A La Folie

For how long will we keep this game of indifference, With these volcanoes of feelings inside of us both إلى متى نستمر في لعبة التجاهل وبداخلي وبداخلكِ براكين مشاعر

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, Kiss me harder, and You’re a good person, and, You brighten my day. I live my life as straight-forward as possible. Because one day, I might get hit by a bus. Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands. But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate. And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care. We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans. We never know when the bus is coming.

I’m afraid of a lot of things, but mostly, most sincerely, I am afraid of being completely unraveled by you, and you finding nothing you want in here.

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

MAGIC TRICKS ARE SIMPLY SLEIGHT OF HAND, USING REDIRECTION TO TAKE YOUR FOCUS OFF THE THING THEYRE MANIPULATING. THAT IS NOT THIS. IT SEEMS LIKE IT AT FIRST BUT THEN HE STARTS DOING THIS SHIT IN PLAIN SIGHT, AND LETTING US ACTUALLY SEE THE SHIT TRANSFORMING AND CHANGING PLACES. THIS ISN’T SLEIGHT OF HAND.

“Oh, I think I see the moments there where the actual transfer is happening, but he’s really good at it,” I thought at first.