Danica And Alex's Adventure Time in Ooorope!

Hiya! Neither of us did, no. But my boyfriend’s mother grew up there. Her mother and sister still live in Goldthorpe. :D Are you from Goldthorpe or the Sheffield area?

On our fourth day in Rome we would be exploring the slightly less busy North east corner which was the corner we were staying in. We caught the train to termini and walked up to the Circa Republica. Here we enjoyed a coffee in the sun overlooking the fountain. We made our way around the corner to the seriously unremarkable Theatro Opera, which is about as boring a building as I could name. Quite astonishing really considering how effortlessly Rome makes even the most mundane buildings seem like they are of the highest importance. A little further on we found ourselves in the square outside the Quirrinale, a series of museums and art galleries accompanied by repellently lengthy queues. The sun was blazing away and we couldn't muster the enthusiasm for spending the day indoors with weather this good, so we chuckled at the foolish queuers and moved on to the Trevi fountain down the hill.

  The Trevi fountain is a masterpiece of sculpting beauty. The water cascading over the statues was pristine and plentiful and it collected in a vast turquoise pool at the bottom which glistened in the sunlight. There were hundreds of people enjoying its beauty but we managed to work our way down to the fountains edge at sit for a while, simultaneously enjoying the peaceful flow of water whilst fending off flower salesmen and blokes trying to take our photo for money.

  Up the road from the fountain is the Piazza Barberini which we walked to in search of the church of Santa Maria Della Concezione. Inside this church is an ossuary, a crypt where a member of the capuchin monks decided to decorate several rooms with the bones of his fellow (deceased) monks. He started the odd practice in 1528 and it continued until 1870 after just over 4000 bodies had been contributed to the display. The whole arrangement was similar to the bone palace we had visited in Kutna Hora, except here there were complete skeletons standing upright wearing a grim reaper style robe, one was laying flat against the ceiling. In a way it was even more eerie than the bone palace, especially since there had been several children's skeletons used in the display. I can only hope they had died of natural causes.

  Afterwards, feeling strangely peckish we bought focaccias from across the road and took them to a nearby park where we sat in the grass and shade and watched the world go by. I had picked up a "cold" the day before and was feeling unusually achey and fatigued so the rest was exactly what the doctor ordered. As it turns out we were only a short distance from the park we had visited the day before and so we moved over there and watched the roller bladers for a while. Amazingly there was an older man out there today ad he was by far the most limber and energetic oldie I've ever seen. He continually performed one trick where he would skate up to a couple of limbo poles, positioned about 30cm above the ground, then do the splits and spin 360 degrees whilst sliding underneath them. It was most impressive. There was also a young girl practising her moves and she was also amazingly skilled for her age.

  After being dazzled by some skilled Italian roller bladers, we found a patch of grass nearby where we sat and invented cocktails themed on some of our favourite tv show and movie characters, including most often cast of breaking bad, adventure time, Harry potter and pirates of the Caribbean. Needless to say we are both super excited to accumulate a massive alcohol library and make these cocktails. I need of refreshment, we purchased lime Calippos and walked off towards the Spanish steps. Despite it being one of Romes major attractions, it is a seriously unremarkable sight. It descends to nowhere in particular nor ascends to anywhere interesting and is really about as basic as staircases come. It was littered with rowdy tourists and shamefully overrun with immigrants selling crappy souvenirs and roses. I say immigrants because its never the Italians that resort to this level of depravity, but predominantly African and middle eastern immigrants. It really does detract enormously from the beauty of some of the most of picturesque scenes around the world.

So there's this thing in the Vatican, it's a kind of chapel, and some bloke painted every freaking inch of it, and for some reason, that's the world's most popular tourist attraction.

I am of course, talking about the Sistine Chapel. And don't worry, I'm not actually that cynical, I do really think Michaelangelo's paintings are beautiful. But, like so many things if this trip, I'd already seen it with my family in 2011. But since Alex hasn't, we couldn't not go. The only really annoying thing about the Sistine Chapel is that it's impossible to see without going through the Vatican Museum first, and the Vatican Museum really isn't that interesting. So you pay €13, each, to shuffle through a pretty standard museum with a billion other people, to be herded into a chapel so crowded it's impossible to spend more than a few minutes gawping up at the ceiling before you get herded out again. And you can't take photos.

Take the fact I was happy to do this all again as a testament to how much I love Alex.

It's funny, because you know that if you could see the Sistine Chapel on it's own, no one would bother with the Vatican Museum. Crafty Catholic bastards.

So, two hours later, we stumble out of the Vatican into blinding sunlight, and decide it's time for our lunch, which we eat in a sort of glorified median strip nearby. Fed and watered, we began our walk through the north west quarter of Rome.

We decided to head along the river, and walked first to the Castel Sant Angelo, (which just reminds me of a dude I went to high school with.) It's a really cool building, and was used to hide one pope or another during a siege or some such. (I forget the details). In any case, there is a fantastic bridge, lined with large statues that leads right up to the castles front door, and you could get an amazing photo of this whole strip, if it weren't for an excessive and inordinate number of merchants selling shitty jewellery, splatter pigs, scarves, wooden bowls, glass cubes with the colosseum inside, and €5 mini tripods you can get at a reject shop for €1 (we know this because we did.) Although I try not to let It ruin my day, HOLY MOTHER OF DAMN it's so ANNOYING just GO AWAY stop ruining nice areas with your shit and making me feel like I'm racist cuz when I see an African or an Indian guy now I assume they're gonna get in my face an try and sell me UTTER RUBBISH. FUUUUUUUUUUU-!!

Rant over. Sorry. Here's some nice pictures to make up for it.

We continued our stroll along the banks of the Tiber, past beautiful buildings and down quaint alleyways. Eventually we emerged on a large square full of artists attempting to pawn off their paintings. Now that's street side selling Alex and I could live with, in many cases, we'd love to buy something, but it's just be impossible to get it home. Shame, we saw some lovely paintings. In the middle of this square was a big, gorgeous fountain and a huge obelisk. The water looked cool and clear and the sculptures were very impressive, depicting overly muscular, naked, bearded men grappling with octopi and fish and such.

About this stage the heavens decided to open, and we found ourselves reasonably drenched. Quickly, on with the macks and up with the brolly. Pressing on despite the rain we found our way to the Pantheon, a building originally built as a temple to worship all the gods (therefore pan, meaning all, and theon, from theos, meaning gods.) but, like so many buildings, was taken over and turned into a Catholic Church. Still. It was free, and quite cool to walk around, if only for a few minutes. We also experienced some of the odd, nitpicky sexism that comes with visiting churches, in that Alex was asked to remove his hat. On principle, if Alex has to take his hat off, I do too, and when I did this, the security woman said "no, no, not you madam." We ignored her, and carried on, hatless. I don't get it.

The rain had ceased for a few minutes, and we thought it would be nice to buy a gelato and sit by the fountain outside the pantheon to eat it. Unfortunately, when we left the gelateria, it had started raining again, but we sat by the fountain, huddled under our umbrella. Because bugger it.

Carrying on we headed up the Via del Corso, which is one of the major roads in Rome, and leads directly from the Vittorio Emmanuel Momument to Piazza del Popollo, which was our next stop. Oddly enough the sun just decided to come out again, and by the time we reached the piazza, we had once again worked up quite a nice sweat (as those macks are like a damn sauna once the sun comes out) and were happy to refresh ourselves in the fountain in the middle of the square. Unfortunately, while we stopped for a moment to take some photos, a man walks up to me and tried to get me to buy some roses. I decline. He then insists, and turns to Alex with a look of "you should buy your girlfriend some roses". We just wouldn't fuck off without either a fight or a rose bought. Shit man... Get a better job.

We noticed a set of stairs at the far end of the square, and walked up them, finding ourselves in a beautiful park! There was an area which overlooked the Piazza, and half offered a superb view of Rome. The park was very large, with many little paths and lots and lots of seats. The grass was beautifully lush and green and covered with those little white daisies and there were plenty if trees to shade you from the sun, which was now quite hot. We sat under one for a while and read, before moving on for a slightly longer walk. We walked along a long road right down the middle, which was teeming with walkers, bike riders, big four person pedal cars, and a whole group of roller skaters, whom, we watched for a little while, because people who can roller skate or ice skate are so amazingly graceful and cool, and we wish we could do that. We carried on.

By and by we came across a small shallow pool with a fountain in the middle. It sat at the bottom of a hill, covered with lush grass and couples, all reclining against yes, or lying on each other's laps and enjoying the sun and each others company. In the pool itself was a young family....of ducks!! Mumma duck and papa duck and a teeny-tiny, oh-so-freakin adorable bubby duck!!

Rome was transformed overnight into a depressingly soggy, grey mess of souvenir merchants, umbrella salesmen and panicked tourists eager to escape the rain at all costs. Luckily we were still in possession of our brolly acquired in Venice which did a fine job of keeping us dry whilst also allowing us to take photos without getting the camera wet. Neat!

Our destination today was the south eastern quarter, within which is located the Colosseum, Roman Forum, Circo Massimo and the Capitoline Hill. We exited Collosseo station and were immediately confronted with the immensity of the colosseum, which is big, but actually not quite as big as I had imagined it would be. But still it was very impressive, we did a brief half circuit of its exterior before lining up with the several thousand other tourists who had decided to visit in the rain. Upon purchasing tickets, we discovered that our €12 tickets were also valid for the Roman Forum and the Palatino, which is awesome because in our budget we had allowed for two separate €12 each expenses. So we now have €24 to gratify ourselves elsewhere.

Inside the colosseum, although I have seen many photos of the interior, it is still an awesome feeling standing in the arena looking around trying to imagine how it must have looked 2000 years ago when it was full of screaming Romans excited over the impending dismemberment of a poor fighter in the ring. I'm always a little surprised to see that the floor is not the large sandpit that the movie Gladiator would lead you to believe it is. In fact it is a maze of walls and tunnels. Anyway it was very impressive and mercifully spacious inside once the crowds had spread themselves out.

Having done that we moved over the road to the Forum which is a large open space full of crumbling ruins and temples, all overgrown and grassy. We strolled through the forum for perhaps an hour or so, again trying to imagine what this scene looked like 2000 years ago, when Romans would be rushing around in sandals and togas, which is a nicer image than the one that stood before us now, which consisted of spatially oblivious tourists pushing and shoving their way around. After seeing all of the outdoor ruins, we took a quick look inside the Palatino which is a museum inside the forum grounds that displays roman antiquities and artefacts. However the corridors were exceedingly narrow and there were far too many people escaping the rain in here to make the experience even marginally enjoyable, so we moved on.

Fortunately as we were leaving the rain eased off and the sun peeped out from the clouds from time to time giving us brief periods of sunshine. We continued past the side of the forum, down to the Circo Massimo, a large oval shaped expanse of grass which looks like the remnants of a jousting arena, I am however ashamedly ignorant of its original purpose, so I shall research the matter and report back later. Beyond the Circo Massimo we procured Chuppa Chups and then continued our walk past the usual array of churches and ruins before ending up at the Museo Capitolini. We had a look around the grounds but didn't feel much like going in so we found our way around the back of the museum and discovered a balcony offering some awesome views back over the Forum but at a different angle from which they looked quite splendid.

We then walked around the corner to the Capitoline Hill Monument which is a gargantuan white monument with a museum inside it outlining the history of the Italian military and police, as well as biographies on Vittorio Emanuele and Giovanni Garibaldi, two men whose names are given to seemingly every single major boulevard and piazza in Italy. I think the Italians are proud of these men's achievements, which are modest indeed. The museum was free however, which is always a welcome bonus to a couple of overtly frugal backpackers such as ourselves.

To cap off the afternoon we sought refreshment at the "scholars arms", an Irish pub nearby with an Italian and an Australian bartender, mostly foreign beers with the exception of Guinness and Kilkenny, and and a generic pub look and feel. In fact the only thing specifically "Irish" about this pub was the series of portraits on the walls depicting Irish intellectuals and other worthies. The atmosphere was very congenial and after a few beverages we were feeling delectably giddy, and also a bit peckish So we ordered some chips. Well...when in Rome.

During our refreshment session I glanced outside and noticed that the sun was shining with a certain vehemence, as if to imply that we were impetuously wasting our time, and not wishing to be guilty of such an inexcusable crime we hastened out into the glorious roman sunshine for a gentle afternoon stroll back towards the hostel. Along the way we found yet more ruins, a small park with some old men playing Bocci and a large basilica located just down from Termini called the Basilica of Santa Maria Maggiore. It's a small but chunky and ornate church and is in fact one of only four Basilicas in the entire world....technically speaking. Only St Peters in Vatican City, this church and two others in Rome are official basilicas. All other churches masquerading as basilicas are in fact only "minor basilicas" or not one at all. Originally, basilica simply meant any church with a transept, but was then taken to define a building of importnace with a large domed roof, but as early as the 1780's it has officially been taken to mean any church which the Pope has consecrated and elevated it to the status of minor basilica. I personally prefer the domed roof definition, I think it neatly encapsulates a very lovely architectural style, but mostly because I couldn't give a fuck if a bloke in a stupid hat decides that a particular church is more holy than the others.

Ahhhh Rome! Where the cars are lethal, the coffee excellent, the people argumentative, and the buildings predominantly ancient. Home to more churches than you could shake a stick at, and more hagglers that you care to meet in a lifetime. The weather threatened to be dreadful for our entire stay after glimpsing a weather forecast for the city at Roma Termini station. However, as you will soon see, the weather was miraculously favourable, and by the end of our stay in this truly amazing city, we would be treated to some of the most agreeable sunshine we have experienced since our last summer in Australia, which was over a year and a half ago now. So anyway, let us begin with day one.

Our hostel was located somewhat on the outskirts of the city, near Bologna Station, and was one of the stranger hostels we have stayed in. It was a small 5 room affair situated at the bottom of a large block of flats, as if converted from the garages of the flats above. Each room was shaped like a long narrow corridor with the beds arranged in parallel along the wall, and they were stark, white and undecorated. The room did feature luggage lockers, as well as the worlds most abused and rudimentary bathroom, complete with an intemperate showerhead and several unhealthy odours.

With so much to see and only four days to see it all, we divided our city map into four quarters and spent one day exploring each. Because this day was already half over we set off for the least detailed quarter which is the south western corner, over the river Tiber. The metro system in Rome is actually fairly limiting. There are only two lines in the city, neither of which go near the city centre, and which only intersect once at Roma Termini, making stops at termini a memorable experience as commuters hurriedly switch between lines A & B and form a large crush at the platforms each time.

The metro did not go where we needed it to so we had to find the appropriate bus, which having done so we were told by the driver that he does not sell tickets and we would have buy them elsewhere. There was a small ATAC (roman transport) stall nearby but as is standard with Italians, the attendant was unaccounted for, doing things other than running the business he should be running (presumably arguing with the nearest coffee vendor about the quality of Messi's goal last night in the football?). We eventually bought tickets from a bar of all places and caught our bus to the centre of town.

As we got off there was across the road a large jumble of ruins which we briefly inspected before moving off into the backstreets toward a large hidden market square full of stalls selling spices and produce out of little wicker baskets. I was really quite adorable and the perfect spot for lunch, which we purchased in the form of two pizza squares. We moved on through another network of backstreets before coming across the river, which we followed along to a small island and crossed over to it. We then continued south through yet more backstreets past infinite churches and found ourselves at the foot of an invitingly verdant hill with a narrow winding road snaking up it which we followed until we reached a Spanish consulate building. Alongside the consulate were views over the whole of Rome which we had not expected to find. I had always presumed Rome to be a relatively flat city, similar to London, so this sudden panorama view was indeed a lovely bonus to our otherwise tame walk so far.

Having soaked in the view, we moved further up the hill past gorgeous orange villa style mansions and found a large fountain with an unknown purpose, but it was beautiful and ornate, as well as heavily guarded by the military? Further through the hills we found a large archway n a small roundabout and then further along we found the entrance to a series of large parklands that extend far beyond our maps boundaries and run all the way up behind Vatican City. We followed these parks through expansive fields of lush grass, shady grottos, wooded dells and finally into a well manicured and detailed garden with an enormous mansion at its eastern edge. We spent a while romping around amongst the grass and the daisies and feeling like we could have spent days just lying in the gardens in a state of perpetual bliss. Nevertheless we pressed on.

A good thing we did too, because after exiting the parklands and moving back into the residential streets, we soon realised that we had no idea where we were as we had strayed way off our map. We spent the next hour or so walking exploratively down various streets in search of Vatican City which was somewhere nearby at the foot of this hill, but always slightly obscured by a house or wall or some other unyielding object which made navigation slow and difficult. Eventually we found ourselves on a large main road lined with shops and cafes and we ducked into a newsagents to ask directions to the Vatican. He thrust his arm out, hail hitler style and said "Shooom", which is about as unambiguous an answer as you could want really.

We followed the road around and before we knew it we were standing in the middle of St Peters square. At the head of the square towering over everyone was the bulk of St Peters Basilica which was our last port call for the day. As every tourist brochure will tell you, St. Peter's is the worlds largest church in its smallest country. Even if you are ardently opposed to religious institutions, St. Peter's is unmissable even if its the only church you ever enter in tour entire life. If nothing else, it will solidify your belief that the Roman Catholic Church has more wealth than it could possibly ever need, but there is no escaping the awe that is inspired by the sheer immensity of this structure. It is a monster. We spent nearly an hour gawking at the height of the ceilings, the width of the pillars that hold the roof up, the art that details every square inch of wall and ceiling space, the statuary interspersed around the place. Located inside is one of Danicas all time favourite statues where the sculptor has "created wind from stone" in her words, and he truly has. Where the toga wraps around the knee, there is a definite knee shape behind the cloth and the toga flows out behind venus elegantly and effortlessly. It is an amazingly powerful illusion of wind and motion where there is in fact none at all.

There are many things on this trip that I'd done, or seen before with my family two years ago. Nonetheless, most of them were so good I'm more than happy to do them again with Alex, plus, because I've already seen them, I can relay some of the things I remember about them (who needs a tour guide?) One of these things is Pompeii, which is a definite must if you're going to Italy, although, maybe stay in Salermo or something, rather than Naples. I dunno, anyway...

We planned to get up quite early and head out for the day, to try and see as much of the ancient city as we could. Pompeii is actually a modern town, with the ancient roman city referred to as 'Pompeii Scavi'. This in mind, we arrived at Pompeii station, and then had to find our way to the archeological site, but first we needed breakfast. We decided to be clever (something we did remarkably little over the course of this trip) and brought our own cereal for breakfast. We also found a small deli and bought cheese, salami, bread rolls, milk (for the cereal) and an energy drink or two, because we were for some reason, completely shattered. We ate our cereal in the park, feeling a little bit odd but ultimately just happy for some food. When we had woken up the sky was clear and blue, which filled us with a great amount of joy, but by this stage, dark storm clouds were already rolling in, and we were faced with the grim prospect of seeing Pompeii in the pouring rain. Luckily, we had macks and our found umbrella.

A walk (that later proved to be longer than it needed to be- damn misleading signage) later, we found ourselves at one of the entrances to Pompeii Scavi. We bought our tickets, and began our day by looking at one of the amphitheatres, trying to avoid the large school groups, which, at this pointin the morning, were the only other visitors to the site.

As we left the amphitheatre, it started to rain. Determined to make the most of it, we put up the umbrella and carried on, stopping to look at Pompeii's vineyard and make note of the name of the wine they produce, before heading up a cobbled street to look at some preserved ruins of houses.

At this point, we got stuck behind a school group and it was a while before we could duck around them. The rain was quite heavy, and it was a bit of a hassle trying to take good photos underneath the umbrella. We wandered along the streets of the old city, heading towards the centre of the town, where the Forum and such were. It is amazing how well some of the houses have been preserved. Most of the houses are stone huts, probably two stories, based on the stairs that lead to nowhere, which have now been partially destroyed. But the larger, more elaborate houses must have been made of stronger materials, as they have been preserved far better, and things like mosaic floors and frescoes remain in pretty good condition.

As we left one larg roman house, the rain seemed to stop! Eventually, the sun came out, and although there remained quite a few clouds in the sky, the rain held off all day! We were so happy! Unencumbered by the rain and the bulky ness of our umbrella, we wandered through Pompeii, finding old squares and houses, and finally the great forum with it's huge temple. If you face the temple, on your left side is a sort of shed. Bars stop you from going in, but you can easily look through them and see shelves upon shelves stuffed with preserved pottery, statues and...people. Some of the citizens of Pompeii were preserved in the fallen volcanic ash, and their forms, mummified in a scabby, scaly, concrete-like covering, can be seen in the forum. One of the figures lies on it's back, but the other sits hunched over in the foetal position. As the clouds dispersed, we could see the huge and ominous form of Vesuvius in the background, and the awful reality of why this town is here sinks in.

We we pretty hungry now, and decided to take a break. There is a small cafeteria in the middle of the city, and Alex grabbed a coffee while I used the bathroom. The cubicles are raised slightly above the rest of the bathroom, and on the outside of each door there is a 'watch your step' sign. As I waited for a cubicle to become free, a door opened, and a woman stumbled out, losing her footing on the tiny step. She looked wildly around her and seeing me, said, in all seriousness, in a thick American accent "gee, they tell ya to mind your step on the way on the way in, but not on the way out!" And then she stormed off. Jesus Christ America....

After our coffee we hiked off to the northern edge of Pompei where a small path takes you up an embankment where you can get a very nice panoramic view over the Petrified city as well as the new city below it nestled amongst the hills and the harbour. It was here that we unpacked our lunch; bread rolls, cheese and salami, and ate in the presence of this wonderful view and a stray dog which had joined us and was patiently waiting at our backs, lest a scrap of food fall on the ground. He got no food, but did have an animated and noisy fight with another dog on the other side of a fence, a fight so ferocious it stopped us and several other tourists dead in our tracks as we took our leave.

We spent the rest of the afternoon seeing the remainder of Pompeii's principal ruins, such as the forum, the amphitheatre and a brothel tucked away down a narrow laneway. Inside the brothel are frescoes depicting couples engaged in various acts of coitus, which according to my trusty tour guide (Danica) serve as a kind of "menu" for explaining which services you would like by simply pointing to a diagram. There is also meant to be a phallus carved into the street somewhere nearby which acts as a kind of directional arrow pointing in the direction of the brothel. We set of in search of it but never found it, so we headed for the exit via the amphitheatre where a group of schoolchildren were performing a choir song to a modest crowd of onlookers. The acoustics of the amphitheatre were impressive for an open air structure. The sound carried magnificently to say the least.

We made our way slowly back to Naples on the train. With the sun shining so brightly and having had a splendid day in Pompei, I was desperate to try and see Naples properly before we left for Rome the next day. So we went back the hostel, did a quick round of laundry, then raced off to the train station where we found the tourist information office. With all the tactfulness and decorum that we have come to expect from Danica now, she thrust our map of the city in front of the young man, pointed to a spot near the city centre and barked "How do we get here!" Something for which I presume she would bite a customers head off if they ever tried it with her in a cafe. But it worked amazingly, the man gave us the directions by metro, bus and on foot, then strongly recommended that we walk. An excellent recommendation as it turned out.

  Rubbish, errywhere,

A woman riding a scooter, sans helmet, but stalking on her phone, with a 3 year old in front of her (that’s 4 kinds of illegal in Australia.)

3 teenagers crammed onto one scooter (not a helmet in sight)

4 lanes of traffic coming from different directions, converging on one street, completely ignoring the pedestrian crossing, all just mushing into one another.

A street merchant guy trying to sell cigarette lighters.

A man in a maroon uniform, speed walk down a median strip with a tray of coffee.

Diagonal double parks

Remnants of bonfires outside the main train station

An suave as Asian man yell at, and almost fight a seedy ass-pickpocket on a crowded bus. All in Italian.

The ‘take a number’ system absolutely fucked, up the butt. Just, don’t even worry about it.

Take away coffee served in those shitty plastic cups you get at water coolers in doctors waiting rooms.

The weirdest customer service ever. Try to order at bar, grunt and nod in direction of register. Try to order at register, no one guy on phone. Barista at bar stares at you like “why are you just standing there, what do you want?”

I just realised I accidentally skipped Florence, so please bear in mind this all occurred before we got to Naples. Sorry.

Our gorgeous weather of our last day in Venice carried over, and we arrived in Florence to a blazing sun. We soon found our accommodation for the night. Florence is severely lacking in hostels, or they were all booked out, so we were staying in a cheap hotel. However, this hotel had an attitude problem. Although it was really lovely, the were signs everywhere telling you not to slam doors (a feat that was actually quite hard as ours kept getting stuck) and making you feel guilty for wanting to watch a movie or use the wifi instead of seeing the gorgeous city. Well excuse me if I've spent all day trekking around your city and want to use your wifi to send an email to my mum? Or have a quiet night I and watch a movie. Don't you tell me what to do with my time! It was very annoying, I found.

That aside, we went off to see the city. Florence is simply gorgeous. It is possibly one of my favourite Italian cities, but, like all Italian cities, it would be greatly improved with the removal of all immigrant men trying to sell utter SHIT on the side of the road, and frankly, getting all up in your way. I wandered what would happen if I "accidentally" kicked the shitty robotic horse that's on the footpath... Oh, sorry bro, but it's kind of in the middle of a busy pedestrian path. But I didn't,because I know they're organised. And that scares me.

Florence is full of stunning buildings, beautiful winding streets, and fabulous statuary- most notably, michaelangelo's David, which we saw first. We paid €6 apiece to go into a small art museum full of, quite frankly, very bori religious art, and a room full to the ceiling of plaster sculptures. You sort of wander through thinking "is this even worth it?" And then you turn a corner and BAM, there he is, and you're like "AWH shit, yeah it is." The David is massive, absolutely huge. Way bigger than either of us expected and that, I think, was what was so impressive about it. Ultimately, it's like the Mona Lisa, you know what it looks like, you've seen it a thousand times. But, while the Mona Lisa is tiny and a little disappointing, the David is hugely rewarding. We couldn't take photos ourselves, so here's one from google.

After the Academia Gallery, we found the Duomo, or Florence Cathedral. In all honesty, it's really not hard to find at all. It's an absolutely amazing building. It started construction in 1296 and wasn't completed until 140 years later. It's almost inconceivable to think of a building taking that long to build in today's standards. With the exception of the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, I can't think of another building that would take 3 generations to complete nowadays. It's a beautiful church, the outside constructed of coloured marble, and decorated with slabs of green, white and red marble. The dome is absolutely massive. We didn't go inside, simply because we had one day in Florence and didn't want to waste it standing in a line that stretched half way around the building.

Opposite the duomo is the baptistery, a gorgeous building in and of itself, but which is of fair significance to art geeks. Fillipo Brunelleschi, a florentine painter, conducted in experiment through which he re-discovered linear perspective, and is thus responsible for portraits being placed in a believable and realistic space, rather than flat on a flat background. I fear I explained that really terribly, so here's a little video that explains it better: http://smarthistory.khanacademy.org/Brunelleschi.html

Also, the doors of the baptistery are phenomemenal, and a really great example of the newly discovered linear perspective.

  We headed away from the main squares and it's many gypsies through the narrow streets of Florence to another smaller church which faced a much quieter square. Although full of merchants and buskers, it was much less busy, and felt far more comfortable and relaxed, there wre people lying about enjoying the sun, and happily watching a man play banjo with a small dancing figurine. Also there was the (standard in Italian towns) Dante statue, except here it felt more reasonable, since Dante came from Florence.

We moved on and towards the river. We had a gorgeous view of the Ponte Vecchio, which is a really nice bridge, and would be way better if it wasn't covered in street merchants. The bridge itself is lined with shops, every single one of them bring a jewellery shop for some reson.

We stopped for a gelato and a rest just off the bridge. Alex had his standard lemon and I got a raspberry, which was delicious! I remembered from last time I had visisted Florence, a sort of square, lined with statues of influential and famous (I assume) Florentines. This was around the corner, so we went to check it out. It was, as I remembered, pretty cool, but I remembered knowing more of the names. Or maybe I only really remembered Galileo. (He verified what Copernicus discovered, in that the earth revolves around the sun. (He did not discover gravity. I made that mistake once, I ain't doin that again.))

Following this smaller square though you come out at a much larger square, called the piazza della signoria. It is a truly excellent square, full of enormous statues, including a copy of The David. When Michaelangelo first created the sculpture, it became a symbol of the city, and was displayed in this square. However, it was moved inside and a replica put in it's place to protect it. There is also an amazing fountain. (Which wasn't running. :c)

Finally, we walked back up past the train station to a large castle-like fort, which was pretty cool, although closed by the time we got there.

Our last day in Venice co-incited with what we thought to be THE WORST day to be in an Italian city for an agnostic and an atheist: Easter. For one, everything in closed, and for two, we feared going into town for fear of churchies. Also, when we woke up, it was pouring. Fan-freaking-tastic.

Our hotel doesn’t provide any sort of breakfast, but luckily the day before we had the foresight to buy a jar of Nutella and some bread rolls, and so managed to procure ourselves some form of breakfast. Desperate to find something to do or eat, we took a short stroll through the pouring rain to the other side of the train station, where, to our amazement and joy, we found a cafe, that was open, and had free wi-if at a reasonable speed (something our hotel sorely lacked.) We chose seats by the window, with the glorious view of desperate umbrella-men, and had a few coffees while we downloaded Role Models and Watchmen from the iTunes Store.

Heading back to the hotel, we made ourselves a comfy nest (feat to unreasonable since our quilts were down-stuffed and feathers kept falling out of them) and watched Role Models. To our joy, by the time the movie had finished, the rain had stopped and the sun was out! We speedily got ready to go out and went to see Venice in the sun!

We were happily surprised to find that many stores and establishments were open, but ignored them anyway, and spent a lovely, albeit tiring afternoon walking along the northern end of the island, once again managing to get ourselves hopelessly lost, but finding an umbrella in the process! (D and Alex: 1, umbrella men: 0) It’s a really good umbrella!

We wrapped up our day with dinner at a canal-side restaurant. Since we barely sent anything, we didn’t mind the €40 bill, but something doesn’t feel right when you think about the fact that a spaghetti bolognese, a small pizza, a gin-tonic and a beer cost you twice as much as it should.

Our second day in Venice started out well enough. It was cloudy but we decided to be stylish fuckers today and left our puffy jackets at home. Due to our natural aversion to crowds, where everyone else took a left, we took a right, and ended up wandering around the quieter streets of Venice, which was a lovely change, as they are, for the most part, equally nice. However, it began to rain, and pretty much didn't stop for the rest of the day. We didn't have an umbrella, and didn't want to buy one from the HORDE of umbrella selling men who pestered us all day.

Nevertheless, despite seriously regretting our choice of jacket wear, we persevered as long as we could. We saw some lovely churches, and some very pretty bridges.

Left. Right. Dead end, turn around. Right. Canal. Bridge. Left. Beggar. Church. Left. Right. Left. Square. Puddle. Canal. Left. Square. Left. Dead end, turn around. Right. Umbrella man. Left. Mask stall. Right. Left. Bridge. Square. Church. Right. Canal. Bridge. Left. Right. Left. Right. Gondola. Ask directions.

Indeed Venice is something of a maze. It may be unfair to criticise the layout of such an ancient city, but for all it's innate beauty Venice is a seriously difficult and at times infuriating city to navigate. For those not familiar with Venetian geography, the old town is located on a small island a few hundred metres off the mainland with a road/rail bridge connecting the two. It is the island that has the famous canals and bridges and gondolas. We were not staying on the island, but in a slightly overpriced hotel/hostel near the secondary train station, Venezia Mestre, on the mainland. We did our usual check in, bag dump, freshen up routine then headed straight over to the island.

With a phone and gps, Venice would be a doddle to walk. But with nothing but a moderately detailed map, it is sometimes impossible to work out where you are, or having found yourself, to know in which direction to move. To compound the frustration, several thousand equally perplexed and disoriented tourists are swarming around with little regard for where they are going or who they knock out with their SLR cameras sporting a four foot lens. The trick we found with Venice is to just go with the flow. As long as you don't have a specific destination you are aiming for, everything becomes far more pleasant and you feel adrift in a maze of intimately connected alleys and squares.

Amid this sea of pandemonium, we found our way to the Rialto, the famous bridge over the Grande Canal right at the heart of the old town. Lining the shores of the grand canal are ristorantes and trattorias galore, as well as armies of gondola boatmen waiting to desperate tourists on a romantic tour of Venice's congested and mayhemic canals, to the hefty tune of €80.00. Not wishing to part with an entire days spending money for a 45 minute boat ride, we stayed well clear of them. Instead we continued our involuntary crawl in the general direction of the San Marco Piazza.

Along the more heavily travelled alleys are numberless shops selling exquisite Venetian masks and Murano glass products, all of which are extremely beautiful and crafted with the utmost skill and perfection. Occasionally there would be a more typical souvenir shop selling absolute shite for a ludicrous sum, but it was mostly masks, glassware, handbags or gloves. Again, afloat on a tide of writhing masses we were dragged into the middle of the San Marco Piazza. This is Venices primary attraction and focus point. At the head of the piazza is the Basillica de San Marco, and forming its other three boundaries are a library, archaeological museum, galleria de Bevilacqua, as well as the Palazzo Ducale and Palazzo Patriocale at either side of the basilica. The whole square is a masterpiece of architectural finesse.

But, as in Milan with the Duomo, it is amazingly difficult to stop and appreciate the beauty when surrounded by massive crowds riddled with gypsies and other nefarious types. We made our way out of the piazza and over to the shoreside where the grand canal meets the even larger Canale di San Marco. At the mouth of the grande canal is the bulky and grand Santa Maria Della Salute church. The waterways in and out of this canal entrance are nothing if not chaotic. In typical Italian style; ferries, gondolas, water taxis, and all other private watercraft race around picking up crowds of tourists and shuttling them off to some other location. There seem to be no rules, no right of way, no lanes, nothing but the simple guideline of don't hit anything. And how they manage to exercise that principle is essentially a mystery to me.

After a short stroll along the waters edge and exploring a minute patch of greenery that is the Giardini ex Raili, we started the long arduous task of finding the station or "Ferrovia". It is signposted at intervals but only vaguely. Sometimes the signpost will point both left and right which is just maddeningly unhelpful. Other times the sign will point down an alley way where there won't be another sign for quite a while, requiring you to make a series of guesses before finding the next one. We got back though, alive and slightly wet from the light rain that had began to fall.

For dinner we decided to just eat at the trattoria attached to the hotel. But it was closed. S we tried the one across the road but it was also closed, and we ended up walking along the main road to a little ristorante by the highway. When we arrived the staff were eating their own meals, and the restaurant was empty aside from them. We took our seats and the restaurant began to fill up until it was full to capacity by the time we left. So full in fact that it took the waiter 15 mins to bring our bill just so we could pay and leave.

Our second day in Verona started out pleasantly enough with coffee and croissants, except we got the last two random croissants, so i got a custard one, and Alex ended up with a plain one with apricot jam. Ergh.

We decided to first go and see the Casa di Giulietta, because Shakespeare based Romeo and Juliet on a true story... Sort of. There was definitely a Capello family in Verona, and their house still stands, which has now been turned into a museum. The house faces a tiny square, and features "the balcony" where Romeo and Juliet meet- "Romeo Romeo where doth art thou etc." the square itself is now taken up by tacky souvenir shops, walls covered in lovers graffiti, and weirdly enough, written-on wads of old chewing gum, and a bronze statue of Juliet, whose breasts had been highly polished by thousands of immature tourists, with nothing more interesting to do than to grope a metal statue. We took a few photos, and moved on.

Shortly, we came across a small square, in which was a market. Unfortunately, this wasn't the interesting food or home-made artisan items market that we loved. About 3 of the stalls sold fresh fruit and veggies, and the other 27 sold the same kitschy, tacky souvenir crap. Moving along we found a square featuring a statue of the most thoughtful Dante I've yet seen, as well as some tombs, an explanation for which we could find none.

  Satisfied that they will forever remain a mystery we continued our walk throu the narrow and winding streets of Verona to the river, which we crossed in order to have a look at the Roman ruins on the other side. A small fee later we were climbing over an ancient amphitheatre and walking amongst the remnants of such a huge and influential civilisation. The museum was quite good, it had some excellent statues and busts, and a large collection of copper figurines. After so many roman based museums, I'm getting very good at identifying Diana, Minerva, Bacchus and Mercury, who seem to be the more popular gods and goddesses. Leaving the Roman temple and it's pagan gods, we moved along the riverbank to the temple of a far scarier religion. Being an Italian city, there are, of course, a multitude of Catholic Churches, "minor" basilicas and cathedrals. The reason why I quotated "minor" is because the are only about 4 real basilicas in the world, and they're all in Rome or Vatican. In fact, we learned that a basilica is not a term for describing an architectural style, although it once was. In typical catholic style, the church has taken a word, and changed its meaning (because they can do that?) so now, irrespective of dome size, a church can only be called a basilica if deemed so by the Pope. And thus, only 4 basilicas, and a whole bunch of "minor" basilicas. The basilica was very beautiful, as most churches are, which is why we visit them.

  Having found ourselves exhausted of sights to see, we were at a lost of what to do next. We got lunch at a small cafe, where we tried to chill out, despite the waitress assuming we wanted the bill each time we tried to order coffee.

When I look back on this trip and think of Verona, two distinct feelings will come to mind. For starters, the beautiful architecture, beautiful lane ways, the historic roman ruins, and the all around romantic and lovely atmosphere. Then there will be the overwhelming fact that Italy is expensive, inconsistent and frustrating.

To begin, our accommodation for the night was a so called bed and breakfast, located in someone's apartment. We arrived at 11.30 and although check in was at 1 we hoped to at least drop our bags off. We rang and rang the doorbell to no answer, and so had to just go and sit in a cafe for an hour an a half. Not unpleasant, but very annoying.

When we could finally check in, we returned to the building, and again rung the buzzer. No answer. Luckily, another resident of the building arrived at the same time and let us in. We found the apartment in question and rang the doorbell. And waited. And waited. And rung again, and only then did a young, Italian girl, sporting ugg boots and a cigarette open the door, and point us to a room. She didn't ask who we were, didn't check any ID, just showed us a room and chucked an invoice on the table. Oh, and she only took cash. And she didn't speak any English. And the lights were always off. And the wifi just wasn't on. And why was this costing us €72??? Nonetheless, we explained we'd need to get cash out, and went to have showers. The shower was just stupid! The bathroom has no fan so there was a surplus of mould on the ceiling. And the shower itself was in a tiny little bath 1m long, with a raised section half way along, so you were confined to a tiny space barely big enough to stand comfortably in to shower.

Showered and changed, we headed out to see the city. Verona really is absolutely gorgeous. We visited the amphitheatre arena, which was overpriced for what was there but still very cool. We then had a very late but tasty and well priced lunch at a Hippopotamus restaurant, which is kind of like Hogsbreath I suppose. Still, pretty good. We then spent the rest of the afternoon wandering the gorgeous little lane ways, through the castel vecchio (which was absolutely gorgeous) and then along the city walls, which are surrounded by parks covered in the greenest, most luscious grass either of us have seen for a while.

Milan is only half an hour from Como by train, but only if you catch an express that has come from somewhere distant, Zurich for example. For the purposes of saving ourselves a long walk to the main station on the other side of town, we caught the train from the lesser station, which is a terminus that services every single minute town and suburb between Milan and Como and takes 3 times as long. And it terminates at a station on the outskirts of Milan which meant we had to catch the metro to Centralle station where we walked all the way to our hostel in a run down part of town between two overpasses. A we arrived at the hostel we noticed a metro station nearby which would have saved us half an hour of walking with Pig and Fatty on our backs, as our bags are now affectionately named.

For 9 euro a night the hostel seemed like an irrefusable bargain. It was barely worth 3euro a night. The rooms had no locks on the door. The hostel "owner" smokes indoors so the whole place had a lingering smoky stench. The pillows were wafer thin and brown and the light switch to our room was outside the room next to the main bathroom light, causing people to flick our light off when we were using it, and on in the middle of the night while we were trying to sleep. The only redeeming quality it had really was the kitchen which we made a delicious pesto tortellini shared with a half sized bottle of red.

We dumped our bags and departed but only after allowing the hostel staff another animated and lengthy argument whilst we stood next to them waiting to be dealt with. We jumped on the metro and caught a train to Duomo in the centre of town. Emerging from this station is possibly the most rewarding views you will ever see outside of a metro station. Immediately in front of you stands the immense and supremely intricately detailed Milano Duomo. Every inch of this cathedral is decorated in finely carved statues and scenes from the bible. The huge green doors are equally well detailed with carvings of various biblical scenes. The whole thing is one giant masterpiece of stone masonry.

Unfortunately the experience is only enjoyable for micro seconds at a time because populating the large square to which the cathedral faces, are scores of Senegalese immigrants foisting the same shitty string bracelets that we encountered on Montmartre. Weaving in and out of the thousands of other tourists, they home in on people and thrust bracelets at them, or worse they attempt to sell you handfuls of corn kernels to feed the massive volumes of pigeons that also populate the square. The square is lined with some of the grandest and most ornate buildings we have seen all holiday, but it is really quite difficult to feel safe looking at them without thinking you will be pick pocketed or harassed in some way or another.

To the right of the cathedral is the Vittorio Immanuel galleries with its lofty glass ceilings converging on a glass dome in the middle, it is home to all of the classic Italian high fashion outlets like Gucci, Dolce & Gabana etc etc. In here there is safety from the bracelet men at least but you never quite feel at ease as you are walking through it. From here we decided to leave the main square and check out the castle towards the west of the old town. And you'll never guess who was waiting for us in the castle grounds. More Senegalese bracelet scammers, targeting tourists and physically chasing the ones who are stupid enough to allow a bracelet to be attached to them but then refusing to pay for it, as we witnessed with one Asian girl.

The castle was quite interesting and featured some lovely gardens within its walls. Beyond the castle is an expansive park with a series of ponds scattered about it, all intertwined with pathways and lolling tourists. At the far end of the park is yet another Arc de Triomphe, which led us to ponder whether we may ever happen upon an Arc de Neutrality in Switzerland, or possibly an Arc de Indifference.

After the castle we noticed that in a nearby refectory is the original "Last Supper" by Da Vinci. We had read in our city guide that tickets sell out 3months in advance but we thought we'd take our chances and see if we could get in anyway. We couldn't. The staff had placed little sold out signs in front of them which I guessed were just a permanent fixture on their counters. We did however find a small museum next door which displays several dozen original sketches of some of Da Vinci's inventions. Amongst them were designs for distilling devices, artillery canons and other mechanical devices. On some of the drawings were little caricatures and doodlings in the margins of his paper. The whole display was set up in a small chapel which was covered entirely from ceiling to walls in elaborate art. It did not say in English who had painted the interior of the chapel however.

Next we walked back towards the centre of town, stopping off along the way for a look inside another small church which had free entry. The interior of this church also had every inch of the wall and ceiling space covered in fine art, all depicting some religious scene or another. It was intensely beautiful, almost in an overwhelming way. We found our y back to the main square, ordered ourselves two large Gelato's and sat n the steps of the Duomo before deciding that we may as well take a look inside. Entry was free which was highly impressive, and to take photos it cost 2Euros for a little bracelet to attach to your camera so that patrolling security guards can distinguish who has paid for the right to take photos. A neat little idea I thought. The interior of the Duomo was actually quite dull. The columns were huge and the ceiling lofty and imposing, but the whole church was illuminated by bright white lighting which made the place feel sterile and clinical. The stained glass work was fairly good but nothing compared to the cathedral at Prague. And the whole interior was nothing compared to the exterior.

We rose late on our second day, and by the time we had found a nice cafe and had some croissants and macchiatos, it was about 11.00. We weren't too worried, Como is very small, and the weather was a little bit rubbish. We decided to walk around the lake, and started off along the right hand side towards a large fountain. Along the lake side is a huge hill, covered in gorgeous, elaborate houses, and as we walked we wondered with awe what amazingly lucky people get to live here.

We reached the fountain, stared in awe for a moment or two, before heading back along the lakeside. We followed the lake around and into a park, where stood the Alessandro Volta museum. It was quite an impressive building, but we were getting hungry, so decided to walk back into town to find a supermarket, for some cheap lunch ingredients.

This proved harder than we thought. Althought a 'Mercato' was marked on the map, we struggled to find it. When we finally did, it was the strangest food procuring location I've ever seen. Instead of aisles packed with foodstuffs, with long fridges for milk and cheese and a deli or butchers at the end, the mercat was hexagonal shaped, and each wall housed a different deli like counter. One sold butchers meat, another cured meats, two focused on cheeses, and one on cakes. Also, all the merchants were half shouting at each other across the store. We couldn't see a cash register, and everything looked like you had to know what everything was an how many grams of it you wanted. Frankly, it all looked like too much hard work without a Nonna to help you. We did however, buy two bread rolls, for about 20c, and set off tryi to find something to put on them. About two minutes later we came across a panini stand, and bought a pizza roll, and a salami panini. The girl at the counter asked if we wanted anything else on the roll, cheese, tomato, lettuce... As it was for Alex we said "just cheese." She took this literally though, and removed the salami, leaving Alex with a "just cheese" panini. Considering we were going to buy cheese for our rolls, he ended up getting exactly what he wanted, oddly enough.

By this stage we had wandered around the back of the main part of town, and were walking along the old city walls. At length we came to, what was once a battle tower, four stories high, and was used to defend the city from the Milanese in 16-diggedy two. The inside had since been hollowed out, and you could stand at the bottom and look all the way up to the roof.

We walked through the tower, which was also a gateway back into the city, and walked through the labyrinthine streets to the cathedral. Here, we saw a group of, I think homeless men, being harassed by the carabinieri, or the Italian paramilitary police (- because fuck you we're Italy, and paramilitary police are a totally reasonable thing to have in Como of all places.) about this point, we bumped into Peter, the aussie dude from the night before. We had a chat with him, and both agreed that there isn't much going on in Como, but realised that, unlike him, we had a much stronger appreciation for architecture, green grass and duck feeding. With that in mind we made our way back to the Volta Museum, and sat on the lakeside, feeding the ducks our 20c bread rolls.

Man, we really love ducks way too much.

We then lolled up along the other side of the lake, discussing the fact that George Clooney actually has a home in Como, and wouldn't it be weird or cool if we bumped into him, and what we would do. Probably not much, for certain we appreciate a good actor, but the whole celebrity idea pisses us both off. In any case, we didn't run into him so it really doesn't matter. We did however, find a pebble beach, and spent a good half hour skipping stones and collecting bits of coloured glass, which the lake had worn smooth. We also watched a water plane take off.

Our train journey from Trento to Como was a proper mess. Firstly, it was broken up into 3 stages. From Trento to Verona, Verona to Milano, and then Milano to Como. Let's also bear in mind that we will be going back to visit both Milan and Verona, so this involves a lot of backtracking. Nonetheless. The first section went fine, but on boarding our train to Milan we met some issues. First of all, it was a reservation train, and we didn't have reserved seats. So we had to pay for the seats we were sitting in, plus a €16 fine. Then the train decided to sit at Brescia station for about 40 minutes, and when it finally did start moving, it was at a snails pace. So we missed our connecting train by at least an hour, we were hungry, and €16 poorer than before we boarded the damn train. But Alex got a free tea.

When we did get to Milan's gorgeous station, we found another train in half an hour, and in the meantime, got Burger King for lunch, because we're hungry and we don't care. Feeling much better about the whole thing after some food, we hopped on the last train to Como, and arrived late afternoon to muggy mountains, grey skies, and rain. Luckily, we planned to stay 2 nights in Como, and could sight see the next day. We spent the afternoon resting, before going out for some drinks and dinner.

We found a bar and restaurant, and on deciding that the food looked good, entered and grabbed some seats, at which point a waitress came over and told us that the kitchen was closed, but they were still doing Pizza. Riiiiiight. We got some drinks nonetheless, and also found out a wonderful feature of Italian bar culture- free snack buffet! The bar was covered in plates of pizza, bowls of nuts and chips, little shot glasses with carrot, celery and capsicum slices in oil, prosciutto on toasted pane di casa... It was awesome and delicious! As we were eating, drinking and talking, a family entered the restaurant and were seated behind us. Alex, who was facing them guessed that they were Australian, the restaurant was too noisy to hear them, but their mannerisms gave them away. I casually leant back and overheard the girl say "Tom-ahto" in such an Aussie way it was impossible to mistake it, and we all started chatting. The son, who was that lanky sort of muso surfy dude from Bondi with beard and long hair, was living in London and his mum and sister had come over to visit, and then they were taking a short tour through Europe. They were really nice.