𝖔𝖗𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖎𝖉

I felt in control but I gained 1.3kg back from the week before :// I knew it was gonna happen bc of all the family events we had for the vacay week but I'm really conflicted with what I want, what satisfaction am I chasing?

Fuck you. Youre missing out on the best worst version of me ;)

Edit: I'm limiting to 1/2 serving and saying I'm full from 3 hrs ago. Edit 2: Purg3d. Edit 3: OMG I got sick!! AHH lol

I will run off hallucinations and adrenaline. Nightmares and energy drinks that make my tummy full and my heart flutter. A f**k so good that I can collapse in his bed and not be questioned why I'm so tired. To use all hours in my day to be productive, even if I hate it. Crying burns c@ls. Pacing for hours, rocking on the floor, chugging water so my stomach hurts. Sit-ups that make everything burn. Burn it all off. Piss it all out. My body doesn't need food, I have all the fuel it needs stored in these f@t pockets. I miss avoiding mirrors for so long being in that haze that when it finally dawns on me to wear makeup, that I realize ... the time has passed anyway, and I've changed. My $p0, is that one time I woke up at 4am, hugging myself and only feeling ribs. Never had I ever had a bigger smile. Let me sink into this depression just a little longer. Apparently I like being sad.

I really need a buddy or coach •~•