she was a psychedelic mess

But I don’t think anyone remembers me.

Fuck. Cuddy and House after the amputation episode. When he says he is the most awful person he knows, and asks if he can fix himself.

That’s you looking at me in a hotel in Nashville. The first time you wanted me to come, you knew I cared and would do anything you asked, wanting to be better. You always did want that. You knew your demons. Maybe. It all.

Trust me in a different universe I didn’t fuck this up. As much as circumstances brought where we ended to fruition I talked to you up to the day you died. I know that even if you were mad at me, you would always love me. Even if we never got to a place where you could forgive me romantically you assured me you would always love me and wouldn’t leave my life and I am so grateful for that.

Is it the Monday morning and trying to cure Monday blues with a few extra minutes in bed? Is it you begging the universe to just let you stay cuddled?

Tuesdays, I had a double and late inventory easily the hardest day of my week. Is it the kindness in making sure everything was taken care of? Of even in the sleepiest of sleeps you still roll over to say “welcome home beautiful”,

Is it big friend dinner on a weekday? Watching you charm a room. Watching you take all the money in dice and loved creating all sorts of dishes. I loved sharing them with you but I also especially loved when we came together to share something with others. Is it walking the dogs in the twilight? Is it being in bed rubbing your chest or back.

Is it the weekend to find ourselves in crowds still able to see each other as the only person in the room?

But maybe

On a sunny new Sunday morning walking hugging each other all the way to Keller’s grateful gospel, your eyes filled with pure love. Looking at me, looking at you, telling me, “I love you sunshine.”

That’s where I want to always be with you.

Regardless of the end,

We saved each other. We both know it.

Lol