I Certainly Hope It Would Be Weird

i want an au fic where yuna and david are obsessed with "the sweet russian boy from the farmer's market". none of this "there were no nice men in montreal?" or "i thought you hated him" bullshit. no no. yuna and david think ilya shits roses and rainbows. they think ilya is the second coming of jesus. shane is so sick of this bullshit. shane thinks it's some rando who is trying to scam his parents. shane thinks this dude is weird for spending so much time with a couple in their 50s. shane gets competitive. and then shane comes out to his parents and since then, they've been shamelessly trying to set them up (lowkey tried to set them up when shane was straight too, but that's a different thing), and shane is not having it, thank you very much. ilya, who has seen the entire album 'shanebug' on david hollander's phone is disgustingly in love with the pretty boy with freckles who apparently hates him for some reason. shane will rather die than date this asshole who is trying to steal his parents. then shane sees the pic yuna posts on her instagram and ohhhhh that's what ilya rozanov looks like and now he has to pretend like he still hates ilya lest everyone involved finds out that shane is a slut for gorgeous russian men with perfect curls and pretty moles and beefy arms.