Quality Trash

i’ll be like 40 w/no kids and people will say “aw i’m so sorry for you” and i’ll be like how was the fucking wiggles reunion tour asshole i went to italy last week for fun and didn’t have to hire a sitter

This is a very sad mentality. To think oneself more important than that of progeny is the sign of a failed human life.

so the wiggles concert wasn’t as good as you thought it would be huh

If Willy Wonka were a real movie, adults would have won the golden tickets and Wonka’s plan would fall apart

all bugs can be organized into one of three categories: homies, chillers, and haters. hornets and wasps are haters. mosquitos are haters. most spiders are homies cuz they eat shitty bugs, some spiders are chillers cuz they dont really do anything, but also some spiders are haters because they’ll kill you. learn to tell the difference. bees are homies but they become haters if you fuck with them. most beetles are chillers but if they’re the kind of beetle that flies really fast at your face then they’re haters.

PREACH

My new intro will just be “Fuckin Grass”

Sleeping next to someone you care about is probably one of the best feelings in the world.

Y'all ever heard of a tax refund

The majority of people have an above average number of legs

I DEADASS THOUGHT HE WAS FUCKIN WITH ME, THAT’S CLEAR AF

Holy shit