opal ☾𖤓

The cool air was blasting on you in the front seat of your car, causing your dress to ripple like waves across your lap. It was a hot day out and your nerves weren’t helping. Your hands were sticky against the leather steering wheel as you continued gripping it even after parking.

It was a random Thursday afternoon—nothing special about it except maybe how extraordinarily hot out it was. It was your luck to pick a day during a heat wave to go out and about in the world, but you knew you had to. Deep down, guilt had buried itself and was now rising in your chest, clawing across your ribcage like a prisoner begging for freedom.

You waited five more minutes. In those five minutes, nothing changed except for a song on the radio, turned down to a hum. It was time and you knew it, if you waited any longer in your warm car you might melt into a puddle.

When your car door opened, it let in a slight breeze, but it was humid in the air, clinging to your skin. Every step down the pavement brought you closer and closer to you facing the pit in your belly, but your legs kept moving despite your mind’s protest.

The chatter of people living in a small town filled your ears as you strolled. You figured going a few towns over would save you the embarrassment of seeing someone you knew. And this little town only had one of what you were looking for, so you could only hope it was empty.

Your legs carried you up the steps and you were face to face with oak doors, adorned with vines engraved in the wood. As you grasped onto the metal handle, warmed from the sunlight, you felt a pang in your chest. You were so nervous you felt like you might be sick.

Immediately you were hit with the smell of oil, beeswax, and herbs. It was so woody and earthy inside, it began calming your nerves down to a small flame. You hadn’t been to church since you were a little girl, but now seemed as good of a time as ever. You had also only confessed once—the one time you had to.

It felt like it was yesterday, yet somehow so far away. Time was weird like that. You had been nervous then too, when the only sin you were scared of was disrespecting your parents and cursing around your friends. If only little you knew what you were about to do.

It looked very similar to the one you had grown up going to. It had old worn carpet, wooden pews, paintings of the Holy family, and stained glass windows depicting different saints. 

A voice broke through your déjà vu. “Can I help you?” He asked.

You glanced around in the area it had trailed from. The room to your right was nearly empty beside a confessional—very old school.

”I’m wanting to confess please,” you replied, slowly approaching the room.

”Come in,” he said, “and kneel on the kneeler.”

After swallowing down the lump that had formed in your throat, you walked into the small room and shut the door behind you. There was a maroon leather kneeler on the ground closest to you and beside it, a tall and wide wooden separator. In the middle of it was a lattice-like screen and through it, there was a shadow of a man, you assumed to be the priest.

The room was small, as if a confessional booth had four walls and a door. There was a small painting of a saint you didn’t know the name of in front of you and lilac velvet was draped over the partition.

You kneeled down with a small creak across the kneeler. The leather was cool against your skin. Through the screen, you could see the outline of the Father who settled more into his seat, though you couldn’t see his face.

You remembered to begin with the sign of the cross, which was a start. “Bless me Father for I have sinned.”

He waited a moment. “And how long has it been since your last confession?”

“Right, sorry. I haven’t been since I was a little girl, so probably over fifteen years ago.”

He huffed a small laugh. “No need to be sorry. What is it you are confessing?”

The lump in your throat came back tenfold. The hem of your dress brushing across your legs suddenly became very interesting as you toyed with the soft material. “I-I’m so embarrassed…Father?,” you replied.

He huffed another laugh, a little louder than the last. “Father Sebastian. And my dear, I have heard it all. I promise there is no judgement here. Please, what are you confessing?”

Your mind flashed back to the nights alone in your bed, when your hand was your only friend… your only vice.  “I-I am addicted to pleasuring myself,” you sighed as you squeezed your eyes shut, as if that would lessen the embarrassment.

”I see,” he replied. “You are not alone in this. Many people fall to this obsession, so don’t be so hard on yourself. Why do you think you do such a thing?”

”I-I guess I’ve never thought about that before,” you said. “Probably because I’m so lonely.”

”Does it make you feel less alone?”

”Not really, if anything it makes it worse.”

”That’s understandable. Loneliness is hard to bear. I, myself, even find it hard to navigate at times. Loneliness itself is not a sin, though it may ache like one. It is normal to want to feel a connection, but how we get there is where we fault.”

You nodded your head, though you weren’t sure if he could even see you. “Yes, Father,” you said, just in case.

”Now tell me, how often is it that you find yourself succumbing to your addiction?” He asked.

”Almost every night. I-I do it before I go to sleep, it relaxes me.”

”I understand. Every night is a heavy burden, but remember you are not alone, even when it may feel like you are. This obsession you have, it doesn’t make you any less desirable, it just brings you further from finding peace. And peace is what you seek, is it not?”

”It is, Father. I want to stop.” Your hands were still trailing along your dress as you felt your knees sink deeper into the plush below you.

”You will, you will. Now tell me, what is it you think about while you touch yourself?”

You felt your breath hitch in your throat. How this could possibly be relevant was beyond you, but he was a professional. “I think about being touched… by someone else. Anyone else.”

”Hmm,” he hummed. “It’s not the first time I’ve heard that either. Your sin doesn’t lie in the fact of craving another human connection. You are human after all and we are a loving species, we are created in love.”

What he said did make sense. You wiped your sweaty palms along your clothes to dry them off, but you weren’t prepared for his next request.

”I think in order for me to fully understand your sin, you must show me. Right now. Let me hear the sin you wish to confess. I want to understand the loneliness you’re trying to soothe.”

A part of you wanted to make a run for it, but his voice was so hypnotic, so sultry. It made your knees stay planted on the kneeler below you, maybe even settling more against it. Were you truly about to do what he was asking? “Father, I-I can’t.”

He himself even settled more into his seat, you could hear his chair groan as he sat up and breathed out a low breath. “You can. In order to absolve you, I must fully comprehend your sin, which I cannot do unless you show me. Let me guide you.”

”Yes, Father.” You swallowed down the sick begging to come up. Shakily, you raised the hem of your dress and pressed your hand firmly against your belly and started to snake your way under the elastic of your panties.

With your other hand you held up your dress, while you began chewing your thumb nail down to the quick. The small ruffles of the fabric echoed off the white walls of the small room.

Once your hand was inside of your underwear, you felt a race to your core. Your chest was heaving with nerves as you guided your hand lower, where you were aching.

”That’s it,” he cooed. “Good girl. Do not be afraid, I want to hear you.”

Your finger slid in between your folds, instantly finding your clit. It was warm and damp around your skin. You started with your middle finger and began tracing slow circles around your nub. A small whimper escaped your lips from the contact.

Your cheeks reddened immediately, burning with shame. Your finger stopped shortly after. “I-I’m sorry, Father.”

He took in a small breath. “Don’t stop. I want you to pretend you’re at home, alone in the dark. Bring me there, immerse me.”

Again you nodded your head and began moving your finger lightly. You closed your eyes, imagined yourself kneeling over your mattress. After a few moments, you applied a little more pressure. “Fuck,” you murmured under your breath.

”Just like that. Are you wet for me, baby? Tell me. Is that little pussy dripping while you confess your sins to me?” He purred.

”Y-yes,” you replied. “I-I’m so wet.”

He groaned lowly, followed by the creak of his chair as he readjusted himself. “Go faster. Make yourself come. Be a good girl for me.”

You listened as your nerves settled low in your belly. You were now using your middle and ring fingers to move hastily across your swollen clit. Deep inside you, you could already feel the coil tightening.

”Oh, Father,” you moaned out, dropping your dress with your other hand and grasping onto the wooden wall. It was cool under your fingertips as you dug your nails into the smooth waxed surface.

”You’re doing so well for me. Does it feel good? Fucking yourself while your priest listens?”

It was so filthy, so dirty. You could hardly believe this was the outcome to your arrival, but it was so erotic. Letting a priest you didn’t even know the face of talk you through an orgasm.

No words could form on your mouth, only breaths and sounds from deep within you.

”You’re so close aren’t you?” He asked. “I can hear it in your voice.”

”Yes, I-I’m so close,” you managed to reply.

”Come for me, come all over your fingers. Show me how you sin, I want to hear you fall apart.”

The tension was so taut inside of you, the spring was about to unravel. Your head lulled back while your grip on the wood squeaked. You came with a shuddered cry, echoing slightly in the small space. Your body shook against your fingers as you carried yourself through your high until you relaxed against yourself.

The room was filled with your heaves as you tried to stabilize your breathing. Your body ached for more as you pulled your hand away and you readjusted your dress.

You heard yet another creak, but this time it was followed by the soft thud of footsteps. His shiny black shoe was visible first as it rounded the partition, followed by his tall, toned body. 

He was adorned in an all black ensemble with the white clerical collar. His sleeves were rolled to his elbows which only showed off his muscles more. He had deep brown eyes and hair the color of chocolate. His face was covered in freckles. He was handsome, very handsome. As your eyes trailed up his body, they couldn’t help but land on the erection growing in his pants.

”Look at you. So beautifully undone,” he groaned. He walked over to you slowly until he was towering over you. He kneeled down before you and still was a head above you. With his eyes glued to yours, he grabbed your shaking hand and brought your arousal-slicked fingers to his lips. His mouth was so warm as his tongue swirled around your skin. He released them with a small pop. “God you taste like sin. But this was just the beginning of your absolution.”

You nodded, knowing he could see you now. Slowly, he rose back up to stand on his feet. The overhead light shone down through his tousled hair, highlighting the reddish undertones. His hand brushed lightly at your chin as his thumb pulled at your bottom lip. “You look so perfect on your knees. Now I need you to be a good girl and show me how sorry you are.”

The sound of metal unzipping filled the room.

”Father, what are you doing?” You asked, knowing full well what was happening. You just couldn’t believe it. Your mouth salivated at the thought.

”Your penance requires more than spoken apologies and Hail Marys. You need to prove yourself to me.” His hand was still toying with your face as he continued using his other hand to undo his black trousers. Through the slit, deep green boxers were visible. He then pulled his cock out, with precum already glittering on his flesh-toned tip. “Go on, baby. Use that pretty mouth of yours.”

You looked up at him as he watched you slackjawed. Slowly, you licked him from base to tip, gathering up all the salty precum in your mouth. And inch by inch, he pushed past your lips. He was large, you could hardly fit him all in your mouth. What couldn’t fit, you covered with your hand.

He was thick too, stretching your lips around him. The head of his cock hit the back of your throat as you began to bob your head back and forth. You started off sweetly, easing both of you into it, while your hand glided around his base at the same time.

His hands found his way into your hair, weaving between each strand to lock around the roots. Though it was mostly rough, there was still an undertone of gentleness in his actions. He used this new position to his full advantage. His hands cupped around your skull and guided you back and forth on him.

His gentleness started to slip away as he became more comfortable. He quickly was pushing and pulling your head in the way he found most pleasing. He was using you for his pleasure.

And you loved every bit of it.

Your eyes darted up and stayed focused on his as they lulled back in his sockets and he moaned aloud. 

You had to fight the urge to gag as he began bucking his hips at the same time. He was completely losing himself in you and it felt so good. Your core was dripping, soaking your panties through and dripping down between your thighs.

“Ah, such a good girl,” he muttered through gritted teeth. “Such a sweet, sinful mouth.”

You moaned around him in response and the vibrations from your mouth made his knees almost buckle in on themselves. He leaned his head back to gather up the strength to continue fucking your face.

Spit began pooling down your chin out the sides of your mouth from his constant thrusting.

“Fuck, look at you,” he cooed. “Drooling around my cock. This is where you belong isn’t it?”

You pulled off his cock with a wet pop. “Yes, Father,” you agreed. And he was immediately back between your lips. Your mouth had felt so empty even for the split second he was out of it. You craved him inside of you, any hole you could get him in. 

His cock began pulsing inside of you as your eyes and nose began to sting with tears. 

“So pretty with my cock in that tight mouth.” His hands slowed on the pulling as he started to cradle your face instead, like he had done before. “I’m so close.” He held your head still as his thrusting became more frantic. “Agh!” He moaned.

He came with a shudder as your throat was filled with his hot release.

“Swallow it. All of it. It’s part of your penance, baby. Let my come wash you clean from the inside out,” he breathed as he rode out his high inside of your mouth.

You watched his brown starry eyes as you swallowed down every bit of what he gave you while he fucked himself dry.

His body relaxed as his euphoria came to an end. He smirked down at you, still on your knees before him and chuckled a small laugh. “Such a good, obedient girl,” he observed.

You nuzzled your cheek against his hand as you nodded in agreement, almost begging him for more. You were insatiable at this point, needing every bit he could give you.

It was almost like he could read your mind as he chuckled again, lowly. Your eyes stayed planted on him in complete submission as he pulled you to your wobbly feet. Your legs were sore from kneeling for so long, it almost felt good to stand up again. But you knew you would’ve stayed on your knees for hours if he had only asked.

His lips brushed over yours, swollen from the stretch. He licked up around your mouth to gather up the rogue saliva that had escaped. “You’re so sweet.” His breath was warm against your skin.

His lips then captured yours in an achingly slow kiss. Your lips moved in sync with his, but they allowed him full power over you. As he continued to kiss you, you felt yourself being guided backward against the cool partition.

Your back hit the small shelf in front of the lattice screen, one you had assumed was a bible shelf. You knew he had other things in mind for it though as he hesitantly pulled his lips away. “Turn around,” he whispered.

You obeyed and slowly twirled around to face the wooden wall. His hand snaked its way into your hair again and pushed you down until you were completely bent over and at his mercy. Your breasts were resting against the shelf as you heard rustling behind you. He gathered up the hem of your dress and pooled it around your waist. In one fell swoop, he pulled your panties down around your ankles. The cool air hit you instantly and nearly made you collapse against the wood.

“You’re dripping again already for me, aren’t you?” He asked now. The slickness was sticky between your thighs. “So filthy.”

“Yes, Father,” you replied.

You were met with another laugh, hidden mostly by a sigh of relief. “God, I know calling me that just turns you on, doesn’t it baby? You like calling me that? Huh?”

His accusation sent a jolt to your core as you instinctively brushed up against him. “Y-yes,” you moaned as you felt his cock tickle your thigh.

“You’re such a greedy little thing, aren’t you? Begging for my cock? I bet it’s tight for me,” he whispered as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to your shoulder blade. “I’m going to fuck the sin right out of you.” The words danced directly into your ear as chills shivered down your spine.

You glanced back at him as he straightened back up. He lined himself up with your aching hole and wet his tip with your arousal. You were melting like putty in his hands.

Inch by inch, he eased himself inside of you. Stretching out your walls in ways you had only dreamt of. It slightly stung at the sheer intensity of his size and when you thought you couldn’t take any more, he was still pressing deeper.

Finally, you felt his hips press against your backside, meaning he was buried all the way inside of you, deeper than anyone had before. 

He all but pulled himself out of you, leaving you feeling empty yet again, and then he slammed back into you. You gasped at the fullness. “Fuck,” you cried.

He waited another moment, allowing you to adjust to him again. He bent over you and splayed his hand underneath you across your abdomen. “You feel me in your stomach? Yeah?” He cooed.

The feeling was too good to even form words. You nodded your head frantically, hoping he would give you even more.

Your back was cold as he stood up once more and placed his hands against your hips to steady himself as he began thrusting in and out of you. 

The small and once quiet, sacred room was now filled with the heavy sounds of your panting and the slick noises between you. 

“Fuck,” he cursed. “This is your new prayer, your penance. And you’re doing so well for me.”

He started to drill even harsher into you, pushing you harder into the cold partition. Your hand came up to keep yourself from falling over and your fingers each spread into a little hole in the screen to grasp onto. The wood in the lattice wasn’t nearly as smooth as the outside, it felt rough and unsanded under your skin. You pressed your forehead up to the ornate texture, knowing it would leave its mark on you.

It wouldn’t be the only mark you’d walk away with as Father Sebastian’s grip on your hips tightened, enough to leave behind faint bruising. 

You whimpered out again. “Oh, F-Father,” you cried. His title was sweet on your lips, it tasted of red wine.

“You’re going to forget the loneliness. The only thing you’ll be able to think of is me filling you so deeply. It’s all you’ll remember.”

You knew it was true, you’d never be able to forget the sensation you were experiencing at that very moment. No hand or toy would ever fuck you the same way.

You felt the coil winding up in your core again, racing you towards a second orgasm. 

“P-please,” you started.

“Please what, baby? Use your words,” he breathed.

“Fuck me harder.”

The moment the words left your lips, he quickened his pace. He hit your sensitive spot over and over again, sending shockwaves inside of you, radiating with each thrust.

“You’re so close, aren’t you?” He asked, not letting up. “I want you to come all over my cock. Let me feel it, let me feel how sorry you are again.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you felt yourself begin to tip over the edge. It was like water bursting through a dam—hard and all at once. Your legs were like jelly as you felt the waves crash over you. Father Sebastian held you up even through his own second release.

Warmth filled you up again as he released ribbons inside of you. The slick sound amplified as your arousals mixed together in your core. Combined with the heaves you were both exerting, you suddenly became too aware of your practically public rendezvous. 

Your cheeks burned crimson at the thought of someone walking in, or waiting their turn to confess and overhearing everything that had just transpired.

But it was also oh so thrilling.

Father Sebastian pulled himself out of you and began fastening his belt again, the clink of metal filling your ears. You still took a moment to collect yourself and even your breathing, leaving yourself completely exposed to him. 

He pulled your dress down to cover your bare side up and cleared his throat, and if you hadn’t known any better you could’ve sworn his cheeks were a light shade of pink too.

When your chest evened out, you stood to collect your bearings and pull up your underwear, still damp from earlier.

It felt so cold against you, you got chills on your bare arms.

Father Sebastian turned to face you again. “You… you took your penance so well.” He smiled. “But I think it’s best if you continue seeing me for more… confessions.”

Your blush deepened. You could look anywhere but his eyes. “Yes,” you agreed.

His thumb found its way to under chin and he gently pulled so you would look up at him. “What was that?”

“Yes, Father.”

Crinkles appeared by his soft, brown eyes as he smiled again. “Good girl.” He released your face.

You smoothed out your dress that had crumpled as it had laid around your waist for so long. “I-I um, I’ll see you next week?” You asked, hopeful he’d agree.

He tasted it, letting the time frame savor on his tongue before speaking. “Next week sounds perfect.”

Your days had been looking different lately. Ever since graduating high school, there were no more late nights filled with homework and early mornings walking through the bright lights of your school hallways.

Summer was passing by slowly, which you didn’t mind as you were starting school back up in the fall to study nursing and you weren’t looking forward to those study sessions you heard so much about.

You only had wished it hurried up a little more as your boyfriend of one year was away at tech school for the Air Force and you missed him terribly. You’d never forget the look on Sebastian’s face when he told you his plans of enlisting. No one had ever looked so broken but proud at the same time. 

And later on this evening, he was flying back after graduation. He had been through basic training and was coming back after his security forces school. It had been a long three months since he had left—filled with lots of letters and the scarce phone call.

But he was coming back and that’s all that mattered.

You paced your room over and over again, trying to pick out the perfect outfit to see him at the airport. What could possibly be cute enough to wrap up the last few months into a piece of clothing? You weren’t even sure something as such could exist.

You settled on a simple white dress you had worn to your own graduation and curled your hair. After swiping on a pink shade of gloss, you admired your work and kissed your parents goodbye as you headed off to the airport.

His car had been parked in your driveway after you dropped him off. Some nights you’d go out there and sit in the passenger seat and remember him—all the kisses you had shared over the console. It still smelled of him. 

This time though, you sat in the driver’s seat as you prepared to pick him up. Every mile the car got closer, more nerves filled your belly. At one point you were sure you’d be sick from the butterflies swarming around at an alarming rate.

As you pulled into the lot, your heart was racing as your palms began sweating against the steering wheel.

About ten minutes from now, you’d be in his arms again and your body would feel anew. 

The trip inside of the airport felt longer than it should’ve, but the minutes dragged by as you waited outside his gate. Passengers started pouring out of the long terminal, one by one finding their families or leaving alone.

And then you saw a familiar head of tousled brown hair above the crowd. Even from far away, his freckles were still a stark contrast against his skin, illuminated even more after being under the Texas sun.

A breath hitched in your throat as your feet started running before your mind could decide what to do. Step by step, you weaved between the crowd of people heading into the airport until you saw him standing there with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

He was adorned in his service blues—deep blue trousers with the matching jacket. His silver name tag stood out against the navy color, with “Sallow” engraved across the metal. 

You stopped for a moment to drink him in. He did the same as he stared you down, not taking his eyes off of you as he placed his bag on the tile floor.

He was too far away to hear but you watched as his mouth formed the words “baby” followed by a breathless smile.

You started running again without stopping this time, not until you were wrapped up in his arms. They surrounded you in the warmest embrace you had felt in a long time, the heat melting the ice wall you had built up ever since he left.

”Sebastian,” you cried into his shoulder.

”Shh, I know, baby, it’s okay,” he cooed into your hair. His hand held your waist tightly against him as the other combed through your hair, cradling your head against him. “I’m here now.”

You shook against him as you sobbed, His hand continued rubbing slow circles against your hips as he held you, with no plans of letting you go.

Your knees gave out beneath you at the sheer intensity of it all and his arms held you as he followed you to the ground. When your legs hit the cool floor, he pulled away to look at you, up close for the first time in months.

His cheeks were strawberry pink and tear stained, his brown eyes glossed over with more tears threatening to escape. He pressed his forehead against yours as he breathed in the same air as you. 

“God, I missed you. Your scent,” he said as his lips pressed against yours hastily. “Your lips.”

You pulled him in for another kiss, deeper this time. It was hunger-filled and passionate. The two of you nearly forgot where you were for a moment until he chuckled against your lips.

”I got carried away,” you giggled and sniffled back.

”It’s okay sweetheart, get carried away with me.”

After a few more moments of kneeling with him on the ground, he helped get you back to your feet and walked you out of the airport with his hand woven around yours. 

As you stepped into the muggy summer air, he pulled his hat from his pocket and sat it on his head. You knew it was protocol—to wear his hat only outdoors—but he looked too handsome for his own good. Kissing him silly didn’t seem like such a bad idea, no matter where you were.

But you held yourself back and leaned on your tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the cheeks.

”Hey get back here,” he called.

He chased you all the way back to your car until he finally caught up with you and lifted you off the ground.

”No fair! You’re all strong and muscular now,” you squealed as he spun you around.

”Now? What about before?” He teased.

But then he set you down against the door of his car and looked down at you while he tucked a rogue curl behind your ear.

“You look so beautiful,” he whispered.

All that worrying for nothing, of course he was Sebastian and you could’ve shown up in a brown potato sack and hear him say the same thing.

His lips were on yours again as you felt the cool metal behind your back, chilled from the shadows of the parking garage. His hand laced between the strands of your hair as he held you closely against his body as his lips moved on yours.

His lips felt so soft against your own, like two pillows moving against your mouth. He tasted sweet too, of cinnamon gum and cheap airplane coffee. His cologne filled your senses, moving through the quiet breeze of August. You were surrounded by him in every way possible and you felt so at peace.

He was finally home and so were you.

The drive was peaceful. He drove which gave you the perfect opportunity to stare at him the whole way back to your hometown. You hardly noticed as he pulled you into the parking lot of your favorite local restaurant—where you had your first date.

It served Italian and while it wasn’t nearly as good or fancy as places in the city, it was yours. He skipped over to your door and held it open in the slight drizzle, dropping darkening spots on his coat. 

The smell of wet pavement filled the air as you stepped out into the evening, illuminated by already-glowing streetlights. 

He held your hand the whole way to the front door and even as you were sat.

Neither of you needed menus as many times as you had frequented the place, but you still looked at him over the top of the laminated sheet making eyes at him.

”You know you don’t need that, sweetheart, you’re just going to get the spaghetti,” he quipped.

”You never know, I might switch it up.”

You didn’t, you never did.

Your waitress took your orders and walked away with the menus, leaving the two of you in your own little bubble—tucked in a corner booth.

He looked at you like he had something to say, and he was eager to get it out.

”Okay, Sallow, spill.”

”Am I that obvious?”

”Terribly so,” you laughed.

He laid a hand out on the wooden table, worn with years of use, and you met him in the middle.

His hands weren’t nearly as soft as they used to be either. Though it wasn’t years worth like the table between you, it felt like it. Callouses were driven into his palms from relentless work and they were dried from the heat.

“I’ve been thinking—“

”Oh no,” you teased and you were met with his sweet laughter.

”I know, I know. But really sweetheart, I have. I know it’s quick, and I just got back, but I swear it’s not just because I was gone. Every day, I thought of you, you were what got me through it all, because I knew you were at home waiting for me. And I could never imagine a life where you’re not there on the other side of it all. I-I got my orders. I’m headed to Germany in a week. And I want you to come… as my wife.”

Your heart dropped. Your hearing went out. You loved him, of course you did. A life with him was all you could ever dream of, but you were barely eighteen, you barely lived. You felt the lump form in your throat—a rock you couldn’t swallow.

“Sebastian…” you breathed. Your voice was shaky along with your hand. “I-“

”I know it’s a lot and it’s not ideal, but please baby, will you marry me? We can go to the courthouse tomorrow and—“

”No,” you whispered as you pulled your hand away.

Sebastian’s face contorted in on itself. His chest heaved visibly under his button up. 

“I-I can’t, I’m so sorry.”

You slid across the booth as the leather squeaked beneath you.

”Wait!” He called but you were already out the door.

The rain had started to come down harder when you were inside. It began soaking through your dress, dripping water onto the pavement beneath your feet. The door behind you opened with a creak. The rain above you stopped as Sebastian held his jacket over your head.

”Did I do something wrong?” He asked. “Please tell me and I-I’ll fix it I swear it.”

”No Sebastian, you didn’t. I just—“

”Do you not… do you not love me?” He asked as his lip quivered.

”Of course, I do. More than anything.”

”Then why?”

”I-I don’t know…”

”Baby… I asked you to marry me and you said no. I need more than that.”

He was right. You knew he was.

”Sebastian, we-we’re hardly eighteen. I-we haven’t even lived yet and I… I have plans for my life.”

”Without me in them?”

”No, Seb, it’s not like that and you know it.”

”I-I don’t know what to think anymore.”

”I love you, okay? So much it hurts. I ached without you these past few months, but I just can’t uproot my life and move across the ocean. I-I have school coming up, you know how bad I want that.”

”I know,” he replied. “But what did you think would happen when I got back? That I would get to stay here?”

”I don’t know, maybe? I didn’t know you would just up and leave me.”

He scoffed. “Leave you? If you think that’s what is happening then you must not know me very well. I don’t have a choice.”

”You did when you enlisted!” You yelled over the rain, louder than you meant. “You chose that life over me the day you signed your name.”

”I thought it was our life. I thought I was doing what was best for you—best for us!”

”I would never ask you to do that. I don’t want you to leave, why don’t you get that?”

He breathed out a sigh. “Well I have to. And bottom line is if you want to come with me, you have to come as my wife, okay? But if you say no, we’re done here.”

”Sebastian… I-I can’t,” you sobbed.

Tears on his face began running down, mixing with the rain. “So that’s it then? We’re over just like that?”

The way your heart ached you thought it might actually shatter into a thousand pieces. Your hand flew up and you held on tightly to try and hold it together. You could only respond with a small nod, not daring to say the words. Not daring to end everything you had built.

The last year flashed in your mind. From the moment he tugged on your braid in junior math and you turned around to see him grinning, to your first date where he picked you up in his old beater and kissed you on your parents’ porch, to prom where you slow danced under a disco ball, to now: standing in the rain while your world crumbled.

He dropped the coat and pulled you in for a hug, holding you like you might disappear, because he will disappear for who knows how long. You shuddered against him as you choked out a sob. The one person in the world you wanted, the only one who could fix everything, was leaving and you wouldn’t—couldn’t—go with him.

”Promise me you’ll still write me, yeah? I need to know you’re okay,” he said, kissing the top of your wet head.

”I will, I promise I will. You’re my best friend.”

That broke something in him and he began shaking with a cry as he held you. You couldn’t bear to look up at him, so you just huddled against his chest as the rain continued to pour over you, taking everything you had with it.

The drive home was silent as you stared out the window, memories flashing by with each small building. You were soaked to the bone and shivering against his cool leather seats as he pulled in to your driveway.

This was it, the last time you’d see the love of your life. How does one even begin to cope with that feeling? You were numb down to your toes and had cried yourself dry. You turned to look at him one last time, pink nosed and red cheeked. His lips had swollen up from crying too hard, his eyelids were red-rimmed. The sight nearly broke your already torn heart.

”Kiss me one last time?” He asked, without looking at you, scared of what you might say.

”Sebastian…”

”I know, that was stupid of me,” he sniffled and huffed out a laugh.

You leaned over and kissed him anyway, despite how stupid it may have been—despite how hard it wrecked you. It was quick, over before you wanted it to be. It only made you want to kiss him over and over again, but you couldn’t.

”I’m sorry,” you said as you got out of his car, for the last time, and walked up the porch steps.

His car stayed in place until he knew you were safely inside, like always.

After you stepped inside your house, it still took a moment for his car to pull away. As you watched the red taillights become smaller and smaller, you hurt more and more. You sank to the ground inside your mud room and bawled until you woke your mom.

But you didn’t want her comfort, you wanted—needed—his. How could the one person in the world you want be the one person you can’t have?

The next week went by in a blur. You barely spoke to him, except for a few friendly text messages here and there, but it was awkward and tense.

A month went by even slower. But then your first letter from him came, just as he promised.

He spoke of Germany and his job as a security officer, guarding the base day in and day out. He spoke of new foods he got to try and his roommates on base. He seemed happy and that’s all you could ask for.

You had started school, so you told him about that. You told him about a boy in your class who was an even bigger pest than he was, which was saying a lot. You told him how you got a part time job at the library to fill your evenings when you didn’t have class.

Letters were sent back and forth for a while. But the ache never left you. Seeing his scrawly boyish handwriting every couple weeks was starting to get to you. Your wound was too fresh and couldn’t heal as he kept digging in it.

One day, after you received a letter from him, talking about the usual:his job and his friends, you cried yourself to sleep. Normally you’d write back to him right away, but this time took longer. You knew what you had to do, you just couldn’t do it.

Until a few days later, you sat at your desk and with a shaking hand, you put pen to paper.

Dear Sebastian,

I’m sorry.

You crumbled it up and threw it in the trash. You did that several more times until you just let your heart take over.

Dear Sebastian,

I have tried writing this so many times, but no words I can come up with do the right thing. So I just have to come out and say it. Writing to you hurts too much. I miss you more than I ever thought possible and doing this keeps ripping me open. This is the last time I can write to you. I’m sorry. I hope nothing but the best for you.

It sounded so formal, almost too formal for what you were. But if you delved in too much you’d say too much and it needed to be quick—like ripping off a bandaid.

You folded it up and stuck it in an envelope, tasting the bitter glue as you licked the seal. A tear dropped on the paper, crumbling it on contact as you wrote his address on the back.

You never heard from Sebastian again.

Four years later…

It had been a long day in the labor and delivery unit. Your feet were sore from walking around the ward all day, but nothing was more rewarding. It was always a good day when you got to help deliver a baby, but two! That called for a celebration.

”See you at The Beach?” Your coworker asked.

”Obviously,” you replied.

A sex on the beach was calling your name like no other. Nothing could calm your nerves like a good drink.

You finished up charting before clocking out. Your ID badge jingled across your chest as you strolled down the bright white hall. You took a breath of relief as you walked out the double doors and to your car.

It was a short drive home as you had decided to work in your hometown, you actually lived only a few blocks away from your parents now in a place you’ve made home. 

You walked in and were greeted by your dog who had been waiting (not so) patiently for your arrival home. You gave him more food and water, pet his fluffy head, and headed towards your room.

Your scrubs were thrown off in haste and tossed into your ever-growing pile of laundry.

”What outfit says ‘I just had an awesome day at work, but I still need a drink after my shift’, Bud?”

Your dog laid on the carpet with a hmph, knowing you were about to leave him again.

”I don’t know either, that’s why I asked you.”

You landed on a white dress, pantyhose, and a denim jacket. 

“How do I look?” You asked aloud as you spun in front of your full-length mirror.

Your dog still gave you puppy dog eyes.

”I know, honey, I’ll be back.”

You grabbed your small purse off the dinner table and headed out your back door.

The walk to The Beach wasn’t too far either—perks of living in a small town.

It used to be your favorite restaurant actually, but it had been years since you'd been there. It was recently bought out and turned into a vibrant bar. And Friday nights were karaoke night. 

Loud, thumping music was shaking the floor as you stepped inside and found your friends at a table.

”And a sex on the beach for the lovely lady,” one said, handing you the pink drink.

”Oh, you shouldn’t have,” you replied with a smirk.

A few drinks in and you and a couple girls felt bold enough to sign up—for one song.

The DJ showed you his list.

”How about “Don’t Stop Believin’’,” one suggested.

”Boring!” The other chimed in.

”We have to do a classic,” you said. “I vote ‘Super Trouper’.”

Your two friends’ faces lit up instantly.

”We’ll be like Donna and the Dynamos,” one beamed drunkenly.

“Okay hun,” you laughed with a shaking head.

You got a three second countdown and you began singing the intro.

The crowd immediately went crazy, who doesn’t love ABBA?

You were dancing around on stage with your friends. The three of you had silently agreed you’d take the last verse and as you sang “‘Cause somewhere in the crowd there’s you” you dramatically scanned the crowd, that is, until your eyes landed on a familiar body in their military uniform ordering a drink at the bar.

You froze, unable to sing. He looked up and caught your eyes and you felt your chest cave in. Shakily you caught up with the lyrics, that seemed all too fitting. “The sight of you will prove to me I’m still alive.”

You finished the rest of the song in a buzzed haze. You couldn’t get yourself to look towards the bar again, not when he of all people were standing there.

The song ended and you helped bring your friends back to your table. When you went to grab your cup, you realized it was nothing but ice.

”Damn,” you muttered under your breath. “I’ll be back.”

It was like you could hear every footstep as you walked towards the bar. He was sitting on the furthest end of it, but with no people in between you, all you could do was hope he didn’t look up.

”I’ll have a sex on the beach please,” you asked the bartender.

”Is that really you?” you heard that voice ask.

Sebastian Sallow turned to face you. He was wearing a tight fitting beige shirt tucked into his camo uniform pants. It looked like he had just gotten back into town that day. He looked older now, worn by years of military work, but God did he look good. His hair was more managed now than it had been before, but he was still clean shaven. He was still your Sebastian under it all.

”Yeah, it’s me,” you replied.

”Put whatever she got on my tab.”

”You don’t have to do that.”

”Yes I do! Sit sit,” he said, eyeing the barstool next to him. Deep down, you knew your friends were too drunk to even notice your absence, and he did just buy you a drink, so you plopped down on the leather stool beside him.

He even smelled the same, like he still used the same cologne he had in high school—sandalwood. You had told him once that you loved the smell… and you still did.

”So how have you been?” He asked.

”Good!,” you replied as the bartender handed you your drink.

”Are you a nurse now?”

”Yeah, actually a labor and delivery nurse. I just got off my shift and came here with some work friends.” You pointed to where your group was seated. They noticed and started waving and giving thumbs up. “Sorry they’re drunk.”

Sebastian chuckled, deeper than he used to. “It’s okay.” He threw back the amber liquid in his glass—beer presumably—and ordered another.

“Did you just get back? From Germany?”

”Yeah today. My uncle and sister picked me up from the airport. She was a mess,” he laughed. “But I needed a beer, doesn’t compare to the pubs there though.”

”I bet not,” you replied. “Did you notice this used to be—“

”Marco’s? Yeah, sad to see it gone.”

”Me too, but this bar is nice. We needed one, I was tired of going to the next town over.”

”Big drinker are you?” He teased.

”Bold of you to assume.”

He laughed a full belly laugh now. You hated that you missed it.

The conversation began to flow nicely now as he made you laugh harder than you had in a long time.

You were still laughing at a joke he made when he cut through the noise. “So… are you single?” He made eyes at you as he tipped back his beer.

Your laughter ceased. “What?”

”I asked if you were single.”

”But why?”

”Becuase that’s how this works,” he started. “We’re having a nice time and I want to know if I can take you on a date.”

”Sebastian…”

”Is that crazy?”

”Yes! Sebastian we can’t.”

”Why not? Are you not single?”

”No I am, it’s just…”

”Just what?”

You grabbed your purse and headed out of the bar. Sebastian quickly paid his tab and watched you as you walked out of the front door.

It had started to rain when you were inside. You were waiting by a lamp post when the rain suddenly stopped.

Sebastian was standing over you with his jacket hovered above your head.

”Tell me why, please. And I’ll leave you alone.”

“Sebastian…” you breathed. “I just… I’ve moved on. We were kids! Young and stupid. But I’ve grown up. You’ve grown up. We’re different people now.”

”Let me get to know this you. The you that sings ABBA like her life depends on it, the girl who orders a sex on the beach like its water. I want to know that girl.”

You looked at him then, water dripping down his face.

”What if she’s not what she seems?”

”I’m sure she won’t be. We all have secrets, I did things I’m not proud of too.”

You breathed in deeply. “I still can’t.”

”But tell me why!”

You hesitated a moment before blurting out, ”you left me!”

”I left you? You still think that’s what happened? After all these years…”

”You did! I was here and you were gone! I watched your taillights disappear and you never came back!”

”I couldn’t come back! You think after you told me you couldn’t marry me, I wanted to leave? There was nothing more I wanted than to quit and stay here with you. But you know it doesn’t work like that! And when you…” His lip began to shake. “And when you told me that we couldn’t talk anymore, that-that killed me. Your letter wrecked me.”

”You didn’t even fight for me!” You yelled.

”Fight for you? You all but told me to piss off and you wanted me to fight for you?”

”Yes!” You cried. “You don’t know how it feels!”

”I don’t know how it feels? You think I don’t know? I was alone for four years! Four miserable years that I wanted nothing more than to spend with you. And I come back here and can still only think of you, so much so I knew I could only find relief in a drink. And this town only has one damn bar! You think pulling in here I didn’t think of you? The last time I was here?”

You thought of the last time too, every time you found yourself walking in that entrance.

”You think I don’t know how it is when I see the only girl I have ever loved up on stage having the time of her life while I’m still stuck in the past? No, you don’t know how it feels.”

”Sebastian, I-I’m sorry.”

”I just… I just missed you and thought that…”

“You know it hasn’t been easy on me either…”

“It sure as hell seems like it.”

“How dare you!? You really think I didn’t want to go with you? And then have to tell you we can’t talk anymore? Sebastian, I wanted to marry you, so badly. But I couldn’t! I had other dreams too, important ones.”

“More important than me?”

“Yes!” It came out before you could stop it. “I mean… not in the way you’re making it out to be. But yes Sebastian you weren’t my only dream, I wanted the life I’m living so badly. I didn’t want to leave here.”

“Not even for me? For us?”

Tears started stinging your eyes. “It’s more complicated than that.”

“I would have given up everything for you!”

“But I would never ask you to do that! I love you too much!”

He stepped back an inch. “You still love me?” He breathed.

“Fuck!” You spat. “Of course I do. I could never stop loving you no matter how hard I tried. You’re under my skin Sebastian, in all the ways a person can be. I could never scrub you out.”

“Then why did you get so mad at me before? All I did was ask if you were single.”

“I’m scared! Okay? Is that what you want to hear? God I can’t do this! We’re already fighting!” You turned to leave, letting the rain soak you.

“I’m not losing you again, especially here. I can’t stand watching you walk away from me. I will love you until my dying breath, and there’s nothing you can do about that okay? You can’t fight your way out of that one.”

You moved to face him again. His jacket was at his side, dripping water. His shirt clung to his toned body and he was breathing heavy, waiting for your response. He looked so beautiful under the warm streetlight, glowing down on him like the sun.

You cried as your shoulders shook with laughter. “God, we’re a mess.”

He began crying, laughter mixed in too, swiping his hand through his sopping hair.

And then you ran right towards him. Every step pattered with rain. You leapt into his arms and he caught you in a spin. The last four years exploded as your lips caught his in a kiss. 

Your mouth moved like a puzzle locking into place against his mouth, like it knew exactly where to go on his lips. His hand trailed into your wet hair and held you against his face as he kissed you back.

“You look as beautiful as the day I left,” he cooed as tears mixed with rain.

You felt your cheeks burn crimson at the compliment as you leaned down to kiss him again.

After a few more moments, he broke the spell. “Let me get you home. Please.”

He set your feet back down on the sidewalk and walked you to his car, all too familiar even in the night.

“You still have it!” You said, referring to his beat up car.

“Sweetheart, I’ve been in Germany for four years, of course I still have it.”

“I just can’t believe it still runs!”

“We’re not that old,” he teased, opening up your car door.

It looked the same on the inside, all leather plush with a black tree freshener dangling from the mirror. 

You gave him directions back to your new place.

He stepped out again even in the down pour and opened your door back up, walking you to your front door like teenagers after a first date.

“Maybe I’ll call you?” He asked. “Is your number the same?”

“Why don’t… why don’t you come in?”

“Are you sure?” He asked, as if he wasn’t dying to come inside.

“Yeah, Seb.” You smiled.

You unlocked your front door with a jiggle of your keys and your dog ran to the door. He was attacking you with licks and wagging his tail when he noticed the stranger behind you.

“Who’s this little guy?” Sebastian asked, leaning a hand down to ruffle his head.”

“This is Buddy, he’s my baby,” you replied.

You walked Sebastian further in to your couch.

“Um, you can sit here while I go change. Do you want a towel or something?”

“Yeah, that would be perfect.”

You exited the room and headed towards your bedroom, padding down the carpeted hallway. You towel dried your hair and changed into pajamas when the nerves started setting in. 

Sebastian was out there sitting on your couch and you could hardly believe it.

You walked back out with a towel in hand to give to him. Your fingers brushed and it sent electricity shooting down your arm. As you sat next to him on the couch, you watched in a daze as he dried off his hair.

“Now you look a mess,” you laughed.

“Speak for yourself,” he quipped.

You got comfortable next to him, pulling your knees underneath yourself to huddle into a ball.

“So, how was Germany?”

“I hate to say it but it was amazing. It’s beautiful. Oh and the food… it’s to die for. I ate schnitzel almost every day for a week when I first arrived. …You would’ve loved it.”

“It sounds amazing, I-I’m sure I would’ve…” you trailed off. “But—“

“I know,” he interrupted. “I know. Your house is nice, and you have a dog!”

“I do! He’s two.”

As if on cue, Buddy jumped onto your lap and started kissing all over your face. You were a giggling mess when Sebastian spoke up again.

“Sweetheart?”

You looked up at him now. He’d called you that several times by now and each time it broke you more than the last. You moved your dog back to the floor who went off to his bed in the corner. “Yeah?”

“I meant what I said earlier. You look so beautiful, exactly as I remember you.”

“Thank you,” you blushed. “You look the same too.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Very much.”

You moved closer now, almost touching your knee to his. His arm was on the back of the couch and it nearly brushed your shoulder.”

“Did you mean what you said? That you still love me?”

He was illuminated by your lamp in your living room, the warm glow accentuating his freckles. He looked younger almost. It was like you had been taken back four years.

“Y-yes,” you admitted. “I do, but things are still, things are still complicated you know?”

“They don’t have to be. I-I’m not leaving again. I… I decided to join the reserves instead. There’s people here I couldn’t stand being away from again.”

“That doesn’t mean things can just go back to how they were before. We’re different people now.”

“You kissed me out there, in the rain. And you expect me to sit here on your couch, seeing how beautiful you look completely unraveled, and expect me not to want to kiss you again?”

“I—“

“I won’t, you know I won’t unless you want me to. But God I want to kiss you silly,” he whispered as he moved his hand from the couch to your cheek.

You did too, deep down you knew you did. He looked too pretty not to kiss until his lips were swollen. You nuzzled against his warm hand and turned to press a light kiss to his palm.

He visibly swallowed and took in a deep breath at your touch. And then you felt your body gravitating to his like a magnet pull. Nothing could stop you as you leaned in to him. 

“Oh sweetheart,” he murmured right before your lips crash landed on his.

It was a soft kiss at first, unlike the one you shared under the lamp post. It was shy and gentle like you were reexploring each other—as if you’d ever forget what he tasted like.

During the kiss, his other hand fell to your waist, drawing small circles under the hem of your shirt with his thumb. 

You let him pull you onto his lap where you straddled your legs on each side of his hips, digging into your couch as you pressed against his chest with your own.

The kiss turned heavier then, he licked across your bottom lip, begging for entrance and you granted it. No one could kiss you like he does, no one could even come close.

He groaned into your mouth before pulling away and resting his forehead against yours. “I missed you so much. Every night I thought of you, I swear it.”

“Kiss me again,” you pleaded.

It took him all but a second to reconnect his lips to yours. It was deeper, hungrier. His hand slid from your cheek and into your hair, intertwining right at the damp roots. His breath caught in his throat at the contact, the passionateness of your kiss.

“If we don’t stop now, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold myself back from you,” he heaved into your mouth.

“Don’t stop,” you replied and kissed him again.

His lips trailed down your mouth to your jawline, where he left hot, open-mouthed kisses along your skin. He continued trailing down until his lips were pressed against the sensitive spot below your ear—the spot he knew you loved best.

He nipped at it until you lurched on his lap and then he soothed the area with his tongue. He did it over and over again until you were melting like putty in his hands. 

And then he kissed you once more and in one fell swoop, he gathered you up and lifted you off the couch, not removing his lips from yours for a second, as he carried you down the hall into your bedroom.

You ran into the wall a couple of times from the messiness of your kiss, keeping him off balance as he tried to remove his boots at the same time. There was a trail of clothing like a map leading from the living room down the hall.

Your shirt had been discarded in the chaos and once he laid you on your bed, he took you in. His eyes darkened with lust at the sight of you—bra and pajama shorts with messy hair. 

He lifted his shirt off of him, throwing it to the ground before crawling over top of you. He was toned. Where a boy had once stood, was now a man, and the sight made you gulp.

His dog tags tickled your skin as he made out with your chest. His hand massaged your breast over your padded bra, your nipples already sensitive against the cloth. He pulled it down and gasped quietly at the sight. 

His mouth was around your nipples in the next moment, sucking and nibbling at your sensitive bud until you arched into his touch. He used his other hand to twist and pinch your other nub until it hardened beneath his fingertips.

“Fuck,” you cried.

You reached down and could feel his erection pressing against his camo pants, urging to be released. His hand laid over top of yours and held it there as he continued sucking your breast into his wet mouth.

That is, until you squeezed your hand around his clothed cock once and he shuddered, resting his head against your chest to take a breath.

“Baby,” he murmured against your skin.

You did it again, but this time you moved your hand along his shaft. He groaned and huffed a laugh.

The sound of his belt unbuckling filled the air. He stood up and pulled down his boxers and pants all at once.

His cock was rock hard against his thigh as he stood there watching you watch him. It made your core ache. 

“Is this what you wanted?” He asked as he got back onto the bed. 

You nodded your head against your duvet. “Y-yes. Please.”

Your hand was around his cock then, warm and hard to the touch. You could feel as the blood pulsed to his tip, making his veins convulse. Your hand started to move up and down on his length making him moan under his breath.

Your hand was left bare in the next moment as he scooted himself against your headboard. “Come here baby,” he cooed. 

You followed his instructions and sat with your back against his chest and his cock was pressed roughly against your bare back. He slid your panties and shorts down at the same time and pooled them on the edge of your bed.

The coolness in the air brushed lightly against your heat, causing you to shiver. Sebastian brought a hand around from behind you and traced down your belly until he was right where you wanted him—where you needed him.

“Four years sweetheart. Four years I dreamt of his moment and you’re not leaving this bed until you’re screaming my name. I need to hear it,” he purred directly into your ear. It sent a chill down your spine.

His middle finger started tracing your clit—teasingly slow at first. He started to build up more pressure as he toyed with your sensitive bud. His other hand came around you and held gently onto your neck, not choking you but holding you there. You lulled your head back against his shoulder as he built up speed.

“Sebastian…” you moaned against his jaw.

“That’s a start,” he replied.

He inserted his finger into you and it ached around his skin. After a few pumps to ease you into it, he put in his ring finger alongside his middle. It stretched you out as he pushed inside of you until he was knuckles deep.

He curled his fingers inside of you and pumped in and out, setting a delicious pace while hitting your sensitive spot over and over again. You arched your back against his chest as you felt your core race towards a high.

“That’s it baby, I can feel you squeezing my fingers. You’re gonna come for me, aren’t you?”

He used his arm to hold you still against him as he fingered you relentlessly. You tried squirming from the feeling but his hold on you was too tight. 

You moaned out again, nothing coherent as he picked up his pace.

You were a writhing mess, rubbing skin against skin as he held you as close to him as he could. Already you could feel the winding up in your belly.

“Are you gonna come for me?”

You nodded your head against his shoulder.

“ I wanna hear you,” he replied.

“I-I’m gonna come.”

“Oh yeah? I want you to come all over my fingers. Make me a mess.”

His hand on your throat moved slightly as he began trailing his thumb along your bottom lip, playing with the soft pink skin.

The coil wound too tight and you couldn’t handle it anymore. You released with a loud trembling whimper, filling the quiet room around you. Sebastian watched in awe as you came around his digits as he continued pumping in and out of you, draining you until you slouched against him.

Your eyes landed on his as he reached his fingers up to his mouth and swirled them in his mouth before releasing them with a quiet pop.

A groan was laced with his voice as he said, “you taste even better than I remember.”

Your hands were on his cheeks in an instant and pulling him towards your face and in a hasty scramble. He tasted of your own sweet arousal mixed with the hoppy lager he had drank at the bar. 

Keeping your lips on his, you carefully turned around and straddled his lap again, only this time there were no clothes to keep you separated. His cock sprang up and hit your bottom side as you continued kissing him.

Slowly, you started grinding your hips, letting your slit leak all over his cock. 

“Don’t tease me, please,” he begged.

You looked at the way his eyes pleaded with you. His face was washed in blue moonlight beaming in from an opening in your curtains. It cut right across his nose and shone solely on one eye, making the honey in his iris glow.

Your lips brushed along his and you cheekily smiled as you reached down and lined his erection up with your entrance. You sat down gradually, seeing the way his eyes rolled to the back of his head as you became completely seated.

You were breathing into each others’ opened mouths for a few moments to allow each other time to adjust. The headboard was cool against your fingers as you moved one hand back to hold yourself steady. Your hips started to rock back and forth across his lap.

Every back thrust had him hitting your spot sending shockwaves radiating to your core. You felt his calloused hands set themselves on each side of your hips as a gentle guide. He held you sweetly and looked up at you as you grinded on him.

“That’s it baby, just like that,” he breathed. “Use me.”

The room was filled with the sound of skin sliding across skin and heavy breaths, mixed with the soft sounds of the crickets chirping outside.

You gained more confidence and increased your speed. His hands wrapped around your back to keep up with the new pace.

“S-Sebastian, fuck you feel so good,” you whined.

“Yeah baby?”

You nodded your head against his lips.

The next thing you felt was being lifted up as Sebastian turned your bodies around so he was hovering over top of you.

He took your legs and hooked his arms under your knees and began pounding into you, at a whole new depth.

You were a moaning mess and you tried to grab a hold of something—anything. They both clung to the pillows on either side of your head and you gave the delicate material a death grip. 

“How’s that?” He asked as he rammed into you.

“Good, so fucking good.”

Every thrust had his pelvic bone hitting your clit and alongside with how deep he was hitting you, you were speeding towards another orgasm. 

The euphoric feeling made your toes curl and your fingers tighten even harder around your pillows. 

“You’re so tight, it’s like you were made for me,” he murmured. 

Your hands released the pillows and found their way to his shoulders where you pulled him even closer down to you. As he drilled into you, your nails created moon-shaped divots in his back.

“That’s it sweetheart, mark me.”

His thrusts were starting to become erratic, so you knew he was getting close. And the way you were pulsing around him, you were about to fall apart at the seams.

“Sebastian, I’m so close!”

“Say my name again, louder,” groaned.

“Sebastian!” 

You felt your body vibrate around him, sending ripples down your skin. It was electrifying, making your fingers and toes go numb. You closed your eyes and saw stars like fireworks going off behind your lids.

Sebastian grunted and stilled inside of you as he released himself all over your inner walls, painting everything white. 

As he started to pull out you stopped him. 

“What’s the matter?” He turned his head to glance down at you.

“What if you just… what if you just stayed inside?” You asked shyly.

He smirked and breathed out a small chuckle. “Anything for you my love.”

He laid beside you, spooning you from behind with his cock still buried deep inside of you. You missed his warmth and you weren’t about to let him go that easily.

He pressed light kisses across your bare shoulder blades. “I never thought I’d have this again,” he sighed. “Now I’m never letting you go.”

You paced your apartment a few times. Nights were when you got lonely, living in your own apartment with no roommates. But tonight, it was a different kind of lonely.

The aching-in-your-core kind of lonely.

The kind where you contemplated putting new batteries in your vibrator that you had run dead a few nights ago. But you weren’t sure that would even suffice this time.

You sat down, going to a website you know you shouldn’t go to when a flashing ad pops up in the corner. Kinky Connections Chatline with a glowing phone number beneath. The thought had crossed your mind before, but you had never tried it. But desperate times called for desperate measures.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you dial up the phone number and you’re immediately hit with their dial tone as you wait to be connected. But as you wait, the regret starts to sink in—a pit in your chest and a lump in your throat form.

But before you can talk yourself out of it, the line connects.

And a smooth, familiar voice fills your ear. It’s dripping with sex as he breathes into the phone. “Hello there, sweetheart. I’ve been waiting for your call. What can I do for you tonight?”

Immediately, your blood runs cold, your heart stops. It’s him, you would recognize that voice anywhere. 

Sebastian Sallow, your best friend. The only person in the world who knows you inside and out, who can make you laugh until you cry. And the one you secretly dream about.

You can’t help but gasp into the line. “Sebastian?” But then you hang up before he can answer.

Your cell phone drops to the floor in a quiet thud as it hits the carpet. You begin pacing again, wondering what the hell you had just gotten yourself into. The only sounds filling your apartment are your rapid breaths, each one more frantic than the last.

Had you really just called a sex hotline only to be met with the voice of your dearest friend?  Your face burns crimson as you think about what he said.

The next thing you know, your cell phone is vibrating. You lean down to pick it up and are met with Sebastian’s name going across the screen.

Maybe if you just play it off, he won’t know it was you.

You slide your finger across the answer bubble and place the phone next to your ear, taking in a deep breath.

”Hey!” You say, trying to sound calm and collected.

“That was not how I imagined you finding out about my…other job.” His voice sounded more like him. “Are you okay?”

Fuck.

Your cheeks burn again. “Yeah I-I’m just embarrassed.”

”Don’t be embarrassed. I’m the one who should be embarrassed. My best friend just called me for phone sex,” he laughed.

His laughter on the other end made your mind relax… but something deep inside of you tense up. 

“Hearing you say my name sounded so good…” he trailed off. 

“Yeah?” You ask, beginning to play his game.

”Yeah,” he huffed another laugh. “But don’t feel pressured. We can hang up right now and pretend this never happened. I can connect you to someone else if you want.”

”I-“ you started and pressed your phone to your chest, gathering up the courage. This was his job, you can let him do his job. “I don’t want to hang up.”

You hear him curse under his breath. “That’s my girl. I need you to lie back for me, baby. When you do, just close your eyes and listen to my voice. Can you do that for me?”

You nod your head against your phone. “Y-yes.”

You head towards your bedroom and lay out on top of your comforter, closing your eyes.

”Good girl,” he purred. “Tell me what you’re wearing, so I can picture you.”

You look down at your outfit, conveniently wearing an old shirt of his he had left at your house. You giggle lightly as you begin to speak. “Your old shirt. The one you got when we went to the beach.”

”Fuck, sweetheart that’s perfect. You can smell me on it can’t you? Is it soft against your skin? I need you to lay your hand on your stomach, we’re going to warm up, okay?”

You reach your hand under the hem of the shirt and rest it gently against your stomach just like he had asked, heat pooling in your core.

”Now, tell me what you’re wearing underneath.”

”Just… just my underwear.”

”What color? Are you wearing something dirty just for me?”

As the conversation goes on, you can feel him settle more comfortably into his role by the tone in his voice. He was still him but with a professional mask layered over top.

”Lace. I’m wearing black lace panties.”

A sharp inhale rattles through the line and you can hear him shifting in his seat. You imagined him in his own apartment, probably sitting comfortably on his leather couch you had sat on plenty of times.

”Now, touch yourself through the fabric baby. Just a light press against your panties, enough to make you ache for me.”

You trailed your hand from your soft skin on your stomach, down your navel, and right where you wanted Sebastian to be. You could feel your wetness seeping through the fabric already and the conversation had barely even started. A breath hitched in your throat at the contact.

”That’s it, just like that. Let me hear you. Are you wet already for me? Just from my voice?”

”Mhm,” you agreed, too afraid to speak the words.

“I want you to reach your hand inside and circle your clit for me. Nice and slow. Tease yourself.”

When you reach for your clit, you can’t help but let a small whimper escape your lips. You were even wetter than you thought as you began to take the pad of your middle finger in painfully slow circles. You whimpered out before you could stop it.

”Does it feel good? Tell me, baby. Tell me what you want me to do.”

”Don’t stop talking,” you plea as you slightly pick up the pace and arch into his absent touch.

”I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you. Keep circling that sweet clit of yours for me. Keep your eyes closed and imagine it's my tongue, swirling around you slowly. I would take my time with you until you were begging. I would lick up every bit you gave to me. Fuck, I wish I could see you right now, dripping for me.”

The image he was painting vividly in your mind was almost too much to bear. It was almost like you could feel the way his tousled brown hair tickled the inside of your thigh as his warm tongue enveloped you whole while his chocolate eyes stared you down.

“Now, I want you to slip a finger inside of you. Just one for right now. I want to hear how wet you really are for me,” he softly demanded.

Your finger stretched out your walls, swollen with desire. Your walls pulsed around your skin once as you settled inside of yourself. 

“Sebastian,” you breathed.

”That’s it baby. I can hear how soaked you are. All that just from my voice?”

”Y-yes.” Your finger continued to slowly ease inside of you, followed by more whimpers as you reached your knuckles.

”Now start pumping it in and out, take your time, don’t go too fast yet. Tell me what you’re thinking about.”

Through your lowered inhibitions and sudden boldness, you said, “I’m thinking about you.”

”Oh yeah? Tell me what part of me you’re thinking about?” His voice was lower now, growling for an answer, but when you took too long to reply, he started back up again. “Are you thinking about my mouth on your tits? Sucking those perky nipples of yours until you’re writing beneath me? Or my hand between your legs?”

”I-I’m thinking about you… inside of me.”

”Fuck baby. You’re such a good girl. I want you to add another finger inside of you, can you do that for me?”

You add in your ring finger alongside your middle, stretching you out even more than before.

”I want you to imagine your fingers are my cock stretching out your tight little cunt, filling you up so deeply until your legs are shaking around me. I would start slowly with my tip, circling it around your hole until it ached so much it hurt. And then I would inch myself into you until you couldn’t take any more of me. You’d like that wouldn’t you, sweetheart?”

”Mhm,” you replied, laced with a moan.

“You’re getting close aren’t you? I can hear it in your breaths. I know you’re getting so fucking tight around my cock. Don’t stop, I want you to come apart while you imagine it’s me stretching you out.”

You could feel the way your core began winding up, deep inside your belly. You were so close to coming you could almost taste the euphoria on your tongue.

”Please keep going,” you begged.

”Let go, baby. Come all over my cock. Imagine I’m there thrusting into you, so hard and deep as I drive you over the edge. Fuck, I can hear it now. You want to come don’t you?”

An orgasm was rapidly approaching for you, you were so close that your mind couldn’t come up with words, so you just whimpered into your phone.

”Come for me, baby, fall apart on me.”

The waves came crashing down, carrying you through a drift of stars behind your closed eyelids. A sharp cry caught in your throat as you rode out your high on your fingers, dripping your slickness down your palm. Your phone gently slipped out of your hand as you gripped tightly to your fluffy duvet. 

Even without the phone pressed to your ear, you could hear Sebastian begin speaking again as you settled into your mattress. “Fuck, listen to you. So beautiful when you break apart for me.”

You picked your phone back up and listened as he continued.

”How do you feel, sweetheart? Talk to me.”

”I can’t believe we just did that…” you whispered.

He chuckled on the other end as he took in a deep breath. “I can. I’ve thought about it more times than I can count,” he admitted.

Part of you couldn’t tell if this was still a part of his act or not. But you bit the bullet and asked anyway. “Can you… can you come over?”

Immediately you’re met with the sound of rustling clothes like he’s standing up, and the jingling of keys. “I… are you sure? This… this changes everything.”

”Please hurry.”

”Shit, okay sweetheart. Stay in your bed, keep my shirt on, okay?”

The line goes dead.

You spend the next ten minutes lying in wait, letting the ache build back up in your core as you thought about what you just did with your best friend—the one who was on his way to you right now to make your fantasies about him come true.

What if it had all been a part of the character he plays? What if he shows up and is just Sebastian again—your best friend?

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of him using his copy of your key to jiggle open the door, echoing off the silent walls as you feel the blush creep up your neck.

A few moments later, he’s standing with a heaving chest in your bedroom doorway. 

You stare at each other a moment before he comes walking over to you, crawling onto your bed and over top of your body.

“Seb?” You ask as he hovers over top of you.

“Yeah, baby?”

That term again… it made your stomach flip in on itself.

“Was… was that all an act?”

He crashed his lips onto yours in a starving kiss as his answer, sucking in your bottom lip into his wet mouth and nibbling lightly. 

He smelled of the wet pavement outside from the rain and his spiced cologne. His hoodie was still cold and damp from walking in from his car as you tugged at it, signaling you wanted him to take it off.

He slipped it over his head swiftly before finding your lips again with his. “I truly have thought about this too much, I swear it. It wasn’t an act with you.”

You brought your hands up to grasp onto his freckle-dusted cheeks and he groaned as he smelled your arousal on your fingers.

His lips gravitated towards your dominant hand and he licked from your palm to your fingertips. “Baby, you taste even better than I imagined.”

A whimper caught in your throat at the sight of him sucking delicately on your middle and ring fingers, lapping up every ounce of wetness you had left behind.

He got lost in the moment before he locked eyes with you and leaned back down. You could taste your sweetness on his lips combined with the mintiness of his breath. He was getting harder by the second as you could feel his growing erection through his sweatpants, pressed up against your thigh.

”Please Sebastian,” you whispered, unable to take a second longer without him inside of you.

“You look so sexy in my shirt,” he murmured against your skin as he trailed down your neck. “I’m going to take my time with you, just like I said I would.”

His warm hands eased under the hem of the shirt you were wearing until they were met with your breasts, perky under the cloth. He lifted it slowly to reveal them both to him and you could swear he gasped out loud. 

He brought one of your nipples into his mouth and swirled his tongue around your bud. But he made sure to pay attention to your other side with his hand, pinching your peak in between his thumb and forefinger until it was hard against the pads of his fingers.

His teeth grazed over the nipple in his mouth as he continued sucking on you. He let go with a soft pop. He pressed gentle kisses down your belly until his lips were lingering over your black lace panties.

”These are devastating on you,” he cooed. He slid them down your thighs until they were a pooled mess at the edge of your bed. And then he spread your thighs apart and drank in the sight of you. “Such a pretty little pussy.”

He lowered his face between your legs and dragged a tongue up between your folds. This… this was the exact image you had in your mind earlier, it felt like a gust of deja vu though it hadn’t truly happened before. 

You raked your fingers between his brunette strands as he made circles around your clit with his tongue, switching between points of pressure. 

“Sebastian…” you cried.

”Say my name again, baby.”

You breathed out his name again like a plea, desperate for more.

He replaced his tongue with his thumb, rubbing against your nub as he started sucking your inner thigh. The skin was sensitive under his mouth as he began leaving behind love marks on your bare skin. It tickled as his faint stubble brushed against you and combined with the pressure in your core, it nearly tore you apart.

You arched your back up off your mattress as you raced closer to a second orgasm. 

And then you hit a wall.

”Not yet, baby. I want you to come apart all over my cock. Can you do that for me?” He asked, flashing your mind back to his voice muffled by phone lines.

You nodded your head as he swung off your bed and pulled down his sweatpants. Underneath, he was wearing green flannel boxers and you could see the hard line of his erection pressed against the thin material.

In another swoop, he stepped out of them, springing his cock free.

He was bigger than you imagined—and you did imagine. His tip was flesh-toned and he was freckled slightly down his shaft, matching the ones adorning his face and chest. You had seen him shirtless, sure, but this was different.

He was mesmerizing to look at.

”Can I take this off?” He asked, tugging at his shirt covering your body.

You nodded again. He helped you pull it over your head and now you were both left completely bare.

He was over top of you in an instant, never taking his eyes off of you.

”I’ll go slow, okay?”

He lined himself up with your entrance and eased himself in.

Your chest hollowed out with a deep breath as you felt him stretch you to the brim.

”Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned.

You felt every vein as he pressed further into you, pulsing around him as he buried himself to the hilt.

”You feel so good, Seb.”

”Yeah baby? You’re otherworldly," he replied as he moved a strand of hair from your face. He slowly pulled out of you until all that was left inside of you was his tip and then he eased himself back in. “Is this what you wanted? What you imagined on the phone?”

“Y-yes,” you whimpered.

He picked up his pace and began thrusting into you deeply, hitting your spot every time.

”Right there? You like that?”

You answered by pulling his face to yours and brushing your lips against his, nodding your head. “Please don’t stop.”

The rain hit the window harder now, in time with your beating heart. The sun had completely set by now, so the only light shining in the room was a warm streetlight casting lines from the blinds across your moving bodies.

His thrust started to become erratic, signaling he was headed straight towards his release. 

The spring in your belly was winding up again too, tighter and tighter each time he hit your spot deep within you. 

“I want you to come for me. Come all over my cock, baby, please.”

His words sent you overboard, electricity shot from your core to every tip of your body as you shook around him. 

“That’s it baby, just like that,” he gushed.

”Sebastian,” you shuddered as you came around him.

You felt as he chased his own orgasm, painting your insides white with hot strings of his release. He continued driving into you until he was empty, collapsing on the pillow beside you.

Neither of you spoke for a few minutes. The only sounds filling the room were your heavy breaths and the raindrops hitting your window.

”Sebastian…” you started.

”Let me get you cleaned up.”

He stood up then and went to the bathroom he had been in hundreds of times and returned with a damp towel, insisting on wiping you up.

No more words were spoken even as he helped you redress into his worn shirt and he back into his sweats.

He laid beside you again, your breaths more calm now, and wrapped an arm around you.

”You know, I truly have thought about that for a long time,” he said against your hairline.

”You have?”

He nodded his head, you felt his stubble rub against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. “Millions of times. And none of them compare to the real thing.”

”I-I’m glad I called and you picked up.”

”Me too, sweetheart.”