Bunni

Then I watched the video some more and then decided to go to sleep. So naturally, I opened WhatsApp to text my fiance that I love him before I go to sleep

And as I sent the text I realized how stupid I was.

I had texted myself.

I texted myself “I love you”

Dragostea Din Tei has been stuck in my head for literally like 3 days now.

So here’s a drawing I did of the king himself, Numa Numa guy.

Just me in my PJs.

I didn’t wanna make anything amazing or mind blowing, I just wanted to make something today. And that’s a sign my mental health might be getting a little bit better :)

My wisdom tooth had gotten infected and it was causing me immense pain, so at like 10pm, I drove myself to the ER and got admitted.

While I was in the waiting room- an older gentlemen came up to me. He looked very worse for wear, rough shape, just generally kinda sloppy. I figured he was probably homeless because it’s common for homeless people to seek medical care in the ER since they can’t afford elsewhere (America core)

He sits next to me and asks me if I can help him figure out this phone because he just got out of prison and hadn’t used one in a while.

Now, being a young woman who is stressed, tired, and in a lot of pain, immediately felt a bit scared by this since he was an adult man and I didn’t have a lot of strength.

But I’m also a #wokeleftist and thought in my head “this is a black man, he probably was convicted of a stupid crime and didn’t deserve to be in prision. Give him the benefit of the doubt bc he seems nice and he’s not being weird” and I was like alright fair.

And honestly, during the interaction I was like “wow, this guy is actually super sweet. He’s polite, he’s not in my personal space, he’s very friendly and gives kind grandpa vibes. See? Helping people is worth it! Don’t judge a book by their cover.”

He wanted help getting a game on his phone and I helped as best as I could and the conversation really made me have faith that humans can coexists and that I shouldn’t be scared to interact with strangers- even grown men fresh out of jail.

And then after a pause he goes “By the way you have BEAUTIFUL feet”

Or when he says “And dey say dat…”

Hehe

Silly speaking

And then didn’t get cast in the show.

I literally went for the ENSAMBLE in community theater. And didn’t get cast.

I keep auditioning and auditioning and I realized… I’m just too fat.

I can’t do theatre because I stand out in a bad way. I’m too fat.

I… I don’t know what to do anymore.

No one prepares you for how hard it gets to go from getting cast as the lead in your high school productions, getting handed roles your entire life,and then realizing you’re just not good enough.

Which is really fun!

But I refuse to call the characters the correct names. It started off bc I genuinely couldn’t remember, but now it’s funnier to rage bait him.

I call Dutch, Butch Chastity (iykyk)

Hosea is Bill Nye

Javier is Jose or Mr School

John is Joe

Etc

He hates it, and I laugh so hard every time.

He never fails to correct me either.

One moment I think about a lot is actually from when we first started dating.

I can’t recall the exact conversation, but I remember he had used the R slur very casually either with me or with his friends.

And I said to him, “I don’t like the R slur because as an autistic person, it hurts me a lot. It is a Harmful word especially coming from a neurotypical/allistic person.”

And he listened to me and said “Oh. Im so sorry. I promise I won’t use it again.”

And genuinely… he’s never used that word ever again.

In fact- I think he told his friends that they shouldn’t use it either which I didn’t even ask him to do.

I just told him I didn’t like when he used it. And he just… stopped.

I think about this moment a lot because it’s such a small thing… but it’s also not.

I expected pushback, I expected an argument, I expected to have to give him time to change…

But he just… did it.

And this change, it’s small right? It’s an easy change to make to not say slurs… but it’s such a testament to who my fiance is.

Not only did he not question that I was hurt, he recognized it and apologized immediately.

And, he also changed his behavior knowing it was harmful to others- especially a marginalized group.

Looking at the man he is today- a feminist, anti racist, a communist, a passionate advocate for human rights, god- he’s even a vegetarian…

He makes me want to be better every single day because he genuinely wants to be a good human being.

I am so proud of the man he’s become and I’m so excited to see how he will grow in the future.

I was scared to marry someone I met at 19, it felt too young.

But, it’s the greatest gift.

He got to watch me drink my first beer. He got to watch me vote for president for the first time. He got to see me get many jobs and watched me get the job I have now- the longest time I’ve ever spent at a place.

I got to watch him visit the USA for the first time, I got to bring him to an American bar when he turned 21.

I got to cheer him on every single step he took.

Tell me why I’m legit getting invested in the story I’M WRITING.

Like, I walked out genuinely disoriented to where I was because I was so invested in the story. THAT I AM MAKING UP.

I’m super excited to one day get to go to my local Pride with my fiance.

He is bisexual, as am I.

And from the outside- we look like a normal, wholesome, heterosexual couple.

But really we are both nerdy, bisexual commie heathens.

And I love that.

I hate you.

You have brought me pain, suffering, torment, and strife. I am dying now. So thanks a lot.

As I type this-my legs burn in painful agony. My muscles ache with every slight movement.

I feel like the wrath of a thousand men could not hold a flame to the torturous fires In my thighs.

I’m going to force you to read Article 5 of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, and then force you to watch 10 hours of documentaries about Josef Mengel before I force you to listen to statements made by survivors of Nazi experiments.