomorrow for the same reason you deserve water, food, or air. you deserve it for the effort of survival. you are surviving, aren’t you? doesn’t it take a toll from you, staying here?

goodness and kindness and tenderness should not be a commodity; to be doled out in quantities. you should not feel that life exists as supply-and-demand - your happiness does not come at the cost of someone else. it does not take from some gallon of global happiness. it does not promise that a stranger will have an equally-tragic reaction to tip the scales back into balance.

there is just you, deserving. you didn’t have to earn it. there is no calculation of time-enjoyed versus time-spent-suffering.

we don’t need the memories

Volleyball is a sport…where you always look up!!

Kitchen Window  -   Lars van Wieren , 2020.

Dutch, b.  ?