Talking like a Lion

Something I struggled with a lot before DBT was differentiating (or even knowing there was a difference!) between an emotion being valid and an emotion being justified.

All emotions are valid: you are allowed to feel how you feel in response to things in your life. Nobody can tell you your feelings are incorrect.

Not all emotions are JUSTIFIED, or they're justified but their intensity is not. For example, someone forgets to acknowledge you and it hurts. You can validate yourself and also at the same time recognize that no, being at 90/100 on the rejected/hurt scale is not justified in this interaction. You can then decide on your response accordingly.

This is part of the dialectic. Two seemingly opposite facts can be true at the same time.

I think I've gotten better at checking my own emotional responses, but they still get the better of me sometimes, particularly guilt and shame.

Something I struggled with a lot before DBT was differentiating (or even knowing there was a difference!) between an emotion being valid and an emotion being justified.

All emotions are valid: you are allowed to feel how you feel in response to things in your life. Nobody can tell you your feelings are incorrect.

Not all emotions are JUSTIFIED, or they're justified but their intensity is not. For example, someone forgets to acknowledge you and it hurts. You can validate yourself and also at the same time recognize that no, being at 90/100 on the rejected/hurt scale is not justified in this interaction. You can then decide on your response accordingly.

This is part of the dialectic. Two seemingly opposite facts can be true at the same time.

I think I've gotten better at checking my own emotional responses, but they still get the better of me sometimes, particularly guilt and shame.